Self+Love journey

[archi]

 

Goal: finish Leo's course, self-realization , self-actualization, center for enlightenment

I started with self-actualization and self-realization when money stopped making me happy, actually lots of things stopped making me happy, I got into relationship problems and I tried to find out way out of misery. It is already almost 9 years now. 

Time to move on !

[archi]

 

So, lets get to the point with few posts what is really the status of being. I try to be as much consistent as possible.

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Reading lots of texts from Leo's list and outside list I was looking for peace of my soul. First book that I read was Frankl : Man searching for meaning, aka I did not see any meaning to my existence and I wanted to hold on to something.

That let me to other psychology/psychiatry texts and ultimately led to eastern texts (yoga, hindu, budhists)

Given that I red stuff on yoga I was looking for style of yoga that could give me more than fitness.

So, I found  ashtanga yoga around 5-6 years ago and I started practicing it, it was and it is painful process :), somewhen in 2017 I even did teacher training course. It was natural that I'm going to start yoga studio. 

 

What helped me in my journey:

- reading books/audiobooks from Leo's list

- reading other texts related to yoga. budhism, zen

 

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Time went on and I changed countries I lived in and job I was doing but I felt things are not  ok so I was searching for teacher or teaching.

I wanted to become apprentice of many teachers but I quickly realized that I'm going to have difficulty to find teacher. I could pick golden nuggets from them but I had difficulty to oversee unbalanced details in their lives, I was going for perfection .

I created personal program with multiple things that I'm going to participate in.

I took part in 10day vipassana retreat in javorie.sk led by Buddhist monk, it cleared lot of rubbish from my mind. 

Then, I got info about psychedelics from actualized.org and I went for a trip to Netherlands and had rape, kambo, bufo and ayahuasca within 2 days. My intention was find our what is reality and It changed my perspective of reality . Actually, I went there twice, first time I was a bit in some fractal , in some strange state  and second time I had enlightenment  experience "what is".

Ayahuasca was amazing for me, I was talking to a plant like some friend that  knew my past, present and future.

I took part in several workshop based on Harners program, european shamanic program https://www.shamanism.org/ , it gave me different perspective on shamanism, especially siberian shamanism. 

At the same time I met shamanic woman from UK that helped me to see and confirm many of my findings, to which I'm greatfull.

Around that time I also recognized that Kriya yoga is very helpful for enlightenment work so I created program for myself where I joined ashtanga and kriya yoga and it works well.  I admit I practice mostly ashtanga for grounding effect.

My current state is that I feel incredibly free and blissful, I cannot say it is constant but daily/weekly practice that I do helps me to get into that state.  

Maybe I missed some details and timeline is not exact but core is there.

 

What helps me in my journey:

- reading books/audiobooks from Leo's list

- reading other texts related to yoga. budhism, zen

- neoshamanic retreats in Netherlands (Kambo, Bufo, Aya)

- shamanic methods of siberian shaman

- toltec culture

- silent vipassana retreats

- ashtanga and kriya yoga

Edited December 20, 2019 by archi

[archi]

I can live like I lived up to now, however, I decided that I have to change my life quite a bit.

I was able to accumulate enough wealth that I could move somewhere cheap and live there forever ever after  . It is not true but I did some calculations and I'm safe next 40 years if things do not change dramatically.

I'm 15years in marriage , it looks like not from love or maybe I just forgot about it and want my freedom. Either I got it or I'm going to get it, contract is still valid . I would be already divorced if I did not have 2 great boys so it is very difficult to create suffering in their lives. Well, you can comment on it, this is one thing where I'm lagging quite a bit. 

What happened in that sense comes tomorrow ... 

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I exchanged journal time with sauna and thai massage so I was in bliss afterwards.

I become aware of the fact that all what I'm going to write might be used against me in the future. Despite that I'm going to keep honest posts.

One of the goals is finish Leo's LP course, it might fill gaps that I might have in my current journey.

I listened to 10-20 percent of videos long time ago, I realized that I do not need it per se and Leo has lots of stuff already in his videos from the past.

So I started to review all core concepts and I plan to finish it this weekend.

 

[archi]

I'm going to organize a bit concerning my original goals

1. LP course

I reviewed core values of LP course and I already wonder what brings assessment part :).

I have to work on procrastination but I've improved a lot over past few months.

If something honestly interests me that I fully commit to it. Otherwise, I just linger between not acceptable and just enough.

Edited December 24, 2019 by archi

[archi]

 

I was looking into definitions of self-realization and self-actualization. 

I came across interesting distinction in a sense of  Self and its parts.

"In self-actualization, the self is viewed only in terms of identity and the consciousness. In self-realization, the self includes the unconscious."

Also, distinction related to fact how self relates to the world:

"In self-actualization, the self relates to the outside physical world, in creating things and relating to other people. In self-realization, the self relates more to an inner world, in realizing potential and in achieving the completeness of personality."

And behavioral  characteristics of a person:

"A self-actualized or actualizing person is creative and has deep interpersonal relationships while a person who achieved self-realization has inner peace and has a strong spiritual fulfillment."

It seems this website should be called realized.org than actualized.org .

Read more: Difference Between Self Actualization and Self Realization | Difference Between http://www.differencebetween.net/science/psychology/difference-between-self-actualization-and-self-realization/

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Master gives disciple last test, return to your family and spend a week with them.

Well, that is what I did over Christmas time ( I visited my family) and it was really enlightening experience.

As a summary: I had to accept my sisters self-searching, my mum's selfless caring and compassion, my fathers interest in technical stuff.

What I realized was what values and attachments they imprinted in me over my years with them.

I have to admit it was not easy to consider they are part of me but I embraced it at the end with calmness and love.

On my left hand I started to carry bracelet to remind me of self-love and on my right hand I carry bracelet that reminds me to be compassionate. 

 

Edited December 29, 2019 by archi

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I had small pause due to New Year and I organized myself trip to South Asia.

Feel free to use my referral code and tour I take ... ( I hope it is not against the rules, I remove it if it is  )

https://www.tourradar.com/invite/yJcVnr

My tour at max 30+% discount https://www.tourradar.com/t/130847 

I took tour from 25.1.

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I realized I did not post since tuesday.

Never-mind, I progressed on LP course, I realized that I had value assessment already in various forms before and my life is not too far away from   dream life I envision for myself.

I guess I look for confirmations of realizations that I already know or experienced before.

I worked on course for long-term water fasting where one leads people towards 1week fasting and return, including better diet afterwards.

At the same time I take part in kriya yoga course so lets see what it brings because I have already feeling that I know most of the things related to it, I just need more time for practice.  

Finally, I  read Ramaji: Who am I meditation and it seems to me at places confusing, especially with heart on right hand side.

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I progressed in Leo's LP course but far from the completion, it really needs time. I realized that many things just come with age and experience. It would certainly help me in my 20ies, however, my path would be different and I'm where I'm and should be.

I went to South East Asia where I travelled through Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam where I concentrated more on direct experience rather than journaling and forum. 

Now, I'm in Doha (return journey layoff) and I contemplate what it has brought into my life. Mostly are the confirmations that people are all over the world the same.

I also met several fellow travellers which inspired me in terms of survival within current structures of society, I've seen myself in all of them.

I started working on project Self+Love which should be finished/started in 2-3months. Given that I have to board the plane I have to describe it in the following post.

 

[archi]

As I mentioned before I inclined to yoga especially ashtanga because it grounding for my self. I reached the point where I decided to take teacher training course because it could serve as a survival instrument and I hoped that some of these people were far in the personal development. Well, I know it is not true and I realized that many of them  they are just still stuck in survival mode. Not only that but I asked about yoga teacher jobs and I realized that yoga studios are screwing up yoga teachers and in order to earn enough money one has to waste lots of personal energy and there is no enough energy left for their own practice.

So my goal become how to go beyond survival? There is no security in the world but I listened to Sadhguru and he expressed that it is almost first time in history that we can just buy stuff, live from it for a long time (a year or so) and concentrate on transformation.  Hurrah, so I buy stuff, close myself, going to exercise and meditate and I'm going to transform myself into enlightened being. I realized that it might not be the path for me as one can look at it as running away and it can at certain point become a problem. 

How to go beyond survival  as a householder with family?

I had to wait until I have seen that my children can be self-sustained and I can be involved at the limited level. Anyway, I've observed that  there is some healthy  level of parents influence on children but beyond it parents just create barriers and blockages in children's future development. 

At the same time I look at my relationship(s) and I wonder what would happen to the relationships if one goes beyond survival? I see there issues with my addition to pleasure, porn and sex, I think I worry about the unknown.

I transformed my life to a rhythm where I would incorporate meditation, yoga, self-development into my life. However, I've seen it is not enough.

The only resolution I could come up is that I start something that would support my practice and at the same time bring some compensation that would support my life and expenses or at least part of expenses.

So, I decided to start yoga studio where I would play a role as a teacher. At the same time I have to find a space which I would own and I could manage how much to pay yoga teachers so myself too. 

However, this idea changed over time and it transformed from yoga studio to holistic center. I would use topics and experiences that I went trough and offer it in terms of workshops over the time. I wondered how would I call it, I came up with an idea of sahaja yoga (sahaja means spontaneous enlightenment). Then friend of mine become involved in choosing name and she proposed name Arya and given that I wanted to involve her in the studio I changed the name. Also I did not want to influence things, I try to give things free flow.

Then I was influenced by Leo's video which ultimately explained few things around Self and Love that I already experienced and I had them in my mind but they were not connected. I started to see connections and it led to ultimate idea for name: Self + Love.  

 

 

[archi]

All the administrative work around starting business is really annoying. I end up creating non-profit organization S+L, guess Self+Love but English names are not allowed therefore S+L.

I started to call the place "Center S+L", Center Self+Love. I know I'm going to expose myself here but hey that is naked life ...)

https://www.facebook.com/CentrumSelfPlusLove

So, all in progress except, neighbor above flooded inner walls of  "Center S+L", grocery Billa that has monopoly in the neighborhood put fence that people cannot park nearby (well, I need access for renovation, building material is heavy stuff), the floor that I ordered looks like cheap Polish crap and it takes double the time to put down.

I found out that I'm going to need additional permission from hygiene, a subsidiary Ministry of Health and they also need analysis of water quality and god knows what else, smells with corruption for me. Oh, I wonder how clean is on-line business. Yes, I started to run "Center Self+Love" as a "profit" business because nobody wants to work with non-profit business. People do not understand that it is just a vehicle for avoiding administrative burden.

My vision is quite simple:

Centers for Self+Love are going to pop up all over the Europe/World and they are going to communicate in some progressive fashion, share knowledge and  information how to progress within self-actualization, self-realization, enlightenment work and other life pursuits. 

 

That is enough for today, feel free to comment, criticize or help with development Center for Self+Love ... 

[archi]

I was reactivated from my personal retreat by Leo's first video after retreat.

I do not want to react on his video, I just say that at one of my 5-meo experiences I received message that I have to forgive myself therefore I quite resonate with the mental purification process Leo was going trough.

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I return to my "Center Self+Love" endeavor,  I had to postpone the opening which suppose to be latest April.

Actually, I'm glad because I felt I was tired of overall process and I could see there the problems are and I did not anticipate many bureaucratic hurdles.

Covid break gave me also more time to think about things around management of the center and where do I want to lead it. What directions do I want to push that comes from my journey. 

I expect post-Covid reopening of borders and economy in late may/june.

I started asking :

 How to operate the whole structure of center?

How am I going really participate in the overall process?

How to attract teachers and motivate them so they provide best service for people?

No that I did not have an idea but I saw that people are mainly in survival mode, especially due to Covid, nobody is sending checks with dollars outside America  .

 

 

 

[archi]

My top 5 strengths: all of them fit but I'm not sure about the order

Your Top Strength
Bravery and valor -
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is
right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.
Your Second Strength
Fairness, equity, and justice -
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions
about other people. You give everyone a chance.
Strength #3
Creativity, ingenuity, and originality -
Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the
conventional way if a better way is possible.
Strength #4
Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness -
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to
conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.
Strength #5
Humor and playfulness -
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all
situations.

 

 

 

Edited April 27, 2020 by archi

[archi]

How to teach that cannot be taught?

Path to total awakening does not go trough the garden of Eden but through the flames of Hell.

 

 

 

[archi]

I heard it in one of the recent films: "Gravity is a reaction to loneliness." I cannot unlike it. I triggers lots of buttons :).

[archi]

I heard it in one of the recent films: "Gravity is a reaction to loneliness." I cannot unlike it. I triggers lots of buttons.

It seems I did not post for several months.

This does not mean that I was doing nothing, it seems I do not need spend time writing memos but I was living life.

Is there any better film than your own?! One should keep living rather than keep watching ...

However, I also realized that how attached I become to the project Center Self+Love.

Once I realized that all is as it should be and there is nothing to be done it helped me to  return to parvatha state.

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To infer one’s existence no other evidence is necessary.

The senses and the mind arising from the ego cannot serve as evidence relating to the Self. 

The Self is their basis. They do not exist independently of the Self.

One’s own existence is self-evident.

Bliss is the Self.

All become dear only owing to the love of Self.

Love is not different from the Self.

Love of an object is of an inferior order and cannot endure.

Whereas the Self is Love, in other words, God is Love.

[archi]

I'm just listening to Leo's new video and I went past 17min realizing that I had that realization in the evening after 5Meo when I wondered whether there is even something ....  I questioned here and now and I saw there is no-here and no-now that was mind-blowing .

Interesting, Leo claims that: all there is - is nothing and the reason that it exists is that it is nothing, excellent.

after 35 minutes

thich nhat hanh advices to ask if you got "empty" glass. Empty glass ... but empty of what ?

reality is just superposition of mega wavefunction that is actually virtual  ?

Edited July 20, 2020 by archi

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It is unbelievable how life plays its cards.

I have to deliver to officials project that is done by architect or similar and I asked my uncle whether he would do it. Long story short he agreed so we almost almost finished the project. Here comes lump inside the breast of his wife and all is stopped, rushing to doctors, hospitals, surgery. Many people say that it wants to tell me something. Well , I just say, if there is any suffering I'm too attached to a project. Or one can say, waw, what a coincidence!

At the same time we all become more conscious about the limited physical life as we know it.