Something problematic just happened. (Love)

[DreamScape]

Okay, so I felt like waiting a few days but I'm too anxious atm to do that.

So I was just lying down being anxious. Having anxious thoughts and such. I have a lot of anxiety with relationships, and I was having thoughts on like why do I need them and why do I need a gf and stuff like that. I'm okay w friendships but with intimate love I just get very anxious with.

Anyways, idk what happened. I had that thought and it's just like my ego decided it was time to not feel love anymore. Like I feel numb to love now. I dont feel the need to love anybody, I live with my parents and I cant even feel myself trying to love them. 

I just feel dull right now. Like life has lost its spice. I didnt really think this could happen, but now I think I realize how sociopaths are created. They have so much shame from their parents and their ego just decides to not feel it anymore. 

I dont know what to do. I've been doing a lot of inner work and this is the first time something has been just switched off like youd switch off a ceiling light.

It kind of feels nice, because now I'm not so fucking anxious. But I dont think this is the correct way.

[Nahm]

@DreamScape

It does feel nice doesn’t it? Like, some peace for a change. 

[DreamScape]

@Nahm yeah, and now it seems like a lot of the shame is gone.

This doesnt feel that good though. I'm having impure desires and this is still ego.

[Nahm]

@DreamScape

What would you change, in the peace?

[DreamScape]

@Nahm it's back now, along with all of the anxiety and stuff. I think I'd rather be anxious and be somewhat able to feel love than have peace of mind without it. Although a part of me still craves to go back.

That was an interesting state to be in. 

Your comment helped somehow. Usually when I go for help to others they just give advice or tell me what they'd do or not really acknowledge it, or react to what I'm saying which is nice and OK but it's like when you responded it felt like I was heard and understood and that felt good. 

Also, you can lock this thread since now I am of need of no assistance for my problem