Removing Should-statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment

[JKG]

 

[JKG]

@Dragallur sometimes the longer sesssions feel just like the normal sessions, and that is totally fine, even if the monkey mind is just talking and talking the whole time. I think of that like a detoxification of the mind.

But sometimes the longer sessions have some deep shit to present to you.

[JKG]

Yesterday I had to sit for 9 hours in the car driving back home. I had time to think, to visualize, to re-listen some of Leo's videos and to come up with a plan.

Priorities:

Lower Self:
1) School
2) Longevity
3) Enlightenment

Higher Self:
1) Enlightenment
2) Longevity
3) School

True Self:
1) Enlightenment or nothing

Firstly I looked what my priorities are. There always has been this fight between my higher and lower self/ego. The ego fears stuff, so it wants to do everything to prevent that from happening. It is focused on surviving well in society. Enlightenment stuff only comes when everything else is done. Then the higher self knows that school does not really matter. Enlightenment matters more, even more than health stuff. And in reality only Enlightenment matters, or even nothing at all.

I had to make sense of all of this. I want to make a compromise between the lower and the higher self. I will do all of the school stuff, but only as much as necessary and not much more. Then I will work on Enlightenment stuff and health stuff.

 

Strategic Thinking:

Strategic Intent:

1) Enlightenment

2) Longevity

3) School
 

Strategic Analysis:

Strategizing 1h per week: Timemanagement, Visualizing the Big Picture, Patience, Reviewing Week, Adapting plan
 

Strategic Preparation:

• Enlightenment
  • Equanimity: strong determination sitting, challenging ego
  • Mindfulness: Slow deliberate mindful action, all day awareness
  • Ego Disidentification: examining beliefs/identifications, questioning (self inquiry)
• Detox Through Diet
  • Eating Less: slow mindful eating, late breakfast, breaking craving habits
  • One Meal A Day: late breakfast, researching
• Fully Functional Body
  • Strenght
  • Mobility
  • Endurance
  • Coordination
• School
  • Deep Work

 

Concentration of Force:

Less Distraction (Internet), more action
 

Detailed Execution:

-> Action Plan
 

Adaptability:

Strategizing 1h per Week (see Strategic Analysis)
 

Study of Principles:

Studying

 

Action Plan:

Daily Habits: (100% Commitment)

• Strong Determination Sitting (1h++)
• Examining and Questioning Beliefs/Identifications (15min++)
• Mobility (15min) – Ankle, Head To Toe
• Coordination (5min) – Handstand
• Deep Work (1h – not much longer) – Homework, Exam preparation, Studying Chemistry, History or Maths

Additional Habits:

• Movement (1h+) - Strenght, Endurance, Coordination, Mobility
• Meditation (1h++)
• Research/Study – Longevity, Spirituality, Reading, Mind Mapping (Life Purpose)

Throughout the day:

• Slow Deliberate Mindful Action
• All Day Awareness
• Slow Mindful Eating – without distraction
• Late Breakfast
• Analyzing Ego
• more Movement – walking, standing

Internet Habit:

• as little as possbile
• once a day: homepage of my school, wheater, whatsapp...
• if necessary: for school work and research, writing in this journal
• sunndays: YouTube, Forum

I know everything I need to know, even way too much. I don't need the Internet anymore.

 

These are a lot of habits that I want to implement. Some of them I occasionally or often already do. But I will just start by focusing on the Internet Habit. My goal is it to have all these habits more or less implemented at the end of this year.

[JKG]

Adaptation:

Yesterday I tried out to stick to my plan and all the habits, just to look how it goes.

I did sds for 60 minutes. I began to write an essay for English class. I unpacked my stuff. I created and wrote down my plans. I went running, did a legs strength training, handstands and a bit of mobility work. Then I took a nice cold shower.

It was about 3 pm and time to eat. I wanted to try the one meal a day thing out and applied one advice which I heard somewhere on the YouTube. I made a 'smoothie' with a lot of greens, nuts and seeds. It was so disgusting. I tried to meditate and be conscious to get this down into my body, but ahbäbhabnbaahahaaaaa, I will never do this again. And this didn't felt good in my body. Well, then I ate a huge salad with cucumber and tomatoes, two slices of bread with cucumber, tomatoes and half an avocado, and three apples from the garden and half a mango.
All of this I ate in the course of two hours. Before getting to the bread and apples, I felt really 'undercarbed'. I am used to eat a lot of carbohydrates, and all of this fat was like a shock to my metabolism. My willpower and ability to think properly was down, so that I began to watch stupid YouTube videos.
The lesson of this experiment was that I will adapt slowly to a diet with less carbs and more fats and vegetables. And I will only slowly decrease the eating time.

After this meal I went outside and did another hour of sds. I became really tired and my willpower level was so down afterwards. I wanted to do nothing, just useless stuff like watching stupid YouTube videos again. But then I decided to watch The Matrix. I always wanted to do that, and it was worth it. I love this concept of the matrix, it is so well translatable to this Enlightenment stuff and beliefs. I need to question more of my beliefs! I could be in the matrix.

But in the long run I need something to relax. Otherwise my willpower will be low for the whole afternoon. I could do something with my sister, just sit alone in an empty room, cook, help, going for a walk...

At the end of the day I spent quite a while on the Internet. This habit will be a though one. 

Conclusion of the day: slowly adapting to a one meal a day diet, committing myself to the Internet Habit 100%-ly, finding a way to relax

[ajasatya]

once this insight touched me: internet is a tool for Union. it's an expression of non-duality trying to be. and this kind of thing we do here, watching and sharing spiritual videos, reading about who we are, talking and learning, this is the real deal.

i love the internet. i can't fight it. if i am to be sincere, i really really like to be here.

[JKG]

3 hours ago, iago iriarte arhatha said:

once this insight touched me: internet is a tool for Union. it's an expression of non-duality trying to be. and this kind of thing we do here, watching and sharing spiritual videos, reading about who we are, talking and learning, this is the real deal.

i love the internet. i can't fight it. if i am to be sincere, i really really like to be here.

Yeah, the Internet is a great tool, but it can be easily misused. I have a habit of misusing it. When I was about 12 to 14 years old I spent almost the whole day just watching stupid gaming videos on YouTube. Happily I shifted from gaming videos to videos about sports, veganism, personal development, Buddhism and eventually to Leo's.

But now I am at the point where I almost know too much, and implement to little. How can someone express union and spread consciousness and non-duality on the Internet when his mind is always run by the ego and is surfing on YouTube? I need and want to take action and increase my consciousness, this is what my intuition has been telling me for a long time. If my intuition is telling me that I could spread some love etc. on the Internet or on this forum, I will do it.

Thanks for the reminder. I am grateful for the Internet too, because without it I wouldn't know all this great wisdom.

[JKG]

My Intuition:

While going through the life purpose course I think I got a good idea about what my intuition is trying to tell me. But with the time passing, my ego came and created all sorts of excuses because of fear. Now I will be summarizing what I have learned today and the main answers from the exercise worksheet:

What has my intuition been trying to tell me lately:

• going more outside, spending more time outside in nature
• picking up walnuts and apples from the garden
• quiting my Internet and food addiction

Where is my intuition ultimately trying go guide me:

• Enlightenment
• Contribution / helping and teaching people
• Being in nature
• creating a permaculture garden where I am living and people can come to visit and I can help them

What is my intuition saying about my career:

• school is not important at all, just to my parents
• I rather want to study maths/computer science, and not electronics how my father is advising me
• ultimately I want to follow just my life purpose

What is my intuition saying about my relationships:

• spending more time with my sister, playing and talking with her
• spending more time with my best friend, having deep talks about life
• helping my mother

Why don't I follow my intuition more:

• excuses by the ego (too cold outside, no time)
• distractions (Internet, school)
• limiting beliefs, fear, resistance from my life purpose
• too much emotional labor

What changes could I make to reconnect with my intuition more consistently:

• less Internet
• more solitude, contemplation, visualization, visioning
• going more outside, going for a walk

So ultimately I want to be enlightened, in nature, and help people / contribute to society. Cool to know.

[Dragallur]

Do you do self-inquiry? I remember seeing here only SDS, though you commented on my journal and you seem to have some experience with it.

[JKG]

38 minutes ago, Dragallur said:

Do you do self-inquiry? I remember seeing here only SDS, though you commented on my journal and you seem to have some experience with it.

Yes I do it if I want it, just in the last days I didnt had the need to do it. I wanted to look how I am reacting to SDS after not practicing it after quite a while. I even think about combining SDS with self-inquiry, but then without writing.

[JKG]

Self Inquiry / Spiritual Autolysis / Spiritual Purification:

What is this? A Walnut. How do I know this? This thing which I am seeing connects to the concept of a walnut. But this could be just a picture of a walnut in 3D. Then in the physical reality wouldn't be a walnut but something else. I can touch, smell, eat and taste this walnut, I can let it drop onto the table and it makes a sound. But this could be just a toy or object which has the characteristics of a walnut. It could be an object which makes me experience the experiences of a walnut. But isn't such an object a walnut? Yes, but the composition of the matter isn't the same. Yes, but I still cannot distinguish the composition of the matter at all.

The walnut is just a concept. When in consciousness certain experiences in a certain way arise and those experiences are similar to a certain concept, its a walnut. All concepts are just statements about experience.

What do the experiences say about reality? Is there really a walnut? Is a walnut in my mouth, just because I can taste the walnut and feel its texture? But what even is external / physical reality? I have different kinds of experiences. What is this saying to me? I see something white. Does this mean that at this certain point in physical reality is something white? It means that I have this certain experience. The rest is just speculation, because I just know that I have this experience. The mind is able to create out of these experiences concepts and to draw conclusions via logic. But there is just experience, not the concept, nor the consequence of the logical conclusion.

And what am I then? Am I a experience? No, why should I be an experience? I am something constant. I am not an experience, nor a concept of interacting experiences. I am something beyond experience.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

All suffering happens though concepts and taking them to seriously.

 

(I did this while playing around, eating and inspecting a walnut on my table)

[JKG]

Asking my Intuition:

What is my intuition trying to tell me lately? It sees that these movement goals are not my authentic goals, but goals of the ego to get appreciation, and which I got from other people around the internet. It is better to work out when I want to work out and to do the exercises which I want to do, like I did it in the summer. Let these goals go, get free from them and follow your intuition. You don't need goals to stay healthy, just do whatever you want to do.

I don't need this action plan with all those habits which I need to act upon. This becomes way to neurotic. Just focus on this one habit. Otherwise nothing will stick, like in the last years. Just stay away from the internet and focus on what your intuition is telling you to do. Listen to it in silence and solitude, and do what its telling you to do.

I truly want to meditate more, be alone and do this spiritual purification like in the holidays. I want to spend hours just meditating and being super mindful.

I want to be more social and spread more love. I want to spend time with my sister, play with her, talk with her, listen to her, cuddle her... When I don't see her, I tend to miss her. I truly love her. I want to spend more time with my best friend. I want to have deep talks with her, listen to her, give her advice and just be a good friend. I want to help my mother in the household, with the food, washing the dishes... I just want to make her a little bit happy.

I want to spend more time outside in nature. I want to take a bit of care about our garden, like picking up the apples and walnuts. I want to help my grandparents with this work. So I also can learn how to handle my permaculture garden in a few years. I love it to be in nature. I also like it to move in the cold more. This makes me feel more energetic, rather than spending the whole day inside sitting. I could go for a walk and be mindful.

I generally want to be more mindful in everyday life. I could be mindful in school, while moving, while biking or walking around. Direct experience is king.

I want to do more of this listening to my intuition, visioning and contemplating things. This has true potential to transform my life. I want to be the visionary of my own life.

I want to move out after school. I don't want to get a car. I rather want to study maths/computer science rather than electrical engineering like my father is telling me. I want to build my permaculture consciousness garden.

I just want to be conscious, loving and happy.

[JKG]

Habits Transformation - Day 1:

• less Internet - Streak 1
  I was on my phone only for 5-10 minutes in the morning, once in the afternoon, and now I am writing here. Then I will turn my computer off.

 

I got 12 points (between A and B) in my chemistry exam, and 15 points (A*) in my maths exam. In maths I was the best and in chemistry the second best. My ego didn't really got attached to those numbers, even not after my maths teacher has complimented me. Cool. 

After sports class my father was supposed to pick me up, but I didn't saw him. So I had to walk home in the dark and in the rain, for like 30 minutes. A few years ago I would have gotten really upset. Now I was rather happy and mindful. I enjoyed it to walk. Movement

This morning in chemistry class I was relatively conscious. I watched my teacher talking and talking and talking. She is so attached to these models. Everything has to be this way and everything else is bad.....

 - Life is a game.

[JKG]

Such a genius

[Dragallur]

55 minutes ago, quantum said:

Such a genius

Wow, thanks for sharing this. Never heard of this guy, but.. he seems to really know what he is talking about!

[JKG]

Habits Transformation - Day 2:

• less Internet - Streak 2
  It was more than yesterday, but thats okay. In the morning I listened to Alan Watts while stretching and after lunch I did homework with the help of the internet and watched some history videos. Legit.

 

I had only three maths lessons today, so I had time in the morning to mediate for two hours, to stretch for one hour and to contemplate life. In the afternoon I made homework, worked out and summarized the latest video. I was less conscious than yesterday.

[JKG]

Habits Transformation - Day 3:

• less Internet - Streak 3
  I watched two relatively informative YouTube videos and researched diet stuff while reading a few pages of the "age-inhibition regiment". And I used my phone for school related stuff, and was for like 5 minutes on this forum.

 

Mindfulness:

I was relatively mindful throughout the whole day, especially in the morning. I waked to school while listening to Alan Watts (The Taoists Way). Just by listening to him I became very mindful. I stayed relaxed and calm all day.

But I noticed how hard it is in school to stay mindful. I have to do tasks relatively quickly and just lose touch with the present moment.

 

I notice that almost everyday since I am back home I sit in the evening on my couch and ponder life. I meditate, journal, do self inquiry or spiritual autolysis, strategize, contemplate, examine my beliefs and ego identifications, listen to my intuition... I write a lot of useful stuff in this time. I love this part of the day. When I have the time I do the same in the morning. I think I will call this "sitting and writing in solitude". Afterwards I always feel very calm, peaceful, present, happy... It becomes a good habit.

 

Two good videos I found today:

 

 - Life is...

[JKG]

Sitting and Writing in Solitude:

What is true? Truth. But what is Truth? Truth is true, obviously, by definition. Has Truth a definition? No, why should Truth need a definition. Truth is true. True. Truth is false? Truth isn't true nor false. Truth is Truth. Truth is.
What is Truth? A word, letters, a concept, a sound. All of this is meaningless and says nothing about Truth. Can Truth be experienced? I experience experiences. Is Truth an experience? No.

The ego is an experience. Vision is an experience. The picture of the body is an experience. The sounds are experiences. Touches / feelings are experiences. Thoughts are experiences... I can watch those things, be mindful.

Is Truth beyond experiences? Yes. Then Truth would be limited because Truth wouldn't be experiences. Is Truth experience? Yes, but not exclusively. Truth is beyond and withing experience. Truth is the infinite and the finite. Infinity is including the finite.

Am I Truth? 'I' is included in Truth, as well as every other thing/experience.
But is this constant thing which has always been there, which feels like an I, Truth? Is this constant 'I' Truth? Yes, probably.

Am I healthy? Being healthy is included within Truth. But is the ego healthy? The ego is a concept/an illusion and being healthy is a concept/an illusion because ultimately there is no separate thing that could by healthy.

Enlightenment is just being in touch with the Truth permanently and seeing experiences as for what it is, not taking it seriously at all.
Not Enlightenment is the opposite. Not being in touch with Truth all the time, taking experiences seriously and conceptualizing it.
To get to Enlightenment you need to become more mindful to be more in touch with Truth, to see experience as for what it is, and letting go of all the concepts and beliefs.
So sit down, be mindful and let go of beliefs, until you are Truth itself.

[JKG]

Ego Identification with being a good student:

I got my history exam handed back and got 12 points. The ego is not satisfied with it. Since I got the exam back, its almost complaining all the time in my head. A huge sign for my identification with being a good student.

Ego: I want at least 13 points. I am working and studying so much for this stupid exam. In comparison to almost everybody else I should get much better grades. I start studying one or two weeks prior to the exam. Most of the people, even those from the advanced history classes, start one or two days prior to the exam or just the night before. They study so little. And the results I get are so insignificant in relation to the time I study. This is so stupidly unfair.

Higher self: 12 points are a totally normal grade for myself in history. And 12 points are generally very good. I got 15 points in maths, and 12 points in chemistry and German. So don't complain. This is totally okay.

Why do I care about this? Why is my ego so attached to this stupid grade? I set this expectation upon myself to be good in history. I want this appreciation from my history teacher and these stupid 13 points. Why do I want this?
The ego wants to feel good. It wants its identification to be fulfilled. It sees itself as a good student, not just as a good student, but as an A-student, at least in maths, chemistry, history and English. "I should get an A in history."
Why am I identified with being a A-student? I don't even have to get an A in history to satisfy my parents, for them even a B is enough. Why do I set this expectation upon myself? The ego wants not just appreciation from others but also from itself.

My usual answer would be that I don't love myself enough. I would have to practice self-love. But why should I just love myself? When I am more mindful I love everything. I am love. I am consciousness and consciousness is happy as hell and loves everything. Become mindful about the ego and love everything.

[JKG]

Habits-Transformation - Day 4:

• less Internet - Streak 4
  I needed help from the Internet for my chemistry homework and was for a few minutes on this forum.

 

Mindfulness:

In comparison to yesterday I was relatively unconscious, especially in school. I ate relatively unconscious and relatively fast. I ate relatively much and snacked a lot. I sign for unconsciousness. After school I went on a bike ride and listened meanwhile to Alan Watts and Leo. They made me again and again aware of my unconsciousness while biking. But in the end I was a bit in touch with infinity while listening to the "What is god" video.

 

A few days ago my intuition told me that I should try to play Minecraft again. When I was about 12 to 14 years old I was very addicted to this game and spent all of my free time in front of the computer. Today I just wanted to look what its like to play it again, I wanted to stay mindful. After 20 minutes I was bored and quited. Why did I spent so many days of my life playing this game

[JKG]

Habits-Transformation - Day 5:

• less Internet - Streak 0
  I simply was often on my phone and watched quite a few videos.

I noticed that I have been tricking myself. The ego thought "I only wrote 'less Internet' in the journal, so I could quickly look on my phone". I have done this quite often and that is a distraction. I will make strict rules for this habit: Looking on my phone or computer only twice a day for maximal 10 minutes for not productive reasons. For productive reasons like school work, studying, researching and writing in this journal I can use the Internet freely, but while still watching out that I don't distract myself. I didn't made strict rules in the first place because it would be neurotic, but the ego is tricky.

Every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. Surrender to the purifying fire of emptiness. Sit there with emptiness and do nothing.

 

Mindfulness:

I wasn't really mindful in school, while eating, nor while working out. After school I cracked nuts and tried to stay mindful and went for an 1 hour walk with the intention of being mindful. Especially in the walk I recognized how stupidly unaware I am and how easily I get distracted by thoughts. A lot of work... Still mindfulness is a beautiful thing, and in the moments of mindfulness there is a connection to the infinite.

 

I ate a lot and snacked a lot today. I even ate chocolate which I probably didn't eat since spring. This will be my next habit to tackle in 21 days.

I read some pages in the "age-inhibition regiment." I brilliant man. I noted some quotes:

Quote

For the vast majority of people, food is partaken to

fulfill not an objective physiological requirement but to satisfy a subjective, superfluous

psychological desire, to simply indulge oneself, to assuage one’s appetite for incessant

appeasement. Such a desire for indulgent gratification is not inherently abhorrent but to seek

such satisfaction preponderantly from food is fatuous.Finally, it should be appreciated that

the nervous system and the digestive system require more energy to operate than any other

organ systems in the body. In a manner of thinking, these systems compete for the body’s

limited allotment of energy. Each time food is ingested, a copious quantity of energy is

expended in the process of digestion and assimilation. This is why feeding almost invariably

induces fatigue. Consider that an individual who feeds several times a day is in a continual

state of digestion, assimilation and evacuation. Such an individual squanders energy that

could alternatively be channeled into mental activity. [...] We inhabit a world of ideas embedded in an

infinite mental matrix. It takes energy, however, to modulate and manipulate the ideas

engendered, impressed upon and embedded in one’s mind. To maximize mental energy,

moreover, is to enrich the quality of one’s very existence, for one exists entirely within the

confines of one’s mind.