I can't make a sustainable change

[jerrypua]

The expectation that there's going to be homeostasis when I'm going to make a change, i think it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy for me, because it always happens to me, I always back slide and it seems that I can't make any sustainable change in whatever area I'm trying to improve. I move up a little but then always fall into a plateau where change seems impossible.

I always have backslides and ego backlashes so I don't think that's normal because they're always preventing me from making change.
It could also be due to some solid negative beliefs that I hold, idk.

If anyone could help me I would be grateful.

Thanks guys

[Average Investor]

Growth is never linear. If you continue to work at it you are planting the seeds now. When the growth really comes it will come explosively if you keep tending to it now. 

As for backsliding it is hard. I have done a lot of back sliding with habits and there will always be a time where something kind of falls off a little easier than usual. I like to watch Leo's back sliding video if I am in a rut, but it seems that I don't usually need it anymore. 

You have to really create a vision for your life of why those things are important. You should really try to focus in on one thing or one habit and get that really strong before you try for other ones. It take a lot of time and patience. I have been mediating for over a year and it still is not easy. Today was a more difficult session and I did not complete the full hour. But I gained some progress in resisting temptation of itching and what not. I am mastering that control more and more. But it nicks at it a little piece at a time. When I really started seeing mediation results it came big, when my sessions seemed almost useless for most of that year. 

You should watch Leo's video on patience. I think that is one of the most important things you can master in life if you want to get good results. 

[Byun Sean]

Yeah the mind is rough on us when we try to change any aspect of our life.

My best strategy for change I have found is definitely patient, non-perfectionist, slow and steady change with positive motivation.

 

Most people only fuel themselves with negative motivation and thus, only do the things that if they don't do, they will be deeply punished for.

 

I'll give you a concrete example of what I would do. Say I want to implement a meditation habit. And I eventually want to meditate for 1 hour every single day.

I'm not gonna be able to just start meditating 1 hour a day if my nervous system and body is used to no meditation per day.

I would first start with something small and doable like 20 minutes a day. I would try to hit every day. But if I miss like a day or two, no worries.

Then the following week if you feel ready, try to miss only one day or no days.

Then you slowly work your way up toward permanent change.

 

The key here is to not put so much resistance and fear of backsliding. When you hold that fear very strongly, your ego feels a strong need to control the situation. This creates a lot of internal resistance making it very difficult for you to actually make long lasting change.

-Think about all the positive benefits and what the habit would do to change your life in the long term and let that fuel you. If the habit is truly worth it to you, you shouldn't need to boss yourself around and say "I HAVE TO DO THIS".

This is the best strat thats worked in my experience. Just patient, gradual change, with the intention of showing up and trying my best, even if its not perfect. Say I backslide. Ok I'll make adjustments and give it another shot next week.