Psychedelic help

[Justine]

I have invested in like 15 tabs of 200mg pure lsd tabs 

And I have used them twice since 

400mg the first time then the second time I used 200mg Which takes me down to 12 tabs now

Both times were unpleasant experiences I dont handle to come up very well especially the second time it took over 2 hours, and it was only pleasant for 40 mins out of 8 hours trip. 

I feel like I'm not learning enough each time, it dont feel worth the exhaustion just to learn small things here and there. 

Long while ago I was okay with lsd and I'd take up to 700 with dmt which gave me the best enlightening experience and show me the infinite. Back then It was easy to let go I was alot stronger willed..

But since April I did mushroom and had a very bad trip which lead to a series of unfortunate events which turned my entire life upside down and I lost everything. 

So I think from that very experience it has put me back in my development 

And I'm scared to let go on lsd. 

Please does anyone know what I can do to prepare myself for an overall better experience that will benefit me for my actulization and enlightenment? 

 

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Justine

how about smaller dosages or microdosing?

after my heroic 12g psylocybin trip i developed fast as motherfucker but also that was very drastic time in my life, too much, too fast, but i reached spiritual awakening in 2 years thanks to that

i'm thinking about tripping on a regular dose of lsd and then microdosing for half a year, so that's my advice - do the same

Edited December 31, 2019 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Leo Gura]

@Justine You're getting "bad trips" because you've got a lot of shadow material to process before your psyche is ready for the really deep metaphysical stuff. Rather than trying to avoid bad trips, your intention should be to go into each trip and accomplish some shadow work. Confront those parts of yourself which you don't want to confront. Sort out your psyche. Slowly work through all your lies, fears, traumas, low self-esteem, grudges, etc. until your mind is pure. Then you will be ready for metaphysical contemplation.

[Useless folk]

@Justine You and I both got fucked up by trips. I had sex with my girlfriend's sister just a week ago when I tripped on Salvia

I think we should stay away from these substances. They are not for everyone. We might be the unlucky not suitable for them

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Useless folk

what was the reasoning in your mind that told you to have sex with her?

[Aaron p]

On 12/30/2019 at 0:07 PM, Justine said:

I have invested in like 15 tabs of 200mg pure lsd tabs 

And I have used them twice since 

400mg the first time then the second time I used 200mg Which takes me down to 12 tabs now

Both times were unpleasant experiences I dont handle to come up very well especially the second time it took over 2 hours, and it was only pleasant for 40 mins out of 8 hours trip. 

I feel like I'm not learning enough each time, it dont feel worth the exhaustion just to learn small things here and there. 

Long while ago I was okay with lsd and I'd take up to 700 with dmt which gave me the best enlightening experience and show me the infinite. Back then It was easy to let go I was alot stronger willed..

But since April I did mushroom and had a very bad trip which lead to a series of unfortunate events which turned my entire life upside down and I lost everything. 

So I think from that very experience it has put me back in my development 

And I'm scared to let go on lsd. 

Please does anyone know what I can do to prepare myself for an overall better experience that will benefit me for my actulization and enlightenment? 

 

 

@Justine i personally found the exact same thing. LSD was one of the first psycs I did and I had the exact same experience. Bad trips, long...bad trips. I think LSD is a bad starter drug. Too long. Then a bad trip will last for ages. Although friend, I have a feeling that bad trips are what burns through negative stuff in your mind.

All of that stuff is there anyway, it's just being revealed to your conscious mind by the drug. You have to learn, one way or another, to harmonize with the energy around you. To move with it and not try to control it. To not try to understand it. To simply "be" with it. When you try to control it it doesn't like it. Inquire into your own mind regarding any anxiety or depression you may have. Don't think about it just sit with it and desire for your understanding to go deeper, the desire alone will bring you deeper. The problem is, you experience what it's like to lose parts of your mind when you enter a psychedelic trip. Becoming comfortable with that kind of thing isint always easy. You have to give up control completely. Let it do what it wants to do. 

Also. Don't smoke weed daily that shit makes you anxious and paranoid af. 

If you can get yourself some clean mdma, take about 100-120 mg of it one hour before you consume your psychedelic compound and your trip will likely shoot in a much nicer direction. However if you've never did MD before try it out someday before hand to get a feeling for it. And watch your gums, you'll chew them. Get a lolli pop or some gum and keep it in your mouth or you'll end up with bloody chewed up gums and tongue.

Lastly, I prefer the psychedelics that thrust you into the spirit realm at 500mph. No time for mind to fuck it up. No time to get anxious. No time at all! Dmt is brill. 

Try just not moving when you see a dark entity moving towards you. Don't fight it or invite it. Just don't move. Don't think don't do anything. And when it feels like it's killing you, still don't move. The monster under your bed is only scary as long as it stays under your bed where you can't see it. Most monsters only want to be loved, they just don't know how to. Tell it that you love it, and mean it. Go up to the monster and give it  a hug. Ask yourself why am I scared of this thing? What is it that I am actually fearful of. It can't kill me, it itself is me. Make friends with the demons, that's what I did

[Javfly33]

On 31/12/2019 at 4:59 AM, Leo Gura said:

@Justine You're getting "bad trips" because you've got a lot of shadow material to process before your psyche is ready for the really deep metaphysical stuff. Rather than trying to avoid bad trips, your intention should be to go into each trip and accomplish some shadow work. Confront those parts of yourself which you don't want to confront. Sort out your psyche. Slowly work through all your lies, fears, traumas, low self-esteem, grudges, etc. until your mind is pure. Then you will be ready for metaphysical contemplation.

Yeap, that´s basically it. I first I thought I was just scared of big doses but soon I realized deep down what I feared it´s some secrets of my psyche been confronted very clearly withouth any barriers If I´d take a strong ego total dissolution dose... (which is, theorically, exactly the best, but psychologically speaking not so much, if you don´t want to risk the fact of getting traumatized and not do psychedelics ever again). It´s best to tread lightly.

Also, experience matters. I don´t see normal/responsible (regarding mentally safe, not morally which I couldnt care less) OP doing 400mg the first time although I imagine those doses were the "advertised" but far from being accurate if it was street LSD @Justine

I would suggest too OP get the dose way lower and set an introspective intention (and setting) for your trips if you want to reconcile with psychedelics.

[Nahm]

@Justine

What’s your trip foundation like? Daily practices, theory digested, diet, fitness, dream board, etc?

Whatever you’re getting from your trips is priceless, but being seeing as “bad”.

What’s the overall message you received? 

[Justine]

@Aaron p hello I abused mdma when I was 14 every weekend and it burnt out my dopamine and other receptors. And I'm very family with the terrible come downs they have, so very reluctant to take any more if that. This is also a reason as to why when I first started using lsd I discovered a normal dose of 300 wasnt working. Hence why only 600mg and 700mg worked. I started off with psychedelics end of 2017 I started with dmt and used here and there over a year or more then started lsd through out 2018. I was absolutely fine with it untill I had a bad experience on mushrooms like I said. I feel disappointed at how far I came and how strong willed and brave I was before to how i am now. I just cant believe I've become like this. But perhaps that because I have a load of new trauma since then as I have lost and grieved the loss of all of my children. I dont know if not having closure with knowing what is going to happen with them is a part of it ? 

Edited January 2, 2020 by Justine

[Justine]

@Leo Gura hello, leo

Do you think it could be a possibility that the shadow aspects and trauma ect are coming from the fact I do not having closure on knowing where I stand with my children and with all the law systems involved still going on with them? 

When i tripped before regularly on 600-700 with dmt while they were still in my care, i was completely different i think i may of got over a significant amount of trauma I already at that time, by just understand while sober, and through introspection and self enquiry and acceptance ect.. that is why I was able to have the metaphysical experience before witnessing the absolute infinite. But since losing kids after tripping on mushroom which lead up to it. Iv had alot of guilt shame and pain and grief inside me. On top of that realizing how much of my time I spend raising them and never having time for me which was  a huge sacrifice to myself.  I missed out on education and getting grades so I could get a decent job and now if I wanted to go back to school I have learming disability which makes it very difficult for me to learn and I'm just so disappointed in myself and my life and knowing I am to blame for it all. It is very hard to accept without feeling so hard on myself. I am Very uncomfortable in life.

Should I still go on to using lsd while all this children and court stuff is on going and i and my kids dont know where we are standing? 

I already told the court i dont want them back in my full time care due to my mental health and focusing on healing. But I still dont know much else about where they will live and how much contact i will have with them. It's so frustrating. And very painful to face. It's been extremely painful and difficult for these past 8 months to the point I dissociate myself to avoid facing it ?

 

[Justine]

@Nahm tbh I havnt got a lot of willpower or integrity these days, I feel like I lost that when I failed my kids. And I feel as though I have following into a abyss. 

I've become a lazy hermit. Started drinking alcohol which I have now promised myself no more from new year. I was meditating this year for only 3 weeks straight. 

I believe I have witnessed the infinite and infact if it wasnt for my faith in what I know about God/universe I wouldn't of been able to handle the grief of losing my kids as well as I did. I just believed that it was all a part of the perfect construct of gods will and that everything would be for the highest greatest good. And that there is no good nor bad and everything just is neccessary. Because I have seen beyond the law of duality. I learned a huge deal of all this end of last year. Once you see something like that. Things will never be the same. 

I also remember glimpses of that trip when I do lsd but not the whole. 

I think it could be a very good reason as to why. 

Nothing matters 

I have nothing to prove myself to but myself because I am the only one that can comprehend any of this. Because it's my journey and mine alone. That's one of the things I remember. 

My diet back in 2018 was just vegan with a little fish here and there. 

And for short periods of time I practiced raw veganism with loads of super powders and juices ect..

But this year diet changed for the worst, started consuming milk and eggs which I have vowed I will now stop consuming. 

I hope all this answers your question and I appreciate your time and energy given to help me. 

[Justine]

@Javfly33 I have mentioned I am used to psychedelics as stated I used to be on 600-700mg end of 2018 

So taking 400 I thought wasnt a big deal at the time however considering firstly it has been a while as last time I did lsd was april 2019 and secondly this batch of lsd is very pure more purer than the last batch I initially was using. I know what I am doing when I buy. I'm very good resourced and do my research and checking thoroughly. 

[Nahm]

@Justine A bit on the rollercoaster of suffering, yes?

[Justine]

@Nahm yes I am 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Justine said:

Do you think it could be a possibility that the shadow aspects and trauma ect are coming from the fact I do not having closure on knowing where I stand with my children and with all the law systems involved still going on with them?

That and a hundred other things. Your entire sense of self, your entire psyche is involved. Everything your psyche fears, hates, denies, desires, and worries about it is involved.

The details aren't really important. It's just the sum total of all your attachments and impurities as an ego-mind.

[Nahm]

6 minutes ago, Justine said:

@Nahm yes I am 

@Justine Where ya at with understanding the true nature of suffering?

[Justine]

@Leo Gura I am just confused because I thought I had done alot of work already passed alot of these ego traits and shadows. Life was amazing I was doing so well, end 2018 to march. 

Then by the end of april I lost myself (the higher self I had worked so hard to bring into my life) because I was ungrateful for what I became . I cried one night when I realized I lost everything i ever knew i was, all these 28 years and i couldn't recognize myself. I did alot of awareness work and used l-theanine daily. And used 600-700 lsd every fortnight. Now Its like I'm at the beginning again but even worse. I literally feel like I'm in an abys. 

I think sometimes that maybe I took on too much to soon and learned things I was not ready to learn. 

And I couldn't integrate it all properly.

Either way it is what it is now I'm really struggling to pick myself back up. 

Second time it's harder. 

Your video (life unfolds I'm chapters and phases) explains it. How one can get to a particular phase and if they dont push through with it it's harder the next time. 

Well this is where I am. I have being watching and learning your videos for 3 years and was always so exciting but now I'm past the excitement as it's no longer NEW to me. 

I feel numb. 

 

[Justine]

@Nahm I thought I understood it due to an eminence amount of brutal suffering my entire life. And I thought because of it all I finally made it. And I was accepting of it and knew it to be one of the greatest teachers in my life to give me the enlightenment experiences I had. But now, after the mushroom trip and seeing the future and it all happening grieving my kids, knowing I have no control no free will. 

That yes it will be ok in the end even if I dont have happiness now it will be ok when I die it will all be worth it all the pain I ever endured all the pain and suffering all the universe endured all worth it for that one moment, that death brings to me, to experience the infinite again for the infinite time to then through myself back in this life to play it all over again. I know it will all be worth it. I've seen it before. 

There is nothing like the absolute beauty and love of death.

Maybe I dont know the depth of suffering yet. Maybe one day il get through this and then il let myself once again, I thought I knew before untill I knew this, and then il know once more, that I still dont know. Because as far as the infinite goes we will truly never know. 

Then that's what scares me, just how much do I have to suffer again to see what I have to see to feel what I have to feel to know more than i know now . 

I always knew it's not meant to be easy. I knew the harder it is the better the reward. 

Perhaps i have not suffered enough.

The devil is so powerful 

Why do I fear it?

When I know that to is me.

It wants me to think its setting ne up to fail when its setting me up to a great achievement because the only way to god is through the devil. 

To know what one is, one must know what it is not!! 

I should just do it.

There is no other way. It's either I suffer more or il be stuck here. Wishing death took me sooner than later. 

Edited January 2, 2020 by Justine

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Justine said:

I am just confused because I thought I had done alot of work already passed alot of these ego traits and shadows. Life was amazing I was doing so well, end 2018 to march. 

Buckle in, because your work has only just begun. You are like at page 2 of a 10,000 page book thinking you're close to the end.

The work is far deeper than it is ever possible to communicate.

Quote

Then by the end of april I lost myself (the higher self I had worked so hard to bring into my life) because I was ungrateful for what I became . I cried one night when I realized I lost everything i ever knew i was, all these 28 years and i couldn't recognize myself. I did alot of awareness work and used l-theanine daily. And used 600-700 lsd every fortnight. Now Its like I'm at the beginning again but even worse. I literally feel like I'm in an abys. 

I think sometimes that maybe I took on too much to soon and learned things I was not ready to learn. 

And I couldn't integrate it all properly.

Seems like you're taking too much too fast and have more basic personal development work to do.

All of this is fine, just pace yourself better.

[remember]

@Justine did you know that l-theanin is serotonin reducing? so it`s kind of nice to use it to get a calmer mind but it may resolve in an emotionless state, a little too head centered and clean for women sometimes. it worked well for me to stop smoking though. i don`t have experiences with microdosing lsd, so i can`t say much about the effect of that... you could try substituting lsd with raw fermented cocoa beans. for more emotional stability instead of the l-theanin against depressions i would recommend to try rhodiola rosea. for women there are also so many more things you could keep an eye on, like your menstrual cycle, hormones and everything connected to that. i`d keep a track of that related to moods.

and if you lost your children over these issues i would also search professional help - if you want them back or want to stabilize you need not more visions you need some serious deep work that is custom fit. although do a really good research for a thereapist who is also understanding child and family dynamics.

Edited January 2, 2020 by remember