Food Addiction

[King Merk]

I'm a struggling food addict. 

Multiple times per day I feel a strong urge to gorge myself until I'm physically so full I can't take another bite. 

I'm not overweight or suffering from health issues. In fact, I've been a fitness trainer for years. I'm 220lbs of lean muscle at 10% BF. My body looks great and more often than not I'm eating healthy foods.

I do intermittent fasting and Keto with great results. 

However, at least once a week (but more often 2-3times) I'll go on an epic food binge. I'll eat 10,000+ kcal in a single day. Gorging on wheat and sugar which are things I normally avoid. 

I've even stuffed myself to the point of phsyically puking before. 

I've been doing this for years and while I can maintain good health, it's inhibiting my self mastery process. I always have guilt, shame and brain fog after these binges.

I just can't seem to cut this behavior out of my life. I've tried so hard for so long. 

What is this void I fill inside? Why do I constantly feel the desire to fill it with food? How the fuck do I overcome this?

Any advice would be highly appreciated. This ghost has haunted me long enough

[King Merk]

@flume I’ll be honest, when I first read your text reference to my condition as “bulimia” I had an instant egoic reaction of “what that fuck does this person know, I’m not bulimic” 

But then I watched that video. 

Ive never honestly considered that my food issue was bulimia before. I always framed it as a lack of discipline. A lack of commitment. Never I have a serious emotional problem... I’ve been gaslighting myself this whole time. 

Thank you so much for Taking the time to comment on this post. Thank you for sending that video. It just turned my self image upside down. Seriously. 

I broke down to tears watching that video. 

I’ve spent so much of my time and energy trying to transcend the self because I can’t stand the self that I am...

And that’s fucked?

You’re a blessing??❤️

Edited December 24, 2019 by King Merk

[Matt23]

I've had similar experiences.  

I think what's helped me is 20 mins a day self-inquiry and also backing off on the intense meditation.

Also, I've started doing reiki on myself and I usually feel good.

Holotropic breathwork too.  

I think, for me, I wasn't noticing subtle feelings of anxiety and pain which I perhaps had go work through.  

Hard to say what it was though.  Maybe environment changes?