The Journey Begins.

[Guest SirVladimir]

This part is linked with my previous post. Read it first here.

I got into spirituality at a relatively young age. I've been meditating for one and a half years effectively. It took longer to actually learn the simplest of things. Because I am 18, there is less social conditioning, less bullshit to chew up, less beliefs. I haven't spent thirty years in a rat race, but I very well could. The question I have for @Leo Gura, for moderators, and for everyone else is, why haven't I come across a bad, bad experience yet? I'm talking shadows. Around me I see strangers speaking of dark nights and terrifying revelations. Shrooms, weed and shamanic breathing have always taken me to the core and have shown me beauty beyond tears. I don't want to go as far as saying I am spiritually talented -- but what else can I say? When I dive deep, I naturally want to explore the beauty of life. I literally say to myself: Just kill yourself and don't make a mockery out of it. It's not a parade. And then I come back and wonder if the 'healing break' is hidden even deeper, or why haven't I come across one already. What I realized is that you overlook ego as you overlook your nose. It's a part of you. I'm going mad and sticking to the advice that losing your mind is a feature. Of course it must be.

Now that I've found my life purpose - see the mentioned post - I am commited to making it true. I am an explorer, and to explore I require the enviroment and time. I live in the Czech Republic; central Europe. Now that you have read my previous post, this is where I need your help. What seems to be the most stable and budget-friendly way of living? I've been thinking about those summer houses, or cabins, with gardens around them. There are plenty here. Though, two problems arise: water and electricity. If I were to buy one of these small cabins for full-time living, electricity could be solved by installing solar panels or something. What about water, though? I'd grow tired of living like a stinker. Perhaps I am seeking a social paradise which doesn't exist, for how could I have both ends of the stick: relative comfort and automatization. If so, please tell me right away.

Summer cabins, that's option number one. Share your thoughts. First impression is that it could work with a tight budget - though maybe with all the excessive work that would have to be done I would be better off buying a slightly larger and already integrated house.

Next, how will I sustain myself? Good old trading. Ideally, one good trade per week would be good enough to cover all my needs. I won't go into depth on that.

Third option is a monastery. Whether it's viable is another question. I don't see myself spending most of the day cleaning shit and doing work around the place. Besides, I haven't yet been a witness of a monastery that would openly acknowledge psychedelics and such. And I get it - there is a reason for that, there are sacred and long-kept ways, but I'm not a traditional fella. I do stuff on my own.

The nearest milestone of my journey is to collect data on different ways of living, to evaluate details and conclude a decision. Please note that the responses are open. Help me with that. Are there options or facets I'm overlooking?

To wrap it up, here are some random insights I had lately.

• Animals are so much more in flow with nature. Humans are these big oblivious apes thinking of themselves at the apex.

• The distance between my hand and me looking at it is infinite. Warning, language sucks and cannot get this (neither can I in this state)
• Rationality works in the world, but why would that make it objective? Objectivity as we know it is only a single paradigm.

 

[Leo Gura]

If you have good karma and a good childhood, it shouldn't be so hard.

But also don't get cocky. Acknowledge your privelege. Notice how much worse some people have it.

Let's see how easily you'd awaken if you were raped by your parents for 5 years and forced to survive on the streets somewhere in Africa in the 12th century.

[Guest SirVladimir]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If you have good karma and a good childhood, it shouldn't be so hard.

But also don't get cocky. Acknowledge your privelege. Notice how much worse some people have it.

Let's see how easily you'd awaken if you were raped by your parents for 5 years and forced to survive on the streets somewhere in Africa in the 12th century.

I keep it on my mind. Thankfully direct realizations make us more humble, and not the other way around.

[mandyjw]

True shadow work goes after your deepest "pain points" but from a place of expansive love and understanding. We think of death as a loss or a ceasing to be "you", but in order for death to occur at all there must be a you to die. Death is more of an experience of finally accepting (with love) the things you had always resisted that were always a part of you. This is what is meant by there is no death. Death = Self Love = the truth of no self, you include everything. 

Paradoxically on the path there is stuff that is experienced that is seemingly"not it". If there was not stuff that felt like it was not it (ie felt bad) there could not be the experience of discovery, a path or a transformation at all. 

Regarding the life purpose stuff, your purpose of exploring can be expanded to include exploring which living options leave you the most freedom to explore, it's all exploring in itself. I live in a rural area and I'm pretty amazed how easy survival seems in comparison with more developed areas. You can live in a trailer, camper or small home with your own well and electricity, even have a good bit of land and be completely free with very little savings or regular income. So many of our needs and wants are far from basic but assumed as such. So many peopl are so used to assuming that this is what poverty looks like that they miss the freedom that comes with it, as long as it is by conscious choice and not default. My parents lived in the middle of the woods with no electricity in a log cabin they built themselves with a dug well for a few years. My sister and her fiance built a yurt in the middle of the woods and lived there a few years. Eventually they also opted for electricity and running water. Give yourself freedom to let your desires change and clarify over time. Have you seem Nahm's thread about having a dream board? I highly recommend it. 

[Guest SirVladimir]

@mandyjw Thank you. Our friend Nahm has been on my radar for some while, and I'll definitely be diving deep into his topics soon. The thread is beautifully insipiring!

Regarding exploration, you are correct. The most likely solution to the water-electricity problem is to seek a location on the edge of a suburban area and directly connect the property to respective streams. I'll do digging. Also, a good starting point (and perhaps the ending point too ) are these Hermit Houses. It's a niche project I've heard about before, though I am not sure about the prices. Probably between $10k and $20k.

https://www.hermithouses.nl/

 

[ardacigin]

@SirVladimir Let's take a look at a deeper issue implicit in your post.

Every single momentary present moment experience is heavily tainted and colored by craving and self-clinging. This results in suffering on a momentary basis regardless of heroin levels of pleasure that might exist in the nervous system.

Now, with that intensity of pleasure, the suffering can be temporarily reduced so radically that it can give the illusion that it is entirely gone but we all experience craving and therefore suffering to a varying degree.

One possible spiritual investigation that will solidify this insight is a meditation on mental states. You need a lot of skill to do this reliably but the technique is simple:

'Be aware of mental states, reactions, craving levels and emotions on a  momentary basis with metacognitive awareness 24/7 especially as you are moving around and doing stuff.'

You'll realize that without monitoring craving levels to such a microscopic extent, the insight into suffering will be immature. You think you are spiritually talented because there are no perceptible trauma and negative emotional sensations, but that is only gross suffering. There are subtler layers of suffering that is intimately linked to self-clinging and craving. The more you reduce craving and increase equanimity, the more you realize you need to reduce craving even more.

Every action you have done up to this moment has been motivated by craving, suffering and self-clinging. You are currently reading this text in a state of craving and suffering.

You've never had a single moment of absolute satisfaction and took an action afterward. Craving is so omnipresent in our intention, movements, thoughts, emotions and actions that you think you are happy and relatively neurosis-free, but every time you walk to the bathroom or speak to someone, you are momentarily experiencing craving, discomfort and suffering. 

Meditation on mental states is a powerful adept practice that strengthens metacognitive awareness, directly reduces craving, suffering and increases joy and satisfaction on a momentary basis. 

Other people are experiencing dark night experiences because they are struggling to integrate insights into no-self, impermanence and emptiness with neurotic psyches. They have encountered these insights too quickly without doing the necessary purification work and now trying to do the purification work as most of their baggage is arising in consciousness while traumatic insights into no-self are creating feelings of meaninglessness and dissatisfaction.

Also, this is a rare pathological problem. Dark night is not something everyone has. If a lot of people in a room is claiming to have a legit dark night, they misunderstand the intensity and depth of such an experience. Some amount of meaninglessness and suffering as a mental reaction to spiritual truths are normal and are expected on the path of insight. 

Another great tip is to ask yourself and investigate sensory experience with this question:

'Where are the craving and suffering right at this moment? Where is the discomfort? Where do I feel discontentment?'

This question will strengthen metacognitive awareness if you have the skills to do the proper investigation afterwards.

I wish you well in your spiritual journey

 

 

 

Edited December 26, 2019 by ardacigin

[Al Khidr]

@ardacigin I just wanted to say thank you for your lucid, informative and highly readable posts on this forum. You are the reason I signed up here. I'm also a fellow TMI practitioner (usually practicing around stages 3-5) and after rapid initial progress and even entering jhana states once or twice before I even knew what they were, my practice seems to have hit a wall the past 8-9 months despite doing two retreats and maintaining a daily practice for the most part. Also the Culadasa scandal fucked me up and I almost quit altogether but I've gotten past that and am focusing solely on the practice. It was a great wake up call with regards to putting people on pedestals and making saints out of humans.

Please keep up the informative posts and I'd recommend doing more TMI related posts, I'm sure there are many others here that appreciate it as much as me.

Edited December 27, 2019 by Al Khidr
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