My journal or story I guess

[Florian]

So.. lately my life has been changing drastically. I think the main reason for that is that about one year ago I fell in the hole that was basically set up by the negative spiral that was my upbringing. I was so down that I could only stay in my room, be awake only at night so I would not have to walk across my family members during the day and basically give up on almost everything. The only important thing for me left was Leo's life purpose course, that I bought at that time, because I thought that the only reason for me to keep on living is, so I could finish that course and maybe find my life purpose and then maybe even live it and be free from my past life. So now my mission was to do the course and everything else I didn't care about any more really. I watched one video every day until I came to the values part. There I got stuck because I really had to think about myself now and it was emotionally hard work as Leo mentioned in the course and I basically only had enough energy every day to watch this one video and then there wasn't left anymore energy to do more. I filled a lot of pages of paper with my thoughts about the things I had to ask myself for the value passes but didnt seem to really find the real answers. This all happened from around mid-november last year to somewhere between January and March this year. Then I kind of got suck into "normal life" a bit again by one of my friends who propably noticed that I went down this spiral and asked me to hang out a lot after I stopped going to school (I just didn't go to school anymore around November last year and that's how I started just staying in my room) (before I did hang out with him and other friends occasionally but only because I was lonely and when I hung out with them I basically instantly wanted to get away once I got there) and also by my therapist who I went to around beginning of December last year.     

I have no concentration to keep on writing now and will maybe continue this soon.

[Florian]

I don't know I actually wrote this text for something else but then posted it here so I'm not sure if I even keep this going.

[Florian]

Today I had the idea that my life purpose could be to write a story/be an author. And this story would contain a lot of wisdom about the world and how it works. Basically in some sense what Leo does with his videos but in another form -> built into a fictional story. 

[Florian]

@modmyth I might use this to keep hold of some thoughts that are valuable for me and post it here so some guys who could comment something valuable can comment on it.

[Raptorsin7]

https://lonerwolf.com/spiritual-escapism/

Does that article resonate with where you're at in your journey?

[Florian]

@Raptorsin7 I'm not sure. Why?

[Raptorsin7]

@Florian It resonated with me a lot, and I wasn't sure if it could help you.

I am seeking a "better' life. Happiness, love, bliss, etc.

Not sure if you're a "seeker" too, just thought i would share the resource.

[Florian]

I just read this thread "Propably going to end up on the street" and someone commented something about ones inner child and that it must feel save before you evolve or something and I had this insight or idea about parents and what their job is and what the difference between bad, mediocre and good parents is.

So one of the parents job is to make the child feel safe within the family and then maybe in some other situations in life so that the child can then when it becomes an adult operate in these areas. And the other job is to give the child the tools to make itself feel save in new areas of life. You can picture it as a point of light within infinite darkness. The light is the "safezone" and the darkness is the outside world. More specific to our world we live in: the light is for example everytime the child is in the house the family lives in and when it goes outside to let's say school for the first time it goes into the darkness. But since the parents come with the child it is not darkness anymore and then the child can go to school. And then they have to somehow show the child that it can make the darkness become light by itself. (the role of the parents could also be played by somebody else then the biological parents, for example a teacher)

So the difference between bad, mediocre and good parents would be that bad parents give the child nothing, mediocre parents only give the child safety or only show the child how to make themselves safe and good parents would be parents that give the child both.

This could also be recognized in the role of the mother and the role of the father. The mother is the one who gives the child safety and the father is the one who shows the child how to make safety out of unsafety or darkness or fear  unknown or whatever you wanna call it.

Safety could also be a synonyme for love and unsafety for fear.

 

So basically parents job: Give child safety and show the child how to conquer the unknown/Give the child love and show it how to love the unknown.(thats propably deeper) 

 

[Florian]

I just had this rather random thought that our world is binary and I felt like this is very true and important.