Pain of the past

[Holly Ann]

is there a psychedelic i can take that will help me realize the past is not real,  get it out of my memory and body... i am frozen, can't seem to realize it's a teaching that happened for me, not to me...14 years much physical violence and psychological abuse at the hands of my partner,  dark night of the soul

[assx95]

Hey @Holly Ann why don't you start a meditation practice, it will slowly strip away your past, and bring you into the present moment. But the real question is- Do you really want to forget your past? 

[28 cm unbuffed]

Yeah, meditation is the key. Anytime the thought about the past pops up - do not try to neglect it, or to argue with it - your subconcious mind doesn't get it and you are only keeping the thought alive that way. The thing to do, to get rid of this loop is to simply acknowledge it.

See it - acknowledge it - let it go.

But still, main problem is not with your thougths - they are generated by emotions stored in your body. So clearing emotions stored in your body is something you have to work on. Breath work, diet, exercises, hot baths, getting rid of bad habits.

Simply everything that will work for you, to relax your body.

You also might want to listen to this at night. This will make your mind bring you answers, about how to deal with that problem: 

Good luck, stay strong, it will go away eventually. When you will stop thinking about the past and focus on the future, your life will grow so fast, that you will be astonished by your progress. Having faith in a process is a key here.

[Elisabeth]

@Holly Ann A daily practice of self-awareness and good therapist is a must. Please get the help you need. Any psychedelic is just a complement to a path, which will take some time. Anyway, congratulation on getting out of the abusive relationship. I cheer on you! 

[Holly Ann]

@Elisabeth thanks,  i have been away from the relationship,  all relationships,  for 13 years now... enough is enough,  cannot keep carrying the pain

[Elisabeth]

@Holly Ann Indeed. What approaches did you try?

[Nahm]

@Holly Ann

Sorry to hear. ♥️?? Psychedelics can help in that way indeed, also, the patterns of thought which are still unresolved return. A potentially greater vantage seen, or experienced from the trip can help illuminate the truth, which those arising thought patterns are up against. Make a list of every healing experience, and start trying them one by one. See what clicks. The love in you is True. Feeling is never wrong, thought is never true. 

[Holly Ann]

@Elisabeth i  really don't know how to use this forum... my appraoch has been alcohol, weed, and molly... no good, but i quit everything, for a year, now back again, same old shit... i am stopping it all again now...i did have meditation practice but stopped,  i will never get anywhere if i don't try harder 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Holly Ann

No, the thing is - you are too harsh on yourself and that way you want try harder then you can at the moment.

And when you are not meeting your expectation you are going back to smoking weed, alcohol, etc.

Be easy on yourself, small steps, one at a time. Relax, take a hot bath, whatever it takes to feel better about yourself. 

Think about this like that :

"It's just a stage, it will pass, right now I don't feel that good about myself, but it will pass too. I have to work on myself - but it's not that easy and I'm building too much expectations on myself and that's counterproductive and it kills me.

What I need the most is the self - love right now"

40 minutes ago, Holly Ann said:

@Elisabeth i really don't know how to use this forum...

About that - I think the thing that could help you the most right now is finding ANYONE you can talk to about your problems. Forum is great, but never as great as physical contact and conversation with another human being. 

Stay strong, much love 

Edited January 4, 2020 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Elisabeth]

@Holly Ann Don't worry about using the forum "right".

I agree with @28 cm unbuffed, being harsh on yourself is probably not the right answer. Be very, very compassionate. 

My advice is, DON'T WALK ALONE, meaning get a good therapist asap. A support group like AA could also work if that's compatible with you. Surround yourself by supportive people.

Take good care of yourself and your body. Have a job you don't hate. These are the basics. Do this, if you're capable of it. If you're not, work with the therapist on overcoming your bariers.

As for meditation, meditation helps but maybe not all approaches to meditation are suitable for you. Be careful not to repress emotion. For trauma survivors, you need a practice which connects you to the body. Yoga, any other kind of mindful movement practice, somatic therapy or even just dancing might be a better choice than the most usual forms of meditation right now. 

The drugs you have chosen are not coincidental. Alcohol and weed give you relaxation, relief from anxiety and numb you to the pain you feel. Molly probably gives you a high, a peak of feeling good - I don't know if it actually contains MDMA, but MDMA has been shown effective in treatement of PTSD when combined with intense psychotherapy on the drug & it gives access to feelings of love and connection.

You can learn to find relaxation, love and connection without drugs. But the process involves a) learning to feel your body, b) having self-compassion, c) facing your pain, and d) reconnecting with people, learning to receive and give back. Find a good, compassionate therapist and pick up a body-centred practice. Maybe you have to go through some addiction recovery program too, that, I don't know. 

Good luck. 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Elisabeth

[Holly Ann]

Thanks for all the replies, but this forum seems to keep too much track of things...visits and all that, it's just not my thing, don't care to have all that recorded, but thanks just the same for the advice and kindness 

[28 cm unbuffed]

Just talk to someone, anyone you can at least call and tell them, that you need someone to talk about your problems (if you can't meet with anyone in person). What you need is katharsis,  not keeping your emotions inside.

If you don't have that option - just start running, hitting a gym, boxing, anything that will help you to cleanse yourself from negative emotions, forget and move forward.

Good luck, stay strong  

Edited January 9, 2020 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Michael569]

What others have suggested, never keep it all to yourself. Find someone to talk to who can guide you through the traumatic experience and help you release the pain and make peace with what happened. There is no shame in finding a therapist or a coach to help you out. 

There are also some herbal remedies that can help in emotional healing, forgiveness and moving on. Bach flower remedies seem to be quitehelpful with that. A good herbalist would know

All the best !

 

[remember]

@Holly Ann you will also probably need to get much deeper into the past than the past 15 years - why did you even stay that long with an abusive partner? that’s a question i would tackle besides the work to digest what happened there. you might want to make peace with why it happened - maybe even from his side. it’s not about justifications but about the karma baggage. sometimes it’s easier to let it go then.

Edited January 13, 2020 by remember

[luciferslibrary]

Im the same, my family lost everything we owned when i was 18.. My parents moved away for years out of shame and i was on my own with nothing.
lived a punk rock lifestyle for years ,was so shit, but still had a blast but it meant i hated society for a long time, still kinda do, you could say i was red Pilled a while ago.

Just got brutally dumped 6 weeks ago and its killed me inside.All my plans gone, my lover gone ,like that.. {she decided she wanted kids. i didnt] Instantly with another guy.. The pain is unbelievable, coz of her ambivalence.

Was devastating, still is, trying my hardest but the past keeps coming up. Its like when i get dumped , my past and feeling of abandonment rears its head and i regress. I cant let go of previuos break up trauma, i guess i dont take rejection and abandonment well at all!

I know its all linked, i need a way to forget the past, all i do is reminisce about better times and cant focus on NOW.Its lame and i hate it coz i know i am better than some sentimental chump that i am being right now. 

I have done Aya, Meditation, self help vids galore, gym, starting a new band etc.... yet i wake up everyday almost in tears.. 

UUUURGH...