My girlfriend is pregnant

[JonasVE12]

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I'm 19 years old, first year in college. My girlfriend is pregnant and is also in first year of college. She wants to keep this baby, and although something in me wants it as well, I don't feel like I'm in a position where I can raise a baby. I want to focus on my own development and life purpose. This is not realistic for me and for her. I don't want this baby therefore, but I can't force her to do anything against her will and I don't want to escape responsibility. Any insight?

[The Don]

Hello there.

Keep the baby.

Dedicate a small part of your life in raising the baby.

Having a family is great.

[Proactive]

Ultimately this is your choice you have to make for yourself. If this were me, I would probably not have the baby. 

You and your girlfriend would have to sacrifice a lot. While your like 22, your friends will be out having fun while you are staying home taking care of the child. You guys are probably not financially stable, so it would be much harder than if you guys waited to get jobs then get children. I'm not a parent btw hehe

 

Quote

Dedicate a small part of your life in raising the baby.

@The Don I doubt having a baby will take a "small part" of your life if you are loving the child.

 

 

[universe]

Id suggest you look for some people that have been in your situation and decided either for or against. And then ask them how happy they are with their decision and if theyd do it again.

[jack34]

Hello JonasVe 

Please don't abort your baby. i can adopt your baby if you and your gf are scared to raise a baby. 

[JonasVE12]

It's difficult because we really want to keep the baby. I feel that although I'm 19, I'm ready, both emotionally and mentally to make this work and do a good job at raising a baby. I can't be naive though, by thinking that without being financially stable, I can make this work and do a good job at raising the baby. I think there might be options to get financial support as we are both still studying. I'll look into that. If there isn't, then we can't keep the baby, and that I would find very sad. But it is what it is.

[Emerald]

Well, your GF wants to keep the baby. So, you shouldn't try to get her to have an abortion or adopt as clearly she is set on it. 

So, you can either stay and be a dad, OR you can cut yourself out of their lives and pay child support from a distance. Those are your options.

But honestly, I got pregnant when I was 21 and had my daughter at 22, and I've been able to do personal development and pursue my life's purpose just fine. And I'm the heavy-lifting parent out of me and my husband. Also, a great many of my friends had kids when they were 18. And they're doing fine. They have kids in middle school now.

My daughter was a surprise to both of us. I wasn't scared. My husband was scared for a day but got used to it. And after we had the baby, it was like, "Honestly, is there anything that we're not doing now that we really want to do." And the answer was no. And having kids is so basic now.

 

[JonasVE12]

I'm excited to be a dad and raise the baby. I'm just a bit worried about how this baby will fit into my life when I'll be busy with a lot of other things. I'm switching to medical school next year and this will occupy a lot of time. Also have a lot of other interests, and things I want to work on. I always have a lot of ideas in my mind that I want to delve deeper into, but lack the time. I don't see this changing in the future. That's just in my nature. I like to learn and to explore things. I like to be busy spending time with myself. That where I get my energy from. 

She's also studying, which means we don't have an income. This is the only problem I'm facing here. I don't want to sacrifice my studies as well. This is not going to happen. Nor am I going to allow her to do that. This means I will have to find a way to get an income. I hope that we can get financial support in my country. If we don't, I really don't know how we are going to handle that without having to sacrifice our studies. If we get financial support, then I know I can make it work and do a good job at raising the baby. It will take some time adjusting, but I know everything will fall in it's place. 

Apart from how much I want to have that baby with her, raise it and love it, I will not sacrifice my studies. So I'll see if I can get financial support, and if that's not the case, I will just talk to her, and I hope we can come to a conclusion. 

[universe]

Im just saying what I feel about you but Im not sure if Im correct here.

You seem to be very rational about this, which is ok and we men tend to face decisions that way. For your own wellbeing please consider the deep deep emotional states you could be going through depending on what the outcome of this will be. Im talking about the emotional states not for the next month or years, I mean for a lifetime. Let your choice be one made out of love, coming from your heart 

[JonasVE12]

43 minutes ago, universe said:

Im just saying what I feel about you but Im not sure if Im correct here.

You seem to be very rational about this, which is ok and we men tend to face decisions that way. For your own wellbeing please consider the deep deep emotional states you could be going through depending on what the outcome of this will be. Im talking about the emotional states not for the next month or years, I mean for a lifetime. Let your choice be one made out of love, coming from your heart 

The heart can want what it wants, but I don't wanna be the guy that enters a pet shop, sees a cute puppy, and decides to get it, without having though about it and brings it to the animal shelter a couple months later after realising that he can't take care of the puppy. 

My feeling says yes. My thinking says no. When making this decision, you can't be naive, you have to be realistic. If I raise a baby, I want to do it well, and without income, I simply can want all I want, I won't be able to afford anything. I hope that I get financial support, I'll contact the institution tomorrow and see what they say. Believe me, I do want to have that baby with her, but it's a difficult situation when you're both still in college for the coming 6 years.

 

[Meetjoeblack]

On 24/12/2019 at 5:21 PM, JonasVE12 said:

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I'm 19 years old, first year in college. My girlfriend is pregnant and is also in first year of college. She wants to keep this baby, and although something in me wants it as well, I don't feel like I'm in a position where I can raise a baby. I want to focus on my own development and life purpose. This is not realistic for me and for her. I don't want this baby therefore, but I can't force her to do anything against her will and I don't want to escape responsibility. Any insight?

I picked up a girl this year. I ended up in her bedroom. Before I got there, I met a kid about your age who was slightly younger and on the rocks with the gf or ex. It made me extremely cautious lol. 

Speak with family. You can still live your life. It just will be harder. Its not about you or partying and friends. It's responsibility and night school. 

 

Do you have anything or anybody in your church or guidance you can seek? Family or older friends?