Why Do We Need Them To Need?

[Anton Rogachevski]

Is wanting to hear your s.o say that he or she needs you healthy?

We say that neediness isn't good for us, but what if we hear from our beloved that he doesn't need us? 

[reez]

@Anton Rogachevski

Being needy is not good.

Personally I don't think you should look for someone special to engage in an relationship until you are Happy with yourself, So that you don't NEED to be in a relationship to feel good, but rather Want to be in a relationship.

We should not feel a NEED to satisfy our partner, but we should feel a will to do so, relationships are all about giving.

I am currently single (and happy) and I don't wanna get into a relationship where my partner NEEDS me to be around to actually feel good. Then that relationship would not work. As I am only giving and not receiving anything; My partner is just taking.

Obviously it's not fun to hear that "we are not needed" by someone we love, but it's also something, at least according to me that should be clear from the start, we don't NEED each other. But we still love each other so damn much we want to be together

[Anton Rogachevski]

She does give something, the feeling of being needed by someone, of being important.

@reez

Edited June 9, 2016 by Anton Rogachevski

[Saarah]

@Anton Rogachevski yes when one person is dependant it can be unhealthy, they will need you to fulfil something for them, in this case she's satisfying her insecurity of feeling important because she can't see her own worth in her, she'll find it difficult to be independent. If you told her you don't need her it would be hard in her because dependent people rely on others opinions of them a lot more. 

love is something you build not possess and by simply saying she needs you she's putting all the responsibility for love on you, she now relies on you for it, meaning she'll be less proactive in cultivating the love as she may see everything to do with it as just part of circumstance e.g. being with the wrong or right guy which you can see is quite dysfunctional 

interdependence is ideally where people want to be where they are happy in themselves but see the importance of joining forces to be stronger and to encourage growth for all involved 

[Anton Rogachevski]

@Saarah

Thank you so much for these insightful words.

I guess after being needy for so long, it's hard to see how can things come to you without needing them.