Why do I hate being lonely?

[Dylan Page]

All of my friends are busy, I have little to no online friends and most other people seem unappealing to interact with. I don’t really understand why, but I feel bored and confused. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m kind of just existing. It’s not necessarily bad, it just feels kind of bland and pointless. I don’t know what to think or how to move forward. I guess just wait for something interesting to happen? 

[Dylan Page]

I also get this sense of of a lack of context. I’m not involved in anything. I’m just kind of in an environment with no connections and things happening. Just standing here watching the world go by. 

[purerogue]

It is just emotion,feeling, sometimes based on your reaction to  thoughts , sometimes just emotion,feeling it self.

So if you want to change it , you have to change your emotional  state of mind, or how you react to certain thoughts.

There is no pointless,bland, there is only your state of mind that makes it feel pointless , bland , it could as well be very meaningful, you are trying to find logical in meaning that holds nothing. 

[Eph75]

@Dylan Page Yes, it seems that you are suffering from cognitive dissonance, the discrepancy between not being attracted to interacting with the people you have the opportunity to interact with and the feeling that should must/should interact with people in order to fulfill whatever cultural or personal expectations you place on yourself. 

As @purerogue says, your needs/desires/expectations trigger emotional responses that makes us feel the way we do, in your case, bad.

What would be good to explore is what lies beneath that emotion, why is it important. Don't accept the first top-of-the-head answer as is likely that is of the ego which just confirms that what you are feeling that "makes sense". We're awesome at tricking ourselves. Dig deeper.

In the end what you will need to do is to distance yourself from your emotions in such a way that you can observe them from a sober more objective perspective, in such a sense that you place your emotions and your ego "over there" and you - your conscious self - remain "over here", observing, contemplating that which is not working for you without engaging with the feeling.

That's not the easiest thing to do, it takes practice.

Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. Faulty expectations or desires can mix them up, making being alone being a bad thing, while holding the ability to be alone - we all and up alone at times - is a strength and is fundamental to being able to be at peace.

Edited January 4, 2020 by Eph75

[purerogue]

Depends on circumstances, there are things that might be in need of taken care of, but if you plan to try fix for everything every time thinking that there is some problem you will run in circles forever. 

Ofc you could go very in-depth in this topic, but the thing is that not every emotion you think is negative means you have some kind of trauma that needs to be fixed, as not every positive emotion means that you are doing good to yourself.  

It is way more tricky then that. 

Edited January 4, 2020 by purerogue

[Eph75]

Oh yes, what problems we experience are only symptoms of an underlying unability to relate to our emotional responses in a healthy way, paired with awareness of how we "tick". 

While addressing the symptoms individually and making space to breath so that we can address the underlying problem, just focusing on the symptoms becomes a game of whack-a-mole. There will always be another one, "bad" things just happen "to you" for "no apparent reason". Understanding your emotional responses - and raising awareness - is taking the rudder and becoming the captain of your own life, regardless of that meaning just being at peace or actively steering your ship towards an intentional destination. No more drifting asea, being a victim of ever shifting weather (circumstances).

Pausing in the moment, when these kind of emotions appear and switching into being that objective self-observer gives you some time and space to change the meaning of what is happening - the symptom - as well as curiously explore how we think ourselves into such "traps" - which is the underlying problem that needs to be addressed. 

It is somewhat embarrasing that often we make-believe up those traps all by ourselves, all mental constructs that have no real world connection, all coming from a habit of toxic/negative thought patterns. 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Eph75

[purerogue]

That is why it is so difficult to do this work, you are playing against yourself all the time, sometimes without realizing it.

When it comes to traumas they are only problem because we have very strong reaction to cause of it, it is better to deal with it as it can very easily

throw you out of balance, where regular emotions cause no problem for person who knows how to let go of them if needed. 

Emotions them self drastically change our perception of things, be it positive , or negative you can easily get misguided because your thought patterns work directly of emotional state you are operating from. 

 

Edited January 4, 2020 by purerogue

[Eph75]

4 minutes ago, purerogue said:

That is why it is so difficult to do this work, you are playing against yourself all the time, sometimes without realizing it. 

And at the same time, that is the beauty of it - and why realizing letting go of what you think is "you" is so rewarding ?

[purerogue]

4 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

And at the same time, that is the beauty of it - and why realizing letting go of what you think is "you" is so rewarding ?

Tell that to all people who get mental breakdown after get to see their reflection!  

In all seriousness this work goes deeper then some people think, until you have not at least touched realms where human logic does not apply, not talking about unicorns, you will not understand why no self state , even higher states where you literally become one with everything around you is just forms. At least that is my opinion.  

[Stakres]

Human primates are wired to be socially connected, so it's normal to feel the emotions you describe.

3 hours ago, Dylan Page said:

I don’t know what to think or how to move forward. I guess just wait for something interesting to happen? 

I also get this sense of of a lack of context. I’m not involved in anything. I’m just kind of in an environment with no connections and things happening. Just standing here watching the world go by. 

Only you can know what is right for you and how to move forward. What do you feel you want?

[Eph75]

25 minutes ago, purerogue said:

Tell that to all people who get mental breakdown after get to see their reflection!

 

It is always easy to see once you've already opened your eyes. All we can do is be the inspiration that shows there is something good at the end of that tunnel and maybe that inspiration helps someone do the work it takes. 

Anywho, it all got somewhat OT, sorry @Dylan Page

 

16 minutes ago, Stakres said:

Only you can know what is right for you and how to move forward. What do you feel you want?

And that's the problem, questions that need answers, such answers that in the current state makes no sense, and hence, will not be given. 

Make it the start of a journey. Answers will come. It is okay to be confused along the way. 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Eph75

[StarStruck]

People who are social are not stuck in their head. 

[Eph75]

24 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

People who are social are not stuck in their head. 

How do you know? People who are social can be slaves under the expectations that they have built up for themselves, forcing them to take on a social persona/facade.

I know this as I know 2 people who have had this problem in the past, one is a close friend, the other one was a past version of me. We were both "stuck in our heads" 

We talked about this a while ago. I told him he was social and he disagreed. He told me that it was me that was social, I disagreed. We were both taking on a social game face while doing so it made us feel bad. 

You just can't tell, if people don't want you to know. Hell, sometimes they don't really know themselves. 

Assumptions are dangerous. 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Eph75

[Girzo]

9 hours ago, Dylan Page said:

I guess just wait for something interesting to happen? 

This desire for excitement is exactly what makes you feel bland. But don't worry, we all have it. Some people get excited about reading books, it seems you get excited about social interactions. 

If you really want to get rid of that boredom and confusion then the only solution is picking-up some hardcore spiritual practice. But I doubt you will find this advice useful because you probably already know it. 

[Astra]

I feel you. 

The way humans experience the world is through their senses so if u can learn to enjoy any sensation that is happening you can enjoy the lonely/sad room sensations just as much as the hanging with friends sensations. 

 

You can also also enjoy the sensations hanging with angels just as much as the sensations of hanging with demons. 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Astra

[onacloudynight]

Because you hate yourself 

[Eph75]

32 minutes ago, onacloudynight said:

 

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

 

Never mind above - forum bug, can't delete. 

32 minutes ago, onacloudynight said:

Because you hate yourself 

That's harsh and not very helpful. We can hate our condition, but we do not hate ourselves.

Edited January 4, 2020 by Eph75