Help needed for a situation.

[Romer02]

I’m trying to make this post as short as possible but with the most information I could possibly put in. 
 

So i’m in a situation where i’ve had a friend for a very long time and she has always been dating someone so I have always been friends with her. Since I was in high school i’ve had a crush on this girl and now that i’m graduating college this girl is in my life a lot more frequently but since she has a boyfriend i’ve never made a huge move in getting with her. Plus i’m a close acquaintance to this guy she is dating. For the past months i’ve been having a really good time hanging out with her and she has been having fun hanging out with me.Inclusively i’ve hung out with her and her boyfriend a couple times. From hanging out with them I could see some of the areas where her man fails to be an alpha male sort to speak. I don’t want to sound arrogant or anything but this is simply what I see and feel. I’ve read some books on dating and seen Leo's videos so I have some type of idea about what's going on. Her boyfriend doesn't like to go out and party but I do enjoy socializing and dancing. So I usually go out with her and we dance but it never seems to be too close because I keep my distance since she does have a man. But we do touch each other in a friendly manner and we laugh at lot with each other. Sometimes I feel a very strong connection with her but it may just be all in my head. 
 

Today for Christmas we decided to hang out at my uncles house. She actually invited herself through my cousin which she is very close friends with, but i haven't told her I like her friend that we’ve basically know for 4 years. At the end of the party she actually was crying that she was going to break up with her boyfriend. I really enjoy being with this girl and I do find her very attractive. I feel pretty confused on what to do and how to know when I should make a move because I feel like I shouldn't make a move too soon since she might be very depressed if she does decide to break up with him. 
 

In my opinion I should keep focusing on my self help books and keep on watching leo’s videos to become happier because everything has been working amazingly so far! Especially meditating and learning about who Am I? And questioning my reality. 

 

On the other side of my head i’ve actually been craving for a relationship for quite some time know and this is a girl I truly do have feelings for and I do enjoy our time together. Any advice would be loved! Low key this may seem like an outlandish statement but I feel like i’ve been wanting this for quite some time and the forces of life are going to help me have her. Of course if i’m wrong I should still be 100% happy because I simply am.  Or just embrace whatever I do end up feeling. 

Edited December 26, 2019 by Romer02
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[Chew211]

There's risk with everything. I would say ask her out for a DATE. And you're going to act like it's a date, and you're going to try to be physically intimate with her, but also mainly focusing on fun.

You might find that she only sees you as a friend-- if that's the case you move on, and with the next girl you're interested in, you try to set the frame of being a romantic/sexual option instead of just a friend. 

You might find that you succeed with her-- perhaps she has feeling for you, but didn't think you had feelings for her because you didn't pursue her sexually. 

 

If you don't ask her out, then you lose an opportunity to grow yourself and potentially get a girlfriend-- but you will have other opportunities in the future, and perhaps you may decide you don't want to risk losing this friendship due to the strain it would cause your social circle. 

Good luck ?

[Romer02]

@Chew211 as far as timing goes, when do you think would be the proper time to do this?

[Chew211]

@Romer02 go with your gut. Don't be logical. When it comes to this sort of stuff, intuition is more reliable.

 

Your intuition might be wrong, but you need to use it anyway to develop it. 

[Forestluv]

@Romer02 You see to be oriented toward fulfilling your self wants, in particular sexual desires. You seem to be seeing her as an object of self gratification, rather than a human being with emotions. She is going through an emotionally distressing time in which she is vulnerable and you are calculating how to engage sexually with her. If you truly cared about her welfare, you wouldn’t try to take advantage of her in a vulnerable distressing time. As well, rebound relationships tend to be unhealthy and could ruin your friendship. 

[kag101]

8 hours ago, Romer02 said:

From hanging out with them I could see some of the areas where her man fails to be an alpha male sort to speak.

Omg... what is that supposed to mean? This thing about being an "alpha" is an outdated concept in my opinion. 

8 hours ago, Romer02 said:

Sometimes I feel a very strong connection with her but it may just be all in my head. 

Maybe you could ask her how she feels about you? 

8 hours ago, Romer02 said:

I shouldn't make a move too soon since she might be very depressed if she does decide to break up with him. 

What do you mean by "make a move"? You guys are talking and then suddenly you decided to kiss her? I don't think that's necessary. I think it's better to, for example, touch her in a friendly manner and see if there is reciprocity. And then you move from there... 

That being said, with every break-up, there is a grieving process. So don't hurry... 

8 hours ago, Romer02 said:

i’ve been wanting this for quite some time and the forces of life are going to help me have her.

The forces of life definitely do not care about you "having" her. Lol... 

 

"Focus on yourself, and the rest will follow". 

[Romer02]

@Serotoninluv I appreciate your answer, thank you for the response. I do like her as a friend a lot which is the main reason we have been friends for a long time. 

[Romer02]

@kag101 I completely agree with you! I should simply focus on myself and the rest will follow. Thanks for taking the time to help I truly appreciate it.

[kag101]

19 hours ago, Romer02 said:

I completely agree with you! I should simply focus on myself and the rest will follow. Thanks for taking the time to help I truly appreciate it.