People that are good just when it suits their needs

[28 cm unbuffed]

So, basically I met 2 people last couple of months, that I want to talk about. 

First one is a girl, that I was hanging out with - she seems like a good person and she is a good person, as long, as it suits her.

I remember, that I told her something, that could help her friend (that I saw her husband snoring coke) and that she cannot tell her just now, because he's gonna find out, that I'm the rat. 

She didn't give a fuck and told her right away, to get all of the glory for herself. 

She was also lying to me about not having sex for a longest time and that she only has sex with someone she loves.

I didn't believe that (and I know she loves me) and she couldn't resist her lust and had sex with some other guy. 

Second person is my aunt. She wanted to help me and my mother to move to another city, I thought it's because she had hard past and now she wants to help us to get our lifes together too. But when I was high one day I felt this "evil" energy from her.

After some time things got complicated and my aunt decided that my mother is out of equation and she wants just me to change the city (they had a fight). 

She also created a beautiful story, about how my mother lied to me about one fact about my father to make me play for her team. And right now I think, she did this just for me to be there, as a financial backup for her. 

 

Story is not that important, more important fact is - I know i pull these people to my life, because they are "parts of me". My question is - are they "healthy" parts of me - my shadow? 

For a longest time now, I wasn't like that - I was "too good", I was thinking about other people needs before myself (mostly because I'm an adult alcoholic child and I had no boundries at all, just to get any attention and validation). 

My question is - are these traits good and should I keep them? Where do you draw the line? I mean - when is shadow healthy and when it is unhealthy and how to determine that? Should you always try to "act good" or sometimes just act selfish?

 

Edited December 28, 2019 by 28 cm unbuffed

[WelcometoReality]

9 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

My question is - are these traits good and should I keep them? Where do you draw the line? I mean - when is shadow healthy and when it is unhealthy and how to determine that? Should you always try to "act good" or sometimes just act selfish?

If these traits come from a need of validation from others do you want them?

 

 

[Shin]

Don't act, be true to how you feel and think.

That'll kill you though, but that's the point.

[Aaron p]

These are a few of my personal insights. Although I wouldn't recommend believing my insights, listen to what I say then go to God to see if they are true for yourself. 

; On the seekers path nothing should be prevented. You should not change the way you act. If you want to change the way you act, go to church. Forcing yourself to act in a way that contradicts what you actually feel is, in my opinion, just lying to yourself. This is exactly what religious people do. They aren't truly transformed so they have to funnel loads of energy into making sure they look like they have been transformed. 

If I want to steal money, I steal it. If I want to over eat I over eat. If I want to diet to look better so I can have more sex, I diet. If I want to do drugs I do them. If I want to stop doing drugs because it increases my anxiety, I stop them. 

The way things are, are the way things are. And the reason I hold to this philosophy, is because it sings the vibration of AUTHENTICITY. Before someone changes they must first be real with themselves. The first step in the process of true, deep transformation...is embracing the fact that you are currently not yet transformed. Evil and selfishness has a process of it's own and just denying it's existence will only make it build up until it bursts and creates a bigger mess. 

Evil is a part of life. 

In the world there is intelligent good and evil groups, leaders, gangs etc. The good *co-operates* with the evil because pretending it isint there doesn't stop it and stamping it out causes it only to rise elsewhere. Cut one head off and three more will rise. 

Here in northern Ireland the police and crime oriented paramilitary organisations coexist and cooperate in the same space. 

50 years ago protestant UVF (Ulster volunteer force) police inspectors would talk with and cooperate with dangerous paramilitary commanders involved with the IRA (Irish Republican army) instead of just trying to out right destroy them. Because they would simply rise elsewhere.

Evil has it's right place. Learn how to co-operate with it.

Edited December 29, 2019 by Aaron p