What is the Point of Commitment?

[Annoynymous]

What is the point of commitment in a relationship if it is meant not forever, like people do breakup quite frequently, many of them are divorcing and many of them want divorce but staying in the marriage just because  of their children/social obligation.

Even science also tells us that both men and women are not monogamous in nature. So in my point of view, if commitment is for staying together for life, it's a lie.

Can there be other kind of commitment? I certainly don't have any knowledge about that.

Edited January 7, 2020 by Annoynymous

[Meetjoeblack]

It keeps society orderly.

Paint a cute pic of happily ever after. Dupe schmuck into delusional forever. In a era that exercised traditionalism, valued family unity, and one family income, things while not perfect still had longevity.

There's a simple answer. Follow the trail of money. I can date or have a LTR without signing any government contract. Even the concept of marriage is ridiculous when everything falls on the top end. Its one day rather than later on. After say 25 years... Celebrate. Its not the norm because nothing is built to last today.

[Leo Gura]

Because the alternative is often worse.

Commitment just means you're not a selfish child who runs away at the first sign of trouble or something better on the horizon.

It's not different than commitment to a business plan or showing up on time to a meeting. It's hard to create anything worthwhile in life without a commitment. Try executing any major project without a serious commitment. See how far you get.

You couldn't even keep a hamster without a commitment.

[Meetjoeblack]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Commitment just means you're not a selfish child who runs away at the first sign of trouble or something better on the horizon.

Quote

 

Why Women File 80 Percent of Divorces

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and about 80 percent of the divorces are initiated by women.

https://www.divorcesource.com/blog/why-women-file-80-percent-of-divorces/

As a child from the nuclear family, my mind is grappling with the following,  given the premise that men and women are better together. Its less than flattering stat but moreover, its telling when following the trail of money. 

Can you elaborate on your point that its better than the alternative? Romantic love is pretty new and big business. Monogamy isn't very old if looking over history and its not really working out all that well. 

Quote

Quote

 

Lack of ‘economically-attractive’ men to blame for decline in marriage rates, study suggests

Researchers found that the estimated potential husbands had an average income that was 58 per cent higher than the actual amount unmarried men earn.

 

 

I love stats if its not already apparent. 

I use to think monogamy is the norm. I don't think so anymore. I think its ideal for children but more kids are tossed in daycare these days and we're seeing a lot of children with cognitive development issues and autism. 

i chatted up a really cute girl recently. She wasn't married ?.  I checked for a ring. We got talking about dating,  marriage, and she made excellent points. She was saying that its harder now because of apps and Netflix & chill. Whereas long term commitment was more common once upon a time, debauchery and degenerate society is normalized. 

Edited January 8, 2020 by Meetjoeblack

[archi]

7 hours ago, Annoynymous said:

Can there be other kind of commitment? I certainly don't have any knowledge about that.

Whole relationship commitment is based on separation of self and other.

Only if self realizes that there there is no other then there can be enough awareness to accept others and create different relationship structure.

I cannot tell you what it might look like because I was not in one . However, I moved close enough that I realized that it can have has even higher survival probability than traditional one. 

[Annoynymous]

14 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Because the alternative is often worse.

Commitment just means you're not a selfish child who runs away at the first sign of trouble or something better on the horizon.

It's not different than commitment to a business plan or showing up on time to a meeting. It's hard to create anything worthwhile in life without a commitment. Try executing any major project without a serious commitment. See how far you get.

You couldn't even keep a hamster without a commitment.

@Leo Gura I understand that to some extend commitment is important. My question is, to what extend?

In relationships, people like to say they are committing for life. Is it fair or honest to commit like that? Because most people don't stay with each other forever. 

[Shin]

32 minutes ago, Annoynymous said:

@Leo Gura I understand that to some extend commitment is important. My question is, to what extend?

In relationships, people like to say they are committing for life. Is it fair or honest to commit like that? Because most people don't stay with each other forever. 

I think if you say «for life», it's either by fear of loneliness, or lack of experience in relationship.

You can have the will and vision to make it work for life, but to promise that when there is no way to know ? That's cute ?

Even with your life purpose you can't commit for life, cause in 10/20 years you might shift your interests (exemple: Leo from self help to Spirituality).

[Leo Gura]

11 hours ago, Annoynymous said:

In relationships, people like to say they are committing for life. Is it fair or honest to commit like that? Because most people don't stay with each other forever. 

Personally I would not make such a promise, but most people blindly follow their culture like sheep.

[Preety_India]

Commitment is necessary to bring up children in healthy functional households. 

With lack of commitment, there is this single parent phenomenon which has adverse psychological effects on children. 

Nobody likes a non committing partner, not people with high values. People who are okay with lack of commitment do so because they themselves cannot commit. 

Both men and women get displeased by a non committing partner. It's just counter productive to mental and emotional health. 

Divorce is not the same as lack of commitment. Divorce happens because of reasons that are unforseen. You cannot simply predict that your marriage will lead to a divorce on the first day. That would be a very pessimistic approach. 

A sense of commitment shows a sense of responsibility in both men and women. 

Anyone who does not have this sense of responsibility appear unattractive. 

 

[Shin]

And for clarification, commitment doesn't equal monogamy.

Open relationship and polyamory counts too, even though it requires lots more maturity and transcendence of the ego.

Now of course lots of people use the open relationship or polyamory cards because they are lustful as fuck and/or deeply fear to commit, but that doesn't mean those relationships cannot be genuine.

Edited January 9, 2020 by Shin