How Do You Feel A Feeling?

[governor]

hey, do any of you have any thoughts or tips about repressed emotions? (I know leo has some videos on emotions and specific ones too!) I've been working all work on repressed memories.a counselor and I were chatting about memories and asked me "where do you put your bad memories?" It was a shocking question that I finally had to answer with "I'm not sure" she suggested maybe you should try to find out. So I found them,but I don't think they're repressed memories,they're more like emotions.the problem seems to be that I don't know how to feel a feeling.I think thru a feeling. maybe not so much in daily life,but with hard things I do a process like this--It feels this way but that's ok because it would be natural for a person in this situation to have that type of feeling,so it's all worked out and understandable,now move on. I have no problem dealing with events and facts,memories,ect...it's feelings I seem to repress. so now I know where these memories or whatever are(which I all-ready knew anyway-heck I'm the one who put them there)-but everytime I try to go in there to deal with it I do some kind of mind trick on myself and I don't know how to get thru that... they are in a house (that's a whole different story)the first time I tried to go in I stepped up on the porch and went to open the door,suddenly I was turned around back on the steps with a glass of lemonade.my mind telling me ok you went in and saw now go on it's all taken care of now!?!?that's a mind trick. second try it seemed sooo scary,that's a mind trick,why would I be scared of what I put in there? third try-another mind trick-feeling like if I go in there it will be to overwhelming and I won't be able to handle it-the door wouldn't even open. fourth try-made it inside,it seems empty,but I don't think it really is empty...hmmmmmm I'm going to go back in and sit and try to go deeper-maybe do a simple hypnotic style induction(maybe with a staircase)-then maybe just sit and wait. any tips on preparing to deal with this...whatever "it" is?

[Corte]

I love your analogy/visualization, what a beautiful way of seeing and understanding it. It may seem like you're not making any progress but it sounds to me like you're growing each time you go through this process. You've attached yourself to these memories, but you don't want them to be a part of you because you don't like them. You only want good memories and you will reject anything that isn't how you want it. This is ingrained in our heads from early child hood, to block out negativity and bad feelings, they're "bad"! You don't want bad! So this is quite the internal (house) conflict between you and yourself. Accept that these certain memories happened, understand that worrying/rejecting/holding on to them will not benefit you in any way, detach yourself from them, they are only part of your experience of this life, they aren't you. Allow yourself to be aware of how you feel and don't label feelings as good or bad. You may feel love, or a contracting/pull, but no need to label these. They are as they are and you can experience them fully without pain and guilt. I think the bigger issue here is not so much about the memories themselves, but your beliefs and perceptions. The memories might not be as bad you've made them to be. Learning how to handle emotions in a mentally healthy way will help you immensely...and there are plenty of resources/videos/mentors on YouTube and the Internet to learn this for yourself. It will change your entire perception and put you in a great place to start growing. Simply start to question the way you believe, maybe it's all not how it should be, maybe you've known this subtle fact all along, maybe there's a way to be set free....maybe it's hiding in the present moment...

[Mal]

@governor

Hi there,

You can de-repress quite easily. 

Repressed material is stored in the body, so an excerise that is useful is the Buddhist body-scan meditation.  

You can follow that with a quick 5 minute yoga session, basic stretching and slow movements while paying mindful attention to everything. 

Then sit for half an hour.  Engage in a process called the zones meditation.  This is paying attention first to the body.  Then the outside zone.  The inner emotional zone.  The thinking zone. And the hearing zone.  Slip in and out of each zone in the space of 30 minutes sitting and the repression will processed. 

Don't worry about it mentally, it's an interactive process. 

Mal

[governor]

thanks for your comments! sorry for the delayed response,I'm having computer problems :) Corte -I think that was pretty insightful! " you don't want them to be a part of you - you will reject anything that isn't how you want it- You don't want bad!- it's all not how it should be-" funny thing is these comments helped me realize I'm not dealing with a new issue here...this is a control issue...I didn't recognize it at first. thank you... " You've attached yourself to these memories- So this is quite the internal (house) conflict between you and yourself." interesting...I was a little confused about why in a visualization type setting the only thing I could not change was this house,can't make it not be there or even put different curtains in the windows. anything else in the setting was changeable,just not that house...maybe it is because I've attached to it...I keep it really close to me,while at the same time it disturbs me that I can't change it or even make it different... could it be that simple?...thank you for your comments...seriously! A problem to work on,I'm always up for that! ;) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mal- thanks,I really appreciate your advice...to be honest this style of meditation is a little different than what I normally do,so I'm just not very experienced with it. It's incredibly interesting and I have lots of thoughts about it, I'm just not sure what to say quite yet... I will definitely be looking more into these types of techniques and trying the ones you suggested... thank you- I really appreciate it.

[governor]

On ‎6‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 4:31 PM, Corte said:

 maybe there's a way to be set free....maybe it's hiding in the present moment...

why is it hiding-why can't it just be clear and say here I am,lets get to work and fix this? I keep remembering leo said in a video something like- you can't out think yourself-   Hmmmmm... interesting...                                                                              

[governor]

hey, so I know I keep asking low level kinda questions,but I seem to be struggling over this topic of emotions and was wondering what others opinions might be.        people are doing damage to each other...you can try to work that out like maybe that person is learning or maybe a lot of different things-   but the bottom line is- people are doing damage to each other.     ok....     I'm fully convinced I can't change that fact.....the problem is that, it  IS changeable...if people would act differently a different pattern would happen and this would change that fact.... it is changeable but I can't change it...                 so,I'm asking how is it for you people to be in the world and accept it?     for example,if a cashier is rude to a retarded customer,or a kid gets beat up every at school,     how is that for you people...  do you feel sad? are you somehow ok with that fact? how is it when you don't feel the need to try to change it?

[Mal]

@governor

Who says we don't feel the need to change stuff?

My thing is that I stay out of things that don't concern me.  Yes I feel what I feel, but life has taught me that some people don't even want our help.  What would happen if we did help somebody? For example, some people are not ready for help, don't want it, wouldn't know what to do with it anyway, go and make the same mistakes time and time again...

Nothing is to be changed, even our willingness to try to change it. Life is happening and it needs to happen. Now ,not everybody will agree with this because everybody is at different stages in their development and some are still fighting the "good fight" whatever that means to them.

The rude cashier has their karma to deal with.  It's their business that they are rude. They need to do that because that is what happened. Imagine if you never made a mistake in your life, would you learn anything? So I let people make their mistakes. It's part of their growth and development. 

How do you know the kid getting bullied at school isn't going to learn and grow from his/her experience?

Emotional maturity is being able to let life do its thing while feeling it all, the effects of it all and while, yes, wanting to change it at the same time.  Some things I do try to change: If I do something to stop somebody it's because I let life live through me.  Other times I hold back because life holds me back. For some reason I know intuitively some things are best left alone. 

Some things are not "bad" even if my mind labels it so.  Some things that appear bad on the surface turn out to be justified when examined closely.  Just the other day I saw a guy getting aggressive at his better half in a public place.  Years ago that kind of scene would have disgusted me.  But it turns out that she was provoking the situation and ended up paying her karmic debt in front of a crowd of people.  So who am I to get emotionally involved in life living life?

My point is, when we learn to just let go, get out of the head and come to our senses a different kind of wisdom takes over.  I'm relieved not to be such a humanitarian anymore, because in retrospect the days where I got angered at every human rights violation were a real drag, and in all honesty I was a bit of a moralistic control freak. 

Thank God for spiritual awakening!

Mal

 

Edited June 21, 2016 by Mal

[governor]

hey Mal,        I think I see the point your making, but I could I try to ask again and explain differently...

5 hours ago, Mal said:

Some things are not "bad" even if my mind labels it so.  Some things that appear bad on the surface turn out to be justified when examined closely.  Just the other day I saw a guy getting aggressive at his better half in a public place.  Years ago that kind of scene would have disgusted me.  But it turns out that she was provoking the situation and ended up paying her karmic debt in front of a crowd of people.  So who am I to get emotionally involved in life living life?

If you put aside all the labels and reasoning the fact still is-these 2 people are doing damage to each other- both probably have some reasons why (ex.-the guy is being provoked, the woman probably has her own reasons and whatever...) all that is fine, I'm not asking about the "why" .

       people will suffer for other peoples lack...fine...what I'm asking is, how does that feel for you-is it sad?                            

    

6 hours ago, Mal said:

The rude cashier has their karma to deal with.  It's their business that they are rude. They need to do that because that is what happened. Imagine if you never made a mistake in your life, would you learn anything? So I let people make their mistakes. It's part of their growth and development. 

maybe the cashier learns maybe not, the customer still walks away having suffered for someone elses lack ........is that sad? how is that for you?------------

 

I  saw this cashier thing happen not to long ago, the customer was obviously struggling with counting her money out and becoming upset ---the cashier was rushing her and making rude comments...I happen to be struggling myself with things and was just trying to make it out of the store without having a panic attack. somehow I found myself putting my hand on this customers arm, looking straight in her eyes and saying to her "it's ok, we don't need to rush"  she looked at me with this look..really wide eyes, kinda panting instead of breathing, so I said it again  "it's ok". anyway she hugged me and cried and it was about 20 min. of extreme discomfort for me...also happy I could help her , also sad I can't change this for her.      

people are suffering for other peoples lack....is this sad?                               I seem to be confused by this.

[Mal]

@governor @governor

I thought I answered your question.

Yes it's sad. I would be a psychopath if I didn't feel sadness at these things.

But sadness does not last for long. There are other perspectives (not reasoning) involved. Transcendental perspectives.

Mal

 

[governor]

yea I guess

   it's probably all about balance I guess.

   anyway, I appreciate it. thanks.  

 

[Mal]

11 minutes ago, governor said:

yea I guess

   it's probably all about balance I guess.

   anyway, I appreciate it. thanks.  

 

Ken Wilber calls it a balance between freedom and fullness (hurts more, but bothers you less)

The freedom part being the transcendent, and the fullness being the high cognitive and emotional perspectives.  Seems you are quite empathic?  So not a lot of work to do there

Edited June 21, 2016 by Mal