Sex Journal

[Annoynymous]

Well i was a bit worried about starting this journal. There is a lot of shame going on inside of me on this particular topic. Then i thought of giving it a go because i think if i want to truely question and discover myself, i need to address where it is vulnerable. 

So here, i would be writing about my sexual conditions, orientation, expectations, fantacies and whatever hits around my mind about it. I think it will help me to release my fear, shame and traumas.

[Annoynymous]

I am 24 years Old. Virgin. Never had real relationships but 2 romantic catchups which did not went very well. I am thinking about whether i should go and talk with girls and eventually be in a rltnship but there are some other issues. That is not important here. I will discuss about my views and feelings around sexuality and sex

[Vitamine Water]

??

[Raptorsin7]

@Annoynymous I am also 24, i'm not a virgin but i've never had a girlfriend so I can relate to some of your issues. My advice is to work on yourself to the point where you are honestly happy and satisfied with life to the point where you no longer feel like you NEED to go after girls and get sexual experience etc. 

When you are happy and satisfied then you naturally attract like-minded girls and you will have joyful relationships. 

If you are going after girls from a place of need and desperation, like i think most pick-up people are doing, then I think you will not find satisfying relationships.

[Annoynymous]

@Raptorsin7 thank you for advising

[Annoynymous]

Sex expectations (?!)

Well, to me, sex is like animalistic. I think one do not need to draw a connection between love & sex, although there can be sex with love and sex without love.

But to me, no sex is without "love". One can find love in animalistic sex but it won't be same as " traditional notion of love".

Sometimes i feel sex is over rated, but in other times i feel it is absolutely necessary. I think there is a period for every man who is high and low on hormones from time to time.

I do not like sex with  commitments. It's like being dishonest. If i want sex, then i want sex, not commitment. But if i pursue commitment in order to have sex then that seems quite unethical to me.

But this things are happening. Many are pursuing so called "love" when they are naming it like that just to have sex.

I think by playing all these tricks here and there makes sex over rated. 

What if one have sex with a girl without these rubbish deception? Wouldn't the situation then be less complicated?

Well, it can be true for many man, but i think it isn't largely true for women.

They want commitment before sex (this is although a generalization) ,  therefore the situation becomes conflictual in nature.

Men want sex

Women want commitment before sex

So men give commitment in order to have sex.

This dynamics leaves a lot of room for deception and "playing games".    

[Annoynymous]

Things that i like about Sex :

# i find woman's breast very fascinating. I like round shaped brest (i am not judging anyone as ugly, just stating my preference). I am also fascinated by different colour of nipples. It's indeed, beautiful.

# I would like to pleasure a woman before pleasuring myself while engage in sex. Satisfying them by giving 3-4 hard orgasm will satisfy me more.

# I like to see naval piercing on a woman. It almost all the time turns me on.

# i like women who have higher sex drive and those who express their sexuality quite openly.

# in terms of sexual position,  i like doggy style, missionary and women on top. I think these three approaches are three different artistic expression which represents energies like domination, union and submission.

Edited December 27, 2019 by Annoynymous

[Annoynymous]

Sex and Fantasy

I think sex and fantasy goes hand to hand.

Now a days,  i try to explore my sexuality through fantasizing, not by seeing porn and other sexual stuff.

It amazes me that sometimes fantasy can turn me on more than porn or masterbation. It feels like i am on the rise, although i am not sure where exactly am i rising. It feels like an elevation.

I have also tried to massage my penis with oil or lotion but at the same time not ejaculate ( i have been trying to explore this domain for a while), while doing it, i had some amazing orgasmic experience which i don't remember having by ejaculation at all. It felt so good and my whole body shaked for a short period of time.

It was, in a sense, very painful also. It felt like trying to do something and at the same time trying not to do it. It is like a paradox.

When i massage the oil on my penis, it becomes more sensitive and slippery. So when i was rubbing it through my hand, i was going into a alternative state, felt like a vibrational force which rapidly builds up. I was aware that if i build that force too much, i will ejaculate and all would be lost. But if i go too slow on rubbing, then the force will wane and the feeling would be gone. So it was a process of delicate balance. You can not do too little or too much.

I have seen ejaculation  causing dreadful numbing feeling. It's like death. On the other hand, oiling the penis and rubbing it was  giving me orgasm, which felt like life. 

But to balance between both? I think it is called Mastery. I know that i may have tasted it here and there, but never have actualized it.

I failed a lot. In that process, i have overdone it many times, expected a lot but got disappointed by burst of semen out of my penis even though i did not expect it. And it feels worse than normal day mastbation when it happens, it feels like a failure.

Maybe this explains why most men can not hold themselves not to ejaculate. Because it's really tough. One has to have a lot of motivation to pursue it. One need to give a lot of effort.

If a person can achieve it, then metaphorically, he becomes a superman.

I think it has also got connection with emotional and psychological state  of a person. I will write about it in the future.

Edited December 28, 2019 by Annoynymous

[Annoynymous]

15 hours ago, modmyth said:

 

I really dislike this notion of bartering in interpersonal relationships in general too. In a dishonest way. What was the term for it? "Covert contracts".

@modmyth yet it happens most of the time.

I think it can be related to being judged or get rejected by a person. If you ask someone if they would have sex with you without commitment, chances are you will fear that they will reject/judge you.

I think men can ask it from time to time. But for women, i think they would never ask someone to have sex with them just to have sex. They do not like to be seen like that by others.

But would they like to have sex without commitment? I think many would. But they won't tell anyone about it because of  "slut-shaming" by men/society.  

Edited December 28, 2019 by Annoynymous

[Annoynymous]

Thoughts on Orgasm

it is almost an established fact that women have been sexually repressed by patriarchal society for many centuries. It was only 50-60 years ago when feminist movement and 1960s green revolution took place thus women started to express their full sexual potential.  It was a good start but i think it's a long way to go for them.

Sexual repression does not mean loss of ability. It has been scientifically shown that a woman's vagina has got more nerve ending than man and therefore they are capable of multiple orgasm through penetrative sex, stimulation of clitoris etc.

It is also shown then some women can have orgasm even by touching their nipples! It's amazing how they can be multi orgasmic.

But for men, orgasm's been a series of disappointment. I wonder why this topic is so undervalued by society. I think we have mixed up the concept with sexual oppressor and sexually able. Men were the oppressor, but that doesn't make them same as capable as women.

There are several books on multi orgasm for men. But i doubt if these books are scientifically proven like in case for women.

Thus orgasm for men boils down to explode of sperm. But is it really serving them? I think not.

Both men and women suffer from man's incapable of multi orgasm. Men who are seeking orgasm by ejaculation can not last long in bed, thus making their orgasm shorter and succumbing into limbo due to it.

Yeah, according to taoism, men can also be multi orgasmic and i have discovered it for myself. But i wonder how many man knows about it and how many of them who knows are willing to follow it.

In my experience, i assume that it would take at least 2-5   years to fully master taoist sexual practice and become multi orgasmic. One has to practice zen like.

For me, i am not sure whether i could do that or not. But pursuing it is not only tough but also matter of delicate balance. It's a paradox. I will write about it later.

Edited December 29, 2019 by Annoynymous

[Annoynymous]

How to Have a Cock inside (For Women)

I am writing it from man's point of view. So it is just a point of view, not some holy words. This is also my expectation from a woman as man.

Cocks are designed in a way that they are destined to enter into a pussy and visit the realm for a while.

I think cock is the most under appreciated body part. It is soft yet strong like a shape shifter. It searches for emptiness, where it can fill up the void and spread happiness. It wants to be in a place where it can feel belongingness.

So here come the pussy. It is empty. It needs to be filled. From primal point of view, it seeks the seed. From low conscious stand point, it wants earthly pleasure, from high consciousness, it wants to be in an eternal union.

A cock can serve a pussy with joint collaboration. If a pussy seeks seeds, cock can give it within seconds. If it seeks pleasure, cock has to become more efficient and provide better lasting deep penetration. Usually the cock fails itself along with the pussy.

So in quest for deep and longer penetration,  cock learns the technique and face the pussy. If it tries well enough, cock and pussy will discover union.

Through cock, a man can unleash his highest possible sexual expression of masculinity. In this sense, it is masculine art where cock is paint brush.

A paint brush like cock tries to find a suitable pussy as canvas to express it's art.so what is a suitable pussy to a cock?

A home, not a foreign land.

A place where it can roam, not tied up.

A warm place that is loving.

Emptiness full of love.

A welcoming place, not repelling.

Through cock and pussy, a man and a women can connect physically, emotionally and mentally.

So how women can make their pussy suitable for a man's cock practically?

- A loving gaze and appreciation for cock.

- holding the cock to feel its skin

- rubbing the cock by masterbating men. Remember, its taoist balance. If the man wants to balance it by not ejaculating, you have to maintain balance as well. If you rub the cock too much, he will ejaculate. If you rub it too little, it has no affect in men and they may think of it as you negligence. If you can master the balance for your man, it is a huge plus.

- kissing the tip of the cock (0.5-1 inch). Kiss as if you are kissing in the lip of a man.

- suck the cock. Its not like blowjobs we can see in porn, it's like sucking a chocolate.

- if man uses condom, take it and put it on the cock by yourself 

This activities conveys a message to the man : you appreciate and accept his cock. You love his masculinity and ready to accept as it is.

I think this respectful way of treating a cock is missing in most cases. If a pussy is not home for man's cock, it will most likely :

- enter pussy like a foreign land

- show reluctance to communicate with pussy

- do the task of penetration in a shallow way    

- ejaculate inside the pussy very quickly,  with or without using protection.

Ejaculation in most cases are cold approach toward a pussy. It won't happen if the cock is adored and accepted. 

 

[Annoynymous]

When to Ejaculate (For Men)

i have noticed that for the last couple of days, i have been talking about non-ejaculation. Now it's time to talk about when to ejaculate

First of all, i think a person, when he has fully mastered taoist sexual practices, need not to wear condom or any other protection while having sex. His protection is his own control. He does not really need external protection.

A man should only ejaculate when he and his partner consciously decides to give birth a child. I repeat, Consciouly. 

Then according to his partner's period time, there will be a time period when the woman's egg will be total fertile (one can calculate that). As far as i know, that time period lasts for 2-3 days.

In these time, man will have sex with woman as he normally does. After they are done satisfying  each other, the man will consciously and willfully release his semen inside the pussy. His cock should not hold back at all. He will also help woman to receive the seed.

He will continue to do that until the woman becomes pregnant. Once he gets the news, he will again stop ejaculation.

It is like a ritual that can only be done by high conscious person. 

 

 

[Annoynymous]

Sexual Energy Transformation : A big Challenge

as i have mentioned above, i have tried many times to transform sexual energy but failed ultimately with little success.

If i do not ejaculate for 2 days, i can feel that sexual energy builds up. Suppose i have just ejaculated. Then it will take atleast 24 hours to feel aliveness in my cock.

Then, slowly, i can feel that an energy is on the process of building up in my genital area. In this building up period, i can feel my sensitivity and horniness is building up.

It feels like the energy is rising upward, from my cock to naval to heart and finally, my head. It usually happens within 48 hours.

From this time, i feel super excited, horny, intelligent,productive etc. Its a feeling of total ALIVE *-*

the real practice begins from here. In this time, my mind can get distracted. I am always thinking about sex. Even a picture of a girl can give me an erection. My cock in this phase gets super hot and hard. Its the time to penetrate- this message can be felt quite clearly.

But within 72 hours, it can get quite irritating. It starts to feel like prison. Like you have some delicious food in front of you but can not eat it.

Within 96 hours it feels like hell. I usually loose my concentration and obsessed about sex. Its like i want to penetrate like hell. I get usually impatient and desperate in this period.

One might think if he have sex in this time frame he will have amazing sex. But i don't think that is true. I think if i put my cock in a pussy in this time, i will immediately loose my seed. It will be very bad sex.

As far as remember, i lasted highest for 7-8 days. Then i couldn't bear anymore and ejaculated.   

The sperm level is too much high if i wait that long. And when it comes out, it gets shoot out at an usual distance. This release calms the mind. But after some time, i realize that i have lost the battle.

I have tried to hold semen for several times and tried many techniques. I will write about it in the future.

[Annoynymous]

The kind of women i want as sex partner

as a man, i do have a preference. It look like this:

 - a women who would communicate with the pussy, not with the mouth. Mouth can lie, body can not. I don't want to go through all nonsense to have sex. I want a woman who would have sex first to know me through bodily communication.

- a women with high sex drive. I want her to scream and moan loudly.willing to have sex 3-4 times/week.

- round size big breast. Big areola. When she is on top, i want to see her breast going up and down in a rhythmic motion.

-  she should like to be deeply penetrated for hours. When my cock would be drilling inside her pussy, it will be pleasant to see that she squirted a lot of fluid.

 

[Maxman]

On 22/12/2019 at 4:10 AM, Raptorsin7 said:

My advice is to work on yourself to the point where you are honestly happy and satisfied with life to the point where you no longer feel like you NEED to go after girls and get sexual experience etc. 

When you are happy and satisfied then you naturally attract like-minded girls and you will have joyful relationships. 

If you are going after girls from a place of need and desperation, like i think most pick-up people are doing, then I think you will not find satisfying relationships.

This is what I was needed to be reminded of. I keep forgetting that this is the way I should be going about it because I am hijacked by sexual urges and desperation most of the time.

[Annoynymous]

penetration Fantasy

5.5 inch in length black cock. Unlike human, a cock is judged by its ability, it is not a victim of racism.

its work is to cultivate like a farmer. It enters the pussy and immediately feels a lot of pain. When it decides to leave, it starts to miss the pussy. It realized that this pain brings along the pleasure also.

So it goes back and forth inside of the pussy. Its a dilemma  for the cock. What to do? It can not take it or leave it.

It fails several time by misunderstanding this dynamic as a pleasure vs pain game. It looses a lot. Sometimes it leaves its seeds inside the pussy immaturely, until it understands that this dynamic is all about release.

It release pain, traumas, suffering. It creates explosion of joy and beauty. It gets the divine union with the pussy.

Thus the cock learns to hold and carry on the task of deep entering by accepting the paradox of pleasure and pain.  

  

[Annoynymous]

7 minutes ago, Maxman said:

This is what I was needed to be reminded of. I keep forgetting that this is the way I should be going about it because I am hijacked by sexual urges and desperation most of the time.

You are destined to be hijacked. Until you wake up one day and master it.

[Annoynymous]

Control over ejaculation : A delicate balance

its like a temperature metre. It as the temperature begins to rise high, the metre goes high. If temperature goes down, as well the metre..

While masturbating /penetrating , one has to maintain the energy to have orgasmic feeling. The pleasure is not ensured by achieving and maintaining the sexual energy aka semen at a certain level,  it is gained by riding high by going close to the point of no return and riding low close to semi/non sexual level. It's like going back and forth.

It sounds easy in theory but in practice, it is wayyyyy harder than one can imagine. It's the essence of taoist sexual mastery.

ways a man can fail :

- if he is desperate and needy about sex

- lustful. I don't think lust helps to have a better sexual performance 

- lack of mindfulness. As it is a process of going back and forth, one has to be conscious of that process. Otherwise, he is gonna accidentally ejaculate.

 - thoughts on ejaculating while sex/masturbation. Lol it's a huge issue for me. Sometimes when i am high on sexual energy and horny as fuck, even the thoughts of ejaculation was enough for flushing the sperm in my pants. The feeling is good but the cause is lost and now i have to change my pant

- unconscious manipulation my oneself to ejaculate. It happens when one his high on energy by does a poor job at transforming it.  

[egoeimai]

On 12/27/2019 at 9:26 PM, Annoynymous said:

 

Men want sex

Women want commitment before sex

So men give commitment in order to have sex.

This dynamics leaves a lot of room for deception and "playing games".    

Men want sex. Women want sex. People want sex. 

Some women want commitment before sex. 

Some women want sex before commitment. 

Some women want only sex and no commitment. 

Some women want commitment only, and if sex happens. Okay. 

 

Some men are not having as their main goal to have sex. Some men really want commitment but they do enjoy sex. 

There are asexual people. They happen to be men as well.you know. Men and women. Asexual. Which means no sex at all 

 

People are complicated being. So much more than these oversimplified statements. 

Let's not put women and men in that position. It's 2020 already. And people are not one thing and only. 

[egoeimai]

On 12/28/2019 at 9:46 PM, Annoynymous said:

@modmyth 

I think men can ask it from time to time. But for women, i think they would never ask someone to have sex with them just to have sex. They do not like to be seen like that by others.

But would they like to have sex without commitment? I think many would. But they won't tell anyone about it because of  "slut-shaming" by men/society.  

I had sex with a guy and no commitment. He wanted commitment but I didn't. It's not rare nowadays. Many girls do. 

You'll see when you gain experience.