Why do I feel like a bad, evil person?

[Frylock]

My whole life, I've always felt like a good guy. Respected societal rules as best as I can. Don't hurt anyone else, have strong empathy. Was raised as a Christian.

But lately, I've started to feel like I'm the opposite now. I'm not that good, righteous man I thought. My beliefs are more in-line with non-duality, although I haven't had any type of deep awakening, myself. I don't have a God to pray to and ask for forgiveness if I've done something wrong. I feel like I'm evil, and this is causing me anxiety.

It feels like a basic problem of lack of self-worth and self-love, but I don't know how I can trick myself into feeling like a just, good person again. I don't think more intense spiritual practices is the answer, because I would become a zen devil. Maybe it's a whiplash of ego back into a feeling of nihilism. Maybe it's because, like the rest of us, I was told to be good and behave, and evil people are wrong, and so now I'm rebelling against that notion. But it's hard to say. I've never felt like I'm evil before.

[Bratcat]

It definitely sounds like it has to do with you breaking out of your old christian beliefs, which is not something that happens over night, there is never a clear cut. People always doubt themselves, so naturally you're going to ask yourself if you're actually seeking the truth or if the devil finally got to you.

I'm not exactly sure how to help you, I feel like these things are always a looong road. What stands out to me, is that you want to "trick yourself" into feeling like a good person. You want to believe that you are good, not trick yourself.

I would suggest maybe writing a list of qualities, beliefs and actions that you deep down believe to be good, or consciously think to be good, or both.
Think about if those apply to you.
Some of them probably wont. I know mine wouldn't. But I don't know if that necessarily means you're a bad person. I guess it just means you are a person. I mostly believe that striving to be those things, always keeping yourself in check makes you a better person.
Being completely and utterly "good" is probably out of range. Atleast it is for me at the moment. Let's just hope this path that we're on leads us there.