How to ask less questions and start talking more?

[Strangeloop]

There's was a similar post of this. I'm still having this problem: I ask a lot of questions and I believe it irritates people, all I've seen from how others are communicating, they don't ask questions, they speak their mind on any topic really. I'm having trouble with this, I again started to do facebook Lives where I can speak my mind and train, but with people I'm all about questions and asking them about their life without giving an opinion to them, my point of view.

 

[Leo Gura]

You need to practice talking more about yourself and what interests you. Push your personality out onto others. Share yourself. This takes courage and practice. Probably you feel deep down that you will be rejected or that people are not interested in what you have to say. This boils down to a low self-esteem issue.

[Spiral]

I tend to do this as well.  However mostly because I want to figure out about them, if they want to figure me out, that's their responsibility. The problem doesn't lay in which questions you ask. Like:

How are you?

How many siblings do you have? 

These are boring and you probably don't care. If the other person notices that you ask "boring" questions they're less inclined to answer or ask you back. It makes it seem like you just want to talk for the sake of talking. The solution? Well, watch this video(You might want to skip the research, for talking with normal people ). The title is a bit deceptive, don't worry about that. 

 

[Lento]

1. Believe that whatever you are saying about yourself is interesting. You really are nothing but a story.
2. Be relaxed while saying it.
3. Say it.

[still_no_satori]

I absolutely understand what you mean BUT nothing wrong with asking questions man. People generally love talking about themselves and asking questions enables them to do so.

Only point I would like to make that could help is ask OPEN ENDED questions. If you're asking a lot of questions people can spit back quick yes/no replies to, I could see how that might become irritating and not build good rapport. Its a pretty common error but easily fixable. 

Very very quick article https://www.mediacollege.com/journalism/interviews/open-ended-questions.html

[Ero]

@Strangeloop Asking questions is commonly perceived as the right thing to do, because it puts the light on the person you're talking to. This will work great in an interview, but it will make the people you talk to uncomfortable in every other occasion. 

You have to be open at focusing the light on yourself - how else can you stick out and show you're different? Otherwise you're just like everyone before. Talk about yourself, share thoughts, experiences, ideas - that of course will build your confidence, because you have to be ready being rejected for your personality - something that feels scary at first, but is the right thing to do. 

[universe]

Well you can do both. Asking questions is not bad per se.

We usually dont know what to say because we are trying too much to say the "right thing", to make others like us or other consequences. The trick to talking forever about anything, is to remove all the filters you put infront of the stuff you say. Then you come into a state where you talk faster than you think. You can say everything unfiltered.

[Nahm]

@Strangeloop

What’s three of your favorite things to use, do, experience, etc?

 

[Strangeloop]

@Nahm Influencing, beatboxing and sleeping

[Nahm]

@Strangeloop

What do you like about those? 

Who was influential to you?

 

[Amandine]

  Why do you believe people get irritated? Do they show you? Or tell you? @Strangeloop

[Forestluv]

Asking questions is great in conversation. Most people are oriented to talk mostly about themselves.

I've wanted to become a good conversationalist for many years. Here are a few things I've had to work on.

1) After I ask a question, it's important for me to allow space for them and to be a good listener. At times, I ask a question and then I'm in my head thinking about what I'm going to say next, thinking about what s/he thinks of me, etc. 

2) Are my questions genuine and am I interested in the other person? Or am I just asking questions? Sometimes when I'm asking a lot of questions, it seems like s/he is on a job interview or the witness stand. Not a good vibe.

3) Am I relating to him/her forming connections and going with the flow? 

Each conversation and inter-personal dynamics is different. Sometimes one of us isn't into it and it has a polite, forced feel to it. Other times, there is some mutual interest. . . Last weekend, I was with a gal and there was a lot of mutual interest. I felt strong desires to ask a lot of questions and share about myself. Yet there is a balance, if I go overboard too much it just gets to be too much. The nonverbal gaps are really important for a good conversation. The slight smiles, body language, glimpses of eye contact etc. . . Last weekend I was on a date with a gal I'm really interested in. She mentioned that she was a bee keeper. That interests me, I had lots of questions about what its like to be a bee keeper. LOTS of questions. I'd ask, give space for her to answer, listen, share some about myself and allow space for her to ask a question. She told me how she cares for the bees, I told her about how my grandfather was a beekeeper and a few childhood memories. She talked about how bee colonies form a "super organism". This led to a discussion about collective consciousness and starling murmurations. . . For me, the best conversations have a natural flow to them. 

[Strangeloop]

@Nahm I had met a couple of influencers like Leo and Tim Han from which I got this notion of influencing, and I just like seeing my words and actions as they manifest in other people.

@Amandine They tell me about the questions, the gave me their opinion about questioning

[Strangeloop]

@Serotoninluv Thank you

[Arcangelo]

On 12/20/2019 at 3:16 PM, Serotoninluv said:

Sometimes when I'm asking a lot of questions, it seems like s/he is on a job interview or the witness stand. Not a good vibe.

One day I invited a ''hood girl'' to smoke a joint with me and while we were smoking I kept asking questions to the point of her saying: -''What's up with all the questioning?''

She was prolly just using me for free weed. I was dumb back then, I thought I could buy her with a joint. I smoke alone nowadays.

 

Arc

Edited December 23, 2019 by Arcangelo
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