why one shouldn't let somebody be his everything?

[Tiny Nietzsche]

when it actually happens, it's hard to 'not let' that person be my everything
i love her much, i can say she's the love of my life (she doesn't know), i'm not showing neediness & any lack though 
 

what going inside me is i start tying my personal goal in life with her 
i start worrying about my beloved job, my passionate plans whether how it look like for her?
will it bring a great finance to support our relationship? should i change myself to this and that 
tbh, i'm somehow losing myself (and yes i know, this isn't quite right) 

i can't stop thinking about it for weeks already, because our relationship keep developing as the time goes by
 

[Eph75]

Infatuation. There is a difference between wanting to be with someone and needing someone.

When wanting someone it is because you "can" but you are still "you" and you preserve your own autonomous self.

When needing someone you are fulfilling some inherent need that you have. It is not really connected to the other individual but something in you that you try to fill, some gaping hole, something that make you feel better for that moment, e.g. low self-esteem is a classic one, getting acknowledgement by someone accepting you and you turn to being someone that keeps getting accepted.

As hard as it is not to get fully absorbed by that needing, it is the basis for unhealthy relationships. Being aware that it is happening is great, then you can work on it in an earlier stage, instead of finding this out much later when the relationship has passed the infatuation stage and gone toxic. 

What need in you are you fulfilling? 

What makes you being you less prioritized than being what her needs you to be? 

 

Edited December 30, 2019 by Eph75

[Tiny Nietzsche]

2 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Infatuation. There is a difference between wanting to be with someone and needing someone.

When wanting someone it is because you "can" but you are still "you" and you preserve your own autonomous self.

When needing someone you are fulfilling some inherent need that you have. It is not really connected to the other individual but something in you that you try to fill, some gaping hole, something that make you feel better for that moment, e.g. low self-esteem is a classic one, getting acknowledgement by someone accepting you and you turn to being someone that keeps getting accepted.

As hard as it is not to get fully absorbed by that needing, it is the basis for unhealthy relationships. Being aware that it is happening is great, then you can work on it in an earlier stage, instead of finding this out much later when the relationship has passed the infatuation stage and gone toxic. 

What need in you are you fulfilling? 

What makes you being you less prioritized than being what her needs you to be? 

 

What need in you are you fulfulling?
- Perhaps it's to love, to live along with it
What makes you being you less prioritized than being what her needs you to be? 
- I don't know.. I'm afraid she would turn away from me, atleast i want to share & live together with her for some period of time, it's better than not having it at all
 

[Eph75]

@Tiny Nietzsche I think that rethinking those questions might help you, really stay with them for some time.

Love needs no conditions, you don't need anything to love and you don't have to be someone particular to recieve love. 

The second answer also asks for more contemplation, are you changing yourself out of fear of not being accepted? Do you have to change in order for her to love you? What was it that attracted her in the first place, and why change from it? Do you love yourself as is?

Why is something - even if it risk causing you to loose youself or parts of yourself - better than nothing? Not having a partner, is that equivalent to having nothing? Why is there a strong attachment to the idea of being in a relationship? What is causing that attachment? What do you need to change/shift in yourself in order to accept that you have to power to choose to want without feeling a need to do. 

Within the answers to these questions lies the "hole" that you are trying to fill with extrinsic things. You need to find it and see that you have made that hole up by youself, and by yourself you can unimagine it, through understanding and acceptance. 

I sense that you have some answers already. I think you just have to stay with it for some time and try seeing clearly, past the "need" part. We don't "need" anything, well almost.. Food, water, shelter and peace of mind. From there we can choose to have things, when those thing enriches our experience, without dark shadows or negative side-effects. 

Edited December 30, 2019 by Eph75

[rNOW]

Attachment. Is. Not. Love. Attachment is when you can't let go of anything - be it things, or thoughts. In short, it is 'clinging'. You may not tell her that you need her but in your mind, you do. That is still neediness. 

So instead of asking yourself what will she think of this or that, ask yourself, how do you feel in her presence? How do you feel when not in her presence? When you are alone, what kind of company do you make for yourself? And most importantly, do you feel complete irrespective of her position in your life?  A good relationship is not a half and half. It is 2 wholes. 

[Derek White]

@Tiny Nietzsche You could, but you’ll  suffer if something bad happens to them or when they change or leave you or when they treat you like a slave. I mean this is quite basic stuff. 

[universe]

Why limit to somebody? Try everything. Let the love drip from your fingertips and onto everything your eyes gaze at.

Feel the love and connection to everything. Breath it.