The End Of Seeking

[Raptorsin7]

1 hour ago, zeroISinfinity said:

No. Another escape. 

New school, therapy. You do not need psychogist. Are you vicrim of rape, had violent family abusive relations, have drug problems etc. Stop BS around you are perfectly fine no need for psychologist. Enough crap. 

Do what I say. Time to face fears and difficulties head on. 

Tine to grow up stop looking for escape. 

Will bite you like a dog and will not let go until you wake up regarding life. 

Yes, i'm trying to escape my hopelessness, isolation, dissatisfaction, apathy. 

I know it's time to grow up, but therapy and psychiatry are real tools to help people with this kind of stuff. 

I can face fears and difficulties while working with a psychotherapist. That's what they do, you go into your past, childhood etc to uncover traumas and beliefs that are preventing from moving on with my life and growing up. Me being spoiled, acting like a child, not taking responsibility etc is rooted in codependent relationship with parents. All this stuff is understood and explored through therapy.

1 hour ago, zeroISinfinity said:

What childhood parenting problem he has. He is just spoiled and that's it. Psychologist for that, really? 

What actual trauma he has. None. 

I call BS. 

Lazy, immature, not responsible etc. 

Tgere is a solution for that and it's not psychologist, psychedelics or RASA sessions,new school etc. 

He will constantly try to find new ways of escape and never face his own shit. 

You know all this very well don't try to protect him. He had Enough of it and it is ruining him. Doesn't help him at all. 

Time to face life once and for all. 

Meds for what? WTF like for real.

Love you my forum mistress. Yeah these North Americans do indeed need our loud Truth to be told attitude. So weak and soft. 

I agree with your diagnosis here, but i you are completely discounting the role of therapy and healing methods in addressing this stuff. 

I recognize all the above as a problem, but that's exactly what you can work with therapists about. Therapists will help you go into your shit and see why i'm continuing to fuck up etc. I did this once before when i was 19 and depressed, i went into childhood memories of my aunt chasing me down and me hiding in a cloest, and my dad throwing me outside and hitting me, i went into memories like these and tried to console my inner child. It really worked. I felt amazing then after all that work, i didn't even know about the path but it felt like happiness and life was just so good then it was crazy. Music even sounded better, i looked different in the mirror, i was better at sports etc. And that was just random stuff i was doing on the spot, no therapy, no guidance etc. 

Meds could be useful for energy and apathy. Right now i'm focused on just general sadness and hopeless feelings most of day, it could be easier to plan for future and set habits with either numbed out emotion, or maybe temporary boost in feeling. There's psych meds for increased energy too, so they could help get an exercise routine going, because right now i have no motivation and energy, and just quit too easy in workouts. I'm not a doctor these are just things off the top of my head.

51 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Also how the fuck he will find gf. What woman will spread her legs for him when she looks at him in this current condition. 

Lets no BS around. 

Tinder GTFO. 

I mean she is not stupid. Lives with his parents, plays video games doesn’t work, doesn’t go to school etc. 

Also even if he gets gf where will he sleep with her on continual basis?&o you really beleive gf will fuck with you and really enjoy that knowing in same house are your parents and your bro. 

Think about it @Raptorsin7

Also say to yourself I am 24 years old man. I've been adult since 18.

6 years of adulthood and I am still a teen. 

Yeah i agree with you here. There was one girl who was pretty cool who i went on a few dates with, but I think she sensed i was a loser, and just didn't want to commit. 

In Vancouver people living at home in 20s isn't like in other cities. Average house price is well over a million dollars, most people can't afford anywhere close to that, so my situation is not that abnormal like it would be in other areas. 

I work with my family, so it's not like i'm fully unemployed, lots of people are on legit government benefit because COVID layoffs. 

Also even me in loser state i am now, still tall and good looking, still smart, still wealthy family, emotionally sensitive etc... most girls could do worse than me even though i'm a loser.

I don't disagree with your assessment, i'm trying to be a better person. You ever hear of all or nothing type thinking. That's what you're doing now. It's either i just get up move out and rough it completely, or i'm going to be loser and nothing will change. That's what i'm going to therapist and psych to get best possible advice on how to move through this and improve. I may be a spoiled loser but i'm motivated to change and i'm willing to go as deep into psyche as necessary to learn about myself and understand why life is playing out as it is.

I was depressed before, 1 whole year. It was kinda similar to how i am now, just hopeless, apathy, low esteem, no will or drive to do anything. And i fixed it in like 2 weeks. I felt way better, after those two weeks i still had same privileged problems at core, but i felt better i had confidence, energy to exercise etc. It makes way more sense to address that problem then what you're saying.

Also motherfucker, you haven't figured this shit out either. You are not weak in same way as me, but you don't empathize with me. I read your journal all the time... you FEEL love. You can cry. You have creative power to design dream life. You just choose not to for some reason. I don't give a fuck if this dude @Raptorsin7 is not real and this is just game to experience. I fucking love video games and dreaming. I have happy dreams every night, it's like i have two separate realities going. I would jump at the chance to live my waking life as the dreams i always experience. I'm pretty sure your life is much more dream like than mine, but you won't accept it. I would take it in a heart beat no questions asked to just enjoy the life time as a dreamer. 

I don't mind harsh criticism feel free to keep going at me. 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7 What @Nahm wrote. This is a dream and you have to take care of yourself. No duality btw 2.

Fantasy=Reality. 

Love in crystalized form. So that you can have experience and life you know. 

Ok actual stuff. 

Rent a small room. You don't have to buy house(I mean you cant') just rent it. If you really work with your family quit. Or ask your father for actual sallary but he most likelly protects you and you really don't work at all like most people. I am so sorry. He will also not give you any real. Amount of money because for him you are 14 year old. 

Find regular job. 

You have no  Issues that needs therapy or meds. I am so sorry but that's the case. 

So instead of delaying this stuff start working on resolving. 

This is how to. 

Sounds rough but it is right and only way for you. Everything else is just you trying to avoid and you know it. 

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

2 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Rent a small room. You don't have to buy stuff just rent it. If you really work with your family quit. Or ask your father for actual sallary but he most likelly protects you and you really don't work at all like most people. I am so sorry. 

Yeah it's not a real job. My parents just want me to go because they think it makes me less depressed being out at the farm then being at home.

 

3 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

You have no  Issues that needs therapy or meds. I am so sorry but that's the case. 

You literally have no idea what you're talking about here. Relative to the balkan wars, yeah i have no problems. But relative to spoiled kids who have issues with responsibility, motivation, purpose etc there is work to do. You realize what counts as needing help/therapy is all relative right? In 100 years people will look at my life the way you look at guy who survived Albanian genocide. Imagine holocaust survivor telling woman being beaten by her husband that she has no problem because at least he's not throwing her into an oven.

Purpose of therapy is to help with finding joy, purpose, motivation etc. Literally there's entire fields of jobs designed to address problems i'm having. There's no rule that says oh because you are unhappy because of privledge there's nothing to be done for you. Maybe therapist will say same as you idk we'll see.

When i was 19 i was depressed and sad because of balding. I wasn't even close to balding at that time just like a little hair loss. It destroyed my psyche. Went from straight A's to failing and not going to class. I was spoiled brat then to with same issues. You know what fucking worked? Exercise, cold showers, CBT, re framing memories, re framing perspectives. All this stuff is what therapists are designed to do. You are so fucking stupid you would have said oh that's not real problem man, you got to man up forget about hair and move out and get going. I actually got better from that depression, it completely changed my life, i had never felt that good in my life. 

My parents grew up like you. Both familes are no nonsense incredibly hard workers. Both my parents know me and my brother are weak, lazy etc. They think problem was oh we weren't hard enough on them, kids were too spoiled. Actual problem was we got fucked beliefs about self confidence, relationships, always believing we are flawed, life's a bitch and then you die. Highest motivations and pursuits from places of well being and love.

You may be right that the only way through is to just pack up and go solo mode. But i'll be damned if i don't at least try to seek out help, and find people practicing methods that i've had work for me in the past.

[zeroISinfinity]

You want to be happy this is how. 

So instead of all whiny bitchy ass shit you write here. 

Want reports. What you've actually done. 

Did you stop playing LoL and everything else what are you supposed to do. 

Actual life stuff. 

No seeking, no spirituality no RASA none of that. Actual life stuff. 

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity I'm not seeking anymore, not in the sense that i expect to find awakening or enlightenment or bliss etc. I'm going still going to talk to Ramaji because i enjoy the call, and there's no downside to continuing. Good thing about seeking map with stages, is i know if i'm at a certain stage or not. if nothing changes in direct experience over next few months and i'm stuck at a singular stage then i'll know to just move on. 

I don't have any actual life stuff going on. Today i woke up, had tea and oatmeal from my grandma, argued with you and freaked about Nahm, then went to doorshop until 7, then talked to my mom about her maybe being sick and worrying about me and my brother, then sent some emails to psychoanalysits/psychiatrists, then weighed blueberries, now i'm on couch talking to you. 

The entire day is permeated by background sadness and hopeless feeling. I'm pretty fucking sure this is depression, and this is why they have therapists and psychiatrists to deal with problems like this. I wonder how many people just brute force through these feelings and thoughts, thinking they don't need therapy and meds because it's not real and then get stuck in misery for years for no reason. 

Every fucking idiot on this forum was sucking off @winterknight a few months ago, before i got here. I actually heard of him from one your posts. You know what he fucking said. Seekers should see psychoanalyst before going for full awakening because psychological baggage will be too much to notice results. He said work through psychological issues first. Which is exactly what i'm going to do.

Edited July 18, 2020 by Raptorsin7

[zeroISinfinity]

8 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Yeah it's not a real job. My parents just want me to go because they think it makes me less depressed being out at the farm then being at home.

• You really like being dragged around as kid? Your parents to worry what makes you happy like you are 7years old. 
• 24 years old man and will constantly repeat that. 

You literally have no idea what you're talking about here. Relative to the balkan wars, yeah i have no problems.

• You don't, you just BS yourself you do. 

But relative to spoiled kids who have issues with responsibility, motivation, purpose etc there is work to do.

• Yes "work", to grow up. This stuff is natural. You have inclination for it that's why you are unhappy. Trying to hide things under rug. It won't work. 

You realize what counts as needing help/therapy is all relative right? In 100 years people will look at my life the way you look at guy who survived Albanian genocide.

• No they won't. They will ask this guy has it all but he was pussy. 

Imagine holocaust survivor telling woman being beaten by her husband that she has no problem because at least he's not throwing her into an oven.

• Those are actual hardships and you faced none. Atleast nothing significant or even moderate relative to your survival. 

Purpose of therapy is to help with finding joy, purpose, motivation etc. Literally there's entire fields of jobs designed to address problems i'm having.

• All this stuff already within and without. Not away really. But because you are so full of crap (I am too but I god. Damn see it)and I will say it. You don't want to see it and let alone work with that joy, purpose motivation. 

There's no rule that says oh because you are unhappy because of privledge there's nothing to be done for you.

• You are not unhappy because of privledge, you are unhappy because you don't want to take your own life in your own hands and that's it. 

Maybe therapist will say same as you idk we'll see.

• See escape. Therapist, you already made your mind. You don't listen and disrespect any advice given to you from ❤️. Think you figured it all out, but you will always get this same result. Happy with it? lRun in circles like hamster. See ya when you get to 40's with that description above. 

When i was 19 i was depressed and sad because of balding. I wasn't even close to balding at that time just like a little hair loss. It destroyed my psyche.

• Ok. Could understand that. But even if you did. Well face it accept and go forward. With hair not still the same. 

Went from straight A's to failing and not going to class. I was spoiled brat then to with same issues. You know what fucking worked?

 

Exercise, cold showers, CBT, re framing memories, re framing perspectives. All this stuff is what therapists are designed to do.

• All taking back responsibilities for your own life. Does it? 

You are so fucking stupid you would have said oh that's not real problem man, you got to man up forget about hair and move out and get going.

• Yes exactly man up grow up

I actually got better from that depression, it completely changed my life, i had never felt that good in my life. 

• Then what happened you actually didn't changed anything at all. You started work then get back to being kid. 

My parents grew up like you. Both familes are no nonsense incredibly hard workers. Both my parents know me and my brother are weak, lazy etc. They think problem was oh we weren't hard enough on them, kids were too spoiled. Actual problem was we got fucked beliefs about self confidence, relationships, always believing we are flawed, life's a bitch and then you die.

• Well change 'em does anyone else has control over your beleifs. Again you missed what @Nahm was teaching you. How does beleifs feel. Feel like shit ofcourse because they are not True. 

 

Highest motivations and pursuits from places of well being and love.

Yes and being spoiled kid that doesn't want to face adult life will never realize that pursuit. 

8 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

You may be right that the only way through is to just pack up and go solo mode. But i'll be damned if i don't at least try to seek out help, and find people practicing methods that i've had work for me in the past.

Yes pack up solo mode without help because you don't need it. You just lie because you are afraid. 

[zeroISinfinity]

but I don’t have any expectations you’ll suddenly hear what I’m saying. I have only and do only wish the best for you. 

 

He nailed you down. You don't want to listen. 

Be my guest continue "your way". 

Keep offloading keep blaming keep someone else will fix something I have to do on my own. Keep running away as scared kid from non existant boogeyman. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity  

12 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Exercise, cold showers, CBT, re framing memories, re framing perspectives. All this stuff is what therapists are designed to do.

• All taking back responsibilities for your own life. Does it? 

You are so fucking stupid you would have said oh that's not real problem man, you got to man up forget about hair and move out and get going.

• Yes exactly man up grow up

I actually got better from that depression, it completely changed my life, i had never felt that good in my life. 

• Then what happened you actually didn't changed anything at all. You started work then get back to being kid. 

This dynamic of doing healing work to feel better is literally what good therapist and psych will do. You realize i could go to psych and therapist, get on whatever treatment program or structure, and then use that as bridge to get other stuff going to. Like exactly what i did last time. I'm literally saying i'm going to seek out professional help and get expert opinions on how to move forward with these problems, which are real problems. Hopelessness, shame, regret, no joy, melancholy, no interest etc all of these are literally why mental health work exists in the first place. 

I agree about what happened last time. Biggest mistake i made was i went back to living old life. Go to school, be a doctor/lawyer etc like family wanted. I fell right back into the trap that got me depressed. Now i have experience and would not go down prestige trap. 

I have nothing to lose at this point by seeking professional help and trying to address problem with conventional approach of therapy and meds. Worst case it doesn't work and i'm at rock bottom again, which i'm at right now. 

I'm pretty fucking sure based on convos with Nahm and my own experiences, that theres no problem in my life other than one's created by unconscious beliefs and perspectives that i haven't uprooted and seen through yet. 

You know how fucking stupid i'd have to be to just throw away all resources that could address this simple problem, to go hard mode and give up all resources. There are clearly core beliefs and repressed emotions that driving behavior. Psychoanalysts literally target these two areas of the self. Imagine i just did what you said, gave up all resources and just roughed. i'd spend 20 years grinding my way to financial point where i can address core beliefs that are causing misery. There's no way you've thought any of this through.

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity Psychotherapist and psychiatrist are not examples of keep doing it my way. I never tried either of those seriously over the past year because i thought people on the forum were beyond that and could give more wisdom. 

Do you have any idea what therapy and psychoanalysis even do? 

Is my problem that i'm spoiled brat who won't grow up, and needs to be taught hard lesson about realities of growing up and being adult. And/or is the problem my belief and thoughts are fucked, and i keep replaying same unhappy story to myself over and over and producing same result, with no ability to create space to focus on positive thoughts and find relief.

I'm pretty sure the second part is a big problem of what's going on with me too. I can address number two with professional help, why wouldn't i do that first before exiling myself to live a hard life?

 

[zeroISinfinity]

Exiling myself to hard life.

Be kid no therapy will ever help. Do therapy once you "exile yourself". 

Yeah great stuff easy survival being on back's of your parents for rest of their life. 

Then what you are going to do. Sooner or later you will. Have to break. 

Asap the better. Drag avoid escape as much as you want. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Galyna]

7 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

What childhood parenting problem he has. He is just spoiled and that's it. Psychologist for that, really?

Why do you think Sweden used to have high rates of suicides? Precisely because of this issues. Us, there living in the survival mode, we do not have time to be depressed, they (not everybody ofc), here, are given almost everything in the world since their life begins. Why do you think so many people here sit on the meds for depression and have some types of mental issues, precisely because of this issue. Their survival needs are taken care of. I know some of my American friends would disagree with me, but it is true. Only the fact that you was born in the US gives you the privilege.  

Well, if the person is depressed or unhappy, why not talking to someone? 

7 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

What actual trauma he has. None. 

I really do not know the person, I do not read all the comments. I have no idea, how can I say?

I saw your comment and his comment about Nahm, I stopped by to share my opinion, because I love Nahm as much as you do.

___________________________ 

Your approach is very masculine, I get that, kinda Spartan.  I was raised by this approach. It works perfect for me, but for some people it does not work. Not everybody has this personality of fighter.

When I moved here in US, I ,personally, knew some people who came from very wealthy families and wanted to commit a suicide, this is serious. 

By "waving" with weapons and yelling is not going to change anything, You realize that when you're telling something to someone it is just your perspective, your opinion, it is not their reality, they might not understand what you say at all. They might not have the same level of understanding.

7 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Tgere is a solution for that and it's not psychologist, psychedelics or RASA sessions,new school etc. 

This is obvious for us because we were raised differently. But to understand truly the level of someone's depression you have to be in their shoes completely, have their experience, have their parents, life...etc, you have to be them.

I am not advocating for anyone here. 

7 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Love you my forum mistress. Yeah these North Americans do indeed need our loud Truth to be told attitude. So weak and soft. 

Love you too. Do not worry I can understand your yelling and rage with this whole situation. I do not take it personally. But please be careful as some people on this forum might not. Trust me I've learned that lesson. 

As Peter Ralston say " culture is your operating system" or he calls it "clay". Your whole paradigm and web of belief is build to serve this agenda. 

It is hard to break free. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by Galyna

[zeroISinfinity]

@Galyna OK I get that. 

But it is impossible that no one tells him this stuff. He has no one to say this to him because he is spoiled extremly self centered and as such can't really make friends. Because he is only interested in himself doesn't look  Around and doesn't really care about anyone else. 

Ok culture but you can notice how Something inside him cries for this stuff I am trying to bring to him. 

That's why he is unhappy. 

Maybe I am rude but I am right and should listen and stop with excuses. 

Chill out relax don't react against and do this stuff I tell Him. I wish him. All the best I really do. 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Nahm Told to me that he was honest hard working man too. I do beleive he agrees with stuff I say. Maybe with more tact and manner but I do beleive he agrees. 

I will take @Raptorsin7get him here and allow him to live with me for just a month. He will grow and change so much in positive way.

Only once he takes responsibility for his life as adult then working with @Nahm makes sense. 

@Nahmalso doesn't allow BS.and turned him.down.Ofcourse as spoiled immature kid he will always blame him. Who wants that. 

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[zeroISinfinity]

Psychologist will put up with him and will think this same stuff. 

Like people are fools. 

World of adults @Raptorsin7 world of adults not kids. 

[Galyna]

@zeroISinfinity

You realize that it is just a forum and not a real life? 

You can not have a good estimate and see the clear picture by just what people write and present here.

They can write anything they want to and be absolutely biased about it. Sometimes, they believe in what they are saying....most of the time they do! 

I know that you wish him all the best, but I would leave it, really. There is only much you can do. Come to my thread and lets talk about something else, leave him and Nahm alone.

@Raptorsin7  I would apologize in front of Nahm, I really think you should talk to him privately about it. Emotion will be gone and you will regret about it in the future. 

 

 

 

 

[zeroISinfinity]

@GalynaWell want to help and tell him where the problem really is and how to solve it.

It's obvious and it's also obvious he will waste years of his life and become even more depressed. 

But ok whatever. 

He said that he can't cry oh boyo you will cry. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Nahm]

37 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

you will cry.

Truth can’t be said, but God damn that’s as close as it gets. Big Love get’s ‘us all’. Ideally, while dreaming. 

I love you guys. 

[zeroISinfinity]

Love you into pieces "bring it on" best man.Worst part is that you ain't no Different then me. 

Air+Fire=Fatal Combination Man. 

Wish you well @Raptorsin7.

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

7 hours ago, Galyna said:

I would apologize in front of Nahm, I really think you should talk to him privately about it. Emotion will be gone and you will regret about it in the future. 

Yeah i talked to him yesterday, it was a good talk. I imagine he'll deal with similar situations in the future haha so it could be good practice. It's delusional to think it's his fault that i dropped out of law school, or that i'm in current depressive episode. 

I imagine this sort of blame and transference is common with people working with think/personality disorders.

[Galyna]

1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

personality disorders.

Do not let that thought ruin your life. You might not have a personality disorder, it might be a protection and excuse that ego would grab and use to justify itself and its actions.