5-MEO-DMT Bufo Alvarius Trip Report

[Sempiternity]

5-MEO-DMT Bufo AlvariusTrip Report

ROA: Smoking

Dosage: 93 mgs

After many months of failed attempts at experimenting with plugging 5-MeO at home. And many more months trying to find a professional facilitator close to me, and many more months getting our schedules to align, I finally got to do my very first Bufo 5-MeO ceremony this weekend.

He was decades experienced, and had me stay at his home, where we did the ceremony. As it was raining up at the property up in the mountains where he usually holds the ceremonies. 

I was pretty calm leading up to the ceremony, until he said it was time. There were 3 of us there for ceremony. He would take us up to a room one at a time, for about an hour each. We debated who would go first, I requested I go first, as waiting and listening to what happened for someone else, would just make me more nervous.

As it finally came time, I was really nervous. Him and his female partner sat with me in a circle and did deep breathing with me until I was calm and ready.

He asked me if I wanted to start out with a low dose, or jump right into a high dose. I told him I am prone to panic attacks when I have time to resist the effects. So he suggested a high dose. I didn’t ask or want to know what he loaded. He later afterwards told me it was 93mgs. Not sure how much that translates to synthetic 5-MeO dosage.

He explained to me how it was going to work. He would hold the pipe. I was to slowly draw in, until my lungs were full, as he counted to 10. Then as I lay back he would count back from 10, as I hold it in. I never made it to the pillow, and I only heard the count of 8 before I was gone.

It is hard to describe what came next. It was indescribable unimaginable pure nightmarish Terror. There was no concept of who I was or what anything was. I was obliterated. But at the same time my ‘soul’ was being ripped apart in an endless cycle, over and over. There was zero possibility of resistance or surrender, it just was what it was and far too powerful to try to control. It was pure torture. Even though I was gone, I could tell I was screaming the loudest high pitch scream possible. This seemed like it lasted for only a few seconds.

Coming back, I didn’t know who I was, where I was, who the people in the room were, for about a minute.  Then I came to pretty fast, within another minute. There was an instant feeling of sadness. I knew right away that the ceremony was a failure.

No experience being God, no infinity, no experiencing infinite realities, no insights into the nature of reality, no death (at least I don’t think, unless death is endless torture), no infinite love, no bliss, no insights, no epiphanies, no alleviation of suffering/depression/anxiety.

I started to cry as all of it was for nothing. I felt exactly the same as I did before the trip.

The facilitators told me I had been screaming for many minutes. Then was saying “Oh Shit!!!” over and over again as I crawled around the room thrashing about.

They asked me if I wanted to do another dose, I said no. This was traumatizing enough, wouldn’t want to go through that again, even if there was a chance of a blissful God breakthrough.

I was perfectly normal and fine within a few more minutes. They offered for me to go into a dark room to process, but I said that was unnecessary. I popped downstairs, and cheerfully said “hey guys!”. The two guys waiting for their turn looked traumatized. They said they wished they had gone first now, as they heard all the screaming and it made them all that much more nervous to go next. I felt bad about that. They asked me how it went for me, and I told them I would tell them later, as I didn't want to influence their journey.

All in all, it felt like the trip had never even really happened. There was a few seconds of infinite torture and unimaginable terror, then nothing. So my trip only seemed to last a few seconds.

I thought, if I knew nothing about Nonduality teachings, what was possible, or anything about 5-MeO, and a friend just invited me to participate in the ceremony, I probably would have angrily bitched him out for the horrible experience, with zero benefits (other than the awesome people who I shared it with).

Oh well, I guess I have to get even more serious about my spiritual journey and try try try again. 

I’m not sharing this to discourage anyone. I’m not even discouraged. From what I hear, every trip can be different. 

 

Edited December 16, 2019 by Jed Vassallo

[Sempiternity]

Oh and something I had never heard from anyone before. After the ceremony, you taste and smell toad everywhere! I’ve had at least a dozen instances in the last 24 hours of smelling and tasting the distinctive Toad.
 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you think you are going to try again with 5meo? Perhaps another psychedelic can get you where you want to go and lift your spirits in the meantime. 

[Sempiternity]

Oh I'm perfectly fine. No different than before. Thanks tho. If anything this amped up my spiritual journey. I'm going to experiment with more psychedelics. Maybe one will work better for me. And I will continue to work with 5-MeO, just lower doses, and continue with plugging till I have a breakthrough. 

[Leo Gura]

Giving a newbie a high dose of smoked 5-MeO is so stupid. Such a waste.

You want the trip to be gradual and as long as possible. 4 hr trips are ideal.

Consider something like low dose mushrooms or LSD. You will get a lot more out of it.

People here are too preoccupied with 5-MeO. There are other psychedelics to explore which will be more beneficial for most of you. 5-MeO is for very experienced psychonauts, not newbies.

[Sempiternity]

I've got years of experience with mushrooms, LSD, and about everything else, but I would not consider myself 'experienced'. 

Leo, any insight into the nightmarish terror? I'm sure it was my ego fighting. But I had no chance to surrender, it was instant. 

[Leo Gura]

Yes, ego was terrified because the trip was too much too fast. With plugging it's much easier.

You also probably have plenty of shadow material to work through before you can have a full beautiful 5-MeO breakthrough.

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Jed Vassallo holy cow! That is intense. It's good you weren't traumatized or anything. Thank you for sharing. 

[cetus]

2 hours ago, Jed Vassallo said:

They asked me if I wanted to do another dose, I said no. This was traumatizing enough, wouldn’t want to go through that again, even if there was a chance of a blissful God breakthrough.

 You're primed for a major breakthrough any second now. Just do it! 

[Arthur]

I had a very similar experience in my first few trips. Non-stop torture, extreme body load, agonizing discomfort  feeling of dying and terror. It was so bad, I wanted to craw out of my skin, but just like you've described, there was no possibility of surrender. It was un-doubtedly the worst experience of my life. Luckily some higher wisdom hinted that I should keep going, that it was a purification process. It's as if the substance is testing your determination to see if you're worthy. It's not a magic pill at all. For me, it crammed many years of discomftable spiritual grows with meditation routine in a few minutes

The following trip after the nightmare I had my breakthrough, which was unbelievable.

[Sempiternity]

@Arthur  Thank you, this makes me feel much better about the whole thing, knowing you had a similar experience, and had your breakthrough soon after. That actually makes sense to me, as that was how it was for me with Ayahuasca. The first time I did it, it no effect at all. It was like a had to for a relationship and bond with the medicine for it to work. Thanks for the insight.

As Leo said, I'm going to forgo the smoking for a long while and continue to play with plugging, till I can get to the dose that finally breakthrough. 

 

 

[Sussso]

@Jed Vassallo thanks for sharing.

Infinite torture is if the ego(self) stays with you after you die  

is that accurate idk lol 

[Sempiternity]

@Sussso  Actually that is really good description. That's exactly what it felt like. 

[Corpus]

10 hours ago, Jed Vassallo said:

5-MEO-DMT Bufo AlvariusTrip Report

ROA: Smoking

Dosage: 93 mgs
 

 Not sure how much that translates to synthetic 5-MeO dosage.

 It was indescribable unimaginable pure nightmarish Terror. There was no concept of who I was or what anything was. I was obliterated. But at the same time my ‘soul’ was being ripped apart in an endless cycle, over and over. There was zero possibility of resistance or surrender, it just was what it was and far too powerful to try to control. It was pure torture. Even though I was gone, I could tell I was screaming the loudest high pitch scream possible..

 There was an instant feeling of sadness. I knew right away that the ceremony was a failure.

No experience being God, no infinity, no experiencing infinite realities, no insights into the nature of reality, no death (at least I don’t think, unless death is endless torture), no infinite love, no bliss, no insights, no epiphanies, no alleviation of suffering/depression/anxiety.

I started to cry as all of it was for nothing. I felt exactly the same as I did before the trip.


I thought, if I knew nothing about Nonduality teachings, what was possible, or anything about 5-MeO, and a friend just invited me to participate in the ceremony, I probably would have angrily bitched him out for the horrible experience, with zero benefits (other than the awesome people who I shared it with).

Oh well, I guess I have to get even more serious about my spiritual journey and try try try again. 

 

Some personal musings on the above:

Bufo as a way of "getting" 5 MeO is a total crapshoot- the percentage can be upto 25+% which means 93mg could cripple you.And why 93mg and not, say, 90 or 95mg? The facilitator is risking the well-being of the user due to assumed proficiency as a healer when they really have little claim to such a title.

The words above also imply a subconscious set of assumptions regarding an outcome, reified through conceptual notions of what non-duality actually "IS". And the experience has been deemed a failure, re-strengthening the desire to search more seriously henceforth.

As Leo has often opined- the mind is a tricky beast.

Sometimes, what we desire when bestowed proves to be radically at odds with our notions whether or not we "know" we have them. When its embodied that we really know nothing, what we receive becomes what we sought, which simply is.

5 MeO is like a modern-day ramp allowing one to more efficiently do the labour which could also be done through other methods like the well-established modalities such as meditation, yoga etc. Like being on top of a hill and trying to steer a heavy boulder to the plain below instead of just letting it fall under its own weight and gravity.