Disinterest in relationships and personal development

[Dlavjr]

The more I grow in pursuing enlightenment, the less I have desire for a relationship. I just want to see if anybody else kind of relates to how I feel, or if they've gone through it and have some insight. I'm going to assume it's just a phase, as it seems a common occurrence to lose interest in everyday things on this journey, and I'm sick of the empty feeling. After my previous breakup from a long term relationship, I dove into personal development once I got my drive back. The more I grow, however, the more I just prefer my own company and the company of friends. Sexually, I still feel horny but that's about it, and I don't have motivation to pursue pickup, nor do I want to use a woman for sex, and the whole pursuit of sex in general just seems tedious and unrewarding. I've had sex plenty of times, I have a few very close female friends alongside my many guy friends, so I'm not particularly depressed or deprived, but every time I contemplate a relationship, and why I'd want one and what it would require from me to contribute, it just seems trivial and like a distraction. Maybe I'm just not ready, or is there a deeper issue that I'm not facing that may cause me to relate relationships with distraction and to a degree discomfort? 

[Preety_India]

Welcome to spirituality! 

You're on your journey to heavenly bliss. So earthly bliss no longer seems important. I'm going through the same. I want liberation and freedom from the rules of planet earth. Spirituality is a golden dream. 

The rays of enlightenment touch the soul and transform the mind into an Astral body that travels through the spiritual maze of beauty and captivity. All splendor.

All I need is my own company and maybe a cat. But I feel thrilled to experience the vastness of the universe, the beauty of the cosmos the infinite love from the universe filling into my body and soul and earthly entities now look so little so small, everything looks disinteresting and sometimes repugnant. It all is a distraction from the highest achievement of the soul. A thorn in the path. 

But the real bliss is from the universe. A godsend. 

 

 

[Chakra Lion]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Welcome to spirituality! 

You're on your journey to heavenly bliss. So earthly bliss no longer seems important. I'm going through the same. I want liberation and freedom from the rules of planet earth. The rays of enlightenment touch the soul and transform the mind into an Astral body that travels through the spiritual maze of beauty and captivity. All splendor.

But the real bliss is from the universe. A godsend. 

 

@Preety_India That touched my Hearth and my Mind. 

@Dlavjr I can relate to that. The feeling of restricting Love.   

Love is one feeling, not reserved for one person. Why should I love someone more than a Tree? When trees are the reason I Exist, they exist.

Not looking for it means it will come looking for you. Be Free, Love Infinitely. Everyone wants you to, they just don't say it. 

But when you Love, you Love hard, and deep, and... you get the point. 

Sex is Beautiful, its spiritual, mystical, important. Balance and Peace is all we need. 

Its a long life, but one experience, live like a mirror.

[Shin]

39 minutes ago, Chakra Lion said:

@Preety_India That touched my Hearth and my Mind. 

@Dlavjr I can relate to that. The feeling of restricting Love.   

Love is one feeling, not reserved for one person. Why should I love someone more than a Tree? When trees are the reason I Exist, they exist.

Not looking for it means it will come looking for you. Be Free, Love Infinitely. Everyone wants you to, they just don't say it. 

But when you Love, you Love hard, and deep, and... you get the point. 

Sex is Beautiful, its spiritual, mystical, important. Balance and Peace is all we need. 

Its a long life, but one experience, live like a mirror.

You can love everyone, but practically speaking, you can't be close emotionally and physically with everyone.

So relationships still make sense.

[Dlavjr]

On 12/14/2019 at 5:24 AM, Shin said:

You can love everyone, but practically speaking, you can't be close emotionally and physically with everyone.

So relationships still make sense.

I understand where you're coming from, but I feel like the need for one committed relationship that fills all of the holes becomes no longer necessary after a time. My need for validation and affection is gone, self love has replaced it. I also get plenty of love and compassion from those around me, so I don't feel like I'm losing out on anything. Emotionally I feel similar, I can trust in my own mind to secure and ground myself, and if not, I'm surrounded by people that can provide the emotional security that I may lack now and then. The only area in which I feel is lacking is sex, but I've made the separation between "need" and "want" and come to the conclusion that while I may want sex, I don't feel any real need for it, so there's nothing driving me to pursue it with any real effort. 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Dlavjr said:

I understand where you're coming from, but I feel like the need for one committed relationship that fills all of the holes becomes no longer necessary after a time. My need for validation and affection is gone, self love has replaced it. I also get plenty of love and compassion from those around me, so I don't feel like I'm losing out on anything. Emotionally I feel similar, I can trust in my own mind to secure and ground myself, and if not, I'm surrounded by people that can provide the emotional security that I may lack now and then. The only area in which I feel is lacking is sex, but I've made the separation between "need" and "want" and come to the conclusion that while I may want sex, I don't feel any real need for it, so there's nothing driving me to pursue it with any real effort. 

I'm glad to know. Wish I can reach this stage soon

 

 

[Shin]

32 minutes ago, Dlavjr said:

I understand where you're coming from, but I feel like the need for one committed relationship that fills all of the holes becomes no longer necessary after a time. My need for validation and affection is gone, self love has replaced it. I also get plenty of love and compassion from those around me, so I don't feel like I'm losing out on anything. Emotionally I feel similar, I can trust in my own mind to secure and ground myself, and if not, I'm surrounded by people that can provide the emotional security that I may lack now and then. The only area in which I feel is lacking is sex, but I've made the separation between "need" and "want" and come to the conclusion that while I may want sex, I don't feel any real need for it, so there's nothing driving me to pursue it with any real effort. 

Still, it's fun to have a person you can be closer than most people and with whom you can be more intimate on a daily basis.

Not necessary at all, but it's not because it's not necessary that you can't enjoy it and have fun with it if you want to

[Byun Sean]

I'd say don't sweat it. just do whatever feels right to you. Society tells us you need a relationship and you need to have a social life otherwise there is something wrong with you but its not true for all of us. We all have different needs and were all meeting different desires with different personality types, life situations, different stages of development, etc. 

in my journey the same happened to me. Sex and the need for companionship are lower order desires and in time you will find these higher being level desires much more fulfilling. Nothing wrong with relationship or not. Just a matter of what stage of growth your at.

[Dlavjr]

1 hour ago, Byun Sean said:

I'd say don't sweat it. just do whatever feels right to you. Society tells us you need a relationship and you need to have a social life otherwise there is something wrong with you but its not true for all of us. We all have different needs and were all meeting different desires with different personality types, life situations, different stages of development, etc. 

in my journey the same happened to me. Sex and the need for companionship are lower order desires and in time you will find these higher being level desires much more fulfilling. Nothing wrong with relationship or not. Just a matter of what stage of growth your at.

Yeah, I've been ridiculed by coworkers for having low interest in relationships and sex. For a time I was deluding myself and went searching for a relationship, but as soon as I made any progress in doing so, I felt uncomfortable, like I wasn't being authentic, and that's when I came to this realization.

17 hours ago, Shin said:

Still, it's fun to have a person you can be closer than most people and with whom you can be more intimate on a daily basis.

Not necessary at all, but it's not because it's not necessary that you can't enjoy it and have fun with it if you want to

I agree, it's something that needs to happen naturally imo

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I'm glad to know. Wish I can reach this stage soon

It takes a lot of soul searching and self honesty, but there's nothing wrong with relationships generally speaking. Whatever works for you, don't feel like you need to strip yourself of the need in order to make progress. In time it'll happen naturally if that's what's natural for you. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

i feel this strange thing right now

i love myself, i don't need anything, i just feel bliss about everything and nothing really bothers me

and at this moment i feel like i want to start getting money, meeting more women and starting my own purpose

it's paradoxical and i don't get it, did anyone went through this kind of "phase"?

i love myself and i don't need anything soooo let's fucking get everything i can, wtf????

[rNOW]

Same. End of a long term toxic relationship got me thinking I needed to look into myself so I don't repeat it. Got into personal development and reading books about relationships and then psychology and spirituality and now well, I don't care. I do like the idea of being in an intimate relationship again, but I tend to start seeing how inauthentic people are and how I'm expected to be inauthentic from the very beginning and I lose all interest. 

I also live in a place where dating is not the norm and arranged marriage is not my jam. If I wish to get into a relationship, I'm supposed to, (yes there is such a thing now in 2019), make a biodata (like a resume) with my picture, date of birth, caste, family background and education. This type of resumes are traded between family members and if both like each other's resumes, they meet and talk. It sounds very transnational to me, especially some of my family members who would be involved in this whole process. I'm fine without it now. I'd rather meet someone organically with similar interests and values.

I'm also beginning to think this might have some deeper unresolved issue I'm unwilling to see. People on here can shed some light, maybe. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

Let me share my story briefly: I was a "sufferer narcissist" my whole life - it was fucked up dynamic in my family, I'm an adult alcoholic child.

So, I was surrounding myself with narcissists and absorbed their energy and became "all of them", just to understand them and purge this shit out. 

Now I'm finally free, I think I went through all of this "spiritual awakening" shit and don't know what to do with my life right now, I'm confused, I can get anything I want, I can do anything I want, I can have women, money, be happy, wtf - that's life, I can create my own dream, WTF?! 

It's fucked up, but that's how I feel - confused and guilty that I can chase my dreams and become fucking modern day da Vinci with money, swag and bitches. 

I want to believe that it's just a phase and after some time you become bored of doing nothing and being happy just by sitting lol.

Right now, after cutting them off, I have so much energy, that I don't know what to do with it, so I have to masturbate like 5 times a day just to feel stable, I'm not used to not feeling drained all the time

[Dlavjr]

5 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

I want to believe that it's just a phase and after some time you become bored of doing nothing and being happy just by sitting lol.

Right now, after cutting them off, I have so much energy, that I don't know what to do with it, so I have to masturbate like 5 times a day just to feel stable, I'm not used to not feeling drained all the time

Sounds like you need to organize your mind a bit and center yourself on what goals you want to achieve and what goals you're after for the sake of seeing if you can. Once you realize that you are limitless, everything becomes possible. That's a lot to take in. You can take time to experiment with what you can do or you can find your life purpose and accomplish true happiness. IMHO, a relationship will never give you true happiness. With or without one, you could be happier than flies on a big pile of cow shit. A relationship is like an optional side quest that may make the main quest easier (but that really depends on how much you put into it and how much you get back, a surprising amount goes into crafting a healthy relationship and for me, personally, it's just not worth prioritizing. Everyone's different).