dropout, lazy, unfocused, kinda depressed, could need some advice

[Florian]

My situation: 

A year ago I droped out of school (I was 17, now 18) because I just couldnt go anymore. At the time I wasn't so aware of how fucked I was/still am (but definetly not as hard) emotionally or maybe I just didn't care at all (which is a sign of how fucked I was I guess), like I definetly knew that I had problems but I just didn't care, for example I once actually almost killed myself and I  didn't really care about it afterwards. I sat on the edge of a tall building and wasn't sure if I should jump or not but maybe I would have jumped if it wasn't for a woman I saw in a building next to the one I sat on who was on the phone, I thought she might have called the police so I ran out of that building pretty fast cause I wasnt sure if I really could kill myself and if not I knew that I would be in a lot of trouble because that building was an old factory and private property so it was illegal to even trespass. So anyways.... I droped out of school, went on to not leave my room, only be awake at night because my condition grew even worse to the extend that I got pretty strong anxiety if even somebody just walked by my room and yea... I bought the life purpose course from Leo and saw it as my big hope to get out of my old life and start a new one and have a purpose because I felt so useless and didn't really want to live without a purpose. Fast foward I didn't really have enough energy and motivation to do the course, I just made it to the value part and got stuck there but in normal life I got help from a friend of mine and my psychologist that I started to go to and so I didn't end up 100% fucked but rather got into my old life again. Fast foward again to September this year, I went to school again. I was definetly better off emotionally (what actually helped me the most I think was the book I read about the Sedona Method btw)  and also a bit socially (I never really learned how to behave socially) than the year/s before but eventualIy I ended up droping out of school again 2 weeks ago. The reasons for that: -I can't really concentrate, especially at school in the presence of all the other students and teachers mixed with 0 drive to actually do something for school -> I was on the edge of not getting through gradewise but I would have still had a chance, but I then decided to just say fuck it again. Now I am in a similar situation to last year. The differences: I have a better relationship with my father which gives me a lot more security and I am when I think about it actually MUCH better off emotionally then last year (actually my psychologist was amazed by how much I have changed and even laughed about it (in a nice way of course) and told me she would really like to show me videos of how I acted the first times I was there and then now). But still I am again mostly living in my room (but I could go outside potentially) and again my only real goal is to finish the life purpose course and then plan the future according to my life purpose or at least some valueble information I got by taking this course. Big BUT: I am still a lazy fuck. It's not like I'm making 0 progress but still just too little. I actually set my self the goal at new years to quit distraction like videogames, porn etc. until I finish the course and I didn't even make it half a day until I was completly back to normal. I was so drained out after one of the valuepasses that I couldnt do it anymore. So my plan now is to just fucking do the course tomorrow after I wake up before I do anything else and then see how far I can go and then adjust my plans according to that maybe. But some advice could defintlty be helpful so go ahead and post some if you like. Thank you.

[K VIL]

@Florian What a story! I remember being in a situation maybe one of my lowest. It was the decision to drop out and forge my way, or stay in school. 

I left school and did not forge my way. I ended up re-enrolling. What a rollercoaster! Similarly, it was around this time that I invested in the life purpose course.

Let me be honest. It did not change my life. Courses don't change your life if you come into it with a fast-paced mindset. Please don't rush through it. There's lifetime access for a reason, so take advantage of that. Now onto advice, I have none.

I hope though, that you stay with it and never give up. There's light where you make light and opportunity where you are willing to pour your energy.

[Average Investor]

The course is still good to take, but I think it would be wise to focus on some other self help stuff. Something to consider might be working on just building a habit of going on a 15 minute walk, 15 minutes of mediation, or just a healthy breakfast everyday. Now I say to only work on one of those things until it is really solid ever day. This is really going to help ground you and give you more ability to start  putting your life together. 

I would say exercise would be the most important habit you could work on first. It does not have to be the walk, but you can try getting a kettle bell, yoga matt for yoga, or some dumbbells etc. You can do workouts without any equipment too if you look on youtube. Doing this is really going to help you not be depressed and help you build energy and momentum in your life. The thing is you are really going to have to commit for a few months until it really becomes a habit. Try not to miss more than a day in a row.

Also, stop trying to remove those bad habits all at once. Only work at one at a time and REPLACE it with one new habit that is good like the walk or etc. 

Every time you are having a hard time keeping the habit play this

 

Some other good content to help:

 

 

 

If you want you can message me if you want me to help try to keep you on track for a bit. I only want you to if you are really serious about improving your life. You have to make that decision. 

[Nahm]

@Florian

How’s the clean diet, fitness, etc?

Also, are you believing thoughts about yourself, or no?

Do you meditate, write about the feelings that arise, put what you want on a dream board?

[Florian]

Well, thank you for the advice and attention but I feel like I actually am on a good path right now and this post just helped me to rewind the last year and partly let go. 

@AwakenedSoul444 wish you good luck, maybe fuck enlightment and just pursue the lower needs of you (look at Maslows pyramid of needs), I think thats what I would do in your situation but I mean I dont really know much details. 

@K VIL thank you, wish you good luck too

@Average Investor thank you, I'm starting to improve sleep and exercise

@Nahm diet is shit except I drink the blueberry smoothie, Leo made a video about, every single morning. I started going to a boxing club 3 that would be 3 times a week and I started going to a basketball club thats from my old school which would be once a week. With boxing I might have actually found a passion and the thing is, that I have a pretty big advantage over propably everybody else: I understand emotions to a good degree and I understand the importance of emotions in combat sport espacially. + I have Peter Ralstons book on body consiousness and this is also a big advantage over basically everybody else. + I understand mastery to a certain degree + I have a good killer instinct if you could say that -> I feel like I could actually become the worlds best boxer. My name is Florian and my last name starts with a B and has 10 letters (I'm kinda scared to give away my full name and I think this makes things more exciting). SO if you hear about a good boxer in the future with this name you know it's propably me hehe. - that would be so cool if I could get rich from boxing, cause then I wouldnt have to worry about money that much anymore.

 

[Florian]

Btw, I think the things that helped me the most are: learning about emotions and letting go. I started this by reading the book Sedona Method by hale dwoskin. +

 even though I didnt even watch that video. (I watched like the first 15 min or so but that just made me realise that this is actually what I discover for myself though, I think what triggered this for me was one setence I read in the book the way of the superior man by david deida where he said that you have to love your problems before you go past them or something like that)

[Byun Sean]

it can be extremely tough getting yourself out of a rut. 

My advice to you is try to quit one bad habit a week however small and replace it with one positive habit that you enjoy. 

When we are in one of these ruts, it can either feel absolutely hopeless like we don't want to take action at all, or we want out so bad we want to take all the action right now. 

Both of these are traps. You gotta take the middle route and go slow and steady. I want you to notice your mind telling you things like "I am a lazy fuck." And . "I'm so fucked. Life sucks." 

Your mind will tell you these things in the worst of times. They aren't actually based on anything true though. Just your system freakin out because it wants to survive. Let your system scream all it wants but go slow and steady.

The habit I would try to eliminate first is porn.

-masturbation or irresponsible use of sexual energy is the best way to drain all your motivation away. 

Depending how addicted you are, you might not be able to quit cold turkey. Lets say you jerk off 3 times a day. For one week try to level it down to 2. And then to 1. Or if you jerk off one time a day maybe try to jerk off only 2 days of the week or only 3 days.

You set your own pace that works best for you. You don't want to move too slow but also don't bite off more than you can chew.

The habits I would encourage you to implement in your daily schedule are exercise and a short meditation session.

-the meditation session will increase your discipline capacities and give you some distance from your mind so it doesn't have as much influence over your mental state

-Exercising consistently over a long period of time will increase your physical vitality allowing you to feel more energized throughout the day.

Edited January 8, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Nahm]

@Florian Awesome. Keep in touch with me if you will, love to hear from you on the boxing future front. I love boxing. Next life for sure. Clean up that diet - emotional mastery & boxing will thank you.

 

[Average Investor]

3 hours ago, Florian said:

I'm starting to improve sleep and exercise

Excellent, I am glad to hear it. 

[Muhammad]

It sounds like you have a.d.d

[Muhammad]

I am basically the same as you and i was diagnosed with ad.d. i am 18, dropped out of school, living depressed in my room, don't have any motivation to do anything about anything... There are medications which can help... I can't take them cause they cause me insomnia, but there are other kinds that doesn't cause insomnia, (im just too lazy to get them)?. I think that with a.d.d it is important to combine psychological help, with biological. Because it is also a biological dysfunction in the brain. Also Neurodeedback is a promising treatment to a.d.d.

Also there are nootropics.

There is this new interesting brain practice that I've discovered but haven't tried  that's called kinesiology. Might be worth to do some research about it.

Do you think you have a.d.d? Where you ever diagnosed?

 

Edited January 12, 2020 by Muhammad
Just added more info