The End Of Seeking

[Nahm]

 

18 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

What is the best way to use the journal?

Recognize with feeling, one resistant thought at a time. Write it down, and explore each emotion up the scale with regards to the thought. I’d highlight or mark your own comments in the journal where you were feeling best, and do more of those things. I’d take Reiki classes 1 and 2 asap, as well as get a few sessions. I’d read a few books and watch videos by people explaining how they achieved flow state. I’d also email and talk to / ‘interview’ anyone and everyone who is exemplifying the flow state you are wanting. Not just gaming, or sports, but musicians, scientists, artists, etc. Also, every single thing you put on that dream board, and work resistant thought up the scale on, is showing up, already, in your reality. Eyes & ears to notice it, and to see it, are in large part contingent on not holding specific ideas of how it will or should come. It’s often being “delivered” if you will, in the way which is most foreign to you. I’d also write out a calendar of ‘low states’ in terms of feeling, energy & focus, and bring correlations to the surface, relative to the work being done in the journal.

I’d also look for flow state of / in all living, regardless of experience. Make the flow state for the game small in comparison to a life in Flow 24/7.

Let go of all notions of “God state”. That’s working against the grain. 

Root out all judgement using the journal and scale, until you literally can’t see it anymore, arising within feeling & thought resonance.

I’d also do something unconditionally for someone else at least once a day.

[Raptorsin7]

I am in the zone- On the dream board:

Working out resistant thoughts to being in the zone:

• I feel irritable, restless, anxious therefore I am not in the zone
• I am not sure if this strategy by Nahm is going to work. I'm still not clear on this stuff. This seems to simple to get me in the zone. There must be something else. Dam this is rough. I just want the zone, but the zone is not coming to me.
• Man i'm bored. I just want to be happy and feel good, and feel the flow and the bliss of being in the zone. 
• I am content with the moment. It's not what i want, but it's also not a bad state. 
• I really hope I can get in the zone. I hope i can be in the flow and totally focused while playing. I just want to have fun. I want to play the game, have fun, win or lose, and just enjoy the experience. That's what I WANT. to just enjoy the experience. i really hope i can get there with video games, where i just play the game and I have fun playing the game. I hope I can feel good while playing, that would be so awesome.
• I believe I can feel good while playing games. I really believe that I can achieve complete focus and flow while playing. Just playing, having fun, and trying my best. I can do it. I can try my best, win or lose, and just be happy no matter what playing the game. I believe I can do it. Pure joy, playing the game for the joy I get from playing, nothing else. I believe I can find my joy playing the game.

I can't wait until my next game. I am going to be in the zone. I am going to try my best. I am going to just play. Win or lose. I just want to play the game. I'm going to mute my entire team and just play the game. That's what i want to just focus and play the game. I can do that. I can play, and when I recognize resistance I can just let that resistance go while playing. I can free myself one breathe at at ime while playing.

I love playing. I'm so grateful I get to play video games for a living. Like i'm fucking practicing gaming, and thats my job lmao. I am going to make millions of dollars just playing the game, and writing my opinons about life. WHat a fucking joke lol. What an amazing life. I am so lucky to be here right now. Thank you god for making all this possible. Thank you world. Thank you universe. Holy fuck i get to play games and have incredible amounts of fun and joy just playing the game. Thats what my life is now. Just fucking play. Wow. Blows me away. Still kinda in disbelief about all of this stuff. Went from atheist to agnostic to dogmatic follower, now i found it. I found happiness woot woot. I can't wait to play the game. Gaming is awesome so much potentail for joy and love in gaming.

[Nahm]

16 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I love playing. I'm so grateful I get to play video games for a living. Like i'm fucking practicing gaming, and thats my job lmao. I am going to make millions of dollars just playing the game, and writing my opinons about life. WHat a fucking joke lol. What an amazing life. I am so lucky to be here right now. Thank you god for making all this possible. Thank you world. Thank you universe. Holy fuck i get to play games and have incredible amounts of fun and joy just playing the game. Thats what my life is now. Just fucking play. Wow. Blows me away. Still kinda in disbelief about all of this stuff. Went from atheist to agnostic to dogmatic follower, now i found it. I found happiness woot woot. I can't wait to play the game. Gaming is awesome so much potentail for joy and love in gaming.

Balance that out with the opposite. Feel that great in the selflessness of it. Also keep in mind, you can’t want the flow state, and be in the flow state. It’s letting resistance go, and listening to the thought of future flow is resistant to presence now.

And also, we’re all where we’re at with non-duality so to speak, but referring to individuals as separate, and or assigning anything to individuals, reinforces the belief one is themself separate. It’s healthy relative to hatred, but unhelpful relative to nonduality.

[Raptorsin7]

I do not feel good.

How do I know this is true. When i actually listen, and try to feel what it is that's here, there's a peace in the feeling it's not bad at all. That's interesting so when I actually question this core belief, that I don't feel good, and i actually test it against reality it turns out it's not true. Hmm, so it appears that the zone is always here. The zone is MYSELF. When i find myself, that's the zone. If i could just BEMYSELF in every moment, then I would be in the zone. Because MYSELF, is the best I can do. 

But there are concerns. MYSELF is peaceful, but myself isn't pure bliss and ectsasy that I thought I was getting. I believe that the high of god is better than any drug ever invented. MYSELF should be better than everything, but even in this moment I could imagine my life better. I could imagine better feeling etc. If you gave me 1 billion dollars then I would be happier I think, I mean i assume it would make me feel better. There's no such thing as a true thought. Bring all thoughts to light no matter how fked up they are, and you will see that even though you believe them to be true, the truth is that the thoughts are not true. 

The zone can be tested. So my theory right now is that the zone is MYSELF, and when i am aware of myself i will be in the zone. MYSELF can handle any challenge. MYSELF is challenger caliber in league of legends. Because if not MYSELF, then who is? And when is? The only time you can ever have anything is right now, with MYSELF, and only MYSELF, there is only ever MYSELF. I need to start dumping more of my thoughts onto a journal. This was an excellent purge holy fuck. I feel clearer in my writing already. Lol. I have may have stumbled on something major here wow.

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm Wow I didn't realize that narcissism and self referential thinking is only a step above hatred. How do you relate to others? Like i am always judging, comparing, studying, analyzing etc. Is your view consistent across all people?

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7 I wasn’t referencing steps. I mean in the sense, it’s half of a bigger picture, the entirety of the scale. What one does for one’s self is half the picture, what one does for others is half the picture. See them and know them as the same. 

[Raptorsin7]

I just did a micro dose of like half a tab of LSD. 

Man I do not feel good. I also did like 3 hours in the float tank this morning. LOL. i do everything to feel good, literally my entire life right now is just be doing shit to feel good and I don't even feel good, what a cosmic joke this is. I'm doing it to myself. I create my own suffering. So there's something happening right now in experience that is causing me to not feel good. But what is it? The relationship between thought/thinking and feeling. The truth is that it's all good. Reality is already all good. So i have everything I already want or need because it's only ever me, and myself. Everything is occurring within the universe, or within myself I think. 

I worry about judgement from others. I judge others harshly, and i am always worried about judgement. I want to feel better, and that's all I care about. Even when i jduge others lmao itsbecaues i dont feel good. So i bring the other people into my thought story, and take it out on them. I'm using other people to make myself feel better. I don't like this dynamic. I want to feel good first. I want to satisfy this constant seeking to just feel better. I'm really getting sick of this fking game the ways its being played. I want to feel better first. I want to heal myself fully first.

My life purpose stuff is coming slowly, but it's because i am purposely limiting myself, haha i'm a sneaky fucker. I know my personality is off, i'm too egotistical, too narcissistic, I am not acting like a good person. But when i start writing on my website i don't want any of this stuff, this is what im fking writing against. All of this shit is delusional. I konw becuase i am doing it right now, i'm engaging in the delusion. I just want to feel better, that's all ir eally care about. I bet other people want the same thing, they are just ashamed to admit it. Or this is just more of my own projection onto others. Dam the mind is crazy. Thank god I have family money, and no one can tell me shit. Right now i'm typing crazy madness, if someone readas this they will think i'm a psycho lol. I am actually very confident in my progress so far, but it' a lot to process.

Everything i wrote above is just thought. That is negaitve thought. I know that shit aint true because it doesn't feel good lol. But man i still don't feel that great. That's another thought. 

I think i should try like a 20 minute nap/meditation. 

[Raptorsin7]

This journal needs to be more uniqe. No more pretending and fear. I need to start being more honest.

[Raptorsin7]

I am going to try and write form my intuition. I want to change the wTay i use this forum and this journal, and ultimately the way I love my life. Speaking from feeling, rather then thinking. Full trust in my intuition. Faith in the process. Trust in the higher power. It's time I took a break, and just let feeling do the work. 

It's no longe rwhat do I want to do, strategizing, thinking etc, no no no. It's time to feel my way thorugh the path. The thinking phase is over. If I never think again then so fucking be it, i'm okay with that. I want to live on instinct, i want to live based on how I feel, i want to be happy. I want to feel happy. I want to recognize resistance thoughts, and nip them in the but. 

Bad trips on LSD are valuable. Eventually there will be no bad trips becuase life will be heaven, so gotta savor them while I still got something to savor haha. Feeling bad is good because it shows us that we're thinking and creating and living in good ways. Thank god that my life has not been feeling good LOL. I want so much more out of life then what i'v ebeen getting. And as i do more good, i will feel better, and as i feel better i will do more good, and then I can help other people feel good too. That is my purpose noIw. To give back. It's no longer just about me. This is about the world now. It's time to give back to the world. Being my best, will make me feel the best, and will allow me to do my best in everything. Which will be what's best for the world. Living from instinct and intuition, what a way to live lol. 

Thank god for the path. Thank you everyone who's helped me, which is everyone i've ever interacted with on here because they were all part of the causal chain of me getting my life together. 

I no longer want to view other people as bad. I don't want to judge them. I want to see the best in everyone, so they can learn to see there internal greatness. I don't want to focus on the bad stuff of people, there's no point. I only have so much time on earth. 

Self referntial thinking. What a mother fer. Me, me , me ,me ,me ,me. I wonder how much i can stop with the self referntial. Do i even need to get rid of the self referntial thinking? I just want to be happy and feel good. Whatever gets me there I will fucking take it.  

LSD is sooooo good at breaking cycles. I feel the reset. The blank state. Let's go baby. I get another chance to try a new way. A better way.

Just be honest. Say what you believe. Be compassionate, showing concern or sympathy for others. Be humble,  a modest or low view of one's own importance.  Everyone is doing their best, myself included. We are all trying our best to live as humans. Being human is hard sometimes. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

How to best utilize thinking moving forward. Hmm. I want to see the best in others, and myself. I want the best for myself, which is also the best for the world. See the good in everyone, and everything. 

I want to feel good writing in my journal. I think that's the best way to use the journal. Use the journal in a way that feels good, I want to write stuff that makes me feel good. I am good. Soooo goood. I am so fucking good it's unbelievable. It's maddening lol. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

I have a head ache. Ow. I feel the sensation and pressure in my head. But when i bring awareness to the feeling, and I think that I want my head to feel better it does change.

Chris Langdan is a cool guy. 

When i launch my website and get the infrastructure going, i'm going to take time and visit people in the world. I will make a list, but i will just start showing up and seeing people. Maybe i will go to belegrade but I think @zeroISinfinity may not want to see me lol.

I will definitely go to michigan and see @Nahm. That will be a fun part of the path no doubt. I always liked air ports and travelling. I will get to travel around the world lol

[Raptorsin7]

How to best utilize thinking moving forward. Hmm.

[Raptorsin7]

I want to relax before my games. Maybe some push ups before the game?

Trust your intuition. Don't thin. Feel. Tune into your instincts.

[Raptorsin7]

I play for the love of the game. I can't forget that. I am allowing myself to get angry while playing, and it's hurting my performance. I just want to play and have fun. That's what i want. I want to let go of everything else. 

I just want to play as MYSELF. I believe that will be enough. But "I" am still heavily involved while playing. This needs to be let go. 

[Raptorsin7]

Just be yourself. Apply YOURSELF in everything you do. Your best will be accomplished as yourself, and only as yourself. Your best is not in thinking. It's in the now. Right here, right now. Yourself is the best you can do. And that's all we can ask of anyone is for them to do their best, just try your best.

[Raptorsin7]

How do I feel?

I feel content. 

I feel my third eye popping/cracking. 

Thoughts about dropping out of law school, which aren't true because i'm right here and that's just a thought.

I feel a calm, energy sensation feels like contentment.

Thoughts about my uncle and his level of awakening, Thoughts of judgement of other. It doesn't feel good because it's not true, it's just a thought.

Thoughts about zero and his awakening when i used to ask him questions. It doesn't feel good because it's just a thought, about myself and zero in thinking which isn't here and now where good feeling is. 

I want to feel good. 

I feel good.

I am infinite consciousness having an experience of a person

[Arcangelo]

Hey Rap good job on lying to your parents! Telling them what they want to hear is you becoming yellow. When I am on my A-Game I keep my conversations with my parents very very light.

My mom is stage blue, and my dad is rock solid orange. With my mom all I talk about is family and food, that's it, and with my dad all I talk about is women, UFOs, aliens, money, motorcycles and bicycles that's it. If I mention any other topics (like drugs, psychology or consciousness) I regret it big time.

Sometimes I also think everyone is an effing idiot hahaha! Because they are hahaha! But then I remember that I used to be an idiot too. And that I still am.

Are you really good at basketball? Like NBA material or nah?

[Raptorsin7]

@Arcangelo  I'm okay. No where near NBA level lol. But i'm going to be world class at league of legends. 

I want to get a release when I post in my journal

 

[zeroISinfinity]

What's your rank (beleive it's called that way) in LoL rap man? 

Sorry I played Dota and HoN never LoL. 

 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7

You know what my good man. Today I took a walk. It felt like I was walking through kindergarten. 

It all passed through my mind all human activities, society, politics, relationships all of it. All " problem" "worry" "insecurities" "anxieties" all of that. Spirituality, religions, yes even reiki. 

It's just kindergarten man. 

Even if you consider this forum. Just read any topic. Kids just kids. 

Edited February 29, 2020 by zeroISinfinity