Meditation Sssshmeditation.

[Markus Parkus]

Every journey home is utterly unique.

If you’re not loving your meditation. You’re doing it wrong.

If you’re not getting up every morning going, I can’t fucking wait. You are wasting your time.

I am not enlightened so shoot me down in flames. I cannot wait.

I have been to Heaven and there is a path for waifs and strays like me, so just be you and you cannot fail.

Leo sells it really good, doesn’t he. 1 in a million of you will make it. Is that 1 in a million of people like you or 1 in a million of people in general. Either way, I like those odds Leo. Sign me up.

You should be Dancing, Singing, Painting, Writing.

You should be Writing. That’s what’s making me pause.

I am writing. I love writing. It’s what I do.

He tells us, don’t ape the Messiah. Be the Messiah.

I am the Messiah.

I’m not the Messiah. I’m a very naughty boy, and I really am but more of that later. I’m not ready to confess yet. You don’t know me. You might judge me. I don’t like that. It causes repression and denial and sends you back out into the world as the New Fake You. How long will it be until that persona gets demolished.

You have to build on the truth. That’s your truth, not my truth or Leo’s truth but I fully accept that Leo is the Truth and if all else fails I will take my 30 mg of 5Meo DMT and hope for the best. I think surrender is the key word but I’m not ready to surrender yet. I love being an ego again. I’ve had my ego demolished many, many times but when it comes down for real, you will fucking know about it. When Card 16 has finished with you, you are dead. That’s the end of you. There’s no coming back from that one mate.

I’m not a Philosopher. I barely even know what Epistemology is. That’s Leo’s passion. That’s Leo’s chosen specialist subject and if he went on MaterMind, he’d have to write his own questions because they couldn’t touch him with a telescope from where they are.

He has basically kicked down the front door and gone. Let me in. I’ve worked you out from First Principals and I demand to see you. Well glory be to that and well done mate. Thank goodness for you. I was beginning to give up again and drift back into Rationalism and Relativism and just good old Daddy Driven common sense.

This time round, I’ve started playing darts but I do it in silence and I do it mindfully and I listen to every single sound and every single thought. I’m very good at listening. I’ve been doing it a long, long time. I follow Frasier. I follow Genius. I follow Me.

I’ve done the Leo, 7 second challenge. I’ve been round my room several times and done all my objects. I love my fox. I love looking at my fox but will he collapse into a state of non-duality and set me free. I don’t think he will. I may as well paint him. Then I might get to see him for who he truly is.

I ended up stretching while I was doing it so as not to waste time and in the end I started throwing darts. At least I was moving. I don’t like sitting still. It’s not natural.

Thud, Thud, Thud. We like this. It’s quite hypnotic. It’s very gentle and very peaceful and very repetitive. 20 minutes goes in an instant and I want to play again. I wake up looking forward to it.

I go for the middle. That’s where the power is. Right at the very centre where the extremes of outrageous fortune or misfortune cannot touch you. You should see my old board. It’s pretty obvious that someone’s trying to get in.

I’ve just bought a new one. It’s beautiful and I play with my Angel Darts and I keep them on my altar over night and I record my progress. I count my inner bulls as Leo Consciousness and I count my outer bulls as My Consciousness.

That’s pretty presumptuous Mark. I hope you can back it up.

I think I can. And that’s my line. And I listen.

I wonder what’s in that little red dot in the middle. It doesn’t change does it. It doesn’t matter if the 20’s at 12 O’Clock or 10 past, the middle still looks the same. You could spin the whole thing at Movie Camera speed and it wouldn’t change the story. The centre is still and quiet and unbothered by Kipling’s imposters.

It’s an Absolute.

Even the outer bull is pretty flippin certain.

Just Be Balanced. That’s what I say to myself as I’m throwing and that’s how long it takes to deliver 3 darts into the heart of Human Consciousness.

Balance is critical and without balance you’re all over the place.

Just Be Focussed. That’s what I say when my Monkey Mind starts to plan my day and bother me. I’m up very early, so leave me alone. We have all the time in the world so please slow down and breathe in time with the beat.

Just Be Beautiful. That always works and often the last dart goes in when that one comes out.

Just Be…….ee. Now we’re cooking on gas. When Pooh Bear talks to me, I get very excited. I’ve just been round my room stamping and crying and holding my hands out as if I have very little control over what my body does.

I have no control over what my body does and when it is out of control. When it is truly out of control. You will know.

Oh My God. Oh My God. Oh My God.

I know that’s what you say. I can feel it. That’s what’s gonna come out. I fucking know it.

There will be no other choice. Absolutely no other choice.

Physically Impossible to say anything else.

That’s how close I am Leo. Pretty flippin close.

And I know the inflection. Everything comes out in 3’s.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I have screamed those words to the heavens and ended up in my neighbours garden in cool wet grass at 4 O’Clock in the morning looking up at him and knowing he was there but barely conscious of anything other than, that was the most enormous moment of my life.

I’m telling you the ending. That’s Card 20 and Card 21. And they’re very close to each other and goodness knows what would happen to you if you’d been lying.

I was telling the truth. You won’t like it. I’m not good. I promise you.

I will confess later. I’m in a safe place. That’s why I’ve come here.

It’s not safe out there. Too much judgement from people who do not know Judgement. I’ve been Judged. I know The World and I’ve come out the other side as the Fool.

So allow me to spread my folly and my foolishness and let’s see where it gets me.

I want to know what’s in the middle of that little red dot.

I imagine another dart board with a little double 20 at the top of the bull and every time I get that image, it goes in but my visualisation is not that good at the moment and I need to focus better.

Anything within the treble ring is normal everyday Man Consciousness with all shades of grey approaching the Tai Chi centre. Anything outside the treble ring, is hopeless. Donkey Consciousness or the Consciousness of a Child. Pre 4 or whenever Piaget wakes them up. Welcome to the world sweetheart. It’s horrid isn’t it. You should have stayed where you were. You were natural and beautiful and so close to god it makes me cry. You were spontaneous and honest and you couldn’t lie, could you. You were in the moment at all times. Good, bad or indifferent; that’s where you were, and that’s what we’re aiming for.

God pushes them in from the Outer rim and says. Off you go. Nothing can go wrong and if it does, remember wrong is right and listen to Leo. He will guide you home.

Once you hit the very centre of the bullseye, you will be back at the outer rim, only this time you will know it’s just a dartboard and this time you will know that there’s nothing to do but play.

I’ve managed to make a strange loop out of my dartboard Leo. Fuck.

 

Edited January 6, 2020 by Markus Parkus