Just broke up with girlfriend - she is having a hard time accepting it

[VictorB02]

I just broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months tonight and she is having a rough time taking it. It took me around two hours to calm her down enough after telling her I didn’t want the relationship anymore for me to leave. Now she keeps calling saying she has no one and needs me, what do I do? 
 

I understand I was in a codependent relationship and she had a lot banking on me; but how do I deal with this? I felt so stuck I had to leave but at the cost of her life because she put so much on me. Thoughts ?

[Ananta]

The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.

People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them.

Having contact with your ex while going through the 5 stages of grief is not a good idea in my opinion. It will prolong the process. 

[VictorB02]

@Anna1 thank you

[Ananta]

Just now, VictorB02 said:

@Anna1 thank you

Your welcome. Even though you broke up, you may also go through these stages to some degree. So, give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship regardless of why it ended. 

[Forestluv]

@VictorB02 I have a hard time seeing someone I broke up with hurting. Sometimes I feel like I’m the one causing the hurt and I want to make it better. Breakups can be emotionally hard. I’ve been on both sides many times. When I’m the one breaking up, one thing I keep in mind is that I am no longer that person’s primary source of support or that person’s therapist. It can be tempting to try and be like a friend to the person, yet that can give false hope and make matters worse. Yet I also don’t want to dump someone without a care for her. The balance for me is to distance myself without causing unnecessary harm. For example, one of my exes kept texting me and trying to get closer. I texted something like “I enjoyed our time together, yet I’m moving in another direction now. I hope you are able to get support and I wish you the best”. I started taking longer to respond. At one point, I didn’t respond for several days and she started to escalate and get upset. I texted her that I’ve been on a spiritual retreat and haven’t been checking my phone. I wrote that I hope she is doing well and wish her the best. . . . I always kept a distance and gave general statements like “I hope you are doing ok and I wish you well”. I avoided any type of specific drama she used that would pull me back closer to her. As well, there were some fleeting times I missed her and wanted to contact her, yet did not do so as that would re-ignite things.

I try to distance myself in a caring way if possible. I only block and take a hard stance if the person gets overly aggressive. For example, one ex sent me subtle threats and another ex suggested something bad may happen to her if I didn’t come back. That type of thing is too much and I did a hard stop.

[VictorB02]

@Serotoninluv thank you so much! That helps a ton