How to deal with haters

[Fede83]

I feel strange,in some sense every time I discover someone is hating on me or has some sort of conflict I take it a bit bad..I try every time to fix the situation with understanding the other point of view..but sometime with insuccess..why do I need this urge to not having any enemy and to stay in peace with everyone ? Every time I discover a new hater from whatever reason I feel vulnerable for a bit ..than I just let go and keep going for my way ..there is any sugggestion to go over this situation ? Is something related to my self esteem ?

 

Much love ❤️❤️

[Strangeloop]

Have you been the victim of bullies in your past? If so it might be connected to that.

[Matt23]

I've felt bullied by my brother for most of my life.

This Christmas we al got together and feelings of being bullied by him came up.  I realized I felt fear in expressing these to him in front of others (family) since I felt that family wouldn't support me or they may see me as the bad guy.  So I passively suppress my emotions and don't take care of myself.

I realized that we each have to take care of ourselves and that even family members won't 100% be on your side since they have their own agenda.  And that you have to do good by you.  Even if that means looking like the bad guy from time to time.  

Also, overcoming fears that cause me to suppress actions or feelings that would otherwise, if expressed, heighten my self-esteem.  Like fearing that others might see me as a bad person if I expressed anger toward someone bullying me.  This causes me to not defend or stand up for myself when being harassed or bullied, ultimately lowering my self-esteem and perpetuating the process even more.

There's a comedian named George Carlin who, when he was older, said something like "One of the most important skills a person can have is to not give a fuck."

[Fede83]

3 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

Have you been the victim of bullies in your past? If so it might be connected to that.

Ye sadly I am..u think?

 

3 hours ago, Matt23 said:

I've felt bullied by my brother for most of my life.

This Christmas we al got together and feelings of being bullied by him came up.  I realized I felt fear in expressing these to him in front of others (family) since I felt that family wouldn't support me or they may see me as the bad guy.  So I passively suppress my emotions and don't take care of myself.

I realized that we each have to take care of ourselves and that even family members won't 100% be on your side since they have their own agenda.  And that you have to do good by you.  Even if that means looking like the bad guy from time to time.  

Also, overcoming fears that cause me to suppress actions or feelings that would otherwise, if expressed, heighten my self-esteem.  Like fearing that others might see me as a bad person if I expressed anger toward someone bullying me.  This causes me to not defend or stand up for myself when being harassed or bullied, ultimately lowering my self-esteem and perpetuating the process even more.

There's a comedian named George Carlin who, when he was older, said something like "One of the most important skills a person can have is to not give a fuck."

So u think I should be start with accept less and be more assertive ?

[Ananta]

You keep being you! If you change just, because of a bully, then they win.?

[Fede83]

10 hours ago, Anna1 said:

You keep being you! If you change just, because of a bully, then they win.?

Much love ❤️ So true !!

 

8 hours ago, Keyhole said:

It's a complement in disguise.  If someone dislikes you, they are giving you attention for a reason.
A great thing to do is ignore it and work on your own stuff.

Ye like working on self esteem ?

[Raptorsin7]

@Fede83 Do you practice shadow work? Maybe you are doing something to attract haters into your life?

[Fede83]

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Fede83 Do you practice shadow work? Maybe you are doing something to attract haters into your life?

Great question..1) I don’t do any shadow work should I ? 2) I keep extreme positivity and love in my life some subconscious trigger can be ? 

[Raptorsin7]

@Fede83  Shadow work, inner child work, any form of inner work is hugely important in my opinion. Maybe you are too loving and positive so you are allowing toxic people into your life? Ultimately you are doing something, either consciously or unconsciously to attract these kinds of people into your life. Haters could just be a natural part of life too, i'm not sure. It depends on how much it bothers you. If it's a huge deal and it's affecting your happiness and life then I would try to a bit more discerning of who you allow "in" to your life.

I would bring some balance by being a bit less loving and open maybe? Like even self realized teachers i watch aren't fully loving and open in every experience. Sometimes they are hard and severe depending on the person. Some people are just plain toxic and if you let them into your life they will suck the life out of you. They can't help it, they are just fucked and they will try and fuck you too.

[Applegarden]

Self-development work + ignoring the fact they even exist.

[Meetjoeblack]

On 27/12/2019 at 1:08 PM, Fede83 said:

I feel strange,in some sense every time I discover someone is hating on me or has some sort of conflict I take it a bit bad..I try every time to fix the situation with understanding the other point of view..but sometime with insuccess..why do I need this urge to not having any enemy and to stay in peace with everyone ? Every time I discover a new hater from whatever reason I feel vulnerable for a bit ..than I just let go and keep going for my way ..there is any sugggestion to go over this situation ? Is something related to my self esteem ?

 

Much love ❤️❤️

Giving a fuck is overrated. 

 

Agreeableness is not ideal. Sometimes, people like me and other times, people dont, and I don't care. Stop caring.