The End Of Seeking

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity I understand and agree with what you're saying. But right now there isn't any motivation to that. I am a spoiled brat and i'm getting what i deserve based on how i act and live. 

Do you think if i had the fucking discipline, motivation, will power to just get up and 180 my life i would even be in this spot? 

There's a background misery that's just kinda present now, i'm not a suicidal person but i guess my true rock bottom will be when i make a plan to just get up and go on my own. 

I do blame Nahm. He never said to me what you're saying now. No one said hey if you're a spoiled brat and your parents support you, then this happiness stuff won't work for you and you will continue to be miserable. No one said hey you're going to have to just fully detach from your parents and make it on your own if you're going to find any happiness and peace in this ilfe. Wouldn't that be useful information to know before i give up on something that is a pathway to independence? 

Obviously it's my fault too because i'm the one who didn't think ahead on how the future would unfold, and no one can really fix this but me. But what you're saying now, which i agree with, is not what he told me. I'm not denying one bit that he is happy and awake, and can help people. But given what you just said and where my life is heading now, some anger and resentment makes sense.

Blame is useless, being mad at him or anyone isn't going to help me. I have to live with the consequences of my decisions. I guess resenment is a better word.

[zeroISinfinity]

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@zeroISinfinity I understand and agree with what you're saying. But right now there isn't any motivation to that. I am a spoiled brat and i'm getting what i deserve based on how i act and live. 

Then find fucking motivation wake the fuck up.Go take cold shower and star working on your independance. It's your lif do you want to be in mom's basement til age 40 with no gf or wife and to play video games and jerk on porns and bitch how world is wrong etc. Think about it. 

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Do you think if i had the fucking discipline, motivation, will power to just get up and 180 my life i would even be in this spot? 

No you wouldn't. I left my household at 20 and I should've done that when I finished highschool at 18 but also was weak as you. I regret staying those 2 extra years with them. 

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

There's a background misery that's just kinda present now, i'm not a suicidal person but i guess my true rock bottom will be when i make a plan to just get up and go on my own. 

Your rock bottom.is right now.Your life right now. Is. Rock bottom. You can only raise. 

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I do blame Nahm. He never said to me what you're saying now. No one said hey if you're a spoiled brat and your parents support you, then this happiness stuff won't work for you and you will continue to be miserable. No one said hey you're going to have to just fully detach from your parents and make it on your own if you're going to find any happiness and peace in this ilfe. Wouldn't that be useful information to know before i give up on something that is a pathway to independence? 

Once again don't blame @Nahm.

Say to yourself. It's my fault and noone else. Stop blaming and judgin anyone. That's bad habit stop with it now. 

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Obviously it's my fault too because i'm the one who didn't think ahead on how the future would unfold, and no one can really fix this but me. But what you're saying now, which i agree with, is not what he told me. I'm not denying one bit that he is happy and awake, and can help people. But given what you just said and where my life is heading now, some anger and resentment makes sense.

Blame is useless, being mad at him or anyone isn't going to help me. I have to live with the consequences of my decisions. I guess resenment is a better word.

Ok so you ok with this. Now go work on that. 

Stop with BS. Just stop it. Ya know I have zen stick bigger then @Nahm when I am serious and not pretend that I am a fool. 

[Nahm]

50 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I wish Nahm told me i was a spoiled brat who needed to move out and get hard, rather than go on fairy tale enlightenment journey for 7 months that led me to worse place than i started. Don't mislead people if you don't really know what you're talking about it, like i bet i've done a bunch here.

You didn’t even mention to me you were quitting law school, you just did it, and told your parents I recommended it. You withheld every detail about your online gaming LP pursuit, and only emphatically said it was divinely given and that’s what you were doing. I told you countless times the problems with attaching happiness to obtaining. I said you should be supporting yourself, and wether you were going to or not, to appreciate rather than belittle your parents. I told you fundamental discipline was key since day one, you ignored it at every step. You refused to do something as simple as watching Hoosiers just to begin to get some appreciation of fundamental practices, for months. You ignored almost everything I said & suggested. I get that you’re mad and in a blaming mindset, blame me all you want, drag me through the mud all you want. I don’t think it’s appropriate to do so publicly, but I don’t have any expectations you’ll suddenly hear what I’m saying. I have only and do only wish the best for you. This is a fairytale, it’s your dream. There is no duality of fairytale or supporting yourself. I don’t feel I mislead you to the degree of even one single word. I feel what you’re saying about me / our relationship, is very misleading. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm 

4 minutes ago, Nahm said:

You didn’t even mention to me you were quitting law school, you just did it, and told your parents I recommended it

I did tell you i was dropping out. The idea for the website was so simple. Work with enlightened coach, find happiness/enlightenment, then write about it and play the video game talking about the experiences on a streaming service. You told me it was a great idea. You told me the issue of attaching happiness to it, but you never addressed the question of being happy. That was the entire purpose of our calls. I talked to you every week for like 5 months, you never headed caution or gave follows up on progress etc.

 

7 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I said you should be supporting yourself, and wether you were going to or not, to appreciate rather than belittle your parents

You told me this like 2 weeks ago, you never mentioned this for the months we were together prior to this. 

8 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I told you fundamental discipline was key since day one, you ignored it at every step. You refused to do something as simple as watching Hoosiers just to begin to get some appreciation of fundamental practices, for months. You ignored almost everything I said & suggested.

I tried almost everything you said or did. You and i worked together for like 5 months every week man. If you noticed that i wasn't following up like you wanted, you should have said something. It's life coaching, these are the kinds of issues you're supposed to talk about aren't you? Discipline, the fact that i wasn't following through? You never brought those topics up during our calls.

10 minutes ago, Nahm said:

get that you’re mad and in a blaming mindset, blame me all you want, drag me through the mud all you want. I don’t think it’s appropriate to do so publicly, but I don’t have any expectations you’ll suddenly hear what I’m saying.

I am pretty mad, because these core issues with my character etc were never addressed in the calls. The personality/character issues are becoming much more obvious to me now, but isn't that exactly what we should have been addressing in the calls? 

 

13 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I don’t feel I mislead you to the degree of ever one single word. I feel what you’re saying about me / our relationship, is very misleading. 

I feel mislead to the degree that the issues that are most prominent right now in my life, absence of responsibility, immaturity, narcissism etc were never once addressed in the calls. The expectation of life coaching from my end was to improve my life, improved mood, improved whatever. None of these things happened. I guess it's more buyers remorse, but when the product being offered is happiness and life improvement, and a person comes away after months of coaching with negative returns in those categories, the resentment makes sense.

[zeroISinfinity]

Oh I did striked the nerv. 

@Nahm want to be my partner??

@Raptorsin7 Stop with BS. All that anger use it ton actually improve your life. I told you how. 

See that energy that's motivation just channel it in right way. Simple easy stuff.No need for RASA, Ramaji, gurus and what not, you already have it all. 

 

 

 

Edited July 17, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[zeroISinfinity]

Being so harsh on you but sweet talk won't wake ya up. 

 

 

Edited July 17, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity Yeah i understand. The entire convo is sickening, but i guess it needed to be said.

I think you're right about needing to move out and go on my own. There's a good trade/technology school where i live, i think i'll have to plan on moving out and then getting student loans to get into the program. 

It feels sick that i'm going down this path, but you really think there itsn't another way. I haven't read much about co-dependence, but i'm assuming the dynamic i have between me and my parents is part of the reason i'm feeling stuck and powerless in life.

[zeroISinfinity]

Yup go do it. Just do it you won't regret it. Also stick with @Nahm too. There is no better guy here regarding enlightenment.Yes even better then Leo because @Nahm is integrated, mature etc. 

Yeah I am awake but still learning from @Nahm. Because some traps and difficulties you still don't know @Raptorsin7. 

So be fucking greatful. All these stuff is joke, your problems God damn joke. 

 

 

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

Well we clearly have different recollections. I wish you well. 

[zeroISinfinity]

44 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@zeroISinfinity Yeah i understand. The entire convo is sickening, but i guess it needed to be said.

• Sorry for that. 

I think you're right about needing to move out and go on my own.

• Yes exactly, asap. 

There's a good trade/technology school where i live, i think i'll have to plan on moving out and then getting student loans to get into the program. 

• Once again you are running away. Finding escape in school. 
• You abandoned it, face it, accept consequences of your decision, that's it. Wanted to sit at home playing video games and being protected living under cloud of your parents. Still As kid. 
• Find real job you know 8 hours. You can also sign up for school anytime. Now we are growing up. Facing life finally after 24 years of being kid. 

44 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

It feels sick that i'm going down this path, but you really think there itsn't another way. I haven't read much about co-dependence, but i'm assuming the dynamic i have between me and my parents is part of the reason i'm feeling stuck and powerless in life.

Yes you do. Refusing to grow up. 

[Galyna]

@Raptorsin7  Sorry for putting my five cents, just could not ignore this thread since had sessions with Nahm myself. 

I think he is unique and very special. Nothing like regular people for sure. (I have some experience already, since did counseling a lot of times with different people, both genders) 

So, here is my take on this situation: Nahm is not a magic pill you take and resolve all your issues. I wish it would be that simple.

Read about counseling principles:

 First of, they (counselors/psychologist, gurus, who ever) do not have any rights to give you any kind of advice.

Secondly, they are just mirrors for you to see and become more conscious about your life situations. By asking you proper questions, they lead into insight. No more! Otherwise what is the point of the therapy to resolve all your issues, give you a recipe. You have to do your work ( which I am sure you did) 

Third, maybe watch that video of Leo about "being a victim". 

I had a psychotherapist for five years in the past, we talked from time to time, but more for the shadow, not enlightenment. He was strict, very formal, not friendly, and cold, plus not so advanced as Nahm! But still I think during those five years he game me something for my growth. And he never ever game me any opinion. 

Sometimes you must have this connection with your therapist. You might not be a good match with some people at the first place. 

Also, if you saw no progress, why would you not stop earlier and find another person? OR have someone else to compare?

I would recommend to change that attitude toward counseling, otherwise it is going to hurt you a lot and no matter who you work with, you will end up unhappy.

My gut feeling tells me that you need to resolve and do the shadow regarding your parents and childhood. It is not a coincidence that you want to blame external factors. Dig at that area. 

Good luck!

 

 

Edited July 17, 2020 by Galyna

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7Also to face you with following stuff. About enlightenment and not mistify damn thing.

For enlightenment you actually, literally die. You face and accept your own death.

Now tell me and I bet that's True. You will shy away and be afraid for example to say your family that you want to live on your own. Let alone I bet that you are afraid to talk with ordinary girl in supermarket for example. 

How the heck you expect Awakening?! 

These people here enlightenment, awareness, toughts, spirituality, non duality and their seeking is BS. Most full of shit. Escape into spirituality for many reasons. 

Rasa folks you mentoined are not actually awake at all. Can fool you can't fool me. 

 

Edited July 17, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

@Galyna I appreciate what you said. I think my animosity towards Nahm is just based on my present unhappiness and regrets. I don't think he did anything wrong or outside the bounds of what a professional does to help, I'm just tired and frustrated of being this unhappy.

6 hours ago, Galyna said:

My gut feeling tells me that you need to resolve and do the shadow regarding your parents and childhood. It is not a coincidence that you want to blame external factors. Dig at that area. 

I agree with this. I'm planning on getting into additional therapy with all the other stuff i'm doing, and i've definitely learned a lot about the process and myself which should give me lots of material to work through.

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity I know that most people here are engaging in some form of escapism, i'm doing it too. 

I never really cared about awakening, i just wanted relief from unhappiness, and to find a happy state of being. I've been depressed before, and whatever i did then really worked and i felt better and was no longer depressed. There was a guy on the forum a while back, @Stakres he told me to forget about awakening and deal with this as a mental health problem, and seek professional help. I think it's time i put a lot of this stuff behind me and just find some stability with meds/therapy to move forward with life.

5 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Rasa folks you mentoined are not actually awake at all. Can fool you can't fool me. 

 

Maybe, but there's people on the forum who i trust that claim they were of help. Look at charlie and haumea, ask them about it. If you don't think they're woke then so be it, but tbh they seem better integrated than you with all this work. If i spend a few months worth of calls and get no where then so be it, but it's worth at least sticking it out.

Read Ramaji's 1000 and see what you think. Idk he seemed to describe a lot of stuff i've seen people talk about on the path, even stuff you're going through.

[Galyna]

@Raptorsin7

Take care of the "roots" first. Maybe you will come back to him in couple of years and now you just need a regular psychologist who would talk with you about pretty simple things. Maybe you were just not ready for the advanced work. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Galyna Yeah I think so too. I never really gave traditional therapy, psychiatry etc a shot before going for "enlightenment" or whatever. 

All my problems are "me" problems. It's pretty much all problems created in how i think about stuff and the perspectives/beliefs i hold, so I have faith in therapy.

[Galyna]

@Raptorsin7  it is just a matter of perspective ?

I am sure one day you will get back to Nahm. People like this are super rear and is super hard to find. ?

Edited July 18, 2020 by Galyna

[zeroISinfinity]

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Galyna Yeah I think so too. I never really gave traditional therapy, psychiatry etc a shot before going for "enlightenment" or whatever. 

All my problems are "me" problems. It's pretty much all problems created in how i think about stuff and the perspectives/beliefs i hold, so I have faith in therapy.

No. Another escape. 

New school, therapy. You do not need psychogist. Are you vicrim of rape, had violent family abusive relations, have drug problems etc. Stop BS around you are perfectly fine no need for psychologist. Enough crap. 

Do what I say. Time to face fears and difficulties head on. 

Tine to grow up stop looking for escape. 

Will bite you like a dog and will not let go until you wake up regarding life. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[zeroISinfinity]

@GalynaWhat childhood parenting problem he has. He is just spoiled and that's it. Psychologist for that, really? 

What actual trauma he has. None. 

I call BS. 

Lazy, immature, not responsible etc. 

Tgere is a solution for that and it's not psychologist, psychedelics or RASA sessions,new school etc. 

He will constantly try to find new ways of escape and never face his own shit. 

You know all this very well don't try to protect him. He had Enough of it and it is ruining him. Doesn't help him at all. 

Time to face life once and for all. 

Meds for what? WTF like for real.

Love you my forum mistress. Yeah these North Americans do indeed need our loud Truth to be told attitude. So weak and soft. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[zeroISinfinity]

Also how the fuck he will find gf. What woman will spread her legs for him when she looks at him in this current condition. 

Lets no BS around. 

Tinder GTFO. 

I mean she is not stupid. Lives with his parents, plays video games doesn’t work, doesn’t go to school etc. 

Also even if he gets gf where will he sleep with her on continual basis?&o you really beleive gf will fuck with you and really enjoy that knowing in same house are your parents and your bro. 

Think about it @Raptorsin7

Also say to yourself I am 24 years old man. I've been adult since 18.

6 years of adulthood and I am still a teen. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by zeroISinfinity