The End Of Seeking

[Raptorsin7]

6 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

When I said I love ?? I meant ?? part. ?

Whats cp?

@zeroISinfinity  I am feeling better and better thanks man. I'm a bit worried that I won't keep up my progress, but this week has been incredible. Best week in years tbh.

One word to describe my state right now: Clarity

Lot's of credit to @Nahm He is the real deal.

Edited January 13, 2020 by Raptorsin7

[zeroISinfinity]

Yeah bet he is. 

You are too and you are loved to infinity ?. It will keep getting better. 

[Raptorsin7]

I want to start a business and start working towards financial freedom. This is will be my next focus along with continuing to heal myself and improve my overall mental and bodily health. I feel like i'm ready to start getting more ambitious and adding more habits to my routine so working on a business will be a natural extension.

Another great day: Here's what I accomplished

I woke up at around 4:30 am. I am very proud of myself for waking up this early. I love waking up early and this is going to be a staple habit moving forward.

I went to the gym early in the morning and got in a solid workout.

I made oatmeal in the morning and had a vegetable/fruit smoothie before i went to class. Oatmeal is a solid meal choice, but i bought vanilla almond milk and I did not like the taste at all. I think I need a different kind of almond milk for the oat meal, and I need to add some other ingredients to improve the taste.

I went to every class today, and i ended up getting a solid mark on my contracts mid term even though I thought I did poorly. 

I meditated for 45 minutes in the morning. Then another 30-40 minutes when I came home from school. My meditation practice is growing rapidly and i'm excited to see where it goes in the future. I'm expecting some major awakenings in the near future so i'm looking forward that.

I feel clarity. My mood is stable, and I have a sense of stability and calm that I haven't felt before. I still have a lot of work to do, but this is major progress and it's quite amazing how much my life has improved since doing the LSD trip. LSD will be my safety valve moving forward. If i notice a dip to bad habits or i'm feeling stuck again then I'm going to do LSD again and get a reset. I'm going to do LSD when I feel it's right and right now I just don't feel a need to trip again. But this may change in the future we will see.

 

[Raptorsin7]

The first "down" point in a while for me. Feeling very frustrated, with pent up aggression, energy ,etc.

I got in an argument with my mom over text. But i texted her and told her i'm not depressed anymore, and she said my dad couldn't sleep recently because i was depressed. So that's good that he will be happy now. I need to detach from my parents. Better for everyone. They fund everything for me right now so rightfully they feel like they have say in everything I do. I do not want any influence on my life. I trusted too many people in my life. People are so limited in what they think is possible. Need to be discerning with who i trust and who's thoughts I act on. If i go alone then so be it, fuck everyone if it has to be like this. People all live for themselves, i am that way too so i completely understand and i'm not mad. I just don't want to get sucked in to people's shit. I want to build my own life and live how I want to. Not how my deluded mind has led me to live. But to actually live good, happy, healthy life.

I feel very confident that my best life, everything i want. Is what god/love wants to. This is not a caravan of despair. I have to be brave, and sacrifice my current life which would never work, it would never make me happy, never give me love. What a "sacrifice" LOL. Negative thoughts, bad outcomes, not feeling good, all that stuff is delusion. Life is meant to be enjoyed. My highest joy and love will be what god wants for me. 

[Raptorsin7]

Overall today was another solid day. But I hit a hiccup which is worth going over:

The down:

I was really frustrated in class today. I really hate late school and it makes me really unhappy being there. I just feel like i'm wasting valuable time learning something I have 0 interest in at all. On the plus side school is a joke and it's really easy to get average marks so i can skip most classes and devote my time to other things while I make my transition away from law school. I'm going to start Leo's life purpose course tmrw, and I think being at school will be a good motivator to do the course because I really just want to earn financial freedom and stop wasting my time doing stuff that has no value to me.

I also had an interesting convo with my mom. I told her i'm not depressed anymore which should ease my parents worries about me. But i really need to detach from my parents. Me and my parents have a toxic relationship. There is co-dependence here and my parent's are too ignorant to realize that they have no clue what's going on regarding what's right for my future. They will continue to try and sway my life and try and making choices for me because they are funding my entire life. I need to earn my freedom from them and that will create much more space and clarity in my life. I'm excited to finally be free from my parents and be truly financially independent.

Here's what I accomplished today:

I woke up at 6 am

I went to yoga and had a great session today

I expressed myself honestly to my parents and my classmates today even though I came across in a bad light in some sense. I want to be as humble and practice humility in every moment possible because I prefer to not attract too much attention to myself and have to deal with other's, but i will learn as I go. I'm not going to be hard on myself if i have moments of being arrogant or difficult. I know where i'm going and I will self correct my behavior naturally.

I meditated in the morning for about 40 minutes. This is one area I want to improve. I want to up my meditation hours to around 2 or more per day. I still waste a lot of time procrastinating on the forum and stuff but I think Leo's life purpose course will help address this issue.

I sent a pretty heartfelt messages to my friends in our group chat about how much i've benefited from changing my diet after the LSD trip. My friends are a lot like me and trying to improve and be happy so I hope i inspired them with my honesty. One of my friends has done a bunch of LSD trips and gave me words of encouragement which felt really good.

I took a warm bath after I was frustrated and worked up from talking to my mom. I actually almost had an enlightenment experience, i felt it coming on. But i told myself i'm not ready yet and then it went away. I really appreciated that from the universe. I am happy with my current rate of progress I don't know if i'm ready for enlightenment experiences yet. When i'm ready i will allow them but for now I think the universe will respect my wishes to keep my normal progress. I am guided my something moving forward right now and I will continue to honor that space within me. When i think good thoughts or just empty my mind I feel a wave of good feeling. I call it god's grace but i'm not sure what it is. But i know it feels good and I know it responds to me doing good and being good in the world. I am  a good person. Even as an ego i'm a good person. I want to do good in the world, and I recognize the pitfalls of a lot of worldviews. I am have excellent role models for how to go from here as an ego in the world. Keira Yamato from Gundam Seed. And Aang from Avatar the last air bender. I love these guys and I learned a lot from them how to act morally in the world.

At the request of Nahm i'm going to start learning about other religions so I have a more encompassing world view. He recommended Rumi, Buddha, Jesus, and Esther Hicks. I'm reading Esther Hicks book on LoA right now and so far it's excellent. I think I will learn about the Buddha Next.

[Raphael]

 

 

 

 

 

3

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I really need to detach from my parents. Me and my parents have a toxic relationship. There is co-dependence here and my parent's are too ignorant to realize that they have no clue what's going on regarding what's right for my future. They will continue to try and sway my life and try and making choices for me because they are funding my entire life. I need to earn my freedom from them and that will create much more space and clarity in my life. I'm excited to finally be free from my parents and be truly financially independent.

It seems like we also have this in common 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7 How it's going man. 

Yeah good choices. 

Well if you start earning money give portion of that to your parents. Ofcourse if you are planning living with them. Make a deal with them and don't break it. 

Have a wonderful day sir. 

 

 

Edited January 15, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

@Raphael Haha yeah i bet we do. I live in Canada but my parents are still stage blue Indian so they have a very rigid worldview. They actually give me a ton of freedom and I wouldn't be where i'm at in this journey without all their support. But it's time to let them go. It's become limiting and I'm ready to start climbing higher.

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity Hey man it's going well today. My class got canceled today because of snow so I have a whole day off to myself.

2 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Well if you start earning money give portion of that to your parents. Ofcourse if you are planning living with them. Make a deal with them and don't break it. 

I'm not doing this. My parents have a lot of money so the money would be insignificant to them. My plan is to start a business and start earning income so I can just move on and completely detach financially from them. Right now I don't live with my parents, I'm in law school in a city only a few hours from my parents. But my parents give me all my money so they see what I spend and I have to run everything through them basically.

Do you mind if i ask what you do for money? How does spirituality affect your views in this space? One the one hand I think so many of these concepts are so radical that it can't be that hard to just manifest a billion dollars or something lol . But I don't know, there isn't a lot of talk here about business/entrepreneurship except for a few users.

[Raptorsin7]

Today was another solid day. School was canceled which was a nice bonus. I made a list last night and i accomplished most stuff on the list so i think moving forward i'm going to take time to plan out what i want to do the night before or in the morning. 

Here's what I accomplished:

I did yoga and had a great session. I started doing yoga with my shirt off now and it feels way better. I was a little self conscious at first but now I just do it no problem. Other guys do it in the class too so that gives me confidence too. 

I meditated for an hour in the morning. The meditation was session was not that great though. I have been lacking diligence in practicing the specific technique laid out in TMI. I want to focus on doing exactly what he recommends and progressing through the stages. I will monitor this moving forward. I'm thinking of doing 2 hours of meditation a day. 1 hr will be TMI breath meditation. 1 hr will be just feeling and being fully present and detached from thoughts.

I watched the first 2 videos of Leo's life purpose course. So far it's excellent and i'm really excited to move forward. I really don't like school so it's great motivation to really work hard at Leo's course because i want to start a venture that will lead to financial independence and allow me to free myself from my parents and wage slavery. I'm a little confused on this topic. Do i just go all in on LP and ignore money and let it be? Do i focus on just making money first with a financial venture doing something I somewhat like then transition to a full on LP after i achieve financial freedom? Not sure here. Will get some more opinions and develop my self more so i can trust my intution better. I am already getting ideas about potential business' since i put it on my dream board which is awesome.

I started reading Esther Hicks' book Ask and it is given and it's amazing. The wisdom in the book is high level, and i feel like abraham is speaking directly to my soul when he speaks. I used to believe that Abraham hicks was not legitimate and this was kinda a performance. I don't think this anymore. I think she is the real deal. Nahm recommends her so i bet she's legit. At this point it's basically me trusting intuitoin on how to proceed or listening to Nahm. 

I ate quite healthy again today. I'm starting to eat take out again, but its healthy salads from this healthy restaurant near me. I don't order it either i just walk over there and grab it. I don't like the idea of ordering food anymore to my apartment. I would rather just walk over and get it myself. I've basically cut my food expenses from like 40 dollars per day to about 12 dollars on a salad with chicken. Great improvement here.

 

Moving forward a main focus of mine will be to find a partner/girlfriend. It's time i addressed this part of my life. I am ready. I am going to use my journal to describe my perfect mate at the advice of Nahm and this will be the ultimate test of how i create my reality. I'm going to follow what feels good when i'm going through this process but i'm also going to throw in some stuff that i want intellectually too. The only rule is not i'm not going to choose anything that feels bad. I am going to be patient with this process, i really care about finding a good partner. I will be an amazing boyfriend so i hope to find an amazing girlfriend. So excited to finally have love in my life. I've wanted a girlfriend for a while but I never felt ready and never found someone i really resonated with. Good times ahead 

[Raptorsin7]

Another solid day. I want to improve to my discipline moving forward and I think making a list will be helpful in moving me in this direction.

Here's what I accomplished today:

Had a great convo with Nahm. Learning so much from him every time. I want to start preparing more questions in advance so i can ask more specific questions. I love the convos either way, but I think i will get more value from the convos if i come more prepared.

I ate pretty healthy overall today. I ordered greek food which is the first take out i've ordered in a while. I really need to find a better way to spend my nights. I find myself not feeling good at night. I think addressing this feeling will be pay big dividends moving forward though

I did like 70 minutes in the float tank. The float tank is incredible. I get such a good vibe from being there, and I can relax very easily in there. I want to up this time to about at least 2-3 times a week.

I made a reiki massage appointment. I'm excited for this i've heard it's quite good but we will see. I'm going to try a deep massage after this session too just so i can compare the effects.

I meditated for 30 minutes this morning before class. I have been slacking a bit on my meditation. I want to spend more hours just breathing and being present, but i'm getting distracted a lot lol.

I did yoga in the morning. This is was a good session. I was like the only one there lol. I want to start going a bit later, like maybe at 7 am instead of 6 am. 

I read more of Abraham's Hick's book. Man she is good. The law of attraction makes complete sense to me, and i gotta start implementing these teachings. My habits of thinking are not being conducive to my dream life, and i need to address this.

My friend @zeroISinfinity is making a big change in his life. I wish him well. I want to one day go to Serbia and visit him. I hope he's doing okay and he finds what he's looking for in his time of isolation and healing. Much love 

[Raptorsin7]

Another great day. I need to work on my discipline. This is a weakness of mine right now. I desire a girlfriend too. I am ready. I put it on my dream board and i'm going to keep thinking about this and making steps towards this goal.

Here's what i accomplished today:

Did yoga in the morning. Had a great session. My instructor really likes me haha.

I played squash at my university. I had a fun time, and i'm getting better playing sports without thinking and just trying to have fun and be in the moment.

I did a night time yoga class and it was really fun. Yoga is so much easier then it was before. I have so much more energy and i'm in such better shape then I was before.

I meditated for around 30 minutes today. I nee d to schedule more meditation time throughout my day. I want to get to 2 hours but i'm only doing around 30-1 hr per day.

I also messaged a class mate of mine who dropped out, I think for mental health reasons. I wasn't sure if i was going to send him a message but i decided to just message him and just do it. I think I can help him if he takes me up on my offer to hear his story. But if not it's okay and the universe will take care of him.

I cooked burgers today. This will be the last time i'm cooking burgers for a while, but they tasted great. This is the unhealthiest thing i've eaten in a while but at least i cooked it on my own and I didn't add cheese.

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

There was this trashy woman in my elevator today. She was dressed up very sexually, and she clearly has some sort of addiction or mental health issues by thy way she was acting. I actually felt aroused in the elevator and then she tried making small talk with me. I felt pretty sick/disturbed when i got back into my apartment. This is the path to hell. I haven't jerked off or watched porn in a few weeks so it makes sense i'd be horny, but this was a dangerous situation. I'm fortunate i am doing well with my development so i can resist this stuff, but if i was at a weaker state and i thought "hey i can do a 1 night stand or something" this could devastate my progress. Allowing this kind of toxicity into your life could set you back years in development. I'm so fortunate that i overcame this obstacle and all i got was a sick feeling when i got back to my apartment.

A focus of mine right now is to find a high consciousness partner/girlfriend. There are many benefits to a relationship as a young man. And this example I think is another benefit i hadn't considered. Having someone to satisfy sexual urges so you don't have to go to porn or some disturbed person who is willing to have anonymous sex. I don't want that kind of toxicity in my life, and thank god for that.

[Raptorsin7]

I felt stagnant today. I think I want to do another LSD trip this upcoming weekend and see how that affects my growth. I plan on doing more research on how to best use LSD for personal growth, but I know my life has improved dramatically since my last trip so there's definitely incredible value here.

I want to reduce the time i spend on the forum. I want to increase the amount of time i spend meditating each day from about an hour to between 1-3 hours.

Here's what I accomplished today:

Woke up at 730 am

Went to yoga class and had a good work out

I meditated for about an hour, and felt pretty good during and after the session. I'm getting better at feeling the breathe and the feelings in my experience. I want to meditate longer and with more diligence moving forward. I've been slacking a bit with my diligence.

I ate very healthy today. I did not order any take out. I went to a healthy restaurant and bought a teriyaki chicken brown rice bowl with vegetables which I really liked. I think I can make even more improvements to my diet and this will be another area of focus. I think i'm going to start drinking two kale smoothies per day rather than my typical 1 per day. I think I need to consume more food then i've been consuming typically. I think more healthy food will equal more energy.

I watched another video's of Leo's life purpose course. I really like the course so far. My plan is to watch 1 video of the course at least per day, but I think i'll watch more on some days too. I think life purpose will be the path forward for me. I want to finish the course, complete it with effort and diligence and then reassess what my next step should be in life.

I had an insight that i've been using thinking to avoid feelings of discomfort in the present moment. I think this habit has existed for a large part of my life but it was cool to notice it during my meditation. My mind feels the discomfort and then goes right into thinking as a way of avoiding of what's coming up. It makes sense as a survival strategy as a kid because I could avoid the bad feelings caused by my parents and just go right into thinking rather than processing the hurtful emotions that are there.

 

[Raptorsin7]

Feeling stagnant and bored. Need to change it up and start pushing harder and going deeper.

4 hour float coming up tmrw.

More meditation throughout the day.

More yoga.

More socializing in yoga class. Time to make some friends. It's uncomfortable but I think it's important to make some connections. 

Going to plan a psycidelic trip coming up. I think Saturday.

Working on moving myself up the emotional scale. Gratitude. Optimism. Positivitiy. Eagerness. 

[Raptorsin7]

Past few days have been incredible.

Making some major changes to my spiritual practice routine.

Starting to do longer float taAnnk sessions. Yesterday and Today i'm doing 3 hour continuous floats. I'm also going to do less formal meditation and start doing more practices where I listen to affirmations. I'm going to limit my basic TMI meditation to only about 30 minutes at a time because i find it very boring. But the affirmations i'm planning on making my main focus. I'm going to be basically playing these affirmations all day when i'm not doing something that basically prohibits of the use of affirmations like yoga. I asked my yoga teacher if I could use wireless headphones and she shut it down lol. Stage green dogmatism. The yogi's forget why we even practice in the first place. She's like focus on the breathe. I'm like i can focus on the breathe and none of these people here are enlightened so clearly we gotta change it up. But it's all good I still like yoga and i enjoy the workout and stretching benefits.

I'm going to do another LSD trip this Saturday. Very excited for that. It's either i break through and experience myself and true love. Or i have a bad trip like last time which will spark incredible growth like how i've changed my diet and changed my sleep habits since the last trip. I literally can't lose lol. Psycidelics are really incredible for growth. But I also understand the fear associated with them. You need a certain level of emotional and psycholigcal grounding to use them. On my last trip i had moments where I thought to myself that I could end up high for ever and this may never go away. But i was like no problem I  will overcome. But if i didn't have all this conceptual knowledge about the path then maybe i'd go crazy thinking it will be permanent. Anyone who's reading my journal who is skeptical about using psycs for growth. I'm telling you they are incredible. Changed my diet and my sleeping pattern basically effortlessly. It was a bad trip, i felt a lot of pain and it wasn't a good time tbh. But so much growth since then it's almost breath taking.

[Raptorsin7]

Had my first reiki session today. Overall it was very fun. My reiki person was very intuitive and I think she has a very high level of consiousness. A lot of the things she said to me made a lot of sense and were consistent with how i view my current stage on the path. She said i'm doing enough and my destiny is coming to me, i just have to be patient and surrender. This is consistent with how i view my path right now. I'm doing all the right things. I just need to be patient and start surrendering to life more.

Yoga class today was amazing. I did a new class and the teacher was pulsing good vibes. She's much older than me, but i was insanely attracted to her haha. When i find a long term partner, she will have similar vibes as my instructor. There was something divinely feminine about the way she taught.

My main practice moving forward will be affirmations. I've realized no matter how much meditation I do i am still getting drawn back into thinking, and i was not doing anything to address the underlying negative beliefs that were causing me unhappiness. No more. Affirmations for multiple hours per day basically whenever i'm not doing anything will be the key moving forward. I am literally going to brain wash myself into thinking positive happy thoughts lmao. The re-programming of my mind has begun.

[Raptorsin7]

I actively follow others' journals on here. But i'm not sure if anyone follows mine lol. If i have any followers who want to ask questions about my path or where i'm at/going then feel free i'd be happy to engage.

[Raptorsin7]

Rather than Spam everyone's journal, i'll just put this here for those who are following. Read the book Ask And It Is Given by esther Hicks it explains the law of attraction. Any skepticism or questions feel free to ask, I have a good understanding of the basics and the rationale for why it works.

Read. This. Fucking. Book.

[Raptorsin7]

I just had a profound insight into my life purpose during my float tank session.

Video Games. Competition. Love. Bliss. Flow. Happiness. These are many of the main values and interests of life. But how to combine them?

I'm going to start a mental health/performance/happiness/performance website and write about all these topics and how they relate to video games and performance in video games. I'm also going to start playing very popular video games and getting really good at them so I can get free advertising for my website in high level matches. 

This stuff is flowing me to like crazy. Ever since i put life purpose on dream board i've had continual thoughts about video games, mental health, performance, and starting a website to share these teachings to people in these communities. I'm not even 10% done the LP course and i've already got these insights lmao. I'm so motivated to finish the course now and get this shit going.

Dream Board, Law Of Attraction, Positive affirmations. This stuff is incredible.