The End Of Seeking

[Raptorsin7]

Today I began micro dosing LSD. 

I am not a doctor. Please speak to a medical professional if you are planning on introducing drugs into your life. I am not an authority drugs. I'm not sure how liability works with advice lol but DON'T FUCKING @ME if you try drugs and negatively affects your life.

Ok disclaimer over.

Micro dose LSD is an effective anti depressant from my current view. If you have tried anti depressants and found they don't really make you feel better then maybe try something else. But don't use these drugs willy nilly. They are powerful, and must be used with diligence and care.

I am going to start micro dosing in the near future as I bring my life more into alignment with what I know to be true and right. Since my awakening experience i've realized a lot must change, but I also realized that I have been operating at 10% capacity of my true potential as a human being. I think LSD will help raise my energy levels up throughout the day so I can get more done, and get more out of existing practices.

If anyone has questions about using micro dosing LSD feel free to ask me. But i don't want you to hurt yourself and I don't want to get sued. So please if you think there's a chance that these drugs will destabilize you then don't use them and don't listen to me.

If you are an adult and want to discuss pros and cons of using these drugs then post here and we can discuss.

[Raptorsin7]

So far i've had positive results with micro dosing. I felt a vividness and clarity to my experience today that is unusual, but makes me feel very good.

I am loving Abraham Hicks and her teachings about emotional regulation are excellent. I am going to spend more time mastering her teachings over the coming weeks so I can effectively get myself to high tier emotions like love, bliss, joy etc through my own conscious thinking and intention.

No more relying on the outside world to make me feel good. I'm going to make myself feel good then go out into the world with that good feeling already in place.

[Raptorsin7]

I haven't posted in a while, and I think it's time to resume my journal habit.

I feel stagnant over the past few days. I got over confident from my awakening, and I started to neglect some of my practices. 

I am still making progress, and the micro dosing habit has been excellent. But I want to change things up. 

I may start adding DMT to my routine, and just use LSD for micro dose purposes. But I think i'm going to do a larger LSD trip next weekend and see how that goes. After my LSD trip a few weeks ago I had a strong urge to cry after my parents came over, I was hoping the crying phase would begin haha. But i haven't felt any desire to cry since then. 

@Nahm has been stressing inspecting my thoughts/beliefs as they come up, but i've been slacking with this. I'm not sure if it's because I don't know what to do with the descontruction, or if it's just egoic resistance. 

Here are a few things I want to focus on moving forward:

Play more league of legends, and spend more practicing and learning to get into the zone while playing.

At least 30 minutes of TMI meditation per day. Ideally 30 minutes of meditation before I play league of legends.

Read Esther Hicks, and master the emotional scale. I feel my emotional state stuck around boredom, frustration, irritability. I want to move my default to optimism, positive expectation, and hopefulness. There are a number of great exercises in her book, and I think I want to spend more time with those practices.

Go out and hike, and spend time in nature. I'm planning on moving out of the city center at the end of the semester, but I really want to just get out and spend a day in nature. I haven't been on a hike in a long time, and I imagine it'll be a great experience.

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

There was a great example today. Someone I’ve been working with directly experienced oneness in a very big way for the first time. In inspecting thought, simply as it arose, she realized she had a ‘layer’, or belief she never noticed / completely overlooked.  She realized that she thought everyone has the same thoughts about what is perceived, that everyone ‘see’s it similarly’.  Emotionally, in her unchecked assumption that people think like her, (she assumed they had basically the same thought when it comes to shared experiences)... she then had assumed “they must be like X”, “I must not be like X” (Not realizing the thought was what was different).  The “I must not be like X” part was a lot of self referential thinking / self judgment). Full on oneness, kind of flying through insights about her current relationships, past, etc in a kind of awesome joy-spewing...seeing it all from the oneness. Very joyful and moving. It seemed a great example of how effortless the inspection really is, as it’s subtle, and yet at the root, prior to perspective and played a role in shaping the whole experience of living and being.

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm I don't understand the example. What did she notice in thinking that made the difference? Is it a common theme to all thoughts that was seen through? Or was it individual beliefs that were dealt with?

Can you explain it in simpler terms? Like very basic, straight and forward.

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

Ten people witness a robbery, and fill out ten police reports. Every one of them has a different account of what happened. 

To you & I, that makes sense readily. It’s all subjective. Right, “I get it”. 

However, she was also well aware, it’s all subjective.  But it was at a highly intelligent, conceptual “functional” level, underpinned by a root belief she was unaware of. 

In doing the thought & feeling / emotional scale ‘work’, she felt great and had an instant that she realized what you and I hold to be pretty straightforward. She had a unique way of seeing things, and that included a subconscious ‘belief’ that everyone has the same, or very very similar thoughts. She realized, that is not even remotely true. This liberated all kinds of misunderstanding of feeling / all kinds of connection with the Goodness she is. 

She instantly felt drastically different, as her feeling which was suppressed, released a lot of insights, entire new ways of seeing much of what is most important to her, because she saw it all as herself. 

The wildest thing is you and me “get it”, and also have entirely unique - but yet the same thing goin on - in terms of subconscious beliefs and unique ways of experiencing. 

She said, “90% of my thinking, was about what was wrong with me”. (Very happily as she realized / enjoyed it...lot of ‘oneness laughter’)

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm So she had a certain type of belief/thought that was underlying a lot of other thoughts that caused her suffering?

I have similar negative thinking patterns, but I don't see a core belief that is under pinning them? Even if i found the underlying belief, how do i transcend it?

You're still talking kind of cryptic. If you were explaining the concept, no examples. How would you do it?

[Nahm]

6 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

You're still talking kind of cryptic. If you were explaining the concept, no examples. How would you do it?

Inspecting and finding unique assumptions made of self & reality, which basically, limit in an unseen manor. 

6 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

So she had a certain type of belief/thought that was underlying a lot of other thoughts that caused her suffering?

Underlying perspective & experience all together. 

Before: What “guidance in sensation”?  After: “Holy shit this is awesome!”.

6 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I have similar negative thinking patterns, but I don't see a core belief that is under pinning them? Even if i found the underlying belief, how do i transcend it?

The thought / belief never aligned with the guidance of feeling...but “that’s just how it is”...or “that’s just how I am”. The realization you might say, is that. That “it’s just how I am”, or “it’s reality”...is not true, and never felt true. Transcend = become fully conscious of. 

[Raptorsin7]

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

Inspecting and finding unique assumptions made of self & reality, which basically, limit in an unseen manor. 

 @NahmI'm still not clear on this. Are you aware of what assumptions i'm holding that are limiting me? You mentioned something about believing i am a self that is seperate from reality, and that is "other" than other people. I do notice my self referential thinking, but just noticing it didn't do anything. Yeah, it'd be great if I could just stop thinking in ways that are creating suffering, but it seems difficult and confusing.

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

Underlying perspective & experience all together. 

Before: What “guidance in sensation”?  After: “Holy shit this is awesome!”.

This makes sense. I never viewed emotions as a guidance system until you told me about Abraham Hicks and explained the concept. So i guess there are more aha moments about different aspects of reality that I completely over looked. 

But even about the emotional scale i'm confused. I find sometimes I get stuck not feeling good, and I'm not sure what emotion I have like I'm not sure if it's depression/shame/guilt/fear or irritibality/frustration/pessimsm and then i try to reach for anger or boredom but I don't feel relief. There are times I just remain stuck with my current mood, and it sucks because I want to feel good.

Can you give me a further explanation of moving up the scale. Like i'd say right now i'm at frustration, irritability, boredom, pessimism for most of the day. I'm pretty i'm not at the lowest tier because i try to get angry or start hating something but I get no relief from that. I know I want to move into optimism, hopefulness, positive expectation becasue if i get to those tier emotions that's a huge improvement for me. But I haven't learned how to use the scale fully yet. I just know there's so much value in it.

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

 @NahmI'm still not clear on this. Are you aware of what assumptions i'm holding that are limiting me?

Yes. I know them because I saw them, as I also held them too. 

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You mentioned something about believing i am a self that is seperate from reality, and that is "other" than other people. I do notice my self referential thinking, but just noticing it didn't do anything. Yeah, it'd be great if I could just stop thinking in ways that are creating suffering, but it seems difficult and confusing.

When we talk tomorrow we will inspect this and you’ll be right as rain. Too much ‘gets in’ when trying by typing. That will make sense tomorrow.  

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This makes sense. I never viewed emotions as a guidance system until you told me about Abraham Hicks and explained the concept. So i guess there are more aha moments about different aspects of reality that I completely over looked. 

But even about the emotional scale i'm confused. I find sometimes I get stuck not feeling good, and I'm not sure what emotion I have like I'm not sure if it's depression/shame/guilt/fear or irritibality/frustration/pessimsm

We’ll clear that up too. For now, notice the feeling of irritability/pessimism, has an ‘urgency’ or ‘get up and run’ type feeling with it, an ‘avoid’ type of feeling. Then the depression/shame/guilt/fear feeling compounds it. Which denotes the length of time it’s been going on, which more actually denotes a high number of repetitions of... thought arises, doesn’t feel good, isn’t understood, is avoided somewhat subconsciously, adding confusion, and cycles back into the feelings on the lower end of the scale. What can happen in a conversation simply can’t be matched with text like this, but you will read this in hindsight (your comment) and it will be totally clear to you. 

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and then i try to reach for anger or boredom but I don't feel relief. There are times I just remain stuck with my current mood, and it sucks because I want to feel good.

Can you give me a further explanation of moving up the scale. Like i'd say right now i'm at frustration, irritability, boredom, pessimism for most of the day. I'm pretty i'm not at the lowest tier because i try to get angry or start hating something but I get no relief from that. I know I want to move into optimism, hopefulness, positive expectation becasue if i get to those tier emotions that's a huge improvement for me. But I haven't learned how to use the scale fully yet. I just know there's so much value in it.

Knowing we’ll be talking tomorrow...in a nutshell here...Reflect on, what have the efforts to feel better been? What have you tried to do to feel better, how much time have you spent on it?  Where is it? How much does it cost? What is the proper dose, of feeling good? 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm Okay thank you.

[Raptorsin7]

I feel a strong urge to call out bull shit on the forum. I see so many people limit themselves on the path based on foolish beliefs. I know i still have foolish beliefs too so it goes both ways, but I just get annoyed when I see people thinking foolishly. I know psychedelics are a fucking game changer because I have direct experience. But i see people who afraid to take them, and i know why they are afraid. It makes sense to fear the drugs because they CAN be dangerous. But so many people are ready to take them, but they delay it out of fear. It's all it is. It's arrogance, ego, fear etc. These drugs can transform your life and people are so fucking ignorant. I'm not saying they will change your life alone, you have to do other practices to. Drugs alone are useless. But not using the drugs when you have the mental grounding to not go crazy is nonsense. They literally transformed my life. I am going to make fucking like 10 million dollars per year at a minimum on my website idea. I would not have had this idea if not for the fucking drugs. People have no idea. My life is better than any fucking movie, any dream. I am a better person now then any of my idols growing up. I've literally passed everyone. So many fucking people on this forum don't even help others with their posts, I do this too. It's a complete waste of time. If you're going to fucking post to help people, then fucking put thought and effort into the post, write with selfless intent, and try to help them. So much posting is fucking useless. The fucking enlightened people on this forum aren't even helping others. I am pretty fucking confident that at the peak of a human bening, you can literally enlightenment people through a single conversation or through answering their questions on the forum. But the fucking people here aren't doing that. I know they're trying their best, and it's not easy to do it, because i'm not doing it currently either, but we need to do better. Awakening is what everyone is fucking doing anyways, they are just too ignornant to see why they are doing what they do. People need to wake the fuck up. Life is so short, i can't imagine not living like i'm living now. It's fucking sad man. I want everyone to awaken. That's what I want. That would solve every fucking problem we have on earth. If everyone was fucking enlightened this place would be heaven on earth. I'm pretty sure it already is heaven on earth, but I still can't reconcile some of the bad stuff I see in the world. Like how is child rape, all good. I'm not sure.

 

[Raptorsin7]

I am going to make 10 million dollars per year on my website at a minimum. Everyone who doubts this to me is a fucking fool. That's how I use my website idea now. When people fucking doubt me i write them off as idiots because that's how fucking confident I am in my idea. I can't stand people who try to fucking limit me. They limit themselves, they themselves are afraid and don't know how to be successful so they fucking limit you too based on their own limiting fucking beliefs. It pisses me the fuck off. I can't fucking stand it. I will fucking show people what's possible. I am going to be a fucking challenger adc in league. I'm going to release my fucking website with tons of content about league, gaming, the path, fucking everything that will help people. Then i'm going to do monetize all the viewers I'll get from being so fucking good at league. I'm going to realease e products, like How i used the path to master league and get challenger, i'm going to do life coaching and charge like fucking 400 Idollars per hour, i'm going to start working with professional league teams and teach them how the path can make them play better. There's so much i can fucking do it's fucking insane. 

I want a fuckingflow state. I know the peak performance state is a flow state. The closest i've come is my awakening when i felt fucking bliss coursing through me. I think if i was in that state i would get to a flow state easily and perform at my best on league. I want that fucking state when I play. I'm already pretty fucking good. I know i can hit at least diamond 4 based on my current mindset and skill level. But that's not my fucking beat. I want to hit fucking challenger. I am going to hit fucking challenger. 

I don't have anything against retards, or idiots etc. I need to use different words. I say retarded too much. I think everyone is a fucking idiot. So many fucking idiots. I wonder if it's okay to call people idiots. Even people i call fucking idiots. They aren't fucking idiots. They are fucking genusies. I'm pretty fucking sure that everyone is as smart as i am, they are just fucking deluded by limiting concepts about their own intelligence. I want people to be like fucking me now but they won't fucking listen. When i hit challenger and i get my website going they will fucking listen to me, i fucking know it. I will be so fucking talented and good at league of legends that they can't fucking ignore me. It won't be fucking possible. I will be so fucking good they people will be forced to do what I do because I will be so fucking good.

@Nahm Is this a good idea to release? 

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7 If the question is if it’s a good time to release, surrender, let go, answer’s always yes. 

[Raptorsin7]

I am a challenger level adc. I've realized that I need to go the next part of the path mostly alone. When i speak confidently to my friends I can tell it makes them uncomfortable and mad. I can climb the highest from here if i climb alone. The next step in my path is to get challenger in league of legends. Once i'm challenger then i will gain respect in the gaming community, and they will be forced to hear my message. I will be so good they can't ignore me.

I am going to be play a lot of league of legends in the near future until i'm challenger. Most likely like 10 plus hours per day. 

I want to start  a morning routine that helps me get into a flow state. That's the next part of the path, mastery of flow states.

[Raptorsin7]

How do i enter a flow state. Man this question is driving me nuts. I know the state is the key to my business, but I just can't get it. Is the flow state what happens when you cease thiinking, and just feel? No, this can't be it. There has to be more. I feel my third eye popping like crazy, it feels like I'm on LSD but i'm not on LSD lol. This is great stuff. I never really imagined that the end game would be there is no difference between being high on lsd and not high. But that seems to be the direction i'm trending. I want flow. I want flow. I want flow. I want bliss. I know when the eye fully cracks there will be a bunch of bliss and good stuff waiting for me. I remember my last awakening everythign just made sense, and I felt incredible. 10/10 WOULD defintely try that again. 

Moving forward i'm going to just dump my mind into this journal. No more filter. I want to live in a state where i'm virtually never thinking unless i have to and it's got a clear purpose. The automaticity of my thinking needs to end. 

I wonder when i'll start writing. I'm thinking when i hit challenger because i'm improving so fast in league it's crazy. I can do an initial like 20 article road to challenger series. Should be good enough to release the website with. Plus my own guided meditation.

[LfcCharlie4]

@Raptorsin7 Awesome man, you're doing amazing!

Just wanted to say, be careful not to demonize thinking. We don't need thoughts to live, as NAtural Pure Awareness takes care of everything, however, thoughts and the mind are merely tools to help us when we need them, like a latop! 

Do you want bliss? Or do you want absolute peace and happiness. Bliss will come, but bliss will pass, like how a trip passes, it could last years, however, what is 10000x better than any bliss or any high is the absolute happiness and peace that never leaves, why? Because it's our true nature, it is resting in the absolute. 

Congrats man, an LP where you get to play video games sounds awesome, you're a lucky guy 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7 Maybe you are flow state itself. ?

Just be YOURSELF. See whole and complete and it will grow no worries + do stuff you like. 

Nothing wrong with thinking but do not use it to create 'self' or 'person' out of it. Eventually it will stop. ❤️ Will raise up. ?

You can freelly drop thinking about 'others' that will clog out most of the stuff. 

Edited February 26, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

The truth is all good. So when we have any thought, perspective, etc that is not all good, like there's even 1% doubt in this perspective. Then we should let it go because the truth is that reality is all good, so when we choose something that's not all good then we know we fked up so it's time to pick another thought, find another way.

@LfcCharlie4 thanks a lot. Yeah i want happiness, bliss is just the best i tasted so far so I thought that was the best thing to pursue. But i want to cut the shit. I just want to be happy. I've tasted it in moments in my life, now i want to live with it. I'm so thankful for my life purpose. I can't believe i'm going to make millions of dollars just playing games. I was fucking doing this anyways, I wuold play games like 10 plus hours per day but no one paid for me it. Now i'm getting paid doing something I would do free lmao, awakening is too fucking good. So overpowered in life. It's like I found a fucking cheat code to existence.

@zeroISinfinity thanks man. I understand what you're saying i just gotta spend more time as MYSELF. i get dragged into thinking, distraction etc so often. But at least i found myself now so I know where happiness is. How long you think it will take me to be in god state for pro longed period, i really want that state for video games. Right now i get distracted too much. Is 1 hour of meditation enough you think? Just do that before i play?

[Raptorsin7]

I am wasting time. I want to climb in league. But i am just so distracted right now. I know my focus isn't where I need it to be. But what can i do.

• I am going to shower, smoke weed, and then meditate for 30 minutes in my bed. Then I will game. Let's see how this goes. I will report back later and see if this workeD

@Nahm @zeroISinfinity What is the best way to use the journal? Do I write what i'm feeling, like describe the emotion? Should i just write out stream of consciuosness and hope that makes me feel better? I want god, i want to feel good. Right now i'm disconnected. Should i just write how much i want to feel good? 

I want to use journal to 100% efficiency and optimization. I want to be like a super functional robot THAT FEELs happy and peace.

Edited February 27, 2020 by Raptorsin7