I have to live with my depressed, socially inept family

[beatlemantis]

I recently had to move back to my family's house, after a two-year-long toxic relationship. I'm 20, and trying to get back into school after paying off my debt. To do this, I have to stay at my family's house for at least 7 more months.

The problem is, the confidence and sense of self I've built on my own seems to have completely diminished in my mere 3 months of living here. My family has always struggled with depression and anxiety, living with them has begun to take effect...Now, I've been in a depressive, ruminating state, full of anxiety and self-hatred that I haven't experienced in years. My head feels cloudy, and I feel hopeless in myself. 

I want to get back on the actualized path, but I'm unsure of how to do that when I feel the sadness and self-doubt prevailing in my sisters and mother. I'm scared for what the next 7 months hold. 

If anyone has any thoughts on this, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you

[Consilience]

Yes. You’ve got to detach yourself from them. And by detach, I mean feel their pain, feel their presence, be with the pain you feel, and let it go. As counter intuitive as this sounds, you’re creating a shadow out of your family and their level of consciousness. You’re judging them as bad and self actualization as good. Drop this dynamic, drop this duality. In order to continue your journey you’re going to have to face the existential truth that everything your family is and everything going on is perfection, there’s nothing wrong with it. Only until you can start accepting your family will you be able to get out of this rut. Again, drop this duality that self actualization is somehow better or superior to the dynamic of your family. Accept that your family is walking a different path and on a different journey and they are no less deserving of your love and compassion as anyone else.

This advice DOES NOT MEAN you start letting your family walk all over you. It doesn’t mean you start conforming to their habits and behaviors. It doesn’t mean you cower if they try to bully you out of your journey. And It doesn’t mean you have to start spending all your free time with them. It simply means accepting them and acknowledging it’s okay. It’s okay. They’re okay. As long as they are not physically, emotionally, or mentally abusing you through directed action and speech, it’a your responsibility to let go. If they are abusing you, well that’s another matter and Im not qualified to give advice.

Regardless, you’ll need to keep doing the basics even while living with them:

- meditation (1 hour every day)

- contemplation

- exercise

- nutrition

- sleep

- reading

- introspection

- etc. 

Let your presence in the household be one of humility, meaning don’t go around shoving this work in their face, but don’t hide it either. Set an example, if they’re genuinely interested, they’ll ask. You’d be surprised how one person can affect the dynamics of the collective consciousness. Be a kind, loving, fearless energy for your family.

These next 7 months are an amazing opportunity for growth and learning if you let it be.  I wish you well on your journey. ❤️

[studentofthegame]

Be productive. Don't sit around marinating in any negativity.

[ElvisN]

@beatlemantis Stand your ground.

You don't want to hear this, but the anxiety and rumination they bring in you is your own.

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The only way is through. - Through the anxiety, self hatred, sadness, depression. When you go through them, rather than avoiding them, you will be able to stand your ground in their presence. They will no longer draw out your depression because you won't have any.

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It takes time and practice. Be patient. Be diligent.