Decision making self-sabotage

[Marah]

Latelty I've been having this issue (and it's not for the first time): when I'm about to make a decision(even small, daily ones), it seems that no choice is beneficial and whatever I do, I resent making that choice, at the same time realizing that the alternative choices would have also been shitty.

This really cuts motivation to do anything...it gives a sense of no actual control or direction and guilt, it makes relaxing and enjoying life merely impossible.

Is this self-delusion, having a distorted negativistic perspective? Is this a lack of self love and acceptance, a fear of contentment? What are your thoughts on this?

[Shin]

 

Hi ☺

Can you give a detailed exemple please ? ?

 

2 hours ago, Marah said:

Latelty I've been having this issue (and it's not for the first time): when I'm about to make a decision(even small, daily ones), it seems that no choice is beneficial and whatever I do, I resent making that choice, at the same time realizing that the alternative choices would have also been shitty.

This really cuts motivation to do anything...it gives a sense of no actual control or direction and guilt, it makes relaxing and enjoying life merely impossible.

Is this self-delusion, having a distorted negativistic perspective? Is this a lack of self love and acceptance, a fear of contentment? What are your thoughts on this?

 

[Marah]

@Shin ex1.: I'm attending some classes that are quite superficial (teachers do not actually teach, they brag about their personal life instead, cheating in tests is allowed, the students who do not come to classes bring presents so teachers will tolerate them). When I go to those classes, I feel that I am wasting my life, I could get the proper information by studying on my own. However, I am not that interested in the subject to read about it, but at the same time I couldn't name a thing that I am genuinely interested in. But when I skip the classes, I feel guilty for skipping and the activity I chose to do instead (read random stuff, gym, extra sleep) does not seem very helpful either.

Ex.2: I want to hang out with friends, but I'd also stay at home doing nothing in particular. When I go out, I feel like I've wasted my time, that it was not meaningful enough, superficial chats, and when I stay at home seems like I chose the same old passive path+ FOMO.

 

[Shin]

Would you say that whatever you do, you feel like you're missing something ?

As if there is something you must get, or do, but you can't quite put your finger on it ?

 

Do you often think about the past (what you didn't do), and the future (what you should do) ?

If yes, how much does it represent your day (in %) ?

[Marah]

I do feel like missing something, but at the same time it seems that if I would have chosen another way, the result would not be a happier one; all in all, that there are only poor choices whatever I do. Does it make any sense? Every choice means missing on something (opportunity cost), but in my case the sensation is that what I gain in insignificant in any possible scenario.

Yes, there sometimes is this sensation of wanting something intangible, that I cannot articulate, which makes it hard to search for/create it.

Non-present thinking represents at least 30% of my day.

I started meditating again, it is much more difficult like it used to be, I hardly manage to stay focused for a few seconds. Maybe this is the issue, scattered thoughts, lack of discipline in noting and letting go of these fictions...

Thanks for the questions!

Edited January 5, 2020 by Marah

[Shin]

To me, it looks like what you're missing is your connection to the present moment, and just appreciating life for what it is.

The fear of missing out, is exactly this, except it's not clear about what it is, and your mind, since the only thing it knows to do is to seek an answer, thinks there is a solution and something to get somewhere.

Like you said, it doesn't matter what you're doing, because whatever you're doing you're not really there when you do it, and you can't appreciate something if you're not fully present with it.

Since you never seem to find that thing, you always search, but you also know after a moment that whatever you do it's not gonna work.
The cycle begins again when there is something new to experience, or when you think you didn't put enough attention to an activity you already did.

 

Does that rings true (take your time to think about it), or am I just saying bullshit ?

 

[Marah]

20 hours ago, Shin said:

 

20 hours ago, Shin said:

 

It makes sense, my thoughts become quite rigid when I hurry to put almost all phenomena in rigid categories(past experiences or dreamy expectations), thus ignoring the present.

I aim to take reality as it unfolds, without tying it to similar experiences.

Nice insights ?

 

[Shin]

11 hours ago, Marah said:

It makes sense, my thoughts become quite rigid when I hurry to put almost all phenomena in rigid categories(past experiences or dreamy expectations), thus ignoring the present.

Exemple ?

I aim to take reality as it unfolds, without tying it to similar experiences.

What do you mean ?

Nice insights ?