Mirror, mirror on the wall

[Vitamine Water]

I'm keeping a separate journal for my running progress: 

 

[Vitamine Water]

Just the idea of becoming a great artist isn't gonna get met there. Visualizing myself as that isn't gonna do it. I need to really FEEL it. I need to really really want it in my being. This creates the focus and discipline that I need in order to achieve what I want. And I don't want to become a great artist because I want to be famous. I want to become a great artist so I can leave something behind. So that I have a platform and voice to change whatever is needed in the world. I'm doing it for happiness, for everyone. I'm doing it because creativity makes me fucking happy. I NEED to create. And money is nice because then I can buy a tesla and multiple watches and a fat crib. 

You know, I really felt something bubble up yesterday. I was sitting with this question of what makes a great artist. And something inside me became almost tribal for a moment. I was saying (almost yelling really) to myself: I WANT to wake up and start painting. I want my WHOLE FUCKING DAY to be about painting. I don't want to do ANYTHING else. (something along those lines). And it may sound cheesy but it kind of moved me. I really fucking felt it like it was my destiny. 

 

[Vitamine Water]

Also, the cold showers are really helpful for waking me up. It only lasts 30 seconds or so before the boiler gets hot, but the initial 'shock' of cold water is really refreshing. It makes me feel like Harambe.

[Vitamine Water]

On 17/12/2019 at 0:14 PM, Vitamine Water said:

Strengths and weaknesses 

Here I will make a list of my strengths and weaknesses. I will keep adding items if something new pops up. 

Strenghts

• I am funny (haha?) 
• I am relaxed, chilled. Grounded. 
• I am conscious, wise. 
• I am creative
• I am content, happy. 
• I am a good looking
• I am caring, empathetic 
• I am disciplined 
• I challenge myself 
• I am self reflective 
• I am accepting, forgiving 
• I am vegetarian, I eat healthy
• I am very in touch with my emotions. 

Weaknesses 

• I am easily distracted 
• I am insecure in (new) social situations 
• Overthinking 
• I am too self critical at times. Not in the flow. 
• Procrastination, work/sport related
• Avoiding new situations. Too much comfort zone. 
• I can be too easy going, lazy
• I am not fit 
• I am bad at small talk, awkward 
• I am not fully in touch with my masculinity 
• Mind can be all over the place: confusion

 

 

 

 

Edited June 21, 2020 by Vitamine Water

[Vitamine Water]

From one of Leo's older vids about learning=behavior change: 

- What have I learned?
- How will my behavior change? 
- What have I learned about myself? 

Applying this to that video made me realize the importance of active learning, instead of 'just hearing it" or "just reading it". 

 

Edited June 25, 2020 by Vitamine Water

[Vitamine Water]

From this moment on, I'm going to apply the learning=behavior change questions to everything that I learn in books. I'm currently reading "Spiral Dynamics" and "no more mr. nice guy"  I will write it down in this journal under the title "learning=behavior change lesson x". If there are any additional lessons learned outside of books, I will write it down too. But for now the focus is on books. I want to take this slowly first.

Edited June 25, 2020 by Vitamine Water

[Vitamine Water]

My art 

Hmm. My art. "my art". Such a weird way of naming it. I literally have no idea where art comes from. It doesn't come from "me" or "Wesley". I just create. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even doing doing it while I'm panting or drawing. Like I'm tapping into some vague field of creativity, where Wesley just happens to be to pick it up and channel it on paper or canvas.

But fuck it. I'm already talking too much lol. Here is some of my work

Hope you like it!

"Cybernature" 

"Metamorphosis" 

 

"7th Dimension" 

"The adventures of Dr.doodle"

 

 

Edited July 2, 2020 by Vitamine Water

[Vitamine Water]

[Vitamine Water]

For people who are interested, im also active on Instagram (justfluid) ?

https://www.instagram.com/justfluid/

 

[Vitamine Water]

I consider myself an intuitive person. I follow my heart and passion and I take paths based on my gut instinct/feeling. What I do notice is that I often lack the ability to properly articulate what I'm doing or what I'm thinking about. For example art. In my hearth I know that it is my path to happiness and awakening. But when it comes down to explaining what I do and why I do it, I just lack the ability to communicate it. The story is there, the meaning is there, but I to communicate it is where I lack the skills. 

And I've always been like that. I've always had trouble with learning and studying. I really had to fight my way through highschool and college. What I wanted to do is draw all day long, daydream and do stupid things. 

And for the last two years or so I felt an increasing feeling of responsibility. Mostly because I see the world around me suffer, my friends, family and society in general. And there is an intuition in me that tells me I NEED to properly inform myself about what's going on in the world. I need to be more articulate in order to communicate what I've learned also. And also to articulate what I want for myself. What my goals are. What my vision is (as an artist, mostly). It's not enough to "just wing it". 

So I've been learning more, studying more, reading more books. And I can see a lot is connecting and start making sense. At the same time, the more I learn, the more confused I get. Because I realise there is so much that I don't know. 

------------

On 25/06/2020 at 5:08 PM, Vitamine Water said:

From this moment on, I'm going to apply the learning=behavior change questions to everything that I learn in books. I'm currently reading "Spiral Dynamics" and "no more mr. nice guy"  I will write it down in this journal under the title "learning=behavior change lesson x". If there are any additional lessons learned outside of books, I will write it down too. But for now the focus is on books. I want to take this slowly first.

Because I'm a good boy, I'm going to apply the learning=behaviour change technique to what I wrote before ?

1. What have I learned? 

In order to become the best version of myself, live my fullest potential, I have to properly communicate what I want for myself. Keep Following my intuition but with the right articulation so that I actually understand why I'm doing what I'm doing and for what purpose

2. How will my behaviour change? 

The coming next 30 days, I will write down and formulate my vision as an artist. I will write down where I see myself in 1 year, in 5 years and in 10 years. I will write down what I mean with "living my fullest potential" and what my vision is for myself and the world. I hope that by writing this down in detail I will start to manifest my vision, or at least create a better sense of what I actually want in life. I hope that by articulating my vision, it will create the focus, discipline and mindset to fulfill it. 

3. What have I learned about myself? 

I need to be more articulate and precise in my communication so that my goals are more clear and I actually understand what I'm talking about. Balance intuition with 'intellectual' understanding. This creates the foundation to understanding myself and the world. In the end, to communicate this with whoever. 

PS: I initially wrote 7 days, but decided to do 30. I don't want to rush it and B, I'm starting an art challenge too tomorrow and I don't want to be overloaded with challenges. 

Edited July 3, 2020 by Vitamine Water

[Vitamine Water]

On 18/06/2020 at 1:24 PM, Vitamine Water said:

 

- usual meditation at 23:00. Sitting with spine up. Not lying down. 

- set the fucking alarm at 08:00 and shut the fuck up bitch. 

Meditations are getting lazy again. I'm not getting the most out of it and it feels like cheating. So.. Sit up, back straight. No, wait, SIT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR BACK STRAIGHT, YOU WOKE PIECE OF TRASH. Not lying down listening to binaural beats and nod off to sleep. 23:00 and not 0:00. 

Waking up at 8:00 is going fine (with a few exceptions like today).

KUMBAYAAAAAAAA

Edited July 5, 2020 by Vitamine Water