The End Of Seeking

[commie]

1 hour ago, Raphael said:

I'm not sure if I'm qualified to post here because I have a similar age and I'm also living with my parents, but I'm doing it anyway.

Living with your parents is fine. And in some circumstances it is the responsible choice. There's a reason multi-generational households used to be (and still are in some parts)  the norm.

The toxic masculinity in this thread is stifling.

If someone is living with their parents because they have personal issues, leaving won't fix them. The change might be helpful but that's by no means a given. Leaving might help if the relationship between child and parent is problematic however.

[zeroISinfinity]

1 minute ago, commie said:

Living with your parents is fine. And in some circumstances it is the responsible choice. There's a reason multi-generational households used to be (and still are in some parts)  the norm.

The toxic masculinity in this thread is stifling.

If someone is living with their parents because they have personal issues, leaving won't fix them. The change might be helpful but that's by no means a given. Leaving might help if the relationship between child and parent is problematic however.

He is not child. Grown ass adult man. 

Even if he stays in multi generational household what he does there. Plays video games. Doesn't work or anything else. 

Wants to dream big and enlightenment and everything else but only in his head not actually. 

Give me a break don't wish to waste time.

Toxic masculinity give me a break too. 

[Raphael]

@commie @zeroISinfinity @modmyth @Galyna

It might be better to open a new thread to discuss all these issues, we are derailing he's journal here. The discussion is not only about him anymore, and I feel that it will expand in many directions.

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity I understand what you're saying. If nothing changes I'm going to be 40 with the same problems i don't want that.

But I dont know what to do. If I get up and move out tmrw and rent a room, what if I break and just move back home. Right now I'm fucked, there would be nothing stopping me from just returning. 

I remeber last time i was depressed after I got better. The first thing i said to my parents is they should have yelled at me more, so I get the perspective. But I had a will to change then that came from my dad telling at me. Right now its just flat, there's no will to do anything.

@Raphael Its okay feel free to continue, this journal has turned it nothing but a pity party anyway so cant do worse.  I'll pm you @Raphael

@commie Thank you, but me living at home is not based on any prudent financial planning or anything. I'm just lost and stuck, I thought I'd feel better and find happiness through this work and that would inspire the next phase of my life but so far it hasn't happened. I dont agree with all of zero's points but the core of the issues hes right

@modmyth No so far I'm not. The last time I was depressed I did do that stuff on my own, but there was a kick in the ass that inspired change. It was felt. There's nothing at this moment driving that. But honestly last time I had no desire to improve anything in was just kinda in denial and avoided the problem. 

That's why I'm seeking out professional help, if I could do it on my own then it cant hurt to have a pro provide insights and guidance along the way. If it doesn't work then so be it, but I dont see how it can be considered a bad move given where I'm at

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7 Sorry, I really do not want to hurt you just to make you concious. I also faced all those problems you have right now and I know how to solve 'em because guess what I did. 

Why moving out and no psychiatrist. Because I want you best nothing less. I want you to spend time with girlfriend not wasting your time telling BS stories with psychiatrist. 

So if you are interested in making your life actually better lets do this. 

[commie]

28 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

me living at home is not based on any prudent financial planning or anything. I'm just lost and stuck

Regardless of your motives, it happens to be substantially more prudent financially than renting... unless of course if there's a place far away from your current home where you think you stand a much better chance of securing an income. If you only want to be away from your parents for a while, surely there are cheaper ways to do that than renting.

28 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

That's why I'm seeking out professional help, if I could do it on my own then it cant hurt to have a pro provide insights and guidance along the way. If it doesn't work then so be it, but I dont see how it can be considered a bad move given where I'm at

Other than the cost of the pro (if it's not covered by insurance, social security or something), the concern is evidently that you might use the prospect of the pro's help as an excuse to procrastinate. But surely you could start getting busy right now, and get in touch with a pro as well.

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7We build fundamentals. About this survival economical fears let me tell you a secret it's a lie.trust me on that despite what your logical mind might say and all these folks here. 

We do this to full scope then you finish work with @Nahm.

So you really get best. 

Best fundamentals best core then full liberation with @Nahm

Edited July 19, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[zeroISinfinity]

If you really honestly want best. 

Comes with high cost. 

Edited July 19, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[zeroISinfinity]

Now let me enjoy please

 

 

 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

53 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

orry, I really do not want to hurt you just to make you concious. I also faced all those problems you have right now and I know how to solve 'em because guess what I did. 

Why moving out and no psychiatrist. Because I want you best nothing less. I want you to spend time with girlfriend not wasting your time telling BS stories with psychiatrist. 

So if you are interested in making your life actually better lets do this. 

This has been useful so need for sorry. I always kinda knew these problems were there but it hits home with the bombardment for sure. 

What you're saying about no therapy etc doesn't make sense because i can go to therapy and if i get no results i'm in exact same situation. Upside of therapy is i solve mental blocks and then i move on with life without going nuclear. But nuclear may be best option.

With covid air ports are closed, but if i'm going to go nuclear I can't do it where I live. It would be too easy to go back to family, friends etc for support. First sign of adversity given my current state and mentality i would cave and go home. If i go nuclear i'm going to go to another country and start over full slate. I have bachelor's so i can get english teaching jobs in different countries. I'm Indian, but i've never actually been to  India. Could be useful to back there learn from third world country and just start from scratch. What i'm looking for is grit, discipline, responsilbility etc. I guess the plan would be just go, and don't come back until i've made a man of myself. Family money etc will be here whenever i return so then maybe i could enjoy and do something useful with the money when i'm matured.

44 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

About this survival economical fears let me tell you a secret it's a lie.trust me on that despite what your logical mind might say and all these folks here. 

What does that mean it's all

 @commie I understand. But cost isn't really a thing in this situation. The issue is i'm fully dependent on my rich family, got nothing of my own but anything i need or want they will give. 

[zeroISinfinity]

Now let me enjoy please

 

 

 

 

 

[zeroISinfinity]

17 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

This has been useful so need for sorry. I always kinda knew these problems were there but it hits home with the bombardment for sure. 

• Well sorry I am but that would I told you if you are here with me you know. Exact those words. 

What you're saying about no therapy etc doesn't make sense because i can go to therapy and if i get no results i'm in exact same situation. Upside of therapy is i solve mental blocks and then i move on with life without going nuclear. But nuclear may be best option.

• Well you can do that but you really don't need it. Nothing wrong with it but I beleive it's waste of time

With covid air ports are closed, but if i'm going to go nuclear I can't do it where I live. It would be too easy to go back to family, friends etc for support. First sign of adversity given my current state and mentality i would cave and go home. If i go nuclear i'm going to go to another country and start over full slate. I have bachelor's so i can get english teaching jobs in different countries. I'm Indian, but i've never actually been to  India. Could be useful to back there learn from third world country and just start from scratch. What i'm looking for is grit, discipline, responsilbility etc. I guess the plan would be just go, and don't come back until i've made a man of myself. Family money etc will be here whenever i return so then maybe i could enjoy and do something useful with the money when i'm matured.

• No need for 3rd world country. Canada is awesome. Yes some otger city would be cool. See you are so wise you know all this stuff

What does that mean it's all

• Did @Nahm told "life can't kill ya" he said that with huge reason. Will not go into that. We build core now. 

 @commie I understand. But cost isn't really a thing in this situation. The issue is i'm fully dependent on my rich family, got nothing of my own but anything i need or want they will give. 

Don't make rush moves plan this stuff out. Man up now. In your household too. Parents won't allow you until they see you changed and are striving to be adult. You don't have to do this but deep down you know this. It will be difficult. 

[zeroISinfinity]

You want dream life this is how. No more whinning, u happiness, pitty shit in your Journal. What you actually did during your day. Whatever the fuck you want will respond. 

It will be hard but it will pay off. 

Edited July 19, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[commie]

 

26 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

But cost isn't really a thing in this situation. The issue is i'm fully dependent on my rich family, got nothing of my own but anything i need or want they will give. 

Cost is a thing if you want to become independent from their money or simply become free from it. Because while that money could buy you things, it could also create trouble for you if you dwell among the less privileged. All young people could be targeted by predators but you have an extra problem: anyone who knows about this money (everyone here for instance) could harm you in trying to get a piece or simply harm you out of spite because they hate what you stand for. If you keep behaving as if this money is there for you, you won't even need to open your mouth to draw on target on your back.

 

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity

3 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Don't make rush moves plan this stuff out. Man up now. In your household too. Parents won't allow you until they see you changed and are striving to be adult. You don't have to do this but deep down you know this. It will be difficult. 

I'm not going to rush. But I don't think staying in Canada will do me any good. I've already lived on my own in a city here and i wasn't happy this place isn't for me given my current mindset and state of being. 

The whole point of this plan would be to teach me respect, independence, humility, responsibility and separation from my parents. India, Asia, South America would be options to live in rural conditions. I had a law teacher who did something similar i heard he was an unhappy law student, then spent 7 years in south america before coming back to Canada. He seemed like a good guy, i can email him and ask what he was like before and how the trip changed him. 

Leaving for however long it takes to become a man, and then come back to Canada and finally appreciate the wealthy and luxury is a better plan than i currently have. I honestly thought that's what i was doing with spiritual work, find yourself etc and then enjoy life but I don't know if that's how this stuff works. 

[Raptorsin7]

10 minutes ago, commie said:

Cost is a thing if you want to become independent from their money or simply become free from it. Because while that money could buy you things, it could also create trouble for you if you dwell among the less privileged. All young people could be targeted by predators but you have an extra problem: anyone who knows about this money (everyone here for instance) could harm you in trying to get a piece or simply harm you out of spite because they hate what you stand for. If you keep behaving as if this money is there for you, you won't even need to open your mouth to draw on target on your back.

Haha i appreciate the insight, but i don't think this is the problem. I am just a bad human. I'm dissconnected, self obsessed, lonely, unsatisfied, etc. The problem for me is i have memories of childhood, and from my dreams, that life is possible to be awesome and magical. But every day for me is nothing like that, it's like a weird privileged purgatory where i'm just aware that life could be good, but for me it's not that and i then i just kinda go through my days like a zombie stuck in my head.  

I don't really worry about predators coming for my money or whatever. And no one can really harm me if they are spiteful because i isolate myself from the world. 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7 Stay in God damn Canada(unless you dream of visiting and living in some other country, like honestly. Radical honesty now) you know you gain independance build cool new habits heal from co-dependency become strong and robust actually (ya'll need it trust me) work with @Nahm at same timr What your dream actually is and be happiest mofo there is. 

Apologize to him. You will need him unlike psychologist who is there just for money he "knows you" fully and has actual uncoditional love for you. 

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity My dream is to be happy and enjoy life, like in my dreams and as a kid that's the best i can do in terms of honesty about dreams and what i want. 

Staying in Canada will not do those things to the same degree as going to a third world country. I could learn those habits way more efficiently somewhere else, there's nothing for me in Canada it's a perfect country, but me as I am cannot enjoy it and appreciate it so what's the point. I'd rather then 3 years learning to see how real poor people live, as opposed to living in Canadian city working construction job and basically just learning same humility but with better conditions and less struggle. Nuclear options should be real nuclear option, i'd rather be miserable and struggling in middle of nowhere India than stay in Canada. Whole point would be to learn some real discipline and skills then come back and start my own thing. I think leaving and starting fresh as new person would be way to go. 

i talked to Nahm. I am sorry for making it seem like it's his fault my life is where it's at. He did his best, and i just think i wasn't in right state of mind to apply his teachings. What he said never clicked with me. I worked with him for a good amount of time man, it just didn't click. Maybe in the future when i'm different it could work, he's not a grudge holding kinda guy i bet he would work with me again then.

Edited July 19, 2020 by Raptorsin7

[commie]

9 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I'm dissconnected, self obsessed, lonely, unsatisfied, etc.

We all are, to some extent (which is not to say you don't have a problem or that it can't be fixed).

9 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

The problem for me is i have memories of childhood, and from my dreams, that life is possible to be awesome and magical.

I can't say I have very happy memories from my childhood. For one thing, I was supposed to put up with men obsessed with showing off their manliness. Maybe that's why I feel life is awesome and magical. :-)

[allislove]

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@zeroISinfinity My dream is to be happy and enjoy life, like in my dreams and as a kid that's the best i can do in terms of honesty about dreams and what i want.

Feels amazing, I am sure you can do it  

I lived in a third world country, then moved to a first world country.
Yeah, I like the idea to move temporally somewhere. Afterward, you can appreciate Canada much more.
I wish you all the best on your journey