Social Anxiety

[John]

Hey Guys,

I had very severe unipolar disorder a couple of years ago and was essentially a Hermit for a while. Very severe social anxiety as I returned to work and to friends etc, and even though it's been a while and it has improved, I still do suffer from it when meeting new people and just dealing with people day to day. Making small talk at work (with both customers and fellow employees) etc , is very difficult. I am trapped in my own head and still dealing with some depressive symptoms.

Would appreciate any advice on this. 

Cheers,

John

[vizual]

If it's really bad maybe you should see a therapist, especially if you are also having signs of depression

[Corte]

I've spent months seeing no one except my parents, to the point where I forgot many small but important social skills. It can be terrifying to interact with someone, anyone, especially when caught off guard. I felt it in my entire body as my heart beat raced and my face and ears turned bright red. I wasn't able to hold eye contact for longer than a glance. All while this is happening, I know exactly what the person is thinking about me, and this intensifies the fear and anxiety even more. 

I find it much easier to be one on one with someone, to really try to connect with the person and be genuine. Try to enjoy the moment without thinking so much about what you're doing right/wrong etc. Give yourself a break from this. You will eventually feel more comfortable and be able to interact with two or more people. One of the most important things to develop is self love, confidence in yourself. You don't even really need a huge amount of this, just by caring a little less about what the other person may be thinking helps.

You'll find that any bad experiences are mostly brought on by your own fears. When people see this in you, they can feel it also and this will lead to an awkward and anxious encounter. When people see you smiling, confident in yourself, being yourself as you are, this makes them feel comfortable themselves. You actually have to try harder to make it a negative experience. Positive ones are completely effortless. I learned I was creating most of my own suffering this way. I tried just being calm, genuine and happy when interacting with anyone and unsurprisingly this changed my world. The only way you lose control of your confidence is when you give it up. You must understand that you are in control of who you are, not others thoughts of you.

[charlie2dogs]

11 hours ago, John said:

Hey Guys,

I had very severe unipolar disorder a couple of years ago and was essentially a Hermit for a while. Very severe social anxiety as I returned to work and to friends etc, and even though it's been a while and it has improved, I still do suffer from it when meeting new people and just dealing with people day to day. Making small talk at work (with both customers and fellow employees) etc , is very difficult. I am trapped in my own head and still dealing with some depressive symptoms.

Would appreciate any advice on this. 

Cheers,

John

your thought process can make a mess out of your life. now that you see what your problems are, the only thing left is too muster up enough will to overcome it.   take some time, get out go places other people hang out, preferably in the areas of something you like, introduce yourself to the ones you feel more comfortable with at first and find something to talk about, before you start.  force yourself to do this, exercise your will,  you need to find your real self worth and see yourself as an important piece of this world,  you need to get your mind on constructive things like recording some good stuff on mp3 player and listen to it something uplifting, something that will move you in a new direction.  years ago i did this with alan watts, i walked a lot then and i would walk for miles listening to him, and begin to change your thought process, nothing will change unless you do.  it doesnt matter where you have been you can change directions and improve you life if you have the desire and the will but your focus has to change and your vision of yourself has to change, and what you focus on has to change.

[Anna]

Some people wrote about their anxiety in this topic I created. Maybe you'll find something helpful here too.

[Vercingetorix]

what are your thoughts and feeling when you try to converse?
Basically you think something and see it as a "truth"  - you believe your thoughts.
what if I told you your thoughts live in a different dimension than reality, they are just in your head and you don't have to believe them!
So there is reality and you are projecting on it your own thoughts and creating a different reality that is usually very negative and thus demanding a negative emotional reaction. But it is not reality! because just as easily you could have noticed a positive observation about the situation.
So you have to recognize that thoughts are just in your head!! they are not the reality, and then you can react to what's really happening and not to the distorted reality that your mind invented that required the awkward reaction.

 

[Nathalie]

@John in addition to self inquiry and meditation etc.. that you surely use to find a healthy equilibrium

I would learn a few simple technics how to communicate and small talk with people..

There are a lot of videos and books about small talk, pick a few ideas out use them and relaxe

You often can make it very short, just smiling, saying "thank you", asking a few questions, a lot of people like to speak (maybe to much)

so listen to them, concentrate in what they are saying instead of in the voices in your head (you can give the voices more attention while meditating). When you feel stressed concentrate on your breath , put a part of your attention in your body => it grounds you. With a little practice you can switch easely between what the people around you say and your bodily sensations and this will make you feel vital and as a result the conversation as well

And finally, if you are able to empatize, you will see  that almost everybody has a lot of problem to deal with, maybe they just hide it a little more..

 

[JustinS]

@John I'd highly suggest practicing meditation for 20-30mins everyday. Persistent meditation and strengthening one's awareness, this will be able to observe one's thoughts from a place of awareness (awesome place) and not automatically react to them. This takes practice but something VERY worthwhile. 

[John]

Thanks for all of the responses guys. This is an amazing resource to have.