Creating an extraordinary life

[Average Investor]

I never really gave any sort of a journal a a try, but I think I need to give it a go to really help make this coming year better than the last. 

I found out about actualized content in 2018. April 13th 2018 I ran into a driver that blew a stop a sign. I had some back pain from it some how put me into gear for creating a better life. A few months after a began to go out for a mile walk, which grew more and more. I had gained 50lbs after my house had flooded and working at burger king a few years prior. I had really been actively in a lot of low conscious activity. Running bad businesses, which I really did seem to maintain myself well with them no matter what it was.  I kept on walking and playing actualized content every time I went. My habit grew and grew. I got caught up in usual pursuits of money and bullshit. That summer I did start to take reselling a little more serious and it really helped me get more into my walking habit as I had walked 5 miles a few times to go to garage sales. I got my German Shepard Bailey towards the end of the year and that really boosted my walking into some jogging. My relationship with my girlfriend at the time was toxic. She called me names and had constant anger and I really started to realized how much my life would suck if I continued to be with her.

Coming into 2019 is when I really started making the change. I had installed my 1 hour daily mediation habit even though it felt I was not getting anywhere with it.  I started getting more conflicting things with the girlfriend. I became vegan and she would constantly try to bring me back to garbage food or put me down for doing so. Her mom would ridicule me for anything I was doing. The girlfriend had been making up things and bringing me into lies about myself that she would create or invoke. I was unaware of it for a good amount of the time. The curtains started to come down as this 2 year relationship had really taken it's toll on me and I could see how toxic and destructive this really was. The best thing I ever did was not sign the lease for the apartment we had. I came and told her right to her face it was over and loaded up all of my stuff. 

I was ready to start moving on in my life. I had a family of friends I lived with for a while and all of their bullshit was just toxic. I had loaned them a car and had so many issues getting them to pay for any of it I had already made up my mind it was over. I just moved on and stopped talking with them. They were bad influences on me. It was a really survival based relationship with all of them. I questioned a lot of their morals with stuff, but for some reason just stayed their friend. It was a family with an uncle I had really looked up to, he was a master mechanic and he would teach me about cars, but he became so consumed in alcohol and anger it became bad. He had a huge heart, but could not help himself. The mother and father were were pretty close with me. I mean I was pretty much apart of this family at one point and I think a lot of it was that deep down I never really good to experience that in my own family. I hadn't talked to my dad in 5 years at this point. But I just ended it. Their values and desires in life are not anywhere near where I was even wanting to go then. 

I quit a toxic business I had built for years. This caused me anxiety all the time. I deluded myself time and time again to keep continuing this thing and making myself believe that it was right. It was a hard process. I was wrecked emotionally for a few days to even try and stop it. I quit nicotine on top of it. After a bit I realized that I was going to start reselling full time like I had been thinking about. I had this hobby going for a few years. Selling a lot of my personal stuff and what not. I knew I really had to start putting in the work. 

I really exhausted the businesses I was in. I had been lazy because I really did not need to do all that much work to really sustain myself. Especially living with my mom, so this was going to be a big change. One of the biggest in my life. I had so much more energy and drive than I have ever had in my life. I stepped it up and worked 80 hours a week sometimes to really put this thing into motion. 

My other close friends I had for many years kind of did me dirty on an exchange of work. They cost me probably well over $600 just from the bullshit they stood me up on. They got all drunk and just put it at a bottom priority. I should not have depended on them. This same weekend the friend drove 90mph head on at another car with me in the passenger and the only reason we did not crash was the other driver pulled off to the side of the road to dodge us. All over this friend just wanting to pass someone. I realized that this was it for hanging out with people like this. They were not going anywhere that I want to be in life and just dragging me down, so I cut off completely. This left me with one friend I had since 3rd grade, but we had kind of disconnected. 

I grew strong enough to jog 5 miles straight. I started pushing my limits more. I did a massive 24+ mile 17+ hour long mountain climb adventure that was life changing. It was the hardest physical task I ever conquered so far in my life. I realized that my life had changed and grew so much in last year. It was unbelievable. I grew a bit closer with the friend, so I at least had someone to hang out with every month or so. 

I keep this momentum going with all of my good habits and personal development. I quit added sugar, processed food, and really kept molding my life into something better. I registered my reselling business and really keep at it. Things kept looking up for me. I tried psychedelics for a the first time and saw some good growth on a just a few small trips. 

I climbed another mountain, this time a shorter distance one, but it was still quite brutal. 11 hours from start to finish. Definitely another big hurdle for me. 

My mediation habit is now very strong and I can get into an amazing state much easier and consistent now. My attitude and ability to let go are much greater now. 

Just coming into this month now December. I found out I care hire my little sister to work for me. This is really going to help me build into next year. I have a ton of inventory that I need help selling. I think this is going to excel me into finical freedom and independence much sooner. 

 I bought the life purpose course and have been trying to maintain reading habit and focus on that heavily right now. I am wanting to find out what is the best thing I can do with this life I have been giving. I really do need to get ready this coming year for my big leap. 

Edited December 31, 2019 by Average Investor

[Raptorsin7]

@Average Investor Incredible story man. I can't wait to follow your journal 

[Average Investor]

@Raptorsin7 Thanks! I am going to set some goals and stuff around for this coming year, but this already took me a bit to write lol. I'll probably update or post some more tomorrow. 

[Average Investor]

I'm going to aim to save $20,000 this year with my reselling business. Will be quite a task, but I think if I plan well enough I should be able to get there or at least close. I want to have this money to allow me to pursue whatever I want. I might buy a blank property with a trailer and use that to live with low expenses while working on LP would estimate to save some thousands a year just doing that. But maybe get an apartment and use the money offensively into new ventures, which could yield much greater rewards. I should be able to accomplish this hiring my sister and continually bringing in product that she can list. If I do my numbers right I think we can produce $50,000 net income between the both of us on one particular product category, but that still does not include her pay and maybe some other random expenses. If I am able to run that and keep up with other products and make thing more efficient I should be able to do it. Those products have to actually sell though, so most likely I am going to be listing over $100,000 worth of inventory to make this happen. My living expenses are only  about $10,000 per year right now, so this leaves me some room to save up. I really like this business, but not all aspects of it. I do feel like I am selling a lot of low conscious stuff (sometimes high conscious) and it does save a lot of stuff from going to the landfill. So I try to make it something good overall for everyone. I was actually surprised not even one customer returned an item so far from this holiday season, so I am really keeping a high quality. Usually, there is at least a few bs ones. 

I am going to keep selling my personal items to help build into these savings as I don't really need a whole lot of extra stuff these days. So I should be able to save a few thousand more towards this goal just from that as well. 

I am going to run a marathon this year for sure. I already jogged 10.7 miles straight and I am sure I can beat this goal with a few more months of training. It will be totally worth it to me as this is on my list of life accomplishments and it will be great to actualize it. 

I am going to do no video games this year at all. I was already cutting them off pretty good, but I am going to dive in and just say no to all of them all together this year. I am selling my playstation as I won't be needing it. 

I want to read at least 12 books this year minimum. Going to focus into all of the book off the life purpose course. Most likely more since a handful of them are pretty small. 

I want to find my life purpose this year, but I will keep studying and see what I come into. 

I do want to work on some spiritual stuff, but I think personal development will be dominant this year again for me. Although, I love to learn about the concepts of both. 

All of this stuff will keep me really busy I imagine. I am excited to see what this new year will bring for me. 

[Average Investor]

I don't spend enough time allowing myself to be creative or relax. I do get out a little bit, but need to find some things that are not just pushing me to my limit all the time to try and bring in more creativity and just better well being. I have become a bit of a workaholic over the last year. Going to spend more time learning too even if it possibly comes at the cost of the savings goal. Although, I am sure I make it happen. Once garage sale season comes in I can start finding big ticket items to bring the numbers up. 

I did actually take a few hours out tonight at a bar even though I just drank some water there. It feels weird to almost not even want that because I know how much bullshit is in it. But it is nice to visit with my friend. We would have went bowling instead, but it was filled up.  

 

[StarStruck]

Keep up the good work. 

[Average Investor]

@StarStruck Will do. Having a good start to the year so far in terms of mindset and happiness. 

[Average Investor]

I found an easy solution to bypassing disruptive itching during meditation. I have a massage feature on my recliner I mediate in and will just run it for 15 minutes to take off the initial focus of repetitive disruptive itches. The suffering is good sometimes, but a day like today it would have hindered me from reaching a meditative state altogether. 

I become sick from eating lower quality food anymore it seems. I believe I might be ready to completely remove oil from my diet. It's hard though because if I do want to eating certain things oil can be hard to avoid. But in the stuff I actually cook and make I never need oil. I feel negative effects of oil within 30 minutes. My body will start to expel it through my pores in my face it seems.  

I feel more compelled to do the life purpose course than my actual work I do to make money right now. I guess the main thing I don't like about reselling is actually selling it. I really find a good connection with the people I meet and buy stuff from. The ability to travel and take risks. The education of items is always fascinating. I love finding good deals on items. I never don't get excited to find something unique or expensive. But when it comes down to listing it for sale it is very tedious it almost attacks my mind putting so much energy into it. If I spent all of my time just listing the stuff I could sell right now I probably would not really need any inventory until the summer time or even next year. When I pull this extra money together to hire, she will probably just be listing the stuff for sale. Although, I will still have to list certain items. 

It sounds like I may be doing a smaller hike sooner, than later. It will be good for me to reset creative and inspirationally more often. 

Time to get into the groove and listing some products for sale for awhile.

 

[Average Investor]

I think I have found a hidden or suppressed value of mine. Possibly creativity. This might be a clue in the right direction for life purpose. I recall creating youtube videos on an old channel and producing over 100 videos of content. It was just me playing video games and talking about stuff. I could not even afford a tv to record my xbox play. So I would just play anything I could record like minecraft, super mario world, etc. I stopped enjoying that process when I made videos that were geared to get high views to make money. I did make a couple hundred bucks back at the time. I actually abandoned this purist all together to make quick cash in a devilish way. 

Not to mention I have had several youtube channels at this point. But they all lacked something I was willing to master or only had temporary passion for. 

Edited January 2, 2020 by Average Investor

[Average Investor]

I find it strange how little anxiety I usually have anymore. It seems I have worked through a lot of the root issues causing it. I looked back on a situation last night and noticed I never really felt any anxiety even in situations that usually would provoke it. I just feel like I really don't give a fuck what people think usually now for the majority of stuff. I can't say that what someone does or says never gets to me, but for the most part I act without any regret. I am going to try to take down more of anxiety related issues with conscious breathing, but even so far I feel much better mentally everyday. 

I still need to work at building a better relationship with work and finding the root cause of the need to work so much. I've worked on my last couple birthdays and holidays etc. Maybe to some degree I want some approval, but I know that even if I got some from the people I would even think about getting it from I really don't care about them anyway. I think it is more rooted on a need to do something or the feel to achieve something. It ties into my happiness a bit too. I had been trying to take two days off a week instead of one. I really usually end up just doing work though regardless. I actually worked 12 hours on my day off saturday. Granted I really liked what I did saturday, which was to go get new inventory. But it really takes a lot of work. I loaded 1000lbs of product in my suv. I went bowling last night and went out the day before though, so I am getting out a little bit more. Maybe I will go bowling or something by myself. I do go running every other day, but right now I don't really relax during it I jog 4 miles straight of 6. 

I do really get a good sense of satisfaction though from my work right now overall. I don't really focus in on money much for anything besides the survival need for it. Just the growth and the expansion of it makes me happy. Same with the level of mastery I have with it. I enjoy business itself I think. Really I just want to have impact on the world and I don't think this business holds me to my highest potential. I really could become a millionaire within 10 years of doing this if this is all I did. I just don't think that is what I want. While I think I can still enjoy it as a hobby and who knows maybe I will have this business running on the side in the form of a shop or something. Although, online seems to be the best way to maintain the best profit margins and shift through economic changes. 

I could get a girlfriend to give me other things to do, but I think that would really just be running away from the root problem. I had seen this really beautiful girl running the other day and I waved to her and was checking her out, which she noticed and gave me a big smile. We were both jogging though, so I had given her a smile and just kept jogging. I was going to jog 10 miles straight and I was on like mile 8-9, so stopping her was not really what I wanted to do. Not sure if I will see her again, but I have had situations like that with more frequency come up. One when I climbed my last mountain and I just let her be. I don't want to create what they could be just off of their looks though. I think I still have some limiting beliefs around relationships. I think part of me just wants to have sex with them as well. Which I really don't want to hurt them.  I probably should just hold off though and do more theory on relationships instead of just getting one. I have had a few and have a pretty good basis of how to maintain them. I don't want to make my growth still from one as I feel I have a lot of time to grow and work on myself without one. Even if I spend a lot of my time alone I think it is better for me. I just don't want to give into my desire for one when it arises. 

 

[Average Investor]

I have definitely over done myself on inventory. I should not depend so much on others to get things sold because of having high volume. I suppose too much inventory is better than no inventory. Getting a bit of flow from the business here and there and it feels good. Working down as much stuff out of the way as I can to redo my new work area. It will be really good for my productivity and especially efficiency. 

I really wonder how my life would change if there was no money incentives. Like right now I kind of just feel like doing stuff. A positive force to produce something. I don't really think of the result of money because of the fact that this work usually never pays you upfront. It seems like when it decides to come it does when it feels. Although, the more consistent the work, the more consistent money becomes. 

It's almost been exactly one years since I left my ex. It feels so good to be free from that. I just need to be more mindful to not get into something similar. The brain is a strange thing that gives you chemicals that distract you from truth. But it seems that consciousness can triumph even those powerful chemicals and feelings. 

I am incredibly lucky to do the work that I do. I don't like that I still live at my moms place all that much. But really I don't hate it. It's really super charged me to change my life. I don't even think I would have found this path without it. It's allowed me such great opportunity. Something I feel that I should be more grateful for than the fact I try to make it seem bad because of society. I mean sure it would be great to move on. But most people my age are in debt and struggling in so many facets in life. I do not have those issues and work to create a beautiful life. I pay my way, but it still feels like I would like to be more independent. It is what it is though. I need some more time to get this right to keep things smooth. I don't want finances to be a hurdle that hinders me in life. So many of the greatest things I think come after survival. 

I think this journal helps me output my need to talk as much. I talk too much to people in conversation I think when I am really into something. I imagine they do not enjoy the conversation as much although maybe some appear to. I need to be more conscious of that. I do try to work on it though. I suppose I can't be perfect. 

[Amandine]

Really interesting journal, you're doing great, I'm looking forward to following this! ? ? 

Well done on moving on from the toxic friends, I've had to do that a lot in my life, and it's been worth it. 

Much better people come along; we are always rewarded for moving on.

 

And I bet that lil doggie gets in some good power-walking.

While you're cruising along with Leo.  

Edited January 4, 2020 by Amandine

[Thittato]

4 hours ago, Amandine said:

Much better people come along; we are always rewarded for moving on.

Sooooo true!!

Easy to forget sometimes if one is stuck in toxic relationships and feel lonely without them, but just watched that happen in my own life - that by freeing up capacity for more healthy people to come into my life they actually did come ??

Edited January 4, 2020 by Thittato

[Average Investor]

@Amandine Thanks for reading! Yeah, we jogged over 3 miles straight today and walked the other 3, then she got to go on a run with someone else. She has been resting for a few hours now. 

@Thittato The other friend I hang out with now is pretty good. He is not really into any of the self actualization type stuff or anything. But he also isn't a loser and keeps himself well. I enjoy climbing mountains with him and going bowling. I would enjoy some company of people striving for more in there life though too. His friends are into more low conscious kind of stuff and I just don't get a kick out of that stuff anymore. Going to parties or similar things.

I don't really go to meet a bunch of new friends. I have tried the meet up app and stuff and there is nothing local. I really don't want to drive an hour out of town to make new friends right now. 

I do have two friends I keep up with virtually that are into this work though, so that really does help too. Especially just communicating with people who are going through the same hoops or striving for greater things like me. I sometimes feel lonely, but not really that much anymore I really made myself face it and confront it. 

[Average Investor]

I am going to take the opportunity of hiring my sister to help plant higher conscious mind sets towards business and life towards her. I took her with me yesterday to goodwill to look for inventory and she accidentally found me an $80 item for $11.99, so that was pretty cool. Easy to ship and easy to list as it is brand new open box Wii U Fit bundle. I talked with her a lot about building a good mindset and why so many people fail in business. She wants to use the money working for me to invest into her own business she said. I don't want to bias her too much, but she seemed to really like this idea once I helped her work through her limiting beliefs. I even offered to help her learn to ship her products and market them. Now I do want to have her help to generate my own advancement in my business, but I feel like it is a good opportunity to teach her lessons no one taught me. 

I am really taking this weekend off from work besides one small drive to drop off product. I am going to stick to that and really dive deeper into life purpose course and the book I am reading right now, which is think and grow rich. I really like this book so far. I am wanting to order all of the recommended books for the course when I can soon. I think about a quote Leo shared a lot lately which went something like "An investment in knowledge pays the best dividends" I really think that this statement has become so true for me in life. Even if if I just read a little of a book I start to gain so much life changing wisdom. 

I am really allowing myself to keep reinvesting in the business. I know that if I want to hit this savings goal it will not really come from saving money, but generating more of it. I am continually putting in the work over and over and paying myself the minimum I can to pay my expenses while reinvesting everything into the business. I rarely feel the need to splurge on myself because I really don't need a whole lot. I do like to buy expensive healthy items occasionally though, or spending a lot of money on self improvement, but I can't see those as wastes of money. Although, I should spend money to travel at some point or other sorts of things to get out more to vacation or something.

I am going to be putting a pretty big work load on myself this month to get things flowing better. I am trying to compact all of my inventory down, so I stop paying for two storage units to help free up cash flow to invest. Which means selling a lot. Moving a lot and organizing a lot. I need to generate a good chunk of extra money to get me ahead this month and get me able to legitimately hire my first employee. I am really focusing on the structure of this business and every change I make I see my goal becoming a reality chip by chip. 

 

[Amandine]

You sound like a lovely brother @Average Investor, your sister's lucky to have you. ? She seems like a good bargain hunter too, albeit it "accidentally"!

 

I like the idea you mention about the caravan, I often dream of escaping to live in one tbh somewhere tiny and user-friendly which doesn"t require much maintenance or housework, lol. The less space and crap you have (=more time), the more you can focus on the important stuff in life. 

 

Good on you for getting your priorities straight though, you've got a good head on your shoulders, and an efficient business mind, you're gonna go far. I love the way you don't really complain about anything (even the rain, lol!) or compare yourself to others (which in my opinion is the fastest route to unhappiness). You've already come a really long way just in the space of a couple of years. Ha, bet you wouldn't even be able to walk into a burger king now, let alone work in one, they must smell awful to you! 

 

Haha i'm wondering if some folk from your past would even recognize you now, with that weight loss, better skin, fitter body, etc! ? 

 

 @Thittato Quality is always better than quantity in friends. Better to have one good buddy than a pile of lousy ones. Better to use one's alone time effectively and productively for a brighter future, than waste time with toxic unconscious people who bring you down and just make you feel even more lonely. Good on you for moving on too. ? 

Edited January 5, 2020 by Amandine

[Average Investor]

@Amandine I try lol. Yeah, she is quite a bit shorter than me and picked it up on the bottom shelf and was like I remember having this. I am being better about checking the low places as it is easier to miss stuff. I try to teach her good quality stuff if I can. She is incredibly lucky to be growing up how she is. My childhood was much more difficult. So I think it is good to help her while she is still young and open to ideas. 

 I have thought about seeing how difficult it would be to build one of those tiny houses too on a blank property. Have to consider the costs of the water install and some stuff like that. I don't have much skill around building that stuff, but I don't see why I could not learn to do it. Either else I have seen nice pre-built ones for only like $30,000-$40,000. A lot up front including a property, but $100,000 where I live only gets you into a bad neighborhood and the mortgage keeps you paying money for years and years, so really by the time it is said and done you pay $160,000 for that $100,000 house. Inflation does help you out too. 

Thank you! The last time I ate some burger king was in 2017 now I think! 

I hardly keep up with anyone I knew. People that I cut off try to reach out to me, but I don't reply to them. I notice if when a person reaches out to me that normally would never if I say I am doing great the conversation doesn't go far. Most are not wanting you to be doing well. 

There was a day the other day at a goodwill I was standing looking at stuff on shelf. I reached right below an item I would have probably got to next. A guy said "wow glad you did not grab it they came all the way back for that". He just stood there as I had dominance of the space, but I just moved aside and let him have the item. I did not realize what the item was until he pulled it out and it was a neatscan they fetch about $180-$250 depending on condition etc. It might have been new open box. I recognized it when he grabbed it and knew it was desirable. That probably would have been my best goodwill find. But I just let it go. I thought that guy probably needed it more than I do. I have so much inventory I really just come to look for the fun and some extra profits. I am not sure what he paid for it, but nowhere near $250. Probably like $10-$20. I have found much better items, but at goodwill I do not. Granted in quantity I do better. I know about a big variety of items, so I can get many items that add up to that or more. 

I really try to embody allowing and encouraging others to be successful as it really does not effect me. I was a little disappointed of the neatscan, but I let it go. I can't say that I am pure of letting go of jealousy, but if I noticed any sort of it I will try and look at whatever it is and examine why it is good for that person. Or why that person is really deserving of the the things that they have worked towards. It is pretty much just stuff on social media though or youtube that ever gets my mind to think like that, which is no surprise as social media is pretty toxic lol. I have unfollowed all people I know on it and just conduct bussiness stuff. Granted it isn't something that comes to mind often. 

 

 

[Average Investor]

Getting more progress on my life purpose course. I see my highest value as personal development right now. Which is really true I feel like to me. I even put off work sometimes to work on this stuff. Always working on ways to improve the life that I am living and the mind that I have. It blows me away how much good fortune I have just discovering this stuff through a friend linking me a video. That and the ability to not give up and really want to make this change. I would have likely just went through life without much of a thought at why things are how they are. I'm not really sure how I would want to put this into a purpose yet though. I do like helping others get to higher levels of personal development, but I am not so sure that is directly what I want to do for purpose. Maybe a certain facet that I could master and go from there might be worth it. I have thought about mastering business and becoming a business coach, but have a sprinkle of other facets that would help the client succeed. I still really want to think about it. I am just not certain yet and still have more of the course to do.  

I am thinking about starting to go to my local goodwill by 8am everyday , when it opens. I need something to get me up early and this is what I enjoy most about the work I do. I was in last night for the fun of it since I had to sell something by it. I came out with $300 worth of inventory for $40. Which when I came in that has been picked through during the day. I got there by closing time. If I came right in the morning I imagine the shelves would be freshly stocked with new inventory. If I can average $100 worth of goods each day that would add in $36,500 of gross profit towards my goal. It takes about 10 minutes to drive there and back. So maybe spend 40 minutes or less there. Taking one hour of the day total.  Then I will stack all items into a pile until I get a sizable amount ready to list. Not only will this make me money, but this will supercharge my ability to find items if I was consistent about it. I will be an absolute machine this summer when garage sales come in. I am getting a very refined skill of finding items. 

I find myself being pretty happy overall with my life right now. Of course making more money would be helpful, but it would not make me much happier. I find just being at peace with how things are going make me much happier. I think I am in a fortunate position right now. I hope to maintain this if things decide to change for the "worst:". I don't want to be happy from circumstances. I just want to enjoy this experience for whatever it decides to give me. If it be bad or good.

 

[Average Investor]

I am beginning to expand more and more into the views of other people and why they think or act in certain ways. I was doing a visualization around money and had the realization of why a guy had stolen $250 from me. It was this co-worker at the time years ago that everyone there trusted to do car work. I was sitting in his car with him one day and he was telling me why he has learned to do the things he does in order to not be homeless and etc. He taught himself supposedly how to fix cars and flip cars and etc. The guy would steal stuff from the place I worked at, so that should have been a big warning sign, but regardless I didn't really think much of it because it was a shit job and the higher ups were total frauds. Sexual harassment went on there and all sorts of shady stuff. But one day this guy had called me up and I advanced him $250 to do some car work for me later and you guessed it he never did it. He sounded in need and I was in a good position, so I helped him out and of course it was going to be to my benefit too. I was pretty gullible. But I realize why the guy did it. He had a felony on his record and probably no real way of making income for himself besides really low end jobs, which could not provide much. He probably did really not know enough about mechanics to make enough money without stealing. But in his view he needed it in order to survive at any cost. He likely lives a very sad life from the view I can see it as. I imagine a lot of trauma has caused him to get to this point in his life in order to do that to survive. 

I realized this while just having a reflection of my traumas that have caused me to have some negative motivations towards the things that I do within my own life. I know to a small degree what homelessness is like. What fear of not having a place to live is like. What losing your home is like. Same with having your money stolen in a variety of ways. Having my car stolen with all of my stuff in it. Or simply not having enough money to get the things needed for survival. Going to school and running up a debt to even just get lunch. Or not being able to have clothing. At one point these things made me into a similar thief to him because I allowed money to control me as a defense mechanism to protect myself from having those bad things happen. I don't want these mechanisms to have any control over my view point in life and what I do. I've defiantly worked through most of this stuff, but to take it to the next level and remove any subtle pressure this stuff adds to what I decide to do with my life and what really motivates me to do something. I'm rarely as reactive to money as I use to be. I acknowledge most of this journal is based towards reaching a goal of money so far. I could say some of the motivation is out of fear. But most of it is because I want to transcend survival sooner. The importance of financial freedom is very significant to not become a salve. But I also need to be very careful to not become attached and cling to it so much that it distracts me from advancing in other facets of my life. I realize the depth of money for happiness isn't very deep. I can't say I have every been all that much happier with some extra zeros in my bank account besides the relief of security. 

I can see it more clearly with anyone who I really think about their objective experience that would cause them to really do something or behave a certain way. It makes it much easier to understand why people are they way that they are. Their happiness is not possible with them living in a constant state of fear from these suppressed traumas. So maybe they have to try to change the reality as much as they think they can to try to avoid these things from happening to them again. It's completely unconscious survival. 

I have to be careful and examine my action more and find more of these that could be effecting my life. I think working on my subconscious mind will be a priority. I have already been taking some action with reading think and grow rich, but I want to jump into some other stuff to work on it. 

 

[Amandine]

15 hours ago, Average Investor said:

I was a little disappointed of the neatscan, but I let it go.

Grrrr, I can so identify with that feeling (to be honest, I'd have probably ruminated later on that for some time, I'm a bit ocd like that), but you did the right and noble thing, good on you. ?

Honestly, you will have a more serene, balanced life with that kind of positive and mature attitude and approach, especially working in business and retail. You're putting things into perspective well, and laying good foundations for seeing the big picture, you just keep getting better and better as I'm coming to know you.  

If I understood you correctly, it seems the guy had seen it first, he said that he had come back specially for it, but because he couldn't get at it since you were kinda in front of him the only way he had of getting it was by telling you he wanted to claim it? 

But hypothetically speaking, if you had actually spotted it first but someone else said he wanted it, you would have kept it, wouldn't you have?  

Seeing bargains slip by in front of your very eyes and learning how to emotionally deal with the niggling feeling of regret and horrible frustration at a great missed opportunity can be a good learning curve. I hope it doesn't happen often to you though!  

You seem to be a kind person, and I feel bad that that other homeless guy broke your trust and cheated you out of the 250 dollars you lent him, and that you had been taken advantage of with your friend's family with the car loan they didn't want to pay for. Does that make you more cautious now about lending so freely to people?

I know Leo's advice is not to lend to anyone. What do you feel or think about that? It's a tricky one.   

Ha, I just read that post "I got robbed" again and notice you're on it!  

 

How come people owe you thousands of dollars, if you only lent out very little? Do you mean in terms of the time you gave them (time is money)?

 

Ps; I should have put a laughing emoji at the end of my message to that post about the pessimist, it's obviously a joke, isn't it? I hope nobody took it seriously!  

 

Edited January 6, 2020 by Amandine