Removing Should-statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment

[askdfjnak]

On 12/03/2017 at 6:27 AM, JKG said:

Apes

I continued reading "Our Inner Ape" and I am astronished by how much we can learn just from apes. I am in the chapter about power and its so cool. Some stuff I underlined:

• allegory of modern humanity: like violent apes, covered in our own blood, we long for reassurance. Despite our tendency to maim and kill, we want to hear that everthing will be alright.
• No male can rule by himself, at least not for long, because the group as a whole can overthrow anybody... = human politics
• Power is the prime mover of the male chimpanzee
• death is the ultimate price of trying to reach the top
• being in a position of power is stressful.
• stress compromises the immune sytem
• A male can increase his progeny by mating with many females while keeping rivals away. The females goes for quality rather than quantity.
• Risk-taking is a male characteristic, as is the hiding of vulnerabilities
• men have been socialized into hiding emotions
• girls competed only if necessary, but boys seemed to do so just for the sake of it.
• they desperately want to find our where they stand relative to one another
• knocking a male of his pedestal gets the same reaction as yanking the security blanket away from a baby

What these male chimpanzees are doing seems to me like a perfect discription of what the boys in my high school are doing all the time. They are just apes, driven by their instincts. So funny of thinking of certain people this way and seeing them as babies covering themselves with blankets, just to hide their true emotions.

 

 

This is so true.

 

I see so many people playing these stupid power games, sometimes I do it as well because I don’t like being controlled.
I have been “contemplating” hierarchy within society for a while and I think this scene from game of thrones perfectly captures the human version what you wrote down here.
 

 

We are just animals acting through a thin veil of civility; the thousand blades of Aegons enemies and the stories we tell ourselves to make us feel better. It doesn’t take much to lift the veil up and see what we are and to see the stories we hide behind, but we don't want to.

 

We wait until the veil is forced up by something like war or famine or overpopulation, then we marvel at what humans can do to each other. I haven’t studied any history yet but I’m sure that the pages are filled with this. Maybe this will change as society evolves into higher levels of spiral dynamics, maybe not.

… and don’t think you’re above all this because you’re a girl   

Why is it that men have an advantage over women in society?

[JKG]

@Marc Schinkel

14 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

We are just animals acting through a thin veil of civility; the thousand blades of Aegons enemies and the stories we tell ourselves to make us feel better. It doesn’t take much to lift the veil up and see what we are and to see the stories we hide behind, but we don't want to.

great metaphor!

14 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

… and don’t think you’re above all this because you’re a girl   

I have observed myself trying to show my higher status in class because I am smarter than the average. But then when I cannot prove my superiority I kind of feel like this baby who's "security blanket" was taken away. Power when lost can create great suffering.

Female apes have a more even hierarchy. They rather depend on solidarity. I can see within my high school that the female hierarchy thinking is not that strong. But around those "cool" girls I can clearly see their need for power or acceptance. They think their status depends on having a boyfriend, having a lot and expensive clothes, make-up, having other "cool" friends...

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 3/12/2017 at 3:43 PM, JKG said:

Top 10 Values

1. Peace of Mind
2. Physical Well-Being
3. Connection
4. Productivity/Progress
5. Understanding
6. Arete
7. Clarity
8. Purification
9. Freedom/nature
10. Contribution

Beautiful! You are rocking, girl!

[JKG]

The End of School

I have realized yesterday that... What did I even realize?

Today in two weeks I will never have chemistry class with my normal chemistry teacher again.

I will have only three classes of normal English classes.

Only six classes of physical education - but I am happy about that!

Only 9 classes of history. Only 15 classes of maths...

And the teachers also talk about it. With our physics teacher we will go eating ice creme in our last physics lesson. In physical education we will no longer play volleyball, but practice classical dancing for our prom.

Everywhere we just repeat the whole stuff and do nothing new anymore, except for German and history.

It will be so strange to not be around those stupid people anymore. I will miss some of the teachers and being around my school "friends."

I am scared of getting into this mode of "social isolation" where every day just is the same, I do not much different, am just around my family each day...

And then I will start to miss school and like in the school breaks I will wait for the day that school will begin again. But this day will never come... Never.

I will be in nostalgia, thinking about these good times in school. Having fun with the people there, having social contacts...

I can already imagining myself in the future reading this post and thinking back about these times at school.

I will never get this back again. Never. (except for if I fail at the final exams very hard and get 0 points at one)

Only 16 school days. Only 11 normal ones.

Shit.

 

It is crucial that I make a plan for the time after school. I don't want to get into this depressive mode. On the last day of school I will apply the pre-mortem technique and will make a plan and goals.

But first things first. Lets get over the history exam tomorrow. The last pre-final exam. Then there are only the 4 final exams left. Scary.

[JKG]

A School Day - 6

In the morning I woke up as usual and did my usual morning routine. I ate a buckwheat oatmeal although it was a against my "habit rules." I started to feel a little bit nervous because of the history exam. Normally in history exams I know all the facts like 99% well. But this time this was hard to manage because of lack of time because of other exams and because we had to know three topics and not one as normally. I also had to know how to analyze every type of historic source.

Then I biked to school. I arrived a little bit to late. Most of the students were already in the room and only a few places were left. Normally I choose a place at the window, but now I had to choose another one. In the room we wrote together with other students who wrote maths exams. My teacher was also already there and he gave me and a friend (only we two from our course wrote an exam) the two exams. We had 3 hours time plus 30 additional minutes to choose which exam to write.

The first exam he handed to me was a caricature - the kind of source I don't like and have never practiced before. I remember that on the carton was Uncle Sam and Stalin. Uncle Sam talked like a big father to little children, which were probably the politicians from western Germany, and Stalin talked to the politicians from eastern Germany.
The second exam was a speech from Joachim Gauck (Germany's (almost former) President) from 27. January 2015. This date is the international memorial day for the killed Jews in Europe. The speech was about the memory culture in Germany, how it developed, and he gave an appeal to the younger generations to take responsibility...
I don't like caricatures, I like primary sources and liked the topic of memory culture more, so I wasted no time and directly chose the second exam.

The exam went pretty well. The text was easy to understand and my analysis was relatively detailed. After 1.5 hours I was done with the analysis and continued with the second task, which was about explaining the historical context. After 45 minutes I was done with that. In the meantime my teacher came into the room and asked how far I am and if I had questions. It would have been better if he came a bit later because for task two I had no questions but later for task three I had some. In task three I had to question if the opinion of Gauck about the younger generations was realistically. After some thinking I had some ideas in my mind and was able to write a good answer.

After the exam I was kind of happy but also exhausted. I talked with the other students about there exams. Then I had computer science. We talked about Bitcoin which as interesting. But I was very very tired. I was happy when the school day was over. I biked home, ate a salad and then tried to take a 30 minute nap because I was still very tired. It felt like the burden of the pre-final exams was finally away.

After the nap I went running and then meditated for 1.3 hours. Then it was almost evening and I picked up my sister from a friend with the car. Then I ate dinner and read Our Inner Ape until I was too sleepy. At the same time the party of my year started, but I didn't go there. I like sleep more than partying.

[JKG]

The Need for Appreciation by teachers

I just had to fight with my mind a bit. Really embarrassing stuff is going on in my mind in the last week and days. I don't really want to write it here because it is so embarrassing. At least I guess so. But hey, I am just human and I just have weird fantasies like probably anybody else. Lets be honest.

I still hesitate writing this... Emotional labor!

Well, I think a lot about my history teacher. In the past I also thought often about my Latin teacher (6th grade) and my physics teacher (10th grade).

So what do I think? I often imagine conversations with him. For example I think about the next history lesson when he will probably give me and a friend the exam back. Then he will explain what we did well and where to improve. And at some point I imagine saying something like: "Now you can boast with the A-average of the exam."

I think my ego wants to be noticed by him. When I walk around in school and see him my ego just wants to be noticed by him.
There were some instances where he did notice me. About two weeks ago in the lunch break I walked to a table group and he came by. He stopped me, asked me something, and then I should come with him into his office. There he told me all the stuff for the exam and wrote it onto a piece of paper... Or last Monday in the morning he asked me if I had understood everything for the exam, because the lesson before I had asked him about a topic.

Only me and a friend write the final exam in history. Most of the people from our course have only an oral exam in history. So often he gives us two more advices for the exam.

Or a few weeks ago my sister got registered at my school. He was also there and he got into a conversation with my father. And he said something like: "You daughter has some problems in history but in comparison to others these problems are very minor," and also something that my average grades are very high. But I felt a little bit offended hearing that he told my father that I'd have problems in history.

Yesterday before the exam I asked him how much margin I should leave on the papers. He answered that the normal margin is enough, because I don't make many mistakes - just something like three spelling mistakes on a page. My ego liked that.

I like his way of teaching. I admire his life experience and how good he can talk to people. I like his stories and most of his opinions.

His body is also relatively attractive - well he is in his 50s but still. For his age he is in really good shape. Just sometimes he spits while speaking because he speaks so fast and much.

He has success in his life. A good social life, a good career (in some way a life purpose) and financial security.

I am not sexually attracted to him, but I like him, admire him, want to be recognized an appreciated by him.

But the fact that school will end in three weeks is therefore sad for my mind. Then I will see him only seldom, and after I have graduated high school almost never again... My mind will eventually get over him, like it did with the other teachers.

All of this sounds so wrong and weird.

[JKG]

Concentration

This is the video that I have needed for a long time. Most of my time I have spent in monkey-mind-mode. I have trouble concentrating when I try to inquire. I have trouble concentrating on mindfulness meditation.

So a few weeks ago I started practicing the mindfulness meditation daily with the aim to improve my concentration. My concentration ability was so weak that I had trouble even to stay with an object for a few seconds. Now it has improved a little bit. I am able to stay with objects for maybe 10 to 20 seconds and don't drift away too often while switching the objects. It still happens but I am able to concentrate more.

I still have trouble concentrating while doing inquiry stuff. Yesterday in neti neti meditation most of my time was spend thinking about social stuff - look at the post above. I tried to contemplate what I really am, while in this weak state of not knowing what I am. But then my mind came up with imaginary conversations.

I want to implement the habit of this concentration technique in the morning and in the evening, maybe also at midday.

I think my aim now should be to be able to reach this state of access concentration, or whatever Leo called this. Then I will be able to be much more effective at inquiry sessions.

Combined with meditating at a time of the day when I am most mentally alert will make a big difference. More high quality meditation will be the key. I have tested out the best time of the day to meditate for a few weeks. I think the time for me should be around 10am to 1pm, depending on my current state.

[JKG]

Love

I am currently reading Taming Your Gremlin and wow. At the beginning I didn't expect that it will be so good.

I just did an exercise where you imagine a loved one. I chose my sister. I saw the beauty of her face and her smile. She can express her joy so beautifully. I love it when she smiles with this special smile. And I have felt a lot of love, much more than normally. I realized how much I appreciate her. She is perfect the way she is, and I just want to accept her the way she is. I want to be there for her and help her. I eventually want to lead her onto the path of self-actualization just out of love. I want her to also experience there feelings of joy, unconditional love, happiness...

I want to do this exercise also with other people. With my family members, but also people ouside of my family to feel this unconditional love.

I always had in my mind that I am not grateful enough for my family and my circumstances. But now I really want to appreciate it.

I am currently listening to this music and also watch the video. And oh shit. Life it so beautiful. I am so grateful. Life is the greatest gift and I already have it! Sometimes I feel like life is too beautiful to appreciate all of it.

I need to take the time to appreciate it. Slow down. Doing less, acting slower, applying more, loving more, feeling more alive. Less quantity, more quality.

 

[JKG]

A School Day - 7

In the morning I firstly had chemistry class. Unexpectedly we got the exams back and I didn't want to. I felt like I would get a not so good grade. But then I got my exam back, looked at the grade and couldn't believe it. 14 points! I was the best one of the course. I didn't expect this after thinking about all the stuff that I could have made wrong. Well, it turned out to be mostly right. If I only got 2 points more I would have 15 points!
But one friend only got 7 points and was very disappointed. She even cried and I kind of felt bad because I said that I have an A. I can understand her. She worked really hard and it didn't pay off. In her situation I would act the same way. She just has so low self-esteem in certain fields of her life...
The rest of the lessons we talked about the exam. I was relatively bored but somehow I had a nervousness inside of me. At home I am always more relaxed than in public.

In the third period I had social science and we talked about the referendum in Turkey. Erdogan is really trying to become this dictator, with Hitler as a role model. I have no idea about politics and news, but I found this stuff interesting.

In history I hoped to get the exam back, but no. Instead he just talked about the DDR. But something embarrassing happened. Not really embarrassing, but in the moment it was embarrassing. I wanted to answer that in a contract the territorial borders were set. But somehow I wasn't able to say "territorial." Another time I said again something wrong, which was very obvious.

In maths we also got unexpectedly the exam back. And hey, I got 15 points and again was the best of the course. I was exactly at the edge to 14 points, but my teacher "searched" for one more point and then gave me one point more, so that I got 15 points!
And again we just talked mainly about the exam, again kind of boring. We also got our oral grades (it is called this way?) and there I got 14 points. That means that if I participate a little bit more I will get 15 points on the certificate!

In the lunch break I got home, ate lunch, and studied for an hour history.

Then at 4pm I had physical education. We ended our normal classes and for the rest of the time we will just practice dancing for the prom. We danced "Discofox". We did the lessons together with another course. And in the two courses combined there were much more females than males. So I pared up with a "friend" and I took the male role. I kind of felt a bit stupid dancing and we also didn't do it so well. But at some point it made a bit fun and we learned some stuff. Dancing for an hour was more demanding than I thought.
At the end I asked my teacher which grade I would get. 9 points. Normally I got 10 points, but I don't care much about this one point. Physical education is not an important subject for me. But the "friend" only got 6 points (D+) and she got so pissed off. I can understand her arguments and also the arguments of the teacher. But I think the teacher was rather right. She does not really participate, so I think her grade is fine. I am just astonished about how angry she became and let the anger out on me talking so negatively and just complaining. Do I attract such people?

At home I meditated for an hour, which was not very successful because of a lot of monkey mind about the day. Then I ate dinner, read a bit, played with my sister and then will go to bed.

[Dragallur]

14 minutes ago, JKG said:

We also got our oral grades (it is called this way?) and there I got 14 points.

Yes it is called like that .. you are getting grades for oral participation so oral grades I guess.

Also congratulation to your good grades!

16 minutes ago, JKG said:

Do I attract such people?

I think she is more attracted to somebody who will listen then any way around.

[JKG]

20 hours ago, Dragallur said:

I think she is more attracted to somebody who will listen then any way around.

Oh yes. In a conversation she talks like 90% of the time because I have nothing important to say to her. I am just the one who says: Yes, uh, okay, I can understand, etc.

[JKG]

A School Day - 8

I've had the morning free. I had a smoothie after my morning routine and then started studying at about 7:30am. I did three pomodoro sessions of history. I studied how Bismarck had formed several confederations between all these states in Europe to keep a balance of power, to isolate France and to prevent a two-front-war of France and Russia against the German Empire. Bismarck was a clever guy!

Then at 10am I had physics class. We revised stuff from the years before. It was kind of boring. But somewhere there was a poster about the Nobel price 2017 in Chemistry. These guys have discovered molecules that act like machines. Very cool.

Then I had two maths classes and we just did some old practice exams. I firstly practiced linear algebra and it was kind of boring. At the end I just skipped exercises because they were too easy.

In the lunch break I stayed in school, listened to 432hz studying binaural beats and did another promodoro session of history, now about the colonial politics of Bismarck. I think it is better to have shorter studying sessions throughout the day. Then my mind can process the information in the long breaks. The rest of the break I spend reading an emotional healing post on this forum. Together with the music I felt joyful when I walked to the next class.

In computer science we watched two videos. They were in English, the guys talked very fast and about some technical stuff I did not understand at all. When the teacher explained it I understood it. It was about BGP protocols which seem to manage the whole Internet. The Internet stuff is a cool thing. How so many things can be communicated just through ones and zeros through a physical cable. It is still a mystery to me how this can work. But at some point in the class I was so tired and bored about this topic. I started to question if computer science is the right subject for me to study. Network stuff is not really my favorite topic. But then I thought about all the other great stuff I can eventually do with computer science. 

At some point towards the end of the lessons I got an insight. Our whole lives are regulated by systems, networks and structures of different kinds. We need to understand how these systems work and apply this knowledge to live a good life. These systems, networks, structures or whatever you might call it could be something like the Internet, the government, politics, the European Union, economics, schools, habits, family structures, social networks, webs of beliefs, road traffic department.
Examples: It is obvious that the Internet is a network. It has to be constantly looked over to make sure that it functions. But you also have to understand how it works. Another system could be a car. The engine has to work a certain way, you have to look after the car and when problems arise you have to repair it. Otherwise it will not fulfill its function of transporting stuff. There are also organizations which regulate the behavior of the population. In schools children get educated so that they know for example that Hitler was bad and that nationalisticalism was terrible, it should never happen again. Or children in primary school learn what "healthy" (in their minds) nutrition is. Or the beliefs of a big part of the population get influenced by stupid television programs. Or governmental organizations try to prevent terrorism. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail because of flaws in the system. 
Our whole life is influenced by various of these systems. I am just a part of many big wholes. And if something in my life doesn't work out, I have to study these systems which regulate my life, and find ways to make the system work again. In our whole education we basically just learn about different systems.
I don't know if I one can understand this explanation, but for me it makes perfect sense.

After school I went running, showered, watched videos about effective studying, ate dinner, and now write this stuff. Later I'll read a bit, and then go to bed.

Oh shit, I just realized that I forgot to meditate. I'll have to prioritize that now. Bye.

[JKG]

How To Study

I have noticed that I don't study effectively enough. I already study effectively but only on a relative level compared to the average lazy student. But I need to be more effective, efficient and productive. I want to spend as little time as possible on studying, but get the most value out of it. Then I can spend the rest of the time on other areas of my life and on enjoyable stuff. This is an important skill for my life especially in university and in the domain of my life purpose. These final exams will just be the preparation for further studying.

My normal studying technique involves if possible only studying in the morning. I read the material, underline stuff, make notes, make my own summaries, write my summaries nicely down, and maybe practice with some exercises (depending on the subject) - but this doesn't apply to maths, mainly just chemistry and history. After I have my summaries I only look at them again, reread them...
But I have noticed that from reading alone I get nothing. Especially in history I have to know all the facts and when I just read my attention is very low.

So I have watched a few videos on studying:

Maybe I will also rewatch Leo's video on this topic.

And I have made notes. Some of the stuff I already apply. Here I will now write down what I have learned and want to implement into my studying habit:

• Spaced Practice - I normally study just in the morning, or before 12 o' clock. I want soon to study each day for 8x25min sessions. So I want to split them a bit out throughout the day, so that my brain already can connect the dots. Maybe 4 sessions in the morning, 2 in the afternoon and 2 in the evening.
• Spaced Repetition - Normally after making my summary sheet I don't revise the topic again often enough. So for the final exams I will make a list with all the topics, write there the date of the last repetition, and then look that I revise each topic often enough.
• Recall what you know - I will apply this with the point above. I will repeat the topic through recalling everything I know about the topic. Normally I open a text editor on my computer and just write everything down, because I can write pretty quickly on the computer. Then I will look at my notes and compare it. When I don't know something, I now know what I should repeat. 
• Instant self tests - After I have finished with a minor topic in a series of pomodoro sessions, I will make this instant self test of recalling everything I have just learned. Maybe creating a concept map about it.
• Switching - I often spend too much time at one topic at once, until I understand it perfectly. But through studying a topic for less time I can firstly repeat more often, and also connect what I have learned at topic A, with what I will study next, topic B. Especially good with history.
• Asking, Explaining, Connecting - This is basically the Feynman technique. I will create this summary sheet where I try to explain everything, connect everything, and answer question. And if I am able to explain it very simply, I will try to explain it my 10 year old sister - the ultimate test.

[JKG]

The Eurovision Song Contest

(My mother is a big fan of the ESC. She talks with me about it, so I am good informed about this less relevant stuff)

I think I start to understand which function the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) serves. It is not only there for entertainment purposes. Its function is to keep Europe together, to make the people more tolerant, open to different cultures, different mentalities... Otherwise these attempts on uniting Europe is just on a political level, where the population is not really interested in and has no big impact on.

Without the ESC I would forget that certain countries even exist in Europe because they are so small, especially in the eastern part of it. I would forget that there are very different cultures or mentalities. Without insight into other cultures the average German guy would think that every other country is structured the way Germany is. Germany is very organized and structured and based on stability and security.

Little countries and minorities get represented by musicians so that they don't get forgotten. Cultures and mentalities get exchanged. The ESC is like a tool to get the population slowly to the green stage of spiral dynamics, without the people recognizing it.

Through globalisation many of these European cultures get slowly destroyed and united/replaced with the western one. Here you can still see the cultures.

Just the look of these musicians is different from the average German one. And the mentality probably too.

This is my favorite song. I understand no word but the lyrics seems good if I look for translations. And the smile of this guy is handsome

[JKG]

A School Day - 9

Firstly I had German. Nothing much interesting. I will now only have 2 lessons of German in my entire life!!!

Then I had physical education and for fun we were taught how to juggle. I wasn't able to manage it.

Then English class. We started working on an old exam. I have to present the summary part tomorrow as a practice for my oral examination. I like the topic of the text: the differences in the development of India and America.

Then physics class. Not worth mentioning.

Then maths class. The topic is also not worth mentioning. But we got our plans for the intensive preparation week starting next Friday. This was like the most exciting thing of the day. I have 9 lessons of maths, 9 lessons of chemistry, 3 lessons of history and 3 lessons of English. I would like to have more history lessons... But together I have only 24 lessons which is nice.

In the lunch break we sat outside in the sun because the weather was gorgeous. I ate my buckwheat porridge oat meal thing. 

Then I had history. We talked about the DDR. My teacher showed us some funny videos:

This was music for little children. The text translated is something like: "When I am grown up I will go to the national army. I drive a tank. I drive a tank..." Full of propaganda.

Then in social science we talked about the absurdity of the European parliament. The people from the parliarment just get 304€ for just signing that they were there this day. Then they could just go home and do nothing for the parliament. Or they change every month the offices which leads to a lot of waste of money. We also watched three videos of a funny German "politician" or satirist who is a member of the European parliament. I like the humor of this guy. Maybe I will vote for him  

After school I went for a 30 minute walk. The sun still shined and I listened to the birds. I also sun a bit from "What the world needs now is love sweet love..." But I always looked around if people were there who could hear me.

Then I snacked... Then I read... Then I ate dinner... And now I procrastinate. I still have to meditate and its already 8:30pm.

Only 5 normal school days are left. Then 5 days of intensive preparation. And one day of organization stuff. Five of those days will be funny days where our year is dressing up each day, called "Mottowoche." Thats a tradition at our school.

At the moment I am happy that school will be over soon. I hate these long days. Tomorrow in two months I will be done with the exams!!! I am glad when this is over and I can start with my life purpose.

I think of starting a new journal here because it will be a new "era" in my life. I can do what I want and am responsible for my life. And the name of the journal "Removing Should Statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment" doesn't fit very well at the moment.

 

Edited March 23, 2017 by JKG

[JKG]

A School Day - 10

Today was a happy, good, sunny day.

In the morning I did my morning routine, ate my smoothie, did 3 pomodoro sessions of history, read a bit and went at 10am to school.

Firstly I had two lessons of English. It was really good. I firstly presented my summary and my teacher liked it. He only found minor mistakes. The rest of the lessons we continued working on the old exam. Sometimes I like analyzing texts and critical thinking.

Then I had two lessons of computer science. My last ones ever in school. We played party games in groups of four. In my group were my two "friends" and someone I really like but have not much to do with. We played a game called "kill doctor lucky." It was kind of strategic and was very funny. Here I again had the prove that social contact and relationships are very important. I felt very happy. At the end we got our grades - 14. And then I have probably seen my computer science teacher for the last time in my life (he is from a different school). Somehow sad.

I would like to have such gatherings of like minded people to have some fun and strengthen relationships. Relationships can bring so much happiness. As I biked back from school I was in a very good mood. The sun shined and I was just happy.

At home I ate firstly salad outside in the sun. Then I went into the kitchen, ate bread, nuts and an oat meal. I don't know why. It was the wrong choice. I felt guilty and physically bad.

At about 3pm I went for a bike ride. I went into the woods. Normally my parents forbid me riding in the woods because I could get kidnapped... But I am 18 and they cannot tell me what to do or do not anymore. I also didn't tell them where I went. I took my cellphone with me and pepper spray - just in case. And with my phone I could navigate! It was so much fun. Driving down with the mountain bike with a high speed in the woods rises my adrenaline levels! I also explored new trails I have never seen before. I found some spots I remember from biking there with my father. The time went by much faster than usually on the known routes. I felt like a kid and smiled and laughed like a kid.

Back at home I showered cold, meditated for 65 minutes and ate dinner (again too much and rather unhealthy). I have just finished studying for 2 pomodoro sessions of chemistry and one repetition session of history. At the moment I am well able to follow my studying plan. I feel that I can also study well for some sessions in the evening.

Now I start feeling tired at 8:40pm. In a few minutes I will probably go to bed or read a bit more.

I have recognized that I spent less time on actualized.org with is kind of good. I have much to do and want to waste less time. I don't even read Leo's posts anymore, just sometimes journal entries.

[Gabriel Antonio]

3 hours ago, JKG said:

Relationships can bring so much happiness.

YES!

 

3 hours ago, JKG said:

I have recognized that I spent less time on actualized.org with is kind of good. I have much to do and want to waste less time. I don't even read Leo's posts anymore, just sometimes journal entries.

Same here!

 

Keep rocking, girl! =)

[JKG]

Being -> Happiness

Yesterday was a great day. First of all it was very sunny and the weather very nice. I also was productive, was mountain biking, meditating well for 90 minutes... All sort of great stuff.

But especially I was more relaxed, acted slower, without too much stimulation, more mindful...

And in the Big-Picture of Self-Actualization video Leo reminded me of this thing. Being produces happiness. This savoring of experience, full experiencing experience. Happiness comes from experiencing experience fully. Not thinking and doing - that what most people do 99.9% of their time.

Yesterday I was in the being-state pretty much. And therefore I was pretty happy.

This morning I was also in a being-state from a visualization exercise I did in the evening and in the morning. I was almost as happy as yesterday. This happiness lasted until about 10am. In chemistry class I was still relatively relaxed, but then with social science class my mind took the control again.

My gremlin took the control - the source of my negative thoughts. We had to read a text which I didn't really understand. My mind got into this negative thinking pattern again. And this lasted for almost the rest of the day.

My gremlin is always very strong in school time. On the weekends I am almost everytime more happy. Not because of the school itself, but because I am more relaxed at home. At home I am secure. There I don't have to look out for all these social rules and norms to which I unconsciously think that I have to obey to.

Think less, be more.

Now I can apply my knowledge from "Taming My Gremlin." When I recognize myself in negative thought do this: breathe, experience, fell the boundaries of the skin, establish a home base in the here and now, simply notice it, simply notice my habits...

[JKG]

I have been thinking of starting with 4 hours of meditation and 4 hours of studying each day after school has ended. That would be a big challenge. But I would build very good discipline and would make a lot of progress in the fields of spirituality, school and life purpose. And bad habits would be eliminated because I have a big mission each day.

The main motivation is also that after school has ended I have much time. I have time to develop and grow. After university has started I won't have that much time for probably a few years. This is the time to grow!

24 hours has each day. 8 hours I spend sleeping. So 16 waking hours are left. 4 hours of meditation and 4 hours of studying less means that I still have 8 hours left each day. 4 hours of those are probably spend with mundane stuff like cleaning, eating, commuting... Then there are still 4 hours for socializing, working out or reading. Sounds like a good plan.
But if it doesn't work out with 4 hours of each, 3 hours would still be very good.

Maybe I'll do it. Maybe not.
No! I will do it! Now is the time for growth. I have the power to do this! I can grow so much!

Shit. Now I have committed. This will be tough.

100%! 100% commitment.

Oh god.

[JKG]

A School Day - 11

In the morning I firstly studied 1.5 hours history. Then in the time left I summarized the latest video, and then went to school.

I had two lessons maths. We just did some old exams. I was much faster done than all the other students. My teacher once came and another student said: "J will probably be the only one who is not nervous before the maths exam." Possibly true.

In the lunch break I went home and meditated for 70 minutes. Then I ate a salad and vegetables. I tried to be mindful but thats hard while eating.

Back at school I had the last chemistry lessons with my normal teacher ever. Next week she will be away with 7th graders in Austria. We will have therefore a different teacher.

The first 30 minutes we still did some exercises. Then the other people ordered pizza - I didn't. And then we played a game which we as a course have always played on our two school trips in 11th grade - called werewolves. I again had one of the best cards - I was one of the werewolves

At the end we all got a sweet card. It says "this will not be your last exam ... but you will survive it." And in the card is a lucky penny. So sweet. I will miss chemistry class with her. I like her as a person.

Back home I went running, did my English homework, ate, and wasted some time on YouTube with videos about the ESC.

This was the last normal school day. From tomorrow on the motto week will begin. And from Friday on the intensive preparation week...

I used to write here that 9,8,7... weeks of school are left. Now I say only 7 days of school are left.