I never really gave any sort of a journal a a try, but I think I need to give it a go to really help make this coming year better than the last.  I found out about actualized content in 2018. April 13th 2018 I ran into a driver that blew a stop a sign. I had some back pain from it some how put me into gear for creating a better life. A few months after a began to go out for a mile walk, which grew more and more. I had gained 50lbs after my house had flooded and working at burger king a few years prior. I had really been actively in a lot of low conscious activity. Running bad businesses, which I really did seem to maintain myself well with them no matter what it was.  I kept on walking and playing actualized content every time I went. My habit grew and grew. I got caught up in usual pursuits of money and bullshit. That summer I did start to take reselling a little more serious and it really helped me get more into my walking habit as I had walked 5 miles a few times to go to garage sales. I got my German Shepard Bailey towards the end of the year and that really boosted my walking into some jogging. My relationship with my girlfriend at the time was toxic. She called me names and had constant anger and I really started to realized how much my life would suck if I continued to be with her. Coming into 2019 is when I really started making the change. I had installed my 1 hour daily mediation habit even though it felt I was not getting anywhere with it.  I started getting more conflicting things with the girlfriend. I became vegan and she would constantly try to bring me back to garbage food or put me down for doing so. Her mom would ridicule me for anything I was doing. The girlfriend had been making up things and bringing me into lies about myself that she would create or invoke. I was unaware of it for a good amount of the time. The curtains started to come down as this 2 year relationship had really taken it's toll on me and I could see how toxic and destructive this really was. The best thing I ever did was not sign the lease for the apartment we had. I came and told her right to her face it was over and loaded up all of my stuff.  I was ready to start moving on in my life. I had a family of friends I lived with for a while and all of their bullshit was just toxic. I had loaned them a car and had so many issues getting them to pay for any of it I had already made up my mind it was over. I just moved on and stopped talking with them. They were bad influences on me. It was a really survival based relationship with all of them. I questioned a lot of their morals with stuff, but for some reason just stayed their friend. It was a family with an uncle I had really looked up to, he was a master mechanic and he would teach me about cars, but he became so consumed in alcohol and anger it became bad. He had a huge heart, but could not help himself. The mother and father were were pretty close with me. I mean I was pretty much apart of this family at one point and I think a lot of it was that deep down I never really good to experience that in my own family. I hadn't talked to my dad in 5 years at this point. But I just ended it. Their values and desires in life are not anywhere near where I was even wanting to go then.  I quit a toxic business I had built for years. This caused me anxiety all the time. I deluded myself time and time again to keep continuing this thing and making myself believe that it was right. It was a hard process. I was wrecked emotionally for a few days to even try and stop it. I quit nicotine on top of it. After a bit I realized that I was going to start reselling full time like I had been thinking about. I had this hobby going for a few years. Selling a lot of my personal stuff and what not. I knew I really had to start putting in the work.  I really exhausted the businesses I was in. I had been lazy because I really did not need to do all that much work to really sustain myself. Especially living with my mom, so this was going to be a big change. One of the biggest in my life. I had so much more energy and drive than I have ever had in my life. I stepped it up and worked 80 hours a week sometimes to really put this thing into motion.  My other close friends I had for many years kind of did me dirty on an exchange of work. They cost me probably well over $600 just from the bullshit they stood me up on. They got all drunk and just put it at a bottom priority. I should not have depended on them. This same weekend the friend drove 90mph head on at another car with me in the passenger and the only reason we did not crash was the other driver pulled off to the side of the road to dodge us. All over this friend just wanting to pass someone. I realized that this was it for hanging out with people like this. They were not going anywhere that I want to be in life and just dragging me down, so I cut off completely. This left me with one friend I had since 3rd grade, but we had kind of disconnected.  I grew strong enough to jog 5 miles straight. I started pushing my limits more. I did a massive 24+ mile 17+ hour long mountain climb adventure that was life changing. It was the hardest physical task I ever conquered so far in my life. I realized that my life had changed and grew so much in last year. It was unbelievable. I grew a bit closer with the friend, so I at least had someone to hang out with every month or so.  I keep this momentum going with all of my good habits and personal development. I quit added sugar, processed food, and really kept molding my life into something better. I registered my reselling business and really keep at it. Things kept looking up for me. I tried psychedelics for a the first time and saw some good growth on a just a few small trips.  I climbed another mountain, this time a shorter distance one, but it was still quite brutal. 11 hours from start to finish. Definitely another big hurdle for me.  My mediation habit is now very strong and I can get into an amazing state much easier and consistent now. My attitude and ability to let go are much greater now.  Just coming into this month now December. I found out I care hire my little sister to work for me. This is really going to help me build into next year. I have a ton of inventory that I need help selling. I think this is going to excel me into finical freedom and independence much sooner.   I bought the life purpose course and have been trying to maintain reading habit and focus on that heavily right now. I am wanting to find out what is the best thing I can do with this life I have been giving. I really do need to get ready this coming year for my big leap.