I got robbed and I don’t know how to feel

[Dylan Page]

So, someone slowly manipulated me into giving them 700 dollars even though I told them I was in a financially vulnerable spot. I was helping him because he really needed it at the time and supposedly was dealing with home domestic problems. I never straight up gave him cash but I would occasionally buy him food, a cig here and there, and that kind of stuff. He said he was going to pay me back and then finally ended up ghosting me. He was so friendly, sincere sounding and genuine. I’ve never been scummed so hard in my life and have developed trust issues with many people in my life. I’m only 19 and have debt on top of this. I was just trying to be nice. I don’t know whether to be mad, or understanding that he probably wanted to get away from home and the only way he could do it was by stealing from me. Overall, I’m just kind of left contemplating this and don’t know how to react. 

[LfcCharlie4]

Mate, if you feel angry and sad that's normal, the best thing to do is firstly feel all of the emotions you feel and release them in healthy ways, but fully allow yourself to feel them, and when you are ready then let them go, if you don't feel them you'll only repress them!

 It's also good to look at it from a bigger picture afterwards as you say, he's got his reasons for doing this and understanding this sort of work can help you with that, but I guess it also is a life lesson into not trusting people so easily. 

In the industry I work in, some guy was a full on con artist pretending to be a millionaire, he fooled EVERYONE. He literally lied about being in the real estate business, having offline businesses, and his income and skills. He then charged several people 25k for his coaching and managed to actually get people to pay him in full. He didn't have coaching to offer so was essentially stealing the 25k for very basic tips from Google, these people lost 25k, but it at least teaches them to not be so trusting and make sure to fully vet people before giving money. 

I get it's different but trust is a big thing, and many people will always be looking after number 1 only. 

[Leo Gura]

@Dylan Page You were taught a very valuable life lesson: never ever lend money to anyone.

And this lesson only cost you $700. That's a good deal. If you learn it.

[Raptorsin7]

@Leo Gura I think it's a bit harsh to say never lend money to anyone. I'd say don't lend money to anyone with the expectation of getting it back. If you are expecting to get it back or need it back then don't do it. If you want to help someone in need, and it's an amount you are comfortable losing it then i'd say go for it.

[Dylan Page]

@Leo Gura I definitely feel like a stronger person after this. Less naive and more realistic. I’m used to everyone being kind and trustworthy to a reasonable extent. I now realize I’ve been living under a rock. 

[Dylan Page]

@LfcCharlie4 Yeah bro, definitely gonna take some time to cool off and just let the feelings pass. I’ve become a stronger person, and in some kind of way, value this experience. 

[Average Investor]

People owe me thousands of dollars. However, I only lent out very little mostly my time. I would not trust the average person with a $5 bill. 

[Jonac]

Lesson learned ??

[from chaos into self]

2 hours ago, Dylan Page said:

So, someone slowly manipulated me into giving them 700 dollars even though I told them I was in a financially vulnerable spot. 

Sounds like you could work on boundaries. Boundaries between your sense of selfe and what others want from you. And spoken boundaries that you say and adhere to stubbornly. 

[Hatfort]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Dylan Page You were taught a very valuable life lesson: never ever lend money to anyone.

And this lesson only cost you $700. That's a good deal. If you learn it.

Have to be very cautious with money. But never ever? Nah...

A friend lend me some money short ago and I have all the intention to give back as soon as I get my income again.

 

[LordFall]

11 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Leo Gura I think it's a bit harsh to say never lend money to anyone. I'd say don't lend money to anyone with the expectation of getting it back. If you are expecting to get it back or need it back then don't do it. If you want to help someone in need, and it's an amount you are comfortable losing it then i'd say go for it.

This is the best policy. If you lend money to people, only do it under the assumption that you will never see the money again. Then it's a win-win, if you get it back, you're pleasantly surprised and gain trust in the other person. If you don't, you were okay with it from the start and now found out who's word you cannot trust. 

[Chives99]

be wary of the people who say they are honest. A candour affected is a dagger concealed-Marcus Aurelius

[archi]

I gave friend of mine 35k eur. We agreed that  he returns money within a week or so. No paperwork, no interest, just one phonecall to me.

He did not return in a week, it was around two weeks but he kept me updated.

Even my mum did not want to give me 25k without interest (ok it was for longer period, got mortgage rate) and without paperwork.

Yes, I could lose it, yes, anything could happen, what I did I considered a trust.

 

Edited December 25, 2019 by archi

[universe]

On 25.12.2019 at 2:28 AM, Keyhole said:

People will do that, I am so sorry that happened to you.   

Haha your a funny guy

This is not some random event that happend to him. He had been navigating to it, set sails and held course.

Im sorry as well tho.

[Preety_India]

 

I have had that happen many times. People asking me money and I have given them but they always said they will return back but they never did. I've learned never to trust people with either cash or with other stuff that needs money. It's a loss. It's also an emotional loss because it breaks trust. 

 

The one thing that helped me deal with being a sucker every time was this question - 

What is the cost of disappointing someone? 

Answer - Nothing 

We attach meanings. We feel guilt for not having helped. But help only those who really need and when you do that there should be no expectations for returns because maybe that person is not able to do that. But do not help a person who is really not in need. Huge mistake. Of course they can give back but they don't want to and without paperwork they don't need to. 

So lesson learned - help those who are really in need and be ready to lose. 

Those who pretend to be in need or can return back, don't help them, most likely they're just bullshitting. 

 

The other mental statements that helped me deal with this are 

 

1..I'm not going to put my emotional safety at risk. 

2.. I'm not going to put my financial safety at risk.. 

 

 

Edited December 26, 2019 by Preety_India

[Moreira]

This lesson is not about money.

The OP fell in the romantic trap of the white knight savior. The person he/she is attracted to has a vulnerability (economically), he/she thinks that being super nice and helping him will make him be loved, and liked.

Its daydreaming and blue pillish. Helping somebody youre attracted to doesnt work. Never.

[Lento]

I got robbed once by three army members, and I was a citizen. I didn't have much in my pocket at that moment, but it saved my life. They could have easily killed me but they didn't because of the money. They also returned my phone because it was outdated, lol.

Point is, be grateful, it could have been a lot worse.

[Spiral]

I lent out money in high school to some “friends”. No more than 50 USD but I learned my lesson. 

I fully agree with Leo. Maybe with a slight caveat: any sum worth remembering.  

@Dylan Page Take a baseball bat, and go into the woods and take it out on a tree. Catharsis is a great way to move on.

Edited December 28, 2019 by Spiral

[universe]

10 hours ago, Keyhole said:

 

not sure if you want me to look on your channel or you want to suggest that OP should just distance himself from manipulative people instead of going inside and see what makes him prone to manipulation in the first place.

 

[Amandine]

On 28/12/2019 at 1:50 PM, Spiral said:

I lent out money in high school to some “friends”. No more than 50 USD but I learned my lesson. 

I fully agree with Leo. Maybe with a slight caveat: any sum worth remembering.  

@Dylan Page Take a baseball bat, and go into the woods and take it out on a tree. Catharsis is a great way to move on.

Good advice.? 

And if ever you have to borrow money, always ask for a loan from a pessimist, he won't expect it back. 

Edited December 30, 2019 by Amandine