Why does nothing that life has to offer interest me

[DeannaDevil]

I imagine what I would do if I had all the money I could want. My mind comes up with some things like build my own house, travel the world and go sightseeing/explore nature, but it feels like I'd just be going from simple, everyday distractions to bigger, flashier distractions or "experiences". Life in general to me just feels like a struggle to keep myself from wanting to die; a matter of filling my waking hours with activities to pass the time so that I don't have to face the emptiness and hollowness until I fall asleep. Having goals is only a larger scale version of this. I've tried many hobbies, but none of them feel meaningful or give me a feeling of happiness, or if they do, I still don't want to do them 24/7, so once I'm done with that activity I literally just stare at my wall and suffer. I've heard you should sit with your pain, and I do this often but gain nothing from it. I'm losing my ability to cope with existing. Everyone else seems so happy just playing games and watching TV, but I can't stand doing those either. There is a pervasive sense that I am wasting time no matter what it is I do. Does anyone understand this feeling and how to overcome it?

[Lento]

@DeannaDevil

Sure. It's a natural part of the path. Nihilism due to overthinking is a quite common theme for most people at some point.

What I suggest is more doing and less thinking, more engaging and less judging, more conscious breathing from the stomach and more meditation and less thought-stories. And finally, more exercising and less staying at home.

Edited January 9, 2020 by Lento

[purerogue]

By stopping to look for meaning, do you understand how silly it is, look into it , how silly it is. 

[steenadrianmr]

4 hours ago, DeannaDevil said:

Everyone else seems so happy just playing games and watching TV, but I can't stand doing those either. There is a pervasive sense that I am wasting time no matter what it is I do.

This is EXACTLY how I feel.

[LordFall]

What exactly about life causes you pain? There must be some expectation or heavy emotion/experience you're holding on to that's making you suffer.

 

Otherwise life itself is pretty blissful if you just take it in as is. Expand and perhaps I can give a better answer. 

[DeannaDevil]

1 hour ago, LordFall said:

What exactly about life causes you pain? There must be some expectation or heavy emotion/experience you're holding on to that's making you suffer.

 

Otherwise life itself is pretty blissful if you just take it in as is. Expand and perhaps I can give a better answer. 

I'm not sure I understand what is so blissful. I don't desire anything. I don't desire to do anything particular. The unpleasant experiences both outweigh and outnumber brief moments of beauty like watching a sunset. The only thing I feel a wanting for is to avoid boredom because I have been in that state for so long and nothing seems to cure it. Sitting doing nothing is not enjoyable unless I'm looking at something amazing, which is rare, and even then I can't do amazing things all the time, so it just seems like a blip. However, because there is nothing I actively want, I can't move forward from this limbo I want to escape.

[mandyjw]

Plan some mild "fun" in your life, but make an intention to enjoy it and be grateful for it. Listen to a favorite song you haven't heard in years. Close your eyes and feel it. Buy a favorite food, close your eyes and reeeally taste it. 

Now look for something to appreciate in every single moment. Gratitude and inspiration are not things that occur outside of us. We must want them and train ourselves to receive and see them when they come our way. 

So you see? You do want something after all. 

[DeannaDevil]

30 minutes ago, DeannaDevil said:

 

@mandyjwI like your answer and I appreciate it. How do I do this without making it feel forced, like an act I need to maintain? 

Edited January 10, 2020 by DeannaDevil
Quoted myself, woops.

[Cepzeu]

This is an important part of the process, and will pass. 

You begin to realise the limitations of simply titilating the ego with distractions. 

Consider magnifying love in the "outside" world. In other words, offering your gifts to others, giving back to your community, empowering others. 

Some of my greatest fulfillment has come from tutoring a small group of undergraduate students in biochemistry. It's a complex subject for beginners and just watching their faces light up when concepts suddenly clicked in their head from my input was extremely fulfilling and humbling.

My point is that your ego is suffering right now because it's grasping at things, asking what the world can do for "me, me, me..."

Realise you are all things and magnify your love to yourself. Help other parts of yourself see love within their world.

You can do this in many ways. It's up to you.

You can buy a takeaway meal and give it to a homeless person and sit with them for 5 minutes. And notice how through your actions you have magnified love in that situation.

 

[RevoCulture]

Can relate.

Edited January 10, 2020 by RevoCulture

[LordFall]

18 hours ago, DeannaDevil said:

I'm not sure I understand what is so blissful. I don't desire anything. I don't desire to do anything particular. The unpleasant experiences both outweigh and outnumber brief moments of beauty like watching a sunset. The only thing I feel a wanting for is to avoid boredom because I have been in that state for so long and nothing seems to cure it. Sitting doing nothing is not enjoyable unless I'm looking at something amazing, which is rare, and even then I can't do amazing things all the time, so it just seems like a blip. However, because there is nothing I actively want, I can't move forward from this limbo I want to escape.

Okay, that gives more context. If you want concrete advice: lower your expectation of what you consider amazing. We're sold by society that we need big materialistic things to be happy( new car, promotion, new watch, shoes, girlfriend, sex, etc) but we're also sold the equivalent in a way that sounds more natural/spiritual(a sunset, travelling, true love, walk in the forest, etc.) 

Thruth is you can enjoy the amazingness of a beautiful sunset just as much as you can enjoy sitting on your couch in your cluttered living room. It sounds like absolute bullshit if you're not used to it but it really works. That's what all of spirituality is based on, enjoying a state of being without having to do anything. 

I really started to feel it when mediated consistently for the first time. I started being able to enjoy the little things a lot more. Just a warm breeze or seeing a cat walking down the street would pull me out of the negative patterns in my head. I would have a saying "if I can even find one good thing about the present moment, then it's good." and you can usually find a lot more than one if you lower your threshold for what you consider good and don't take things for granted.

Anything from not having to work right now, having shoes on, being able to go indoors for warmth in the winter, having a computer to look at YouTube and procrastinate if I want to, being able to take a shower, having chips in the fridge, having data left on my phone, etc.

Next step to that is starting to appreciate the bad as well. You can enjoy being broke because it teaches you a different life perspective. Enjoy being sick because you can become aware of how pleasant your body is to inhabit when you're healthy. Enjoy awkward social moments because of the absurdity of human interactions. Enjoy rejection because you're finally able to ask/go after what you want and be okay even when you're ridiculed for it. Enjoy loss and heartbreak because you're grateful someone was in your life that meant so much to you. 

Thats what helped me face existential dread which seems to be what you're describing. There are still shit moments where I feel anxious, depressed and despaired but I can now sit in them, take a deep breath and know that I'll be okay no matter what which sends a calm wave of relief through me no matter what darkness tried to swallow me. 

[Shin]

Maybe it's a sign thats it's a time of your life where the only thing you want is to know what life is.

☺

[Byun Sean]

keep poking around and trying new things. Trying various things people have said here can work nicely as well

[RevoCulture]

@DeannaDevil  Question... If you could suspend everything we know about our day to day formal existence within society and culture, somehow put that in a box and think/feel outside of it could you reflect on this...   Before that.. In this box you are putting all the injustices, the struggle, the judgments, sadness, feelings of inadequacy, the lack of desire to commit to a programming, all the things that bring about the weight...

Ok.. Now, with that in the box...

Do you enjoy walking through space, the lines, shapes, colors that come at your through your pupils?  Do you enjoy the contrast, the hue & value of color within the objects that surround you?  What about taste?  How about being touched, snuggling with someone you feel emotionally connected to?  Do you enjoy laughing?  What about expressing yourself?  How about being appreciated by another person?

Do you enjoy any of these things, without trying to turn them into a way to maintain existence in our society?  Do you simply enjoy them in the moment?  

Think I am trying to separate the idea of liking something and the imposed societal system of sustaining existence through repetition of action in exchange for "life".  Make sense?

[Nahm]

On 1/9/2020 at 1:54 PM, DeannaDevil said:

I imagine what I would do if I had all the money I could want. My mind comes up with some things like build my own house, travel the world and go sightseeing/explore nature, but it feels like I'd just be going from simple, everyday distractions to bigger, flashier distractions or "experiences". Life in general to me just feels like a struggle to keep myself from wanting to die; a matter of filling my waking hours with activities to pass the time so that I don't have to face the emptiness and hollowness until I fall asleep. Having goals is only a larger scale version of this. I've tried many hobbies, but none of them feel meaningful or give me a feeling of happiness, or if they do, I still don't want to do them 24/7, so once I'm done with that activity I literally just stare at my wall and suffer. I've heard you should sit with your pain, and I do this often but gain nothing from it. I'm losing my ability to cope with existing. Everyone else seems so happy just playing games and watching TV, but I can't stand doing those either. There is a pervasive sense that I am wasting time no matter what it is I do. Does anyone understand this feeling and how to overcome it?

That is some elegant honesty. I find it very moving & I feel that I do understand it. I also feel that I understand how to overcome it. 

If you watched the first half of any movie and turned it off, you’d think it’d sucked. All the build up, tension & problems, with no resolve, no self discovery, no self realization, no insights gained, no hero’s journey completed. If you watched the second half though, it’d all make sense. Congrats on getting through the first half, and on realizing you’re a seeker. Imo, that is the greatest, and most noble thing a person can be. The Truth will indeed set you free. In the very second the path ‘clicks’, you begin feeling better. I hope that is here & now. There is a ‘way’, and it has been around for a long, long time. 

The second half can be where you realize you have been creating emotions in response to the outside world, circumstances & events. This is initially to good to be true, to see. Don’t dismiss it easily, it takes time. It’s certainly not your fault. This living in dissatisfaction is in large part the way of the world, and what it has taught you. It never felt right, never resonated, because it’s garbage. It never resonated with me either, and I also tried a whole lot of stuff.  I found this is because emotions are not created relative to the outside world, but by being in alignment, or in discord, with your inner being, via feeling. In believing thoughts, we label feelings, ‘guilt’, ‘anger’, shame’, ‘hopelessness’, etc. If we didn’t label them, if we inspected them, if we listened to them, we’d hear a whole different tune. It’s humbling & difficult, but it is true.  It’s a lot to expect one to figure this out, given the present collective human conditionIng. You’re already in the right place though. Keep making posts, keep inspecting. Don’t accept the labels, though you see others do. Don’t write off your feelings, though everyone around might be doing so. You are right, what you’re saying, is right. Even if you’re feeling alone, and that no one understand what you are realizing - you are right about what you’re finding. 

There is true, lasting happiness, but it can not found in, or derived of, an outside world. The more we expect this to be the case, the more we find ourselves suffering. The happiness is within you, this is precisely why some thoughts feel good, and some thoughts do not feel good. You are experiencing the relativity of each thought, relative to the source of you. You are a creator. When you align thought, with the source of you, that which you are wanting is created. The source of you is Good. Thoughts which do not feel good to you, do not have any ‘backing’ because there is no source of “bad”, and with these not-good-feeling thoughts, nothing gets created, sans suffering. Listen to the suffering, listen to feeling - not thoughts about it. Choose thoughts that feel good to you. Trust in yourself, in spite  of everything & everyone behaving to the contrary.

[electroBeam]

On 10/01/2020 at 0:02 PM, DeannaDevil said:

I'm not sure I understand what is so blissful. I don't desire anything. I don't desire to do anything particular. The unpleasant experiences both outweigh and outnumber brief moments of beauty like watching a sunset. The only thing I feel a wanting for is to avoid boredom because I have been in that state for so long and nothing seems to cure it. Sitting doing nothing is not enjoyable unless I'm looking at something amazing, which is rare, and even then I can't do amazing things all the time, so it just seems like a blip. However, because there is nothing I actively want, I can't move forward from this limbo I want to escape.

Yep been there most of my life.

Get in touch with inspiration: Go listen to inspirational music, watch something inspirational like someone being kind to an asylum seeker. Or go watch movies of Ghandi, Nelson Mandela. Imagine being them. Really feel like you are with or are him/her. For music actually feel its inspiration. Allow the inspiration to embody your entire being. 

Also do loving kindness meditation: sit down for 30 minutes, get a massive surge of love and spread it to your loved ones, people in poverty, etc. In your imagination. Actually visualise it healing them and making them blissful and ecstatic. Once you're done, spread it to yourself and heal yourself.

Now your happiness will not come from 'do[ing] amazing things all the time', it will come from aligning your actions, principles, way of life with that inspiration. The happiness is not from obtaining an action, object or event from the outside world. It comes from doing stuff which causes that inspiration. The happiness is coming from your brain receptors, not from the material atoms of the object, or the kinectic energy of the action you're doing. 

The action, objects, etc are the smoke, but the inspiration is the engine (of the train, car, etc). The action, objects, etc. Are just the unimportant side effects of your life. 

Edited January 11, 2020 by electroBeam

[jimwell]

On 1/10/2020 at 2:54 AM, DeannaDevil said:

I imagine what I would do if I had all the money I could want. My mind comes up with some things like build my own house, travel the world and go sightseeing/explore nature, but it feels like I'd just be going from simple, everyday distractions to bigger, flashier distractions or "experiences". Life in general to me just feels like a struggle to keep myself from wanting to die; a matter of filling my waking hours with activities to pass the time so that I don't have to face the emptiness and hollowness until I fall asleep. Having goals is only a larger scale version of this. I've tried many hobbies, but none of them feel meaningful or give me a feeling of happiness, or if they do, I still don't want to do them 24/7, so once I'm done with that activity I literally just stare at my wall and suffer. I've heard you should sit with your pain, and I do this often but gain nothing from it. I'm losing my ability to cope with existing. Everyone else seems so happy just playing games and watching TV, but I can't stand doing those either. There is a pervasive sense that I am wasting time no matter what it is I do. Does anyone understand this feeling and how to overcome it?

Either you are sensibly suffering from this.

Or you have a childhood trauma haunting you. The first step is be conscious of it. Both are extremely difficult to handle and solve. But do it, there's no other way. Unless you are willing to suffer your entire life or murder yourself now.

Here is Leo's response video.

Don't believe him. But carefully listen to him and understand what he's saying. Watch that video from time to time and contemplate. It is probably useful and might bring you to a better inner situation.

[DoubleYou]

On 10-1-2020 at 2:02 AM, DeannaDevil said:

I'm not sure I understand what is so blissful. I don't desire anything. I don't desire to do anything particular. The unpleasant experiences both outweigh and outnumber brief moments of beauty like watching a sunset. The only thing I feel a wanting for is to avoid boredom because I have been in that state for so long and nothing seems to cure it. Sitting doing nothing is not enjoyable unless I'm looking at something amazing, which is rare, and even then I can't do amazing things all the time, so it just seems like a blip. However, because there is nothing I actively want, I can't move forward from this limbo I want to escape.

Its not enjoyable because there is a self that needs to be entertained. What would this moment look like if it didn't need to live up to someones standards? Does it always have to be about you? Can the moment just be fine as is?

You say there's nothing you actively want, yet you want to escape limbo / boredom. You want the present moment to be enjoyable. This constant wanting is the cause of boredom. Its what creates an idea of lack. And this lack is what creates a self that needs to be entertained. Lack in search of abundance. Its the most liberating thing to become aware of the fact that theres no need to entertain anyone. Its fine the way it is. And that's where boredom turns into enjoyment. Freedom.

[Commodent]

How about connecting with other people? You didn't mention that in your post.