How do you love while going through the dark night?

[Dragonfly210]

Hi Everyone-

I'm doing my best to navigate through the dark night and it's been tough. I'm recovering from years of giving too much of myself and learning to form boundaries with my family and friends. I have lost a lot on the way, which was very sad and disappointing. 

I feel this blockage in my heart and it's hard to make new friends and even relate to people. I'm in a awkward place where I doing my best to move forward in life, however I'm not at my best. It's these sudden highs and lows. It's like I'm totally aware of peoples feelings and thoughts and so overwhelming. I realized some people can be nasty and selfish. I have this opportunity to create a new community but I can't relate to people anymore. 

I know being a hermit is okay, but I also know there's a limit and it came become unhealthy. Which is why I hired a therapist. 

I wanna go back to loving people again and thrive in my business, but it's so hard because of where I'm at now...

Any advice or success stories would be greatly appreciated!! 

 

[Consilience]

Can't offer any success stories, but I would recommend loving-kindness meditation. It's kind of an underrated, under discussed topic on this forum, but it really helps pry open your heart center. And the more you do it, the more open your heart becomes. Just a simple mantra really,

May " " be free from suffering.

May " " be free from ill will. 

May " " be filled with loving-kindness (or just love if you prefer).

May " " be truly happy. 

When doing this, make sure you give this love to yourself as well. As in, say "I" rather than only giving it to others, self-love is important as well. When you're doing this, don't just go through the motions, really try to mean what you're saying with sincerity. Truly recognize those you're speaking out to as their own beings with their own lives. It also helps to visualize them actually receiving the love you're giving them. Over time you'll open yourself up more and more and genuinely feel the love. 

I'd also recommend holotropic breath-work for working through and processing emotional traumas. This will help circulate and clear out your energy and help you uncover where you're body is holding on to trauma, particularly in the torso, stomach area. I'd recommend this video to start: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-2d2...

Yoga. Get your body feeling good, feeling healthy. When you take care of your body, your body will help take care of your mind and emotions, truly. As you're working towards opening up to love, making sure your body is ready to receive and give this love back out is an important step. As odd as this may sound, your emotions are very much grounded in your body such that an unhealthy body will not be as conducive towards processing and opening up to emotions as a healthy body. So I really recommend hath yoga, and honestly probably kriya or kundalini too.  

Also, just a bit of normal, daily meditation. Literally just breath and be, nothing else. It doesn't have to be anything crazy. 5-15 minutes per day or more if you like. It's amazing how healing a small meditation practice can be. I'd start with loving-kindness, and end with normal meditation. As your mind begins to build calm and focus, it will naturally begin to open up to the subtler emotions like happiness, joy, empathy, etc. as well as connecting you with an authentic reservoir of love, which is none other than you. 

And last point, just be patient with yourself. If your intention is to feel love, the universe will help you achieve this end, as this is in alignment with your true nature. So just be patient, be kind, but be persistent with this goal. You'll make it, no doubt  

[Nahm]

8 hours ago, Dragonfly210 said:

because of where I'm at now...

 

8 hours ago, Dragonfly210 said:

Hi Everyone-

I'm doing my best to navigate through the dark night and it's been tough.

I’d had enough - I love myself too much to carry on in such a way. 

I'm recovering from years of giving too much of myself and learning to form boundaries with my family and friends. I have lost a lot on the way, which was very sad and disappointing. 

I’m learning to be present, I’m noticing the believing of thoughts, such as ‘past’, seem to take me from this joy of now. I’m being attentive to this, because I am worth this love. I’m discovering the power of feeling guided thinking - the choosing of thought, based on the resonating of feeling. This is the way of love, I know this beyond all things. 

I feel this blockage in my heart and it's hard to make new friends and even relate to people. I'm in a awkward place where I doing my best to move forward in life, however I'm not at my best. It's these sudden highs and lows. It's like I'm totally aware of peoples feelings and thoughts and so overwhelming. I realized some people can be nasty and selfish. I have this opportunity to create a new community but I can't relate to people anymore. 

As I go deeper, and discover the true nature, the natural sensitivity is being revealed to me. I am seeing love in ways I did not before, new, intuitive ways of the senses. I am becoming aware of sins - of the attention given to thoughts against Self, and the wastefulness of this. As I let my judgements and mental habits go, I’m sensing the true oneness of us all. I have insight it is my self judgement, and love will prevail. 

I know being a hermit is okay, but I also know there's a limit and it came become unhealthy. Which is why I hired a therapist. 

I have glimpsed the love - the way...and I will no longer hold resources at bay. I am appreciating where I am on this path. I am choosing self-love and it is choosing me. It is beyond pride, it is of the upmost importance. I have discovered “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. I am appreciating the here-now-truth of God’s love.

I wanna go back to loving people again and thrive in my business, but it's so hard because of where I'm at now...

I am facing what I have not, I am choosing love, it will prevail.

Any advice or success stories would be greatly appreciated!! 

Feeling is nondual. Have you ever directly experienced that-there-is-not- sensation, feeling?

Thinking is of the world, dualistic binoculars of a mirage. I am seeing perspectives come and go - yet I do not. 

I am at the best place I have ever been, because I am learning to allow feeling - how each arising thought feels, to guide me to truth. Love will always prevail. I know this within. I think I’m realizing the value of a tear.

 

[Pell]

@Consilience the video link didn't work. Do you have another? 

[Consilience]

1 minute ago, Pell said:

@Consilience the video link didn't work. Do you have another? 

You’re right.. that’s weird. Try this one! 

 

[Astra]

One key to an open heart might be the ability to enjoy all experiences. The ability to enjoy all sensations/senses positive and negative. When a human can enjoy all things they have no need for defense but they enjoy defending aswell.

 

A story

The saint woke up in hell. Opening his eyes he saw demons surrounding him, creatures in and on him, and humans in the same situation.

 

Sensations of fear, disgust, pain,itchiness, and the rest filled his body. The most disgusting aromas filled his nose. The most jarring and horrific sound in his ears. The most vile tastes in his mouth. The most persistent and negative thoughts in his mind.

 

He instantly smiled and said what a unique experience. The demons soon realized this was like an orgasm for him. They said if he likes this so much let’s put him in heaven he will hate it there.

 

So they did. When the angels saw him appear at the gates they said by the blood of the lamb you are saved. The saint said from what? I enjoy hell as much as heaven.

 

Jesus appeared and Satan appeared. They then gave him keys to both kingdoms. For a million years the saint enjoyed these two kingdoms having friends and enemirs in both. Enjoying them both. 

 

One day he became bored of both kingdoms and said what new experience should I imagine next? The saint knows he is God.

So he enjoys all things or not.

End of story  

 

Also it is ok to sense more because that’s just more unique experiences to enjoy or not.  

 

My story is “I”for the past year have hated my mother and family for the sensations this human body felt while around them. So this I put up massive defenses to protect the body from experiencing these sensations. 

 

During that time I also was astral projecting, learning and meditating a lot. I was like a hermit when I had free time. 

 

I learned from many teachers like Leo, OSHO, Lou tzu,  Ramana, etc. I practiced their techniques. 

 

Also when I Astral projected I often went into non dual state or infinity mode to try and discover who I was since I don’t have dmt.

Eventually after many experiences. This human realized I am the artist not the art. I amthe thinker not the imagination.  

This human realized that the human experience is a small thought in the mind of Self/God. 

This human also realized that all there is for Self/God to do is just exist and play with its imagination for ever and ever.

Now this human can smile when feeling the sensations that used to make it put up denfenses. Now this human can laugh while crying. Now this human has the potential experience all sensations as an orgasm. Because he knows all is just as I imagined it to be. 

 

End of story . 

 

A way this human likes to remember Self is to imagine vivid experiences and then watch them fade. Realizing peace, silence, and stillness is always here even when enjoying imaginary experiences. 

Also this human likes to enjoy the mind of Self by turning off the human mind. Then focusing on whatever the human is sensing/experiencing right now knowing it is a unique experience and that peace always is.  

 

One reason this human writes this post is cause he enjoys the sensations it brings. 

 

Btw you are perfect as is. 

Feel free to be imperfect because that makes you unique. 

Edited January 7, 2020 by Astra

[ADD]

On 6.1.2020 at 7:25 AM, Dragonfly210 said:

Hi Everyone-

I'm doing my best to navigate through the dark night and it's been tough. I'm recovering from years of giving too much of myself and learning to form boundaries with my family and friends. I have lost a lot on the way, which was very sad and disappointing. 

I feel this blockage in my heart and it's hard to make new friends and even relate to people. I'm in a awkward place where I doing my best to move forward in life, however I'm not at my best. It's these sudden highs and lows. It's like I'm totally aware of peoples feelings and thoughts and so overwhelming. I realized some people can be nasty and selfish. I have this opportunity to create a new community but I can't relate to people anymore. 

I know being a hermit is okay, but I also know there's a limit and it came become unhealthy. Which is why I hired a therapist. 

I wanna go back to loving people again and thrive in my business, but it's so hard because of where I'm at now...

Any advice or success stories would be greatly appreciated!! 

 

Wow, this sounds so similiar to what i'm going through. You are not alone. It's really hard to connect with people when you start seeing their nasty agendas behind their behaviour. On the good side i've noticed that i randomly meet conscious people in strange places and end up having heart warming non-needy conversations.  Trust me there's alot of nice people on this planet aswell. What i've done is that i don't spend time with toxic people anymore, more than i have to. When i go to school or meet business associates that are toxic i try to see the good in them. Even if what you are going through seems negative right now, it's not. You are going through a rapid growth process and it takes it's tolls. It's ups and downs.

[Dragonfly210]

On 1/5/2020 at 10:20 PM, Consilience said:

Can't offer any success stories, but I would recommend loving-kindness meditation. It's kind of an underrated, under discussed topic on this forum, but it really helps pry open your heart center. And the more you do it, the more open your heart becomes. Just a simple mantra really,

May " " be free from suffering.

May " " be free from ill will. 

May " " be filled with loving-kindness (or just love if you prefer).

May " " be truly happy. 

When doing this, make sure you give this love to yourself as well. As in, say "I" rather than only giving it to others, self-love is important as well. When you're doing this, don't just go through the motions, really try to mean what you're saying with sincerity. Truly recognize those you're speaking out to as their own beings with their own lives. It also helps to visualize them actually receiving the love you're giving them. Over time you'll open yourself up more and more and genuinely feel the love. 

I'd also recommend holotropic breath-work for working through and processing emotional traumas. This will help circulate and clear out your energy and help you uncover where you're body is holding on to trauma, particularly in the torso, stomach area. I'd recommend this video to start: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-2d2...

Yoga. Get your body feeling good, feeling healthy. When you take care of your body, your body will help take care of your mind and emotions, truly. As you're working towards opening up to love, making sure your body is ready to receive and give this love back out is an important step. As odd as this may sound, your emotions are very much grounded in your body such that an unhealthy body will not be as conducive towards processing and opening up to emotions as a healthy body. So I really recommend hath yoga, and honestly probably kriya or kundalini too.  

Also, just a bit of normal, daily meditation. Literally just breath and be, nothing else. It doesn't have to be anything crazy. 5-15 minutes per day or more if you like. It's amazing how healing a small meditation practice can be. I'd start with loving-kindness, and end with normal meditation. As your mind begins to build calm and focus, it will naturally begin to open up to the subtler emotions like happiness, joy, empathy, etc. as well as connecting you with an authentic reservoir of love, which is none other than you. 

And last point, just be patient with yourself. If your intention is to feel love, the universe will help you achieve this end, as this is in alignment with your true nature. So just be patient, be kind, but be persistent with this goal. You'll make it, no doubt  

Thank you so much for your kind and motivating words. I took your suggestion to heart and practice right away. It has been working! I can feel the tingling sensations. I currently meditate for 15 to 30 minutes per day. I walk everyday. But, yoga is on and off. I've always wanted to try Kundalini yoga. Maybe I need to change things up now. I shall push through and be patient with myself. =) Namaste!

[Dragonfly210]

On 1/6/2020 at 5:13 PM, Astra said:

One key to an open heart might be the ability to enjoy all experiences. The ability to enjoy all sensations/senses positive and negative. When a human can enjoy all things they have no need for defense but they enjoy defending aswell.

 

A story

The saint woke up in hell. Opening his eyes he saw demons surrounding him, creatures in and on him, and humans in the same situation.

 

Sensations of fear, disgust, pain,itchiness, and the rest filled his body. The most disgusting aromas filled his nose. The most jarring and horrific sound in his ears. The most vile tastes in his mouth. The most persistent and negative thoughts in his mind.

 

He instantly smiled and said what a unique experience. The demons soon realized this was like an orgasm for him. They said if he likes this so much let’s put him in heaven he will hate it there.

 

So they did. When the angels saw him appear at the gates they said by the blood of the lamb you are saved. The saint said from what? I enjoy hell as much as heaven.

 

Jesus appeared and Satan appeared. They then gave him keys to both kingdoms. For a million years the saint enjoyed these two kingdoms having friends and enemirs in both. Enjoying them both. 

 

One day he became bored of both kingdoms and said what new experience should I imagine next? The saint knows he is God.

So he enjoys all things or not.

End of story  

 

Also it is ok to sense more because that’s just more unique experiences to enjoy or not.  

 

My story is “I”for the past year have hated my mother and family for the sensations this human body felt while around them. So this I put up massive defenses to protect the body from experiencing these sensations. 

 

During that time I also was astral projecting, learning and meditating a lot. I was like a hermit when I had free time. 

 

I learned from many teachers like Leo, OSHO, Lou tzu,  Ramana, etc. I practiced their techniques. 

 

Also when I Astral projected I often went into non dual state or infinity mode to try and discover who I was since I don’t have dmt.

Eventually after many experiences. This human realized I am the artist not the art. I amthe thinker not the imagination.  

This human realized that the human experience is a small thought in the mind of Self/God. 

This human also realized that all there is for Self/God to do is just exist and play with its imagination for ever and ever.

Now this human can smile when feeling the sensations that used to make it put up denfenses. Now this human can laugh while crying. Now this human has the potential experience all sensations as an orgasm. Because he knows all is just as I imagined it to be. 

 

End of story . 

 

A way this human likes to remember Self is to imagine vivid experiences and then watch them fade. Realizing peace, silence, and stillness is always here even when enjoying imaginary experiences. 

Also this human likes to enjoy the mind of Self by turning off the human mind. Then focusing on whatever the human is sensing/experiencing right now knowing it is a unique experience and that peace always is.  

 

One reason this human writes this post is cause he enjoys the sensations it brings. 

 

Btw you are perfect as is. 

Feel free to be imperfect because that makes you unique. 

 That was beautiful! It's a gift to experience the light and dark and both do not exist without each other. I struggle with the need to be perfect. And came just in time when I needed to hear it.  Thank you! =))

 

[Dragonfly210]

Hello everyone-

I wanted to send everyone that contributed to this thread an update on my progress. I reviewed everyones message and it was helpful! 

So I found my heart back! I did the breathe work, meditation mantra and I found there was so much emotions within that I didn't deal with. I see the duality in people and in life and I'm choosing love. I am aware and can see.  I am aware of my manifestations good or bad, it is life. 

I'm in a good place and finally peace. Don't know what's next, but I trust I'll be fine. 

Thank you all!  

 

[Robert Leavitt]

@Dragonfly210 Now that's a great attitude to have.  Awesome.

[Nahm]

@Dragonfly210 That’s it! 

@Consilience ♥️