Regaining The Ability To Focus

[stuck af]

so I am in highschool ,currently  struggling with a TONS of things: grades,social life,rest,self esteem,diet,health.

I also have TONS of ADDICTIONS. I used to play video games litteraly all day long and of course that led to the problems I listed above .

Over the last few months  I actually stopped playing THAT MUCH video games(I still play,but nothing compared to the daily 8 hours I used to),BUT I still don t do shit with my life.I fixed some problems here and there,but nothing that significant.

And also...I kind of  replaced the time I used to play video games with simply doing other  meaningless shit like: browsing the internet for hours,rarely doing it for something actually usefull,looking for distraction using music, and the worst of all ,A LOT  of daydreaming. I mean..shit tons of daydreaming.

So on  one hand, to be able to focus on a task you have to eliminate all physical distractions like turning off the TV,PC,phone etc. And I admit,a lot of the times I can t even do this basic shit.

On the other hand,I get distracted by my daydreaming. So if by some miracle I actually start doing some work: homework,reading a book or sometimes even  daily basic tasks,5-10 minutes after I actually get  caught up in some fantasy  conversation or  affair  in my head.

How do I get the motivation to do things,and also the ability to stay focused on the task? Cause right now I am just wasting my time and days go by day after day after day and my life keeps going slowly lower and lower and lower and I think I am even depressed because  life kind of lost a lot of joy once I stopped playing video games all day long and got hit by reality.This makes it really hard for me to quit distractions cause when I start playing  or maybe listen to some music,fantasies , I almost escape the mental numbness that I experience,until reality hits again...hard...

PS: any tips for avoiding numbness while meditating.I can t do more than 20 minutes

Edited June 7, 2016 by stuck af

[99th_monkey]

First and foremost!!! be proud of yourself for standing up and having the courage to say "Fuck this!". you should be very proud and i would use your drive for a better life as the perfect motivator for staying on task and making life more then T.V. video games and interwebs. (non of which there is anything wrong with so dont beat yourself up) .dont worry about numbness, keep meditating 20mins is plenty of time when your starting off,

[Nathalie]

What would be meaningful for you?

You said:

32 minutes ago, stuck af said:

actually stopped playing THAT MUCH video games(

As Leo suggested in a video, it's good to stop a "bad" habbit, but you have to replace it with a "good" one, it means something you don't have the feeling you're wasting your time.. Sports? Learning a new skill? Playing a music instrument? Internet can be great if you use it and don't be used by it, I wouldn't surf but look for interesting stoff

If you want to stay focused.. I don't know a better method than meditation.. 20 minutes are ok as long as you don't wish or can more, you alone can determine it, right?

[stuck af]

Quote

11 minutes ago, 99th_monkey said:

you should be very proud and i would use your drive for a better life as the perfect motivator for staying on task and making life more then T.V. video games and interwebs.

well.of course I want to improve as much as I can. from diet,work,self esteem,relationships  and all that good stuff. but like I said, I always fall back into the: oh I can play  for like 2 hours and completely forget about everything. Meanwhile, my life gets slowly worse. how do I train my will force? How do I finnally say fuck this FOR good and actually make a major change.I know I can accomplish a lot,but the will power/motivation just isn t there.I really struggle with consistency. For instance, I start meditating,working on myself,reading self help books,I do it for 3,4 days in a row then I stop. and before I know it,in the next 2 weeks I am back doing nothing-stop meditating,working.It  s been like this for a few months.

 

[99th_monkey]

id start off with some little things to build some confidence in yourself. using the replacement method may work for you. 

for example. when your mind is buzzing with "video game" thoughts, go out for a walk, i used to Walk down to the convenience store and eat a candy bar. 

is it the healthiest thing? no but i get a little bit of pleasure out of it while building confidence in not giving in to the "thingy" im having a problem with.

this will be different for you and you'll have to find your own thingies to deal with thingyies for now, BUT its a great start.

[Saarah]

@stuck af I think you need to come up with a compelling goal, start thinking about what more you want for your life, since you're into daydreaming use it to imagine the kind of life you want and start identifying what it would take to move towards that

I used to be like you, wasting time with nothing meaningful associated with my time, it's because i wasn't desperate enough for anything, i had nothing to work towards, but now that i'm in uni, the real world is daunting ever closer, i've learnt how i have to take responsibility for everything, and it means i've had to start building my own life now instead of sitting in what has always just existed in front of me

That's why a goal is really important, i didn't like the idea of goals before, they felt very stuck and it was just because i was never envisioning anything for myself, i thought i'd get by, i still have that attitude of balance though where i enjoy where i am now but at the same time i use a compelling vision to ensure that i'm being proactive in my life vs reactive. It has made all the difference

Another thing i heard somewhere is desperation often breeds drive for success more than inspiration, so try to cultivate that desperation to want more for your life

In my last year of high school i remember it was super intense, after a bad year with exams it hit me hard, so the next year i worked so hard because i really wanted to make sure i didn't repeat my mistakes, i would come home and work for hours and the funny thing is i actually enjoyed those times of intense learning at my desk, i had no life but i got so immersed in the process i was just having fun being creative, making notes, learning fun stuff, a big part was that the topics i was doing just resonated with me. Another thing is i never could read books, i found it difficult to concentrate for long, but ever since i started buying books on topics that resonate much more it's become much more fun that it even replaces all my distraction activities. So the message here is to really find a way to enjoy the process and do what resonates with you.

You can't get rid of all those distractions until you have a more compelling alternative, so make your alternatives compelling. 

[charlie2dogs]

3 hours ago, stuck af said:

so I am in highschool ,currently  struggling with a TONS of things: grades,social life,rest,self esteem,diet,health.

I also have TONS of ADDICTIONS. I used to play video games litteraly all day long and of course that led to the problems I listed above .

Over the last few months  I actually stopped playing THAT MUCH video games(I still play,but nothing compared to the daily 8 hours I used to),BUT I still don t do shit with my life.I fixed some problems here and there,but nothing that significant.

And also...I kind of  replaced the time I used to play video games with simply doing other  meaningless shit like: browsing the internet for hours,rarely doing it for something actually usefull,looking for distraction using music, and the worst of all ,A LOT  of daydreaming. I mean..shit tons of daydreaming.

So on  one hand, to be able to focus on a task you have to eliminate all physical distractions like turning off the TV,PC,phone etc. And I admit,a lot of the times I can t even do this basic shit.

On the other hand,I get distracted by my daydreaming. So if by some miracle I actually start doing some work: homework,reading a book or sometimes even  daily basic tasks,5-10 minutes after I actually get  caught up in some fantasy  conversation or  affair  in my head.

How do I get the motivation to do things,and also the ability to stay focused on the task? Cause right now I am just wasting my time and days go by day after day after day and my life keeps going slowly lower and lower and lower and I think I am even depressed because  life kind of lost a lot of joy once I stopped playing video games all day long and got hit by reality.This makes it really hard for me to quit distractions cause when I start playing  or maybe listen to some music,fantasies , I almost escape the mental numbness that I experience,until reality hits again...hard...

PS: any tips for avoiding numbness while meditating.I can t do more than 20 minutes

after reading the above text you may as well spend that 20 minutes playing video games, you are confused, but you are not alone 99.9 % of humans are with you. you seem to know what the problems are but you are powerless to do anything about them,  there is no fix for that other than get off your ass and take some responsibility for your life and do something constructive with it and stop making excuses.

[Guest hi guys]

3 hours ago, charlie2dogs said:

@charlie2dogs  getting off my ass is the most basic thing I can do,I thought of that. But why is something so basic so difficult.any solid  tips for putting that into practice? I tried macking a schedule about 2 months ago. I did. Couldn t follow it for more than 2 days.

This might be a little confusing ,but I am the one who started the topic. I did it from another acc cause I had trouble with logging into this one.

Edited June 8, 2016 by hi guys