Emptiness as I reached to a success in pick-up

[Therock]

I've been practicing cold approach in a small city in Europe, and I've had so many success in terms of pick up.

At first it was all about getting over my fears and insecurities with women. But there's something negative that's hard to describe after each one of these relationships. Which is the emptiness, feeling miserable after having meaningless sex with women. I never wanted to have a womenizer or a pickup artist identity. And I lost my motivation in speaking to women, even worse, I lost my self confidence.

And I wanted to have something meaningful with one of my sexual partners, but she wasn't ready, so we stopped seeing each other. (It was a very needy conversation)

After all these, I'm experiencing self-hatred. Depression and disappointment.

I'd love you to share your experiences in this case,

Being optimistic is always good, but how about when you face the reality?

Is this neediness ever gonna end?

Or should we learn how to deal with that in a healthy way?

(Please don't say find a life purpose, as I'm also working on it)

[Dlavjr]

Pickup doesn't have to just be about sex. Just meet people and have a good time, and try to alter your approach to it to being about something more meaningful. Take women out for a sake of showing them a good time and maybe eventually you'll find yourself in a quality relationship. And if that's not what you want, then why are you doing pickup?

[universe]

Like with money. People think girls will make them fullfilled, but they dont. Watch some of Leos videos if you want to find out more.

If you want a relationship, get a relationship instead of a hookup.

Your needyness can be worked through with inner work only.

[Therock]

Thank you for the answers. @universe@Dlavjr

Over time, with psychedelics, meditation and the inner-work (thanks to @Leo Gura).

I've come to the conclusion that I used my success of women to cope with other men (to show higher rank in a sense).

Because I was abused and bullied by other men when I was little.

As some say, all actions, decisions are based on either desire and fear.

Fear: Conflict with other men (not being accepted by the tribe)

Desire: To be comfortable with other men

Edited December 24, 2019 by Therock

[Dlavjr]

1 hour ago, Therock said:

Thank you for the answers. @universe@Dlavjr

Over time, with psychedelics, meditation and the inner-work (thanks to @Leo Gura).

I've come to the conclusion that I used my success of women to cope with other men (to show higher rank in a sense).

Because I was abused and bullied by other men when I was little.

As some say, all actions, decisions are based on either desire and fear.

Fear: Conflict with other men (not being accepted by the tribe)

Desire: To be comfortable with other men

I've found myself in similar trivial personal conflict before. Recognizing it and being honest with yourself is huge, it'll keep you from making compulsive decisions you'll regret. 

[ajasatya]

2 hours ago, Therock said:

Being optimistic is always good, but how about when you face the reality?

Beware. Being realistic is better than being optimistic or pessimistic.

Stop for 10 minutes and just stay with what you feel on your body. Stay with your emotions, only. Feel your feelings and stop running away with mental excuses. This is the first attitude.

Learning how to explore the inner world will lead you to levels of wisdom that you've never seen before.

[Austin Actualizing]

Now you can transition into more meaningful relationships. See this as a good thing. Now you don't have to waste time/energy chasing women for casual sex and you can focus on depth. 

[Commodent]

@Therock I've always had trouble being accepted by men. With girls however, no problem. Heck, you even look like me. The exact same forehead, brows, nose, beard and skin color. Very interesting.

I have nothing insightful to offer, but I'd be interested to hear if you find a good way to deal with the issue.

Just curious, do you feel like you have a very sensitive nature that you feel like you have to hide away?

[DrewNows]

Start pursuing men? ?

You know what to do,,,,don’t worry about defining yourself, consider a journey of undefining 

bring out the fears, sit with them, befriend the very things you fear 

[Therock]

7 hours ago, DrewNows said:

Start pursuing men? ?

That's what I started to do. I spend most of my time with men now, doing manly stuff like working out, talking about manly stuff. Even though sometimes it's too freaking uncomfortable.

8 hours ago, Commodent said:

I have nothing insightful to offer, but I'd be interested to hear if you find a good way to deal with the issue.

Just curious, do you feel like you have a very sensitive nature that you feel like you have to hide away?

Haha hello brother!

I never wanted to call it very sensitive, but definitely a lot of avoidance of potential conflict. I often use humor to make it seem cooler, but I think people often sense that I'm not fully comfortable when it's all silent. And it's not the case when I first meet them, it's the case when I get closer to people and share parts of my life. This is where I start feeling more vulnerable I guess.

I think constantly being mindful of the fear while I'm pushing myself will eventually lead to dissolve it, it'll hopefully turn out to be love with wisdom.

10 hours ago, ajasatya said:

Learning how to explore the inner world will lead you to levels of wisdom that you've never seen before.

The bad thing about that is that I started thinking about my fears all the time, which doesn't lead to any wisdom but frustration.

It'll take time, every fear lose it's power when deeply realized.

[ajasatya]

@Therock Noticing your fears is one step. Realizing the root cause of your fears is the next goal.

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Therock said:

The bad thing about that is that I started thinking about my fears all the time, which doesn't lead to any wisdom but frustration.

Wisdom is the unveiling of the simplicity, which imo you did here. The simplicity is that the perspective isn’t aligned with being. (Doesn’t feel good). We’re it not for the higher truth within you, it’d feel fine. 

Understanding why you adopted that perspective, why people do what people do, and then transcending that perspective will naturally come. Sometimes we use a circumstance or events to identify who we are, and it takes a while to realize we did that, and to let it go in the light of who we actually are.

[JunkyJu]

I used to be into PUA and RSD, etc.  The entire premise is seeking validation and not being happy on your own.  Or for me it was a form of escapism, always hunting for that next high.  Once I got in relationships I never opened up emotionally.  I was missing unconditional love, love for myself and others.  So relationship after relationship it would fizzle out because I was so emotionally numb.  Lately I took a break from dating/going out to meet women.  Obviously they aren't gonna show up at your doorstep, but i'm taking the time right now for myself to open up, learn to let go, and striving to increase my level of consciousness.  

[Shin]

You will feel empty evrytime you suceed at getting something you thought would fulfill you.

This will stop only when you finally get to the root of all desires ?

[Meetjoeblack]

On 23/12/2019 at 7:21 PM, Therock said:

I've been practicing cold approach in a small city in Europe, and I've had so many success in terms of pick up.

At first it was all about getting over my fears and insecurities with women. But there's something negative that's hard to describe after each one of these relationships. Which is the emptiness, feeling miserable after having meaningless sex with women. I never wanted to have a womenizer or a pickup artist identity. And I lost my motivation in speaking to women, even worse, I lost my self confidence.

And I wanted to have something meaningful with one of my sexual partners, but she wasn't ready, so we stopped seeing each other. (It was a very needy conversation)

After all these, I'm experiencing self-hatred. Depression and disappointment.

I'd love you to share your experiences in this case,

Being optimistic is always good, but how about when you face the reality?

Is this neediness ever gonna end?

Or should we learn how to deal with that in a healthy way?

(Please don't say find a life purpose, as I'm also working on it)

You're sad getting laid? Bicurious maybe?! 

There's only one side effect from pickup. Its seeing female nature. That being, women can be as every bit as good or evil as the next man. 

Karla homolka killed and raped her sister, threw her husband under the bus for being disgusting fuck, and she's free terrorizing the neighborhood. 

I humped one girl. The next week, I got head from a diff girl who later ghosted. I was in the back of her throat, happy ending and she ghosted. Its hilarious. I got banned on another forum for giving receipts ?! 

How do you face reality? The alternative is delusional! 

Cynicism in the form of the havenots. There's no or little play beforehand. Its the hungry don't get fed. Learn game and its open season. Its seeing where I was, what I was pursuing, and the actuality of it all. 

You have a world view. You live according to the status quo. You then see the 80/20 pareto principle. 80℅ of women sleeping with top 20℅ of men. You see the divorce stat. You can play homemaker after the carousel ? or not. Its not personal in any event. 

If you read the Game, a lot were sorting out similar stuff. After seeing the world as such, You are forced to update beliefs. 

We're the lost boy generation. TV is bashing toxic masculinity. I've been using gillette blades since puberty and masculinity was attacked. Male academics have declined the past fifty years. There's no reform. Manufacturing has been obliterated. 

Men are unplugging. Ironic, there's nothing more painful. 

[Parththakkar12]

On 12/24/2019 at 4:21 AM, Therock said:

I've been practicing cold approach in a small city in Europe, and I've had so many success in terms of pick up.

At first it was all about getting over my fears and insecurities with women. But there's something negative that's hard to describe after each one of these relationships. Which is the emptiness, feeling miserable after having meaningless sex with women. I never wanted to have a womenizer or a pickup artist identity. And I lost my motivation in speaking to women, even worse, I lost my self confidence.

And I wanted to have something meaningful with one of my sexual partners, but she wasn't ready, so we stopped seeing each other. (It was a very needy conversation)

After all these, I'm experiencing self-hatred. Depression and disappointment.

I'd love you to share your experiences in this case,

Being optimistic is always good, but how about when you face the reality?

Is this neediness ever gonna end?

Or should we learn how to deal with that in a healthy way?

(Please don't say find a life purpose, as I'm also working on it)

You are a human being who has emotional needs. Neediness is not a weakness, in fact having emotional needs is a reality of being human. Our Stage Orange societies don't want to admit this, so if you want a real relationship, you're gonna have to go against the grain. If you factor these things in your inner work, things may look a lot scarier than they look now. HTH!

[Meetjoeblack]

On 2019-12-23 at 8:32 PM, universe said:

Like with money. People think girls will make them fullfilled, but they dont. Watch some of Leos videos if you want to find out more.

If you want a relationship, get a relationship instead of a hookup.

Your needyness can be worked through with inner work only.

I've always found hookups more valuable then not. Hookups are too common.  A series of hookups is more often likely to lead to a LTR then not. Just wait is the worst popularized advice given in mainstream culture.