I Just Don’t Give a Fuck

[King Merk]

I feel like I’m going mad.

I just don’t care any more. 

When I’m being completely honest...

I don’t care about my friends. I don’t care about my past lovers. I don’t care about my family members. I don’t care about the starving children in Africa. I don’t care about how we’re decimating the seas and literally causing 100+ species of life to go extinct on this earth every day. I don’t care about my favorite sports team any more. I don’t care about breakthroughs in science. I don’t care about accumulating money. I don’t care about my coworkers... the list goes on and on.

I just don’t give a shit any more.

I don’t care about anything but myself. I’m so selfish. I’m so egoic. I’m such a fucking devil and I’m struggling not to judge that.

I’m waking up to my unconsciousness (Or rather being bitch slapped by it) and all the suffering its facilitated my entire life.
 

It’s causing me these waves of depressed and hopelessness.

I oscillate back and forth between these extraordinary states of bliss and self love and acceptance to these deep dark lows of meaninglessness and feeling alone.

i feel like I’m going crazy... and that there’s no one out there that I can reach out to. Because nobody else gets it. The people around me haven’t experienced this existential angst. And even if they have, it makes no difference.

I’m alone in this. Just me. 

Is this normal on the spiritual path? Is this something y’all experience as well? And what do you do to even out the highs and lows? 

[Highest]

Aka the dark night of the soul.

Completely normal. It's a blessing. Evolution itself. Purification itself.

Embrace it. Transcend it. Let it do whatever. Survive it and become stronger from it.

From unconscioussness to consciousness.

From human to spiritual.

From spiritual to God itself.

Then back to the unconscious, back to earth, back being human.

Full circle.

 

Liberation...

 

???❤️

[purerogue]

It is completely normal and I hope it will make you appreciate and understand certain things in life in both sides, no need to put this state as bad, it is just different, going back will make you appreciate it too hopefully, there is huge array of ways how you can go about it, understand it and see where you want to go. 

Edited December 22, 2019 by purerogue

[inFlow]

@King Merk when you are reaching for enlightenment this is totally normal. I have been in these states, which you described, myself. Just keep going and eventually you will go full circle, you will transend suffering. Stay strong my friend, this path is scary and it has its dark moments where you literally think that you are going crazy. I seen this on my wife also, but given some time you will understand more about everything you encounter and you will see the light. Have faith, believe that this is just a stage you will eventually transend. No one skipped the dark night of the soul, its esential in this, it has to be walked through.

[inFlow]

@King Merk the more you walk the path the more you learn. The more you learn the better it is. With new insights new challenges comes up. Someone said that you have to be willing to die over and over again. The death here is ment by dark moments in your life. Also some time later you will feel great but again you will find yourself stuck in depresing moments  but after a while you will understand that its normal, if you'll feel bad again you will understand that its a great sign that you are growing spiritualy

[Nak Khid]

12 minutes ago, King Merk said:

I feel like I’m going mad.

I just don’t care any more. 

When I’m being completely honest...

I don’t care about my friends. I don’t care about my past lovers. I don’t care about my family members. I don’t care about the starving children in Africa. I don’t care about how we’re decimating the seas and literally causing 100+ species of life to go extinct on this earth every day. I don’t care about my favorite sports team any more. I don’t care about breakthroughs in science. I don’t care about accumulating money. I don’t care about my coworkers... the list goes on and on.

I just don’t give a shit any more.

I don’t care about anything but myself. I’m so selfish. I’m so egoic. I’m such a fucking devil and I’m struggling not to judge that.

I’m waking up to my unconsciousness (Or rather being bitch slapped by it) and all the suffering its facilitated my entire life.
 

It’s causing me these waves of depressed and hopelessness.

I oscillate back and forth between these extraordinary states of bliss and self love and acceptance to these deep dark lows of meaninglessness and feeling alone.

i feel like I’m going crazy... and that there’s no one out there that I can reach out to. Because nobody else gets it. The people around me haven’t experienced this existential angst. And even if they have, it makes no difference.

I’m alone in this. Just me. 

Is this normal on the spiritual path? Is this something y’all experience as well? And what do you do to even out the highs and lows? 

You have discovered that the spiritual sphere you have visited is leading toward narcissism.

You can live like that and not worry about it.
Or you can seek out a spiritual method that is compassion oriented and people that represent and do it well, not just speak it
If you focus on caring about certain people, even if you fake it for a while
It will eventually expand and come back to you.  
but it can't  be only an intellectual process. It needs a physical element.  

[28 cm unbuffed]

3 hours ago, Nak Khid said:

You have discovered that the spiritual sphere you have visited is leading toward narcissism.

What do you mean by that? Right now I feel exactly the same, like @King Merk describes, it's like being bipolar, but what do you mean by narcissism? 

Because everywhere around I realise that my "friends" are just narcissist pieces of shit, draining energy from me, because I'm an empath. 

Is it because they are all like "parts of me" and I'm clearing my narcissistic energy, by cutting them off?

@King Merk

I strongly recommend two things that I do, to go through it: first one is hoponopono meditation everyday. Second is dry fasting, 24 to 36 hours, as many times as you can handle.

I also see myself cutting bad habits one after the other, day by day and that helps a lot too, it's just energy clearing process.

Edited December 22, 2019 by 28 cm unbuffed

[King Merk]

 @Nak Khid I don't view it narcissistically. Everything is meaningless.. that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not judging that. Im observing that. 

 

4 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

Because everywhere around I realise that my "friends" are just narcissist pieces of shit, draining energy from me, because I'm an empath. 

Is it because they are all like "parts of me" and I'm clearing my narcissistic energy, by cutting them off?

@28 cm unbuffed That's very resonate. I'm also an empath and have found myself cutting many people out of my life. Hell, I actually just moved halfway across the country this year to "get away" from much of what was weighing me down back home... Thank you for the recommendations. I've never heard of hoponopono and will try it. I am an experienced faster and get a lot of benefit from it. Though I usually do wet fasts, what's the benefits you've found by keeping it dry? 

 

[King Merk]

@inFlow @purerogue @Highest I needed to hear all of that. Thank y'all <3 

[inFlow]

@King Merk There are people who are looking for food... But this food you don't put in your mouth that goes into your stomach.. This food is words that you take into through your ears... And they can nurture your soul and renew your spirit.

[Nahm]

22 hours ago, King Merk said:

I feel like I’m going mad.I just don’t care any more. When I’m being completely honest...I don’t care about my friends. I don’t care about my past lovers. I don’t care about my family members. I don’t care about the starving children in Africa. I don’t care about how we’re decimating the seas and literally causing 100+ species of life to go extinct on this earth every day. I don’t care about my favorite sports team any more. I don’t care about breakthroughs in science. I don’t care about accumulating money. I don’t care about my coworkers... the list goes on and on.

I just don’t give a shit any more...about those thoughts, which are not the things. Just thoughts, which can freely come & go now, as I am free of any need to believe them, I am free of the belief in ‘need’, I am and have always been, whole & complete. 

I don’t care about anything but myself. YES

 AND SO THERE IS NO SELF AND ANOTHER - TO JUDGE. I’m so selfish. I’m so egoic. I’m such a fucking devil and I’m struggling not to judge that.

There is no “that”. Judgement is just ruminating, overthinking. Let it go. 

I’m waking up to my unconsciousness (Or rather being bitch slapped by it) and all the suffering its facilitated my entire life.

”It” is not “unconsciousness”. “It” is the believing of arising thoughts about yourself, while you are ALWAYS the awareness of the thoughts. Thoughts come & go. Awareness - YOU - , do not come & go. 
 

It’s causing me these waves of depressed and hopelessness....this trying to hang on to thoughts & beliefs. It’s the suffering. Feeling says “let it go” - and when I ignore feeling, and believe thoughts - I suffer the doesn’t-feel-good of this. 

I oscillate back and forth between these extraordinary states of bliss and self love and acceptance of these thought which don’t feel good...”deep dark lows of meaninglessness and feeling alone.”

Nothing to accept. Acceptance is like trust. There is no such “middle man” as acceptance or trust. You are. There is sensation, feeling. “Listen” to sensation, feeling. Let the thoughts go. 

i feel like I’m going crazy... and that there’s no one out there that I can reach out to. Because nobody else gets it. The people around me haven’t experienced this existential angst. And even if they have, it makes no difference.

You don’t need (to be understood). That’s a thought, a belief. Let it go, or continue the suffering of suppressing the feeling which is YELLING “LET IT GO!”. 

I’m alone in this. Just me. 

So what could there ever be to worry about?

Don’t burn the day away in thought. Go experience. 

Is this normal on the spiritual path? Is this something y’all experience as well? And what do you do to even out the highs and lows? 

NO. Feeling terrible is NOT NORMAL. It’s literally the ignoring of your essential self, the ‘inner being’, Love. 

LET GO. LET GO. LET GO. 

See through them. All just thinking. Give it no fuel. Stop feeding it. Go experience. Try healing modalities.  

 

[Mindfang413]

On 12/22/2019 at 11:26 AM, King Merk said:

I feel like I’m going mad.

I just don’t care any more. 

When I’m being completely honest...

I don’t care about my friends. I don’t care about my past lovers. I don’t care about my family members. I don’t care about the starving children in Africa. I don’t care about how we’re decimating the seas and literally causing 100+ species of life to go extinct on this earth every day. I don’t care about my favorite sports team any more. I don’t care about breakthroughs in science. I don’t care about accumulating money. I don’t care about my coworkers... the list goes on and on.

I just don’t give a shit any more.

I don’t care about anything but myself. I’m so selfish. I’m so egoic. I’m such a fucking devil and I’m struggling not to judge that.

I’m waking up to my unconsciousness (Or rather being bitch slapped by it) and all the suffering its facilitated my entire life.
 

It’s causing me these waves of depressed and hopelessness.

I oscillate back and forth between these extraordinary states of bliss and self love and acceptance to these deep dark lows of meaninglessness and feeling alone.

i feel like I’m going crazy... and that there’s no one out there that I can reach out to. Because nobody else gets it. The people around me haven’t experienced this existential angst. And even if they have, it makes no difference.

I’m alone in this. Just me. 

Is this normal on the spiritual path? Is this something y’all experience as well? And what do you do to even out the highs and lows? 

Im feeling the exact same or at least from what u described i relate to. I feel absolutely indifferent to everything, including myself and my wellbeing and feelings and others as well. It hard to even see the significance of love or life at all for me. Its super confusing and i totally get what u mean by feeling like your going mad. I dont know how to get out of this lack of meaning or care. Except maybe to remember just how important love is...which is hard to do when u arnt capable of feeling it at the moment. I also fluctuate between moods of bliss and acceptance and then impossibly low moods of meaninglessness. I keep thinking that i need to care but i keep getting the feeling that non of this matters at all and it just seems impossible alot of the time to want to live.

Edit: Also yes i think this is normal for those going through whats called the dark night of the soul which seems o happen frequently on the spiritual path.

Edited December 24, 2019 by Mindfang413
wanted to add something

[28 cm unbuffed]

@King Merk

It's like the most hardcore version of fasting you can do, the most drastic but also the most effective one. I heard it can hunger your parasites, so like, the parts of you that are "bad", that start your emotional, fucked up triggers. 

I'm moving to another city too, good luck mate!