Completely lost w/ life purpose

[DivineSoda]

I'm 35, male, from New Jersey. It's been 3 years since I've worked in my traditional role as an IT Product Manager which made good money but sucked my soul. Since then I've been on a spiritual journey, traveling to different places and contemplating a lot on life and what I'm meant to do. I've accomplished a lot personal development wise in that time, including getting off my anti-depressants of 17 years, finding the love of my life and moving to Colorado to get some solitude while I continue to figure this thing out. I've earned small amounts through side jobs and one temp job at a vitamins/supplements department. My savings are running low and although I'm willing to go back into IT to earn proper money once again, I'm finding it extremely difficult to get noticed with so much gap in my resume (also worked many short contracts before this 3 year break). 

In terms of life purpose, I'm completely lost. I have ideas of what I'd like to do and have dabbled in all of them over this time.. but nothing feels true. I'm too scared to commit all the way in any one direction. All of them feel okay, not great. I feel like I have a lot of talent and can do anything successfully if I put my mind to it.. it's just passion for any one thing that's lacking. My spiritual/meditation journey is partly responsible for this. Nothing matters the same as it use to. Before I was at least driven by the idea that I could save other people who are in need of help. Now I'm stuck in a place where I feel nobody actually needs saving and everything is all good even if it seems "bad" (the environment, Trump, etc).

On one occasion in the past, I've had the experience of feeling amazing about something I'm pursuing.. it was complete and total alignment and flow. Working 16 hour days, feeling like I'm doing something meaningful and having the time of my life. That experience has essentially ruined my expectations for how future pursuits should feel. 

I like working with tools and fixing/building things. I could be a handyman. Dabbled in that. Or I could buy/improve homes with my father and do real estate investing. Haven't tried it yet. I like personal growth, writing and helping people. Been dabbling in that since the beginning of 2019 (DivineSoda). I could take up a new skill in IT and get back into that in some entry level position while I continue to work on my real purpose on the side. Haven't tried yet.

The real issue here is me. I know this. I'm confused, lack direction and although I'm not historically risk averse, I'm still scared of something that's holding me back. I also have been battling chronic fatigue and fogginess ever since getting off the medications (15 months now). I'm stable emotionally which is a tremendous feat, but something else is off that's making me feel so tired all the time. Been to many doctors, cleaned up my diet, do lots of exercise/meditation. Tried modafinil based on Leo's recommendation, among many other supplements and things, but nothing has really worked for me.

I haven't taken the Life Purpose course but I think it's about time I do it. I also feel like I need a mentor coach along the way to help me follow though, but I don't know how to find the right one other than to call it in energetically. Anyway.. if anyone has any words of wisdom, or know of a coach who could help, I could definitely use it. I appreciate your time.

Edited December 29, 2019 by DivineSoda

[Meetjoeblack]

Go back to IT. Make your money. If you break away, you need a goal, plan, a mark to aim for. I have a job. Its not my purpose. I have elements i enjoy but politics, the lack of progression, and overall go nowhere is soul sucking. I seek refuge in knowing that each day moves me closer to the end goal. Do the same. I heard a podcast say, "sometimes you gotta eat shit and grind." unfortunately, we're in that place and time. 

Try LinkedIn. Tap into your network. Try employment agencies. I did years ago but I still couldn't find a better job. I have seen a lack of productivity and a lot of nonsense but I have to stick with it for now. You might want to talk to your network about what you want. 

Its 8hrs of whatever. Then, you are free. I wish i stayed in IT. The pay is great. Less contact with idiots. The grass is not always greener. There's no job security. 

 

What is your goal? 

 

[DivineSoda]

@Meetjoeblack Can I ask what do you do now post-IT world? I definitely would love to do IT at this point, just to build up savings again as I plan for the future. But it seems that the gaps are too much for employers to see past. I know I would do a kick ass job if I managed to find someone who believed in me and took their chances hiring me, but that's hard to find. I'm going to visit with an IT certification agency in my area and see if they can make suggestions on which one would help actually get me the job. 

My goal? To build wealth doing things I love/creating. The helping others and the world will happen automatically I believe if I'm in my highest joy. Handyman business is one idea. Real estate investment/rentals is one. Building a cafe and creating a conscious place for healthy eating/drinking/community is another. Helping others w/ personal development/mental illness through DivineSoda is another. 

Edited December 30, 2019 by DivineSoda

[Surfingthewave]

@DivineSoda

Fear appears to be holding you back. 

What out of all those options brings you the biggest joy, makes your heart sing, you could be happy doing only that?

Meditate on this, a lot. 

You have done a lot of work to get to this point so well done. Now is the fun part...... 

[Wyatt]

@DivineSoda Man, I totally get where you're coming from. I think our stories are pretty similar: I was in the same place about 3 years ago, nothing that I was doing really felt meaningful and a lot of my time and energy was spent lamenting and hating myself for not getting up and doing something. I was afraid of moving forward, because what if I fail? What if I don't make any money and end up on the street? What if I lost all my confidence because I know I didn't succeed? I was chronically tired, and my life felt like it was falling apart. 

One day, my friend came over and asked me, "If you were to take a job that would help you grow and develop and improve the most, what would it be?" I hadn't thought about it that way. That night I spent hours coming up with about 30 options as to exactly what that would be. What if I decided to pursue this, how would it be different than right now? I would have to understand the potential risks that come with it, make a plan for avoiding them, and live my life fearlessly. If the worst-case scenario happens, I'll be able to deal with it.

I ended up starting my own in-home personal training and nutrition coaching business. It was more time and creative effort and planning than I could have imagined, but it's been amazing. My fatigue went away, other parts of my life have been improving (my relationships, learning more through reading, picking up new hobbies, being interested in things again), and I've felt more fulfilled. I won't stick with this forever, but it has helped me have a purpose and passion, and I have had more growth in the past few years than I have had in my whole life.

Tbh I don't really enjoy talking about myself, so I'll stop! Here's my major advice:

• Spend a considerable amount of time coming up with options. The more high-quality options, the better. Come up with the pros and cons for each, and start to envision what your life might look like if you decided to go with each.
• Really take the time to consider how this career could help you personally, help your family, help your friends and loved ones, and help your community. The more win-win-win situations your career offers, the more fulfilling it will feel. Create a vision that is uplifting and inspiring. If your vision is clear and powerful, it will effortlessly lead you to action.
• Once you have narrowed it down to the final 1-3 options, create a pre-mortem for each. Address all of your fears, and come up with answers and solutions for them: https://riskology.co/pre-mortem-technique/
• Pick the option that inspires you the most and run with it. This process is messy and complicated. Forgive yourself for not always having the answer or not always having tons of motivation.

Hope this helps!

[DivineSoda]

@Wyatt I appreciate your response very much, thank you! I will begin a 10 day solo retreat + fast in about a week and will be giving thought and consideration to the things you mentioned. ?

[randomguy123]

On 12/29/2019 at 4:26 PM, DivineSoda said:

The real issue here is me. I know this. I'm confused, lack direction and although I'm not historically risk averse, I'm still scared of something that's holding me back. I also have been battling chronic fatigue and fogginess ever since getting off the medications (15 months now). I'm stable emotionally which is a tremendous feat, but something else is off that's making me feel so tired all the time. Been to many doctors, cleaned up my diet, do lots of exercise/meditation. Tried modafinil based on Leo's recommendation, among many other supplements and things, but nothing has really worked for me.

Maybe you are functioning just fine? But your system is just not willing to settle for mediocrity. It demands the best, the deepest from you.

I think the solo retreat is a great idea, it brings things back to basics.

Maybe try to think more out there, crazier. Don't bother tying every appearing thought straight back to reality, allow yourself to dream, no holding back. Try to work out any shoulds that you are holding on to, you don't have to help people, to grow spiritually or seek enlightenment, you are entirely free.

What would you do if you were the only person on earth and you had the absolute freedom to do anything you wanted to do? (Remember nothing is required and there is no one to impress or please)

[Meetjoeblack]

On 29/12/2019 at 1:51 PM, DivineSoda said:

@Meetjoeblack i definitely would love to do IT at this point, just to build up savings again as I plan for the future. But it seems that the gaps are too much for employers to see past. I know I would do a kick ass job if I managed to find someone who believed in me and took their chances hiring me, but that's hard to find. I'm going to visit with an IT certification agency in my area and see if they can make suggestions on which one would help actually get me the job. 

My goal? To build wealth doing things I love/creating. The helping others and the world will happen automatically I believe if I'm in my highest joy. Handyman business is one idea. Real estate investment/rentals is one. Building a cafe and creating a conscious place for healthy eating/drinking/community is another. Helping others w/ personal development/mental illness through DivineSoda is another. 

Read The One Thing. Pick a path. Start there. 

At 35, its not too late but, what's your play? Do you have a wife and kids? Real estate, IT, handy, etc is all over the place. Take aim and run with it. 

If IT is your preference, go there. Look into coding boot camp. In all likelihood, you will take a hit now but, You have many years to work. Keep your expenses down. 

A few friends are free. One makes 30k but he can live anywhere in the world for next to nothing. Get a job. Side hustle after.