Sporadic experiences of suddenly "waking up" and becoming super-conscious

[Peter-Andre]

So throughout my life there's this thing that's happened to me from time to time. Every now and again I get these brief moments (usually never longer than 15 seconds at a time) where I instantly go from whichever mental state I'm in at the moment to one where I become super-conscious and extremely aware of the fact that I'm alive. It's like I forgot everything about my life up until that point and I experience reality as if for the first time. I become acutely aware of everything happening in that moment, and also of the fact that I even exist, which usually comes as a big surprise. A few brief moments later, I fall out of it and go back to my normal mental state, and then I can't force myself back to it (I've tried many times). Whenever it happens, it makes me feel like I've lived most of my life in a coma and that I'm suddenly waking up from the coma, just to go back to sleep again a few seconds afterwards.

It's often a frightening experience, accompanied by a feeling of deep terror. But at the same time, it can also make me feel a sense of awe and wonder, and usually leaves me wanting to experience more of it. It's a bit like when Neo wakes up from the Matrix, although perhaps a bit less dramatic.

The first time it happened, I was about 6-8 years old. I remember the moment quite clearly. It was recess at our school and while I was outside, a couple of my classmates called for me to come over. I turned over towards them and started walking. And then it happened. I become so aware right in that moment, that I couldn't concentrate on the simple task of walking towards my friends. The experience was so overwhelming that I lost my footing for a bit and nearly fell over. I had to suppress it a bit just to bring my focus back and continue walking. I don't remember exactly what happened after that, but I think I just went back to normal and approached my friends and went through the rest of the day like any normal.

It's kept happening sporadically from time to time, usually at the frequency of about once or twice a year. I've noticed that this has been happening a bit more often since I started meditating (about 3-4 years ago). Sometimes it happens shortly after I finish meditating. I still haven't established a solid meditation habit (although I'm working on it), so I imagine I could make it happen more and more often if I just managed to meditate consistently every day. That is something I would like to do, because it's always an interesting experience, even if it can be quite scary sometimes.

I haven't discussed this with a lot of people, not even most of my close friends and family members, but I've recently decided to start investigating this further, so I figured this was the right forum to get started. I have a number of questions about this that I've never really asked anyone:

• Is there a name for this phenomenon? If so, is there any literature about it, or any other sources where I can learn more about it?
• Is this a well known and/or common phenomenon?
• Is this what one might call a mystical experience?
• Are there any other ways of making it happen more often in addition to meditation?

I would also like to point out that my recollection of these experiences may be slightly inaccurate since these experiences are so rare and only last for a few seconds at a time. It's hard for me to remember these experiences 100% accurately, so I would probably have described it a little bit differently if I'd had such an experience more recently.

[Spaceofawareness]

Hi Peter,

What you describe sounds like some kind of awakening experience. Can I ask, when you were in this state, did it feel like as you observed everything, including yourself, did it feel like you were watching yourself from a place external to where you normally do, or were you fully grounded in your body?

Did you have any sense of spaciousness, or inner calmness, as a result of this state? 

The reason I ask these questions is that what you describe sounds similar to an experience I had a few months ago, see Here for my description of my experience of this “detached observer” state.

I too am looking for more information on this state. I’m not sure if your state is exactly the same as mine, as I didn’t have the sense that “I’m alive”. This sounds like the “I am” state which people come to realise after much meditation on the nature of their own self. But the description of heightened awareness of self and the world is similar to mine.

[Peter-Andre]

@Spaceofawareness Very interesting!

It sounds like the state you were in was a bit different from what I've experienced personally, but I do see some similarities.

I can particularly relate to this line of yours. I think you put it quite well here:

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After about 2 months, it started to fade. It was like I was getting a taste of what was possible, and now I must do the work to earn it.

Although in my case, the whole thing usually only lasts for a few seconds, never anything even remotely close to two months. But as briefly as it lasts, the experience always comes with a heightened sense of awareness and I feel like it's something I can get more of if I work for it, so in your words, it's something I have to work to earn more of.

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did it feel like you were watching yourself from a place external to where you normally do, or were you fully grounded in your body?

I was more grounded in my body as well as the present experience in a very unfiltered way. While you seem to become more detached from yourself, I feel like I become even more myself, and I experience being/existence and perception more fully.

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Did you have any sense of spaciousness, or inner calmness, as a result of this state? 

I'm usually in a fairly calm state just before it happens, often while doing simple, and maybe also repetitive, tasks. When it happens, I react differently. Sometimes I get absolutely terrified because of how shocking and surreal it is. That's why I mentioned Neo from the Matrix in my original post. Other times, it comes with a sense of awe and wonder. In some cases I get a bit of both, fear and awe. Afterwards, my emotional state returns back to roughly how it was just before, maybe with a sense of curiosity for figuring out what just happened.

You also mentioned observing your thoughts in kind of a detached way, but when I enter into the state, I feel like all my thoughts disappear for a moment, and I just get bombarded with input. I usually fall back out of the state again before I get a chance to start thinking thoughts again. In fact, I usually don't even have any particular desire to think anything while in that state.

One thing that tends to happen is that all my memories suddenly seem like stories I've just blindly accepted as reality. Instead, I realize just how arbitrary a lot of them are, like most of my life story had just been a big shallow fiction up until then.

Again, this is not something I get to experience very often, and it's been a while since my last full experience, so I don't remember everything accurately. I also suspect that my mind has since colored in my memories a bit and altered them. As soon as I get another one of these experiences, I will report on it here.

I didn't mention this in my original post, but I sometimes manage to get "halfway there", or perhaps maybe more like 1-10% of the way there, so it can come in different degrees, but every now and again, I get a full-fledged experience that takes me all the way there and at that point, it just shatters my whole reality for a moment. Can you relate to this? Have you ever had the kind of experience that you described, but to a lesser degree?

 

[Spaceofawareness]

@Peter-Andre

I wonder if the state you seem to enter comes from a dissolution of observer and observed, so they become one. 

1 hour ago, Peter-Andre said:

One thing that tends to happen is that all my memories suddenly seem like stories I've just blindly accepted as reality. Instead, I realize just how arbitrary a lot of them are, like most of my life story had just been a big shallow fiction up until then.

This seems to indicate an intuitive realisation that the self you believe you are up to that point is an illusion, you realise there is no you, only experience.

3 hours ago, Peter-Andre said:

I didn't mention this in my original post, but I sometimes manage to get "halfway there", or perhaps maybe more like 1-10% of the way there, so it can come in different degrees, but every now and again, I get a full-fledged experience that takes me all the way there and at that point, it just shatters my whole reality for a moment. Can you relate to this? Have you ever had the kind of experience that you described, but to a lesser degree?

I would say that there were times where the state faded, and required internal observing to bring it back to full awareness. Furthermore though, I don’t think the state I reached was necessarily 100%, and without experiencing higher or fuller states of awareness, spaciousness and detachment I can’t say exactly at what percentage of realisation my previous state was. 

Now that the state has subsided, I still have the sense of self awareness of internal and external states, but it can take more time to realise them, and there is no inner spaciousness and calmness which was also related to the detachment. 

Only time will tell whether meditation practice can restore any of these states, though from descriptions of benefits and states I have read, the state you describe may be a taste of what is to come.

 

[Peter-Andre]

@Leonora That depends a bit on what you mean by meditative state. Usually I definitely feel different after and/or during a meditation session, more concentrated, less distracted, more in touch with the present and my thinking calms down a lot, and from there I find that I'm more likely to enter the kind of state I described here earlier.

The degree this happens to varies from session to session. Some days I don't feel that different after meditating, but other days it can be quite the profound experience.

Edited January 21, 2020 by Peter-Andre
Made a slight correction since I wrote something incorrect.