Is it really hard to leave the house of my parents and live independently?

[John Iverson]

I need guise your say here, this is my situation

This is the point in my life that I'm in my ojt, after that I have a plan to work in Neurofeedback, I don't really know if that's going to happen, that's the only job I want to go (((but i am open to other possibilities, if you know something i can work on while doing my life purpose and i can have a profit to that i will get that opportunity.. a work or job that is new or have a significance ,  something like working on Neurofeedback it is new and it has a significance.. I don't want a job or work that it is now meeeeeh)))),

I don't really know how much money there is, I'm a psychology student, I don't have a goal to get liscensorship, i already waste my life I don't want to waste my life even more so after college, the idea is I'm going to go all in to my life purpose, I'm going to leave my parents house, i anticipate and I think it's going to be hard for them, and also it is going to be very difficult for me, because all this time I depend on my parents from washing the dishes to laundry, to budgeting my income to cleaning the house, to cooking, the toughest part for me is getting the money and I don't know if my salary will be enough to survuve alone here in the Philippines, would you please give me a suggestion? beyond I can think of right now. Upon graduating my mother have an expectation she wants me to become a Psychologist and she has planned going abroad or work somewhere to give me money to support proceed my study to have master’s degree and to pass board exams I'm going to become stuck in giving support to my parents after graduation.

That's why I know it's going to be rough for them to have a son like me, that's so different from other people, having their demands and expectations to do all their expectations or whatever they have programmed by society, they're going to pull me to do what I have to do(I choose to do what I want to do,..” my deepest” and “meaningful desires”), but who's going to help them if I leave? How can I help them, how can I express my love to them, I have this thought that what if while I am pursuing this they die? how can I fix that? I don’t know I am weak right now, I don’t know how or what I am suppose to do how can i fix their funeral or  the papers, the hospital stuffs or who’s going to be their look out if something will happen? Whose I am going to call to fix that kind of stuffs or if they become older who’s going to takecare for them. That is also my concern, they expect that the children are going to take care for them when they become older but until I die I want to focus to my life purpose, I also want to make life easy for them, but having this journey it affects how they will live their life, they will have the toughest life, they will struggle more compared to life of the ordinary whose going to give in to society, (by choosing the path of roadless travelled.) I have a plan to not bother to talk to them for I want to focus to my journey and also because I don’t want to hear negativity, I want to become busy and focus, I want to make them see rather talk.. The next time I let them see me is by the time I am successful by doing that, I don’t know if that is the right decision or if i can do that either, I am bothered not going back to them and need their help and make them say I told you so my son. Because in my side there is always struggles, the ups and down of life and they programmed me ,  that family is the one thing that will help if something tragic happen to me... so if my actions is being a rebel, something what I communicate to them by this kind of actions they have the last say to me.. This ( “see I told you” “you will come back” life will give you tragedies if you not obey your parents and in the end of the day you will comeback for help.. ) this is bulshit but please give me a salvation to this kind of program… 

it is a long journey, they will not see me for a long time, they will have a negative thoughts about that kind of behavior, I am a selfish it will spread out to all of my family/relatives  and I am going to be a disappointment I cannot face my family even now, thinking the plan I have, leaving all my families and  parents?, It is complicated to me I am a breadwinner in the family also I cannot express my concerns for them, I talk to my mother but the frequency is not match but I give her love and I said to her where you want to travel ma? One day if I have financial freedom I will treat you wherever country you want, (my life purpose also will help me to have connection so yea oneday I see it is possible because of my connections that will give me accommodation, I am optimistic hehe), I need them to have faith on me but ofcourse they cannot understand tho my mother’s response is hehe you are the one who suppose to fix our passport hehe uhm? ((((Okay that response is coming from FEMININE ENERGY THO TO TAKE THE LEAD HAHA) , my plan is I will say to them that you guise must have a work because I cannot yet give a support that you expect, living in the philiphines is hard even I have a degree the cost of living is not enough my mother and I last time talk and I ask her to compute the cost of living if I am going to lilve alone, how much money I need from day to day, in month, 
what we computed is only for survival needs where I am going to get money for my life purpose? To but books!!!!! WHERE.. the money is not enough maybe to the cost of living like house rent. The food, the soap, the electricity, the water consumptions, etc. you know what I mean you guise in America people there when they turned 18 they are out in parent’s home…

my mother’s age is in 40’s, my father’s age is in 50’s my father should become more masculine but he is in the Feminine side, my mother is the one right now making the decision, his thinking is he ioverage in the work.. that makes me have an uncomfortable feeling about him,
  I am frustrated typing this to all of you, I am afraid that they will settle it in media, there is segment here in the Philippines called Tulfo, that something like this will happen to me,  I am going to jail or obliged me to support them or I am going to get embarrassed to all people abroad or here in the Philippines whoever watch that, I think in blue stage in consciousness they will not understand my side, even if they are in the level of they want to give me equal statement.. because of their consciousness , you know what I mean, this is the best i can plan of, first to graduate to have a more descent profit , even tho I don't want to study in the university i decided to graduate cuz I don't know any alternative it (if you want to help me or support me or give me home or something go I need that) it is very hard for me,… to all in my journey, but i am hoping that i have a future that is great ahead of me that is waiting for me, i really feel it, tho,

 i am already done the life purpose course, i am now on my way to finish the working on my subconscious mind , i think if i am going to finish that stage in life purpose course i will become inevitable.. and i feel it, i can see that by this time i am already surrendered with any fear, i let this feeling of (idk what is this, a feeling of pure desire of what i want) to melt with myself and become the force and flow and to serve this desires, it gets clearer and clearer doing subconscious work, my concern is I don't want to go back to my parents house because my money is not enough or I will have a problem that I don’t see or anticipate by the time I bite the bullet to go all in in this path independently.. 
in addition, hmmm my time is fully occupied that i cannot do the work.. I don't really know tho if that is the case.. but realistically i think that will happen...  what is other suggestions you can think of? I need an advice from the people who already past this stage...  you know you can relate to me, i would much appreciate your response... i am on my vacation so i have so many time  before the ojt begin and i have also time before stage of working in Neurofeedback., also I don't know if living alone i can freely do the activities that I expect, “smoothly”, i have a thought that it will not gonna be easy and free, I don't know? Doing the the manual laundry, cleaning the house, cleaning the bathroom, work at neurofeedback, “i think it is 9-5?”, eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, take a bath, etc all survival things occupy my whole 24 hours time so what can you say about that??

PS: i really need to go and live away to my parents, what do you expect will happen if i do pick up and practice occult in my parents' house? Hahahaha! 

Edited December 22, 2019 by John Iverson

[Vipassana]

wow man. Interesting read. I am in a very similar predicament although I have the privilege to live in California so I'm not very worried about my financial future however as of now, I am broke and rely on my parents money. It is really the initial first few steps I am going to have to take which is going to be the most difficult. 
 

As of now, I am open to go to college... get a degree in communications degree (my mom insists that I go to college because she spend years of her life working very hard so that I would be able to migrate to the United States). Here I am now and I have a bigger vision for my life than my mother had for me a decade ago. I am still attending community college & honestly... it is easy. I don't know how it is going to be when I transfer into a University, I would imagine that the work load would be heavy but as long as I am learning practical skills I am down to complete although I doubt a degree is going to impact my life purpose in any way. A radical step for me would be to become financially free within a year, 'show' my mom that I am capable of thriving without having to go to college & present a compelling vision for 'our' life. I do intuit that college is just going to waste my time because I am reaching stage yellow / turquoise with orange shadows. 

The part where you speak about 'showing' them rather than just presenting a possibility is very relatable. There isn't much I can say to my mom as of now because I have just began to wake up from a deep slumber. My attitude towards life is just now beginning to change & I am just now beginning to crystallize some good habits. I plan to become remarkable, in my house, in my community  and in this world however If I were to narrate my vision to my mom right now, she would merely brush it off as wishful thinking. I really do need to show everyone including myself that I am capable of pursuing an unorthodox path. 

I wish I had a good advice to give to you but all I can say is I feel you brother. I hope you keep the forum updated with your situation. 

[electroBeam]

I'm about 3 to 4 years ahead of you. My circumstances and train of thought is slightly different but similar. 

Everything you worry about is bullshit. Don't worry about your parents for now. Go be a neuro feedback psychologist or whatever. Your parents will need you in 30 years time... not now. Your parents are adults, they can handle not being around you. I get though you're asian so you probably have a deep attachment to parents, but even asian have to leave their parent's houses eventually. You can't put too much on your plate at the beginning or you will burn out. Have a very narrow, single focus mind, just go do your LP. Doing everything at once never works. 

My parents at this moment are extremely disappointing with me because of my LP. They wanted me to be a successful scientist... instead I dropped university/college and made a startup which will take another 10 years to provide financial freedom, if it will at all. But this is your life, not you're mum's. Even though your mum has brainwashed you to think that she knows what's best for you more than you do, its not true. Actually that's just passive aggressive bullying. Take responsibility for your life dude. Do you think Jesus's mum approved of him being on the street telling everyone to love each other???? C'mon. Nelson Mandela's first gf/wife divorced him because he decided to sacrifice his freedom for his people. Even if this decision is stupid from a asian sort of 'financial security' perspective, and even if you struggle to survive through this path, the growth from the struggle far outweighs any benefits you can get from financial security. 

If you're planning to do anything worth while, you will not get approval from your parents or family. You're on your own, and that is scary, but necessary for a good LP. 

Edited January 1, 2020 by electroBeam

[Byun Sean]

ask yourself what would someone who loved themselves do? Listen to your hearts answer and go do that.

Remember it's a brief life and it's yours. how do you want to look back on your life in the next 20-30-40 years etc? Think about that. That will help you make your decision.

 

[John Iverson]

10 hours ago, Vipassana said:

wow man. Interesting read. I am in a very similar predicament although I have the privilege to live in California so I'm not very worried about my financial future however as of now, I am broke and rely on my parents money. It is really the initial first few steps I am going to have to take which is going to be the most difficult. 
 

As of now, I am open to go to college... get a degree in communications degree (my mom insists that I go to college because she spend years of her life working very hard so that I would be able to migrate to the United States). Here I am now and I have a bigger vision for my life than my mother had for me a decade ago. I am still attending community college & honestly... it is easy. I don't know how it is going to be when I transfer into a University, I would imagine that the work load would be heavy but as long as I am learning practical skills I am down to complete although I doubt a degree is going to impact my life purpose in any way. A radical step for me would be to become financially free within a year, 'show' my mom that I am capable of thriving without having to go to college & present a compelling vision for 'our' life. I do intuit that college is just going to waste my time because I am reaching stage yellow / turquoise with orange shadows. 

The part where you speak about 'showing' them rather than just presenting a possibility is very relatable. There isn't much I can say to my mom as of now because I have just began to wake up from a deep slumber. My attitude towards life is just now beginning to change & I am just now beginning to crystallize some good habits. I plan to become remarkable, in my house, in my community  and in this world however If I were to narrate my vision to my mom right now, she would merely brush it off as wishful thinking. I really do need to show everyone including myself that I am capable of pursuing an unorthodox path. 

I wish I had a good advice to give to you but all I can say is I feel you brother. I hope you keep the forum updated with your situation. 

I'm going to update my situation to inspire you, now I'm in the house of my Uncle. hm? I've written this post here, I've spent my holiday here just to feel my seIf or my independency, I am absolutely testing the water. not totally but atleast i have a small bit of what i should expect.. like doing the laundry for my self hahaha and i have now wounds hahahahahah

 

right now I try to message my friends that also a self actualizer here in actualize. Org and here in the philippines and I said to them I will find a place after my ojt and the moment I have a work I share the idea that they help me for paying the rent, the bills, etc.. I have a friend that agree to it idk if that will happen cuz anything will happen and change, that is the idea I have got..

Dude, if you have a different idea apart from going to college, I don't recommend going that way, go work now! Don't waste your time. That's true, if you go to college, you would waste your time. So much, so much. This depends on the country in which you live. Your country's money, if there's only someone who's going to help me and open me to other possiblity, I'm not moving to go to school. I'm not going to pursue my studies ... well if there is a opportunity to me going to another country or something idk, or give me help to for me to have a other possibilities i am open to that. Atleast I have my own plans and I'm open to what's possible as well.

[John Iverson]

10 hours ago, electroBeam said:

 

I'm about 3 to 4 years ahead of you. My circumstances and train of thought is slightly different but similar. 

Everything you worry about is bullshit. Don't worry about your parents for now. Go be a neuro feedback psychologist or whatever. Your parents will need you in 30 years time... not now. Your parents are adults, they can handle not being around you. I get though you're asian so you probably have a deep attachment to parents, but even asian have to leave their parent's houses eventually. You can't put too much on your plate at the beginning or you will burn out. Have a very narrow, single focus mind, just go do your LP. Doing everything at once never works.

 

This , thank you for this.. so much gratitude you give me , now it gives me a release, that my father and mother will be okay... they might think that I don't care but i think alot for the both of them... 

 

Tho i have an issue to my father,We don't have money right now, my mother is the one who works, she lives in her mother's house, and my grandparents and relatives in Canada are supporting us to trade service with my mother... My father is the one who cooks and he always has an excuse that because of his age he can't find a job, yes, I can have an empathy somehow and in fact it's true, but... I like to see my father deciding about himself! Have a plan, take the lead. I know better , that I'm a self-actualizer, but my father is the opposite.. 

They passing the responsiblity to me.. how can i suppose to act in that situation?? It is the same as the thinking of being a breadwinner, i think they should have a work for themselves...  i will help them but i cannot give it right now...

 

My question is , what do you mean don't do everything at the same time? About  going out to rent a house for me tobe independent?

10 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Do you think Jesus's mum approved of him being on the street telling everyone to love each other???? C'mon. Nelson Mandela's first gf/wife divorced him because he decided to sacrifice his freedom for his people. Even if this decision is stupid from a asian sort of 'financial security' perspective, and even if you struggle to survive through this path, the growth from the struggle far outweighs any benefits you can get from financial security. 

This! Thank you for this! 

Edited January 1, 2020 by John Iverson

[MAYA EL]

You need to start by doing your own bill payments as well as buy your own food and all your own mandatory house chores so that you get in a rhythm then look st your monthly income and try to find the price of living wherever you want to live and start to find out how much all the Bill's generally cost and try to stay at or under 75% of you monthly income for total rent and mandatory related costs . But never max out your income with commitment oriented payments because life is full of surprises and so you need that last 25% for the "what ifs"  trust me because idk how it is where you live but in the US good credit is a good thing to have and it sucks when you have bad credit.  Luckily I've been able to consistently raise my credit to almost a 800 which is very good for if you ever need to buy something on payments 

[John Iverson]

2 hours ago, MAYA EL said:

You need to start by doing your own bill payments as well as buy your own food and all your own mandatory house chores so that you get in a rhythm then look st your monthly income and try to find the price of living wherever you want to live and start to find out how much all the Bill's generally cost and try to stay at or under 75% of you monthly income for total rent and mandatory related costs . But never max out your income with commitment oriented payments because life is full of surprises and so you need that last 25% for the "what ifs"  trust me because idk how it is where you live but in the US good credit is a good thing to have and it sucks when you have bad credit.  Luckily I've been able to consistently raise my credit to almost a 800 which is very good for if you ever need to buy something on payments 

Thanks for the advice it will help me

[Onfeetable]

I think it will be difficult only for first time. Don't worry, all will be cool! For me the most difficult thing was cleaning:) But there are so many useful tools which you can buy and they will help you to do all work. For example I hate washing floors and I bought cool spin mop, with it I  can clean floors in 10 minutes! If you interested, here you can read EasyWring Microfiber Review. Good luck!

Edited May 5, 2020 by Onfeetable

[lacsativ]

What a beautiful write-up. You're a beautiful person and I hope your parents are aware of that above all societal customs. I don't really have much advice to offer but I wish you all the best and empathise dearly with your struggle. 

Living on your own is easier than it may seem. There's a few basic routines that you need to create. Limit what you eat to a few recipes that are easy to cook and as healthy as possible. You don't want too much variety, it just takes a lot of time, you want to find a few staple recipes that you'll cook most of the time. You can always cook something fancy once in a while. 

Clean as you go. Wash the dishes after you're done eating. Only takes a minute or two. Take an hour or so to do a more thorough cleaning once a week, I'm talking hoovering, removing dust with a wet cloth, mopping (pro-tip, you can skip mopping and just clean the messy parts with a napkins and some dezinfectant). You also want to do the washing on the same day every few weeks or once a month depending on how many clothes you wear. Don't let the wardrobe become too cluttered, takes a few minutes to fold the clothes neatly after you do the washing. You want to have two sets of bed sheets so you can cycle between them when the one you're using needs washing. I change mine every 2-3 months, some people do it more often, but it should be fine for a pretty long time if you shower before bed, don't sweat at night, and open the windows to let some fresh air in every day. 

Know what bills you have to pay and when you have to pay them. Don't procrastinate on this, might be a little overwhelming at first but it becomes a habit after a few months.

Don't own a lot of things. You don't want clutter, takes time to clean and can be distracting. House might look a little bit empty at first if you come from a culture where you keep a lot of things in your house (god knows I do), but you'll soon realize how nice it is to live in a clutter free environment. 

There's three essential things you want to focus on to make your quality of life top notch, and in my opinion those are: 1) Sleep, 2) Diet (whatever works for you, rule of thumb is to try it for a month to see how you feel - some people go for plant based diet, some people go for a very low carb/carnivore diet. Don't listen to people preaching about diets, try it for yourself and see what works best - once you have it, as I said above, have some staple recipes that you cook most of the time. As an example, it only takes me about half an hour two cook, eat, and wash the dishes, and I only eat two times a day, which makes about an hour in total) 3) Meditation (honestly one hour a day has made a lot of my "problems" just fade away). 

As far as budgeting goes, rent/utilities/food are highest priority. Know how much you need to spend each month on essentials and put that sum aside no matter what, make it non negotiable. 

The secret is to find a few simple routines that make for a sustainable lifestyle. You just have to stick with them even though if feels awkward and clunky at first. Will save you a lot of time in the long term. 

Just as a reference, I never did any chores growing up. My family would take care of everything, cooking, cleaning, buying groceries, bills, etc. I had to learn everything from scratch. You'll be absolutely fine. 

Edited October 28, 2020 by lacsativ