How to stop homosexuality?

[Leo Gura]

48 minutes ago, Buba said:

It is so unfair. I dont want to be passive. Dont I have a right? 

Do any of you have these passive gay feelings? It is so rare. I am so unlucky.

Dude, look at the silliness of your position.

If you desire to be fucked, that's YOUR DESIRE, YOUR WANT. The problem is that you are denying your own wants. The solution is to accept your own wants. It is your right to deny your own wants or embrace them.

Imagine if I came to you and said I want to eat ice cream. But I don't want ice cream. I hate ice cream. Don't I have a right to hate ice cream? I'm so unlucky to want ice cream.

You would call me insane.

The problem here is simply that your culture has brainwashed you to believe that men aren't supposed to enjoy getting fucked. But all that is, is cultural brainwashing. You must question your own cultural norms and assumptions until you realize that they are completely arbitrary, groundless, and even dysfunctional, as in this case. Your culture tells you that men shouldn't enjoy getting fucked, yet the truth is that many men in your culture enjoy it. So what is the point of following a culture which is so clearly untruthful? You'd have to be crazy to buy into such a culture. Then again, you were brainwashed into it from birth, so it feels like it shouldn't be questioned.

[Buba]

9 minutes ago, Hansu said:

For me it took roughly 8 years to accept myself as being bisexual. For a long time I had a lot of resentment towards being the passive one in sex. Im mainly dominant and don't actually enjoy anal masturbation, but with a partner its something else than just pure stimulation so occasionally I like to be the passive one.

You dont have to be passive, but be so without judgement. There are plenty of gay men who only like to be on top, and plenty of gay men who like to only be submissive.

Be as dominant as you want. If you find yourself in a gay relationship with someone who dont mind being purely bottom, then you can suggest trying out being bottom. If you dont like it, just resume being 100% dominant. Whatever the result is, you'll be one experiment richer and know a little more about yourself

Or is it that you only feel gravitation towards passive sex with men, and not dominant sex at all?

In my fantasies I enjoy both active and passive. But I think if I engage in passive sex in reality it will be a traume for me.

10 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Hey @Buba. I'm under the impression that you think that this homosexual part of you is somehow going to derail your life, that you will partake in daily orgies or something. This belief is false.

If this transition is too rapid for you, rest assured that you are still under full control of your faculties and will do exactly what you want to.
You are not doing anything other than that - learning what you want to do. It does not mean that you have to do it.

Imagine thinking that mint chocolate is disgusting and awful.
Would you react so strongly if you learned that it is actually pretty tasty?
Does the fact that mint chocolate is tasty somehow imply that you will stuff your face uncontrollably with it?
Does it even mean that you have to eat it if you don't want to? No!

I am scared the urges will be too strong.

I am devastated, man. I cant accept it. No matter how hard I try, I cant accept it.

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Buba said:

In my fantasies I enjoy both active and passive. But I think if I engage in passive sex in reality it will be a traume for me.

No it won't, you will enjoy it.

1 minute ago, Buba said:

I am scared the urges will be too strong.

Let go of the fear.

1 minute ago, Buba said:

I am devastated, man. I cant accept it. No matter how hard I try, I cant accept it.

Sure you can accept it and enjoy it.

[Leo Gura]

The ultimate truth is that male and female are both just aspects of your infinite self. You can have male and female orgasms. Both masculine and feminine energies are running through you and you will become most powerful once you integrate them both and experience life from both POVs.

Imagine how powerful you would be if you were totally comfortable with your sexuality no matter what it was. That is true strength.

To worry or fear about being gay is weakness.

This is why Self-Love is the ultimate strength. It requires total fearlessness. So this is great opportunity for you to train yourself to be strong. A strong man is able to have sex with another man. A weak man is not. Your culture has this all backwards.

[Buba]

I know what I say does not make sense. I know you guys are right. But nothing can make me accept this fact and myself. This is the hardest thing to accept.

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Buba said:

I know what I say does not make sense. I know you guys are right. But nothing can make me accept this fact and myself. This is the hardest thing to accept.

Just try it.

You ever read that book by Dr Suess, Green Eggs and Ham? Lol. That's you now.

The Letting Go video would be great for you here.

[Buba]

1 minute ago, TylerJ said:

I have dealt with this for over 10 years, you don't need to identify with any particular sexuality. What finally stopped it for me was just radical acceptance. I allowed myself to fantasize, experiment with myself, and accept in my head that I am gay. Funny thing is, after I did that, (and I did it a lot) if find that I have no reason or desire to reason to have sex with a man. 

So after you accepted it the desire vanished? When I accept I have passive receiver feelings, I start not to pay attention on these impulses and my desire for girls increases a lot. Fear makes me confused, if I want passive sex or not. When I dont care I feel attraction only towards girls and impulses be there without object.

[Leo Gura]

It's not true acceptance if in the back of your mind you're accepting it only so that you can avoid facing it.

"I accept that I have gay desires as long as that means I won't ever have any gay sex" << that's not acceptance!

True acceptance would be: "It's okay if the only kind of sex I have in my life from now on is gay sex."

Acceptance requires that you face the thing you don't want to face. Not hypothetically, but actually. That doesn't mean you actually have to have sex with a man, but you do have to face and accept the prospect of it until the point where it doesn't bother you.

[docs20]

You might consider being affected by this:

https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CAFA_enIT747IT747&ei=bYclXsH4O4aOlwSQu7eICQ&q=omosexual+ocd&oq=omosexual+ocd&gs_l=psy-ab.3..33i160.4346.4696..4847...0.0..0.102.438.4j1......0....1..gws-wiz.......0i22i30.cB-nD2Dh43Q&ved=0ahUKEwiB4_etgpLnAhUGx4UKHZDdDZEQ4dUDCAs&uact=5

Omosexual OCD

Keep us posted on whatever you recognize yourself in it, if so you should check to a psychiatrist who treats OCDs

[inFlow]

@Buba I went this exact same process as you are going through. I love cock, and I would like to suck some. I can only recommend to accept these feelings, if you repress it you will waste energy inside your own system by not accepting the Truth about your self and mentally creating something else which you are originally not. In my case I awoke to this Truth about myself also in a little shocking manor, but I was smart about it and I had to accept myself for who I'am. And it just makes your life so much more easy! You no longer judge others, you understand why they are the way they are, this lets you save energy internally. My wife even had to accept this stuff, but the best part about it that you can choose what you wanna be. I'm bi-sexual, but I'm like 70% into woman and 30% into men. Also buy a dildo and try to suck it, see that you can love it and let yourself accept that it actually feels good to suck on some cock. But your mind will still reject this cause you have listened to years and years about funny jokes about gay people, that being gay is Gay. Haha! Since I accepted this I actually live such a free life. Also only YOU know what you are, but the hardest thing will be to fully accept it. But believe me the freedom that it gives is just ridiculous not to accept it. You will be way more happy. And good luck, take time with it, gradually work your way up, not in one sitting, think about what this realization ACTUALLY means in reality.

[Buba]

16 minutes ago, docs20 said:

You might consider being affected by this:

https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CAFA_enIT747IT747&ei=bYclXsH4O4aOlwSQu7eICQ&q=omosexual+ocd&oq=omosexual+ocd&gs_l=psy-ab.3..33i160.4346.4696..4847...0.0..0.102.438.4j1......0....1..gws-wiz.......0i22i30.cB-nD2Dh43Q&ved=0ahUKEwiB4_etgpLnAhUGx4UKHZDdDZEQ4dUDCAs&uact=5

Omosexual OCD

Keep us posted on whatever you recognize yourself in it, if so you should check to a psychiatrist who treats OCDs

I doubt it is OCD. It is verified by my own feelings and by psychoanalytic I visit.

1 hour ago, TylerJ said:

@Buba Well, Its not that I don't ever have submissive desire anymore, but what I am saying is it doesn't bother me anymore. There is no reason to cringe at the natural reaction of my body's experiences. If you learn to enjoy everything your body experiences without judgment, your mind will have no more reason to keep creating catastrophes out of things. But yeah, trying to accept things in the attempt to rid them of your experience, only ensures you to experience more of them

I am not just afraid of realization of passive gay sex, the more I am afraid is that I will be attracted to men in daily life.

This means a catastroph. Total collapse of my life.

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not true acceptance if in the back of your mind you're accepting it only so that you can avoid facing it.

"I accept that I have gay desires as long as that means I won't ever have any gay sex" << that's not acceptance!

True acceptance would be: "It's okay if the only kind of sex I have in my life from now on is gay sex."

Acceptance requires that you face the thing you don't want to face. Not hypothetically, but actually. That doesn't mean you actually have to have sex with a man, but you do have to face and accept the prospect of it until the point where it doesn't bother you.

You are right, Leo, but even if I accept it at intellectual level, tell myself that I accept if the only kind of sex I will have from now will be gay sex, still after some time I see have not accepted it.

[Buba]

4 minutes ago, inFlow said:

@Buba I went this exact same process as you are going through. I love cock, and I would like to suck some. I can only recommend to accept these feelings, if you repress it you will waste energy inside your own system by not accepting the Truth about your self and mentally creating something else which you are originally not. In my case I awoke to this Truth about myself also in a little shocking manor, but I was smart about it and I had to accept myself for who I'am. And it just makes your life so much more easy! You no longer judge others, you understand why they are the way they are, this lets you save energy internally. My wife even had to accept this stuff, but the best part about it that you can choose what you wanna be. I'm bi-sexual, but I'm like 70% into woman and 30% into men. Also buy a dildo and try to suck it, see that you can love it and let yourself accept that it actually feels good to suck on some cock. But your mind will still reject this cause you have listened to years and years about funny jokes about gay people, that being gay is Gay. Haha! Since I accepted this I actually live such a free life. Also only YOU know what you are, but the hardest thing will be to fully accept it. But believe me the freedom that it gives is just ridiculous not to accept it. You will be way more happy. And good luck, take time with it, gradually work your way up, not in one sitting, think about what this realization ACTUALLY means in reality.

You found out you like sucking cocks when you were married. Was not it traumatic for you? Did not you feel depressed? Were you always sure that you were into only girls?

[FourSeasons]

10 minutes ago, Buba said:

You found out you like sucking cocks when you were married. Was not it traumatic for you? Did not you feel depressed? Were you always sure that you were into only girls?

Being gay its totally normal. They way he found out it and said it I were able accept that and understand deeply that i am 30% lesbian and 70% straight. And I love myself for that, i accept who i am. I feel more free and happy. 

And leting the fear out its the best feeling ever.

Dont be afraid of it. Accept it and love it, and people around u, who really loves u will understand it. ❤️?

[inFlow]

@Buba Well it was shocking, but I realized that once I drop all my mental construction of who I am and what I like you find out some freaky stuff. Yeah, I always were into girls. I ate a banana one day and I actually stopped for a moment while it was in my mouth, and I was hit with this amazing pleasure from my throat, then I started to suck on it like a cock and I fucking loved that feeling. This means throats give out a good sensation when you do stuff with it, totally normal, that's why some girls love to suck cock. Also after that banana thing I had an A-HA! moment. I understood why there are gay people. Not matter if you are straight or gay you can enjoy sucking on something cause of the throat being like a some sort of G spot. It's only gay if you think so. Also I struggled a bit with accepting it. 50% of me was like okay I like, 50% of other me (the ego) was like WTF is this. And the more I accepted it the better I felt about myself, yes it's shocking at first, but later you just feel such a powerful freedom that it just ups your quality of life. LOVE YOURSELF FULLY! Not matter who you are and what you like!

[pdude]

@Buba Hey. Do not internalize fears and prejudices of your environment. Maybe you do not disgust your homosexuality, but just can't make difference between you and your culture? Travel in another country, if you can. Be well

[docs20]

34 minutes ago, Buba said:

I doubt it is OCD. It is verified by my own feelings and by psychoanalytic I visit.

Try to go to a psychiatrist who treats OCDs: tell him about your situation, show him what you have found about this kind of OCD, and ask him what he thinks about it. Cause many things from your story, my  own personal experience, but also from my medical experience in the field, etc, give me more than a hit of doubt that it might be omosexual OCD, so it's one of the hypothesis worth to consider, since it's something that is life-changing. If it's really OCD your course of action in life will be totally different, and probably more in sync with your Middle East culture.

You said that you're seeing a psychoanalist, which is totally different from what I'm suggesting you, cause many of them don't even know about this kind of form of OCDs (most just know about the clear most famous ones, that even people that never studied anything in life know).

What would have to lose by going to ask for a consulation by them? Almost nothing. What's there to gain: more clarity on your situation.

[inFlow]

@Buba Yeah you might be Russian, they are really anti-gay there. Also you probably have a really huge ego about the issue and probably you are still in stage Orange (Spiral Dynamics).

[bejapuskas]

@Leo Gura @Hansu  My wording was pretty bad, sorry for that. In my experience, people, who aren't the usual heterosexual, aren't comfortable (don't feel like) talking about their fantasies with people who are clearly not accepting them. But it didn't come to my mind that there might be people who seem nice on the surface but will demonize you after you tell them...

@Buba  Do you have any friends who have similar urges or are open to you about their accepting?

[Salvijus]

You can eliminate absolutely every desire or every craving or every bodily reaction if you want.

You can eliminate your attraction not only to men but also to women. Being attracted to women is just as bad as being attracted to man. Only someone who's not attracted to anything is normal. If you're attracted to god that's also acceptiable.

No but seriously you can dissolve absolutely everything. But are you willing to work for that, that's a big question mark because it could take some years maybe dacades to achieve it. The least you could do is meditate yourself to the point where you can accept yourself the way you are.

Good luck.

Edited January 20, 2020 by Salvijus

[Rebecca Kalamata]

One part of breaking all the taboos to get at TRUTH was confronting/learning about homosexuality in both men and women. So I tried being sexual with other women, friends, strangers, threesomes. I trained as a sex surrogate, I worked for years with a person on my own sexual issues. I read and watched countless hours of porn. The whole point was to really comprehend human sexuality without any of the religious and cultural biases.

I'll never forget the first time I watched a tape of 2 men MAKING LOVE. Not fucking, actually making love. I was astounded. This whole thing of passive/dominance is cultural crap. You are creating a rabbit hole of fear and obsession. I was stunned to realize that fuck yes! If I was a man I would be bi-sexual. You guys have so much more to DO sexually together. For example, having one's prostrate gland poked and prodded is apparently incredible. Females don't get to have that experience. On the other hand, a cock in the butt takes some getting used to and can seriously interfer with ones sphincter muscle control. Perhaps one might simply fantasize about it and have a nice time that way. On the other hand, due to the shit factor, I'd want to really be involved with someone to want to run my dick into their butt if I had a dick.

Here in Greece, traditionally men are not considered to be homosexual unless they are passive. Crap to an American. Yet at the same time we all know that that is the situation in our prisons. But it is NEVER talked about with guys who have been incarcerated. In Greece there are 2 epitaphs that the language is peppered with. 'To pusti' the homo, and 'to malakas' the masturbator.  Like if someone drops something they might say, "To Pusti!" instead of "Oh shit". 

Any kind of physical stimulation will get a physical response. Combine taboo and subconscious arousal tapes from infancy onward and one has a recipe for what I used to call kinks. One can form a sexual identity upon their kinks and turn them into obsession by denial and/or constantly running over them mentally.

I am astounded by the numbers of people who are going through psychoanalysis these days. I thought it had been replaced by therapy.  Perhaps I'll open a thread about it.