#1 priority for 2020: Self-care

[tsuki]

26 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

I didn't say that. You said that just above .  I didn't mean to imply that you were. What I had written earlier has applied to me in several readings. Your statement there seems a concise paraphrasing from those readings. I feel like there are many different yet valid approaches in using this book.

Did I sound defensive to you? My intention was to describe the method I use and this part is important to me. Each coin flip bears tension and I feel that this tension is somehow the point. This is why I was stressing this part. But maybe I should work on my relationship with the Sage in this area? Or maybe I went too far in giving advice to you? I respect you a great lot, all of the books that you have recommended to me had immense impact on my life.

Anyways, I got up at night because we bought new quilts and they are so big that I was getting pissed that I don't have enough room in bed. We started fighting and it ended in a pretty good laugh on both parts when we saw how ridiculous we were. This is the first time it has ever happened. I was expressing some very unusual emotions, like bursting into genuine laughter and seamlessly transitioning into expressing hurt by crying. When my wife saw this, she noped the hell out saying "this is too much". We had a laugh about that as well afterwards :D.

Among the commotion, I bought the kindle version of the I-Ching, the Oracle of the Cosmic Way in addition to my paperback version. The paperback version is beautiful, but unfortunately very fragile and very heavy. The backbone of the book has the tendency of breaking when it is opened too wide and I'm afraid of damaging it to the point where it will lose pages. Kindle is much more handy because I can highlight text with no remorse and it is more suitable for travel. I've seen the hardcover version on Amazon, but it's like $270. This price is totally absurd. After buying kindle version of the Divine Triangle, I was a little afraid of the quality of the ebook, but it is superb. Much more functional than the regular one.

Edited December 16, 2020 by tsuki

[Zigzag Idiot]

5 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Did I sound defensive to you?

No. I was joking above in how it captured my name in the quote instead of yours. ? I was afraid I had come off as preachy in the post before yours.

Glad the fight ended up good,,,

Did I ever mention how my Oracle Of The Cosmic Way book spit at hexagram 23- Splitting Apart ? A little freaky huh? Or maybe just synchronous. 

On Ipad. Better go before the small battery charge gives out. ?‍♂️

[tsuki]

14 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

No. I was joking above in how it captured my name in the quote instead of yours. ? I was afraid I had come off as preachy in the post before yours.

OH, I didn't notice! Thanks for clearing that up.

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 12/15/2020 at 2:26 PM, tsuki said:

 

@Zigzag Idiot And another thing that I just stumbled upon is p.570 about the Psyche. If your connection with the Sage is ineffective, then perhaps the third paragraph from the bottom of the Psyche entry applies to you (God Complex). I thought that you may find it useful.

 

I could say that I often catch myself using language in a way that limits my connection with the Sage and the Helpers  and so far  as the God complex goes Itß definitely been present in the past. Having thought about it more I decided that it was not in place as it once was but wondered about it, using the rtcm I asked if it was still an issue.  I got (- - -), A definite No.  

There's a similarity to the Sage being the Guardian of subconscious and conscious minds in the Fourth Way when it is said that one will not be shown more than they can bear.

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot Another thing that came to mind is that you could ask the Sage about the results you are getting by drawing a hexagram.

1 hour ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

There's a similarity to the Sage being the Guardian of subconscious and conscious minds in the Fourth Way when it is said that one will not be shown more than they can bear.

Maybe that's the reason of your results? My life lesson number is 47/11 so it's not unusual to develop paranormal abilities.

As for your life lesson number, know that you definitely are one of the most inspiring teachers that I came into contact with. You are not flashy like Leo - the way in which you relate with the ones that recognize you is very reminiscent of the Sage. Very unassuming and modest, sharing in ways that do not come off as preachy, or judgmental. If it wasn't so obvious that your posts come from experience, one could gloss over them as mere excerpts of a bookworm. You are very secure in your wisdom, not needing to prove anything and letting your destiny play.

"for those with eyes to see and ears to hear"

I actually once inquired the Sage about his connection with Christ, but I was told that my curiosity comes from ego . Strangely enough, I was encouraged with a +++ to inquire into his nature recently.

Edited December 18, 2020 by tsuki

[Zigzag Idiot]

Appreciate the vote of confidence,,,

My ego was thrilled as well. 
 

Good idea you had about me drawing a hexagram concerning my rtcm results. I may do just that. I have a feeling that my use of the rtcm may become much more frequent.

[Zigzag Idiot]

@tsuki  I got the answer through following your suggestion. I got hexagram 4 -Youthful folly changing lines 4&5 making a second hexagram of 6 -Conflict. I even used the rtcm to verify if I got the the message. The answer was +++

☺️I bet you crack a grin if you read those changing lines. 
Thank you for your help, friend. 

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot Hahaha!

Were you able to identify the mistaken beliefs that you hold? Did any of the ones that were mentioned in the text sound like something you believe in?

When I'm under the influence of the ego, I try to find the beliefs and ask the Sage whether I found the correct ones. Then, I ask whether I should perform a mini meditation. If not, I ask whether I should just hand them over to the helpers. Sometimes, it's about the wording and the Sage just chooses which word is more appropriate from the ones that come to my mind.

The Sage does not retreat from helping us to deprogram beliefs. It is its purpose to teach us how to be free from the ego.

[Zigzag Idiot]

@tsuki

13 hours ago, tsuki said:

Were you able to identify the mistaken beliefs that you hold? Did any of the ones that were mentioned in the text sound like something you believe in?

The belief in death that was mentioned. When I really pondered it, I realized that the ideas I have about death are just conceptual because I really don’t know. It’s not something my belly center has latched onto to for embodiment. As the centers go, the heart or feeling center is not really participating either.

I also still catch myself putting the knowledge Book as well as the Sage as above me. That seems to creep back in from time to time.

14 hours ago, tsuki said:

The Sage does not retreat from helping us to deprogram beliefs. It is its purpose to teach us how to be free from the ego.

? Reading this line you wrote caused my ego to puff up.? It was observed anyhow. Thank you, friend.
 

I also realized that I got this same changing line within the last 2 or 3 weeks. I was unable to bookmark it for some reason so I will just copy and paste it in case others are interested in taking up the I CHING and are following along.

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot Just to make sure, you did ask the sage for guidance on how to get rid of them, right? It's usually not enough to realize that you believed in something. Saying inner no is the closest to it, but the beliefs should be handed over to the Helper of transformations, either via linguistic thought, or mini meditation.

[Zigzag Idiot]

5 hours ago, tsuki said:

 

@Zigzag Idiot Just to make sure, you did ask the sage for guidance on how to get rid of them, right?

 

Well,,,no. Maybe I should. Although these beliefs were and may still be ,,,semiconscious. I guess is the word. I’m open to receiving messages about death I feel.For some reason I just don’t ask direct questions too often. My realization was that I didn’t know. Only conceptually, which makes it more of an opinion than knowledge. I’ve gotten more practice with saying the Inner No when it’s appropriate versus where I was in the past.

Linguistic thought. I like that term. It was given to the helper of Transformation implicitly with my realization of these subtle beliefs. Reading your take on this, I’ve now more consciously and deliberately asked that it be handed over. It’s amazing just how differently we both go about use of the I CHING. This is good for me. You’re suggestions are helping me to push into new territory in how I go about things in consultation with the Sage. For now I’m going to ponder this some more,,,

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot For the past week or so, I've been contemplating the workings of the Oracle under the guidance of the Sage and I've made enormous shift with regards to my self-understanding. I was guided to seek the meaning of lines in trigrams and it led to many insights, some of which relate to what the Sage actually is. By using RTCM, you are tapping your Ghost energy that is expressed by the trigram Ken. Each trigram corresponds to a particular energy of your being. I will write a post describing the workings when I feel that it's appropriate.

[tsuki]

Sigh, I've been exploring the meaning of Nature, as well as some other trigrams for the past week or so and it grew into a full blown system for describing I-CHING cosmology and human existence. It was amazing. Best thing I've ever written. It was so good that I did not believe that I came up with it myself, it felt as if it was channeled. As if Sage and I developed some amazing communication skills and I was going through one of the awakenings.

As I was going deeper and deeper, I gradually lost touch with the Sage and the system started crumbling under its own weight. The culmination was when I met my family for Christmas. Nothing particularly nasty happened, but I felt like shit afterwards and the system has crumbled for good as it started to become self-contradictory. On the other hand, I started to feel very uninspired and stupid for playing this "game". First, I asked for help with my self-criticism after meeting my family. I got hexagram 58, no changing lines. Very appropriate. When I got through this, I drew a hexagram, asking to get in touch with the Sage again. I got 29/8, changing line 2.

After deprogramming some beliefs that were lurking in the Abyss, I got a very brutal dream. Interpreting it has shown some ways in which I abuse the Oracle. The Sage has said that the whole system that I developed was dictated by the ego. There is no way to use this knowledge to use I-CHING better and no way to use it productively at all. The Sage has let it to continue to teach me the ways of the ego and to teach me about interpreting the answers that I get. RTCM is to be used only in strict relationship with the hexagram and not as a hotline. I should also stick to the text more accurately.

What I learned is that I treat ego as a stain on my true nature, which is wrong. I was also taught a lesson about creating absolute systems of knowledge. Supposedly, this is a trait of the ego and it cannot be eliminated. I also learned that the only way in which I can tell whether I'm communicating with the Sage, or the ego, is to feel.

 

Frankly, I will take the personal relationship with the Sage over any knowledge system that I create.
But DAMN it was SO good! SO FREAKIN' GOOD! I will have to observe this feeling more closely.

[tsuki]

@Zigzag IdiotIIdiotI Sorry, android is getting weird and won't let me remove your name tag ?

Anyways, with regards to the belief system that I developed recently, I asked the Sage "What is the true purpose of knowledge?" And I was instructed to contemplate the word "purpose" in the context of the question. The hexagram was 58/45 changing line 1 and 2. The RTCM session revealed that:

• It is not possible to answer such question because knowledge gas no "purpose" beyond being a tool ++-
• That beliefs warp purpose ++-
• That "purpose" creates expectations +++
• And that knowledge itself creates purpose +++

I asked this question because I was pondering the answer regarding the system that I received. It seems that, by creating knowledge about the Oracle, I gave it a specific purpose which is not what the Sage wanted. I also created expectations which are counter-productive in this work.

[Zigzag Idiot]

@tsuki I was having that same Android issue last week. I found me a nice used air I Pad,,,,

Reading your post just above, I thought you might find interesting a formula from the Work.

Understanding

is formed by 2 lines which are to be simultaneously worked on

work on knowledge + work on being

My own 2 cents added to this is - peace comes through understanding.

[tsuki]

Happy new year everyone! Have a great alien invasion in 2021!

[tsuki]

2020 has been an amazing year, both positive and very, very challenging for me. I feel like I've grown a lot and this growth has shown me the basics that I don't have covered. Why is it always about the basics? Physical needs, emotional needs, creative outlets, having friends, freeing myself of my conditioning... This life, the life that I'm creating, is very different from what is marketed by culture. I am becoming a shaman, this is inevitable.

For the past few days, I was still conversing with the Sage, this time, specifically about my relationship with money. It's pretty messed up and I've known it for a while despite hearing all about it ever since I got married. I am saving up to survive the Apocalypse that never comes, and always have trouble spending it even if I want something. I am purposefully denying myself pleasures to train for the moment when I will have no money. And yet, I do have it. A lot. I noticed that it is an ego trip, an excuse to escape reality. I am using this money to be reckless with life and I decided to let go of it. I will spend my personal savings on things that I want. But first, I consulted the Oracle.

I sat in a meditation and asked the Helpers and the Sage to help me find my beliefs about money. I visualized having no savings, and an empty bank account. I visualized having no food. Mild panic occurred, but I immediately thought to ask my parents for help. Nothing happened. When I pondered this, I understood that it's about pride. I am proud of following through with plans, of being prepared for unforeseen circumstances. There is nothing wrong with being proud, but I am attached to pride. I have to feel it. When I pondered this with the Sage, it became apparent that it's linked with the emptiness that I felt for not having a real father. I kept contemplating this, picking apart what I felt as a child and actually experiencing this emptiness. I saw that my father was not there for me because I was reminding him of the absence of his father. I was the living reminder of the emptiness he's been avoiding. 

When I opened up, the Sage has helped me rectify my beliefs about money, but I was pretty shaken the next day. A lot of chaotic, urchin-like, boyish energy was coming up in destructive ways. When I was taking a shower, the aquamarine necklace slipped out of my fingers and a part of it broke off to remind me of my wounds. This necklace was a new gift to myself and it was very dear to me because of its soothing energy. Then, I got very pissed for no reason at the courier when he was delivering my new knife. I've been steadily removing items with stale energy from my life, the knife dates 15 years back when I was a very angry teenager. It bears a lot of resentment and I decided to let go of it after I cleaned it. My new knife is a tool for working with wood in camping situations and does not bear the killing intent the other did. Still, my urchin wants to slice all things with it. It finally found some rest today when I decided to get rid of the Christmas tree. I took the branches off with the saw-end of the old knife and did some carving of the stump with the new one.

For the past few weeks I've been regularly going to the forest and enjoying it greatly. I find great pleasure in taking the thermos and food with me and reading I-Ching in the field. When I was choosing the knife, I learned a new word: bushcraft. It sucked me in real good. I was thinking of buying a bike, but I think that I will buy bushcraft kit and go camp in the woods when it gets warmer. The thought of having no savings scares me, but I will follow through. Money is too complicated for me for the time being. I want the basics. A knife, a sleeping bag, an axe and a backpack full of food. I think that the journal for 2021 will be called self-reliance, but I will do some numerology before I decide on that.

Anyways, this journal blew up. 12k views, I can't believe it. If you are reading it, I would love it if you dropped a comment what interests you in my writings. I could use some compliments right now.

[kag101]

Omg, I hadn't got the notification for your reply U_U 

 

On 12/11/2020 at 4:45 AM, tsuki said:

I understand that, but I do want to pursue relationships and having a satisfying marriage is one of my top priorities.

Why is marriage a top priority for you? 

On 12/11/2020 at 4:45 AM, tsuki said:

my mother was a police officer that dealt with sexual crimes and not a real, tender, mother to me.

That must've been tough...  

On 12/11/2020 at 4:45 AM, tsuki said:

When it became apparent to me that I'm bisexual during an LSD trip, It came as a shock, but a relatively mild one.

You had never fantasized sexually with a guy before that? 

On 12/11/2020 at 4:45 AM, tsuki said:

I tried being a parent for her. I thought that it meant what love is for some time. Then I learned that my parents are royally fucked up and I should not try to emulate what they did to me. Not to mention that this is not what loving within marriage is in the slightest.

I'm glad you realized that this is not healthy. 

 

Have a great 2021!!! =) 

[tsuki]

7 hours ago, kag101 said:

Why is marriage a top priority for you? 

@kag101 Because it is one of the most difficult things that can be done in a life of a householder. Being in a close proximity to a completely different person and being friends and lovers with them will not let you stagnate, or play spiritual games with yourself. This forces you to embody your understanding.

7 hours ago, kag101 said:

You had never fantasized sexually with a guy before that? 

No. It's difficult to explain but I recently found a new avenue and this "bisexual" arc of my life has found a fruitful resolution. I think that a space for masculine behavior of women was being born into the conscious part of me, simultaneously with space for my feminine behaviors and needs. I do find some men attractive and we sometimes comment on them with my wife, but I don't think that I'm looking for having sex with them. On the other hand, I find it sexy when my wife displays masculine behaviors and I want to help her explore them. 

I am also more comfortable with expressing my femininity and it dovetails with my masculinity in unexpected ways.

[tsuki]

Recently, I've been contemplating my relationship with housework, particularly with preparing my own food and general cleaning. I have lots of resistance to these things that I want to let go of.

I received hexagram 63 and was directed to work with the Helper of Transformations in order to free myself from some of my beliefs. The first belief was about my physicality, pain and limitations. I perceive limitations as something evil and something to be overcome. This creates unhealthy relationship with pain, resistance, food and my body. I could not be anything in particular without being limited.

The second belief is about house chores. I perceive them as "dead time", something to be performed so that I can do something else. Learning to appreciate these things for their own sake will be awesome.

Edited January 4, 2021 by tsuki